And I Rise

[andiwill-rise]

Just saying, how about we don’t ask people why their not inviting certain siblings or family members to their wedding. Because it’s honestly none of your fucking business.

[andiwill-rise]

Literally, obsessed with my boyfriend. When I sleep on the couch due to nightmares, he joins me out here. He’ll sacrifice good sleep to help me feel a little safer.

[cybersadbitch]

[thepersonalquotes]

[ppiinnkkii]

[ohbutwebestmakepeacewithit]

[andiwill-rise]

Life tip: when someone tells you they’re going to treatment to work on their anxiety and depression don’t respond with “well you’re doing things, so it’s not that bad”

And when they freak out about going to residential, encourage them of the positive reasons for putting themselves first. Don’t tell them “you don’t need it” or “just don’t go.”

[andiwill-rise]

I truly never thought I would find myself here again. I remember being 14 years old, and praying to God that he would just let me die. If he wouldn’t kill the monsters who were preying on me, let me die then. I prayed that prayer for years. Every day, asking God to take my pain away. Years went by, At 18, 19, and 20, I tried taking my life multiple times. I got lucky, I get sent to an amazing ED residential program, and it saved my life. I got really fucking lucky. I moved, I made friends, I went to parties, I loved, and I thrived. While there have been ups and downs, highs and lows, I have always pulled through. I have always ended up thriving again. 

But now, I can’t make myself thrive. I can barely lift my head up. Speaking is the most painful thing in my life. I feel like there is no reason for me to be this depressed again. I am dating the most magical human being in the whole world, who I love with my whole heart. I have some really great friends, who love me, who inspire me, who push me to be more, who want to see me succeed. I have doctors who are trying to move mountains for me. I have a dad who always tells me how much he loves me, and I know he means it. I have the wordless greatest little shithead of a Cat. She is my world, and she always reminds me that I’m needed. 

But what if I can’t. What if I can’t ever thrive again. What if I am just a ball of depression for the rest of my life. What if I lose everyone I love because I can’t show them how much I love them right now? How do I come out of this, with my head held high? I want to pull myself out, I am trying so fucking hard. Maybe it’s not enough. Maybe I need to let in more people. Maybe I need to figure out how to talk out loud to people. Maybe I need to stop being so afraid of the darkness and the light. Maybe I just need to cut myself some damn slack. I’ve been through so much, and I know that. I know that it’s okay for me to feel like this, most people who have been though similar trauma would feel like this. It makes sense to feel like that. But I want to help people. I want to show that I believe in the goodness of the world. I want to never lose hope. I need someone to hold onto hope for me. 

I want this darkness to go away so badly. I want to feel like Sam again. I want to feel free again. I want to feel happy. I want to live. I want to thrive. And I will continue to tell myself that every damn day. 

[andiwill-rise]

today is not a good night

[ammit420]

in order to lead a happy life im gonna have to disappoint my parents a bit

[microweave]

not to be dramatic but this post genuinely made me consider my priorities in life and the choices i need to make for my own wellbeing

[protect-and-love-animals]

This dog loves disney

[downeysbitch]

Everyone is kneeling in a cool way and then there’s Hemsworth who looks like the human version of a dog ugh I love them all

[parksandrecovery]

When you’re asked to share your feelings in group

[andiwill-rise]

Ugh knowing I have to go to treatment for trauma is so heartbreaking.

[msmarvel]

Avengers: Endgame (2019)

[fairydusts]

girl culture is turning around every few feet when you’re walking alone to see if someone’s following u

[your-naked-magic-oh-dear-lord]

Learn to peep through the corner of your eye so you’re not quite so obvious when you turn.

[feministfront]

Putting in your earphones so hopefully no random men try to talk to/harass you but not actually playing music so you can listen for footsteps/other suspicious noises behind you.

[gibbearish]

feeling like someone is following you and subtly shifting whatever object you’re holding into a better grip so you can use it as a bludgeon if the person behind you tries anything

[its-probably-all-elves]

Being fucking terrified when street lamps give you more than one shadow

[allcapsmadbitch]

just girly things~🌟

[thepersonalquotes]