A New Day, A New Place

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Cappadocia, Turkey

Ever have a perfect moment with somebody and think that it can last forever, only to be completely deceived? I have, and I'm finally sharing the story of what started as a fairytale romance and turned into my most toxic "relationship". Read about it on anewdayanewplace.com on the blog.

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Scenes from Balat, Istanbul, Turkey

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Pamukkale, Turkey

Here’s a photo from my glory days. I hope to one day go on a trip and live a life where I find myself as in love with the world as I was at this point in life.

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Sometimes our worst enemies sneak up on us when we least expect them to. You think that everything in your life is perfect, but then you take one step off the path and suddenly you’re lost in the depths of woods. Darkness falls, and you think that you will rise in the morning and find your way back shortly, but you don’t. You keep on venturing further and further into the dark. Where did it begin for me? Was it the day that I left the US to travel the world for the third time in a year? I was at the height of my happiness while visiting California, my favorite place on earth, for the first time in five years. I knew that was where I belonged— yet I left again for another unknown world, this time in the mystical, magical East.

I didn’t lose my balance right away, but I sure didn’t gain it and "find myself" like most travelers claim they do in Southeast Asia. In fact, for the first time in my year of traveling, I wasn’t finding myself in awe of the world. Sure, I could eat pad thai three times a day, and I was enjoying beachlife along the equator, but nothing stopped me in my sight as it had on my previous two trips. I felt my mind and body begin to slow down and become sluggish. My heart wasn't in the same place that it was when I left the US the year before.

Since this world across the Pacific just wasn’t doing it for me, I decided to head back to more familiar territory to meet my mom in the country that has had the most lasting effect on me— Turkey.

Maybe it all began to roll rapidly downhill the moment we arrived in Cappadocia. I found myself nervously watching every person who passed me in the small town of Goreme, in hopes, but also fear that it would be you. I tried to fight the fear, but I knew that I had to face you again one day and this was my only chance. 

And so we met again only for the second time in our lives, and for the first time in a year. Now the story of the aforementioned mystery man who I have referenced many times before is a whole story on it’s own. While he may have played a role in my downwards spiral, he was only a chapter in this tale of how a nomadic lifestyle almost brought me to an end....

more to come.

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Pacifica, California

Lately I feel like all of my friends have let me down with the exception of a few. I put in an effort to get together or just to chat and so few of them respond or follow through. But you know what? Maybe I don't need a lot of other people to be happy. Maybe I am happy enjoying these incredible (rare) 80 degree spring days in Northern California that end in an incredible#sunset over the #pacific that I can watch right here from my deck. Because you can't always rely on other people-- sometimes you have to find happiness on your own.

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Avenue of the Giants in Humboldt County, California.

Redwood trees are just a reminder of how tiny us human beings are.

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Ra’anana, Israel I’m grateful for friends who take me climbing to the top of abandoned buildings with views of what looks like half of the country. Nights like these are what I live for and they need to happen more often.

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Istanbul, Turkey

I've taken dozens of boat rides across the Bosphorus, but this one was the most important; it was the one in which I was finally able to walk away from something that I knew I needed to leave for a very long time.

This time nobody chased after me, and most importantly I didn't look back....since then I've done nothing but move forward and I will continue to do so.

"Live through this and you won't look back"

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Istanbul, Turkey

It's never goodbye, it's always görüşürüz

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San Francisco, California

Finally got the chance to try out my new manatea infuser, bay bridge mug AND my new Sony A7II camera!

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Pacifica, California

Just another day driving down the Pacific Coast Highway. 

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This post is a bit more personal than anything I’ve ever written in here, but it’s something that I’d like other people to understand, so I’m going to put it out there.

In recent years I was lucky enough to come into enough money to allow me to travel without working, buy a new car and move across the country.

But I also lost a parent at a young age, never really felt part of a family, and don't even have one parent who I can walk around in public or in comfortably call "dad". While I am grateful for the family I do have (which consists of aunts, uncles, cousins, and one parent), I've always felt very alone in my life and never really felt like I was 100% connected to that family because I was just the first cousin twice removed or the niece, and not the brother, sister, or grandkids.

I also have spent my whole life suffering from depression. Sometimes it's manageable and I feel great about life, like I did for my first year traveling. But when it gets bad, it's bad. Really bad. I’ll get through it, I know I will, but having good mental health has got to be the most important aspect of living a happy, successful life. When your mental health is in jeopardy, it’s one of the most difficult things to recover from.

I'm not looking for attention or a pity party, because so many people suffer from similar issues as I do, but there's nothing that upsets me more when people are under the assumption that I, or anybody else who is financially comfortable are so lucky and must be so happy because "money can buy happiness". Most people believe this even though they don't want to admit it.

Yes, I'm grateful to have a car and the ability to pay rent, but that doesn't mean I'm HAPPY. It doesn't mean that it solves all my problems. Even if I can afford things and am grateful for it, that is NOT happiness. I'm not saying that I'm never going to be happy, but when people tell me I SHOULD be happy because I have MONEY, it hurts me more than ANYTHING in the world...

because guess what? I'd give every penny and thing I have to have brothers, sisters, and two parents. So if money is what people think is the key to happiness, well then you've got it all wrong.

That's all.  (photo taken in Arches National Park, Utah)

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Pacifica, California

Moving to California was about leaving behind all of the people who ever made me feel bad about myself back in New York. It was about being a place that I truly love, that makes me feel happy. It was about finding a peaceful place that still has plenty of things to offer for me. It was about a fresh start. Sometimes I forget that, but then I think about life in New York vs life in San Francisco and I remember that there is so many undiscovered places out here for me. 

California is mine to discover. 

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I keep having dreams

After I graduated college I had big dreams to see the world. After spending so much time dreaming about doing so and reading other people’s stories, I knew it was my time. I couldn’t wait for it all to begin.

I imagined spending my days on beaches with crystal clear water.

I would picture myself wandering through cobblestone streets, leading to castles that are older than my country.

I thought “what if I could sit by the sea all day and stare across, wondering what was out there staring back at me on the other side?”

“What man-made art would I find in the most unlikely places?”, I thought.

And I figured that maybe I could spend hours being entertained by something so simple as the rocks I would sit on by the sea.

I would see places that were on my bucket list and be in awe of it’s beauty.

And I’d even make friends from around the world and travel with them for days at a time, making some of the best memories of my life.

...and I did these things. I spent nearly two years doing this, and it was incredible. But after a while, it becomes monotonous. You find yourself feeling more alone and purposeless than you are excited to be seeing these beautiful places. I thought that maybe coming to California and establishing a home would fix things, but it hasn’t. Not quite yet. I know I can do this, I just need some positive people and things in my life here to jump start it. 

I won’t give up. I won’t give up. I will keep going until I find happiness again. I will keep telling myself this even though I don’t always feel like it’s the truth.

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Cappadocia, Turkey

Back in the days when traveling was new and exciting, I felt like the world was mine and I could do anything. The feeling is comparable to that of a new relationship. There is nothing but love, happiness, excitement and lust for this new relationship. That was my relationship with the world. 

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Somewhere in the mountains of Montenegro Travel plans don’t always work out. And sometimes they don’t work out because nothing was really planned, and you leave your days open to whatever will happen. And sometimes instead of making your way slowly up the coast of Croatia, you end up making a last minute decision to take a bus from Albania to the Montenegrin border, get in what may or may not be a legitimate taxi, and then an overnight train to Belgrade Serbia. All of this is with somebody you just met earlier that day, but that’s okay because some people just get you more than others... and travelers are those kind of people.

What a view that train ride was. 

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California.

Traveling will always be there. The world isn’t going anywhere. You may want to just run off and see it all, but maybe you just need to stop. Stop and take a look at your surroundings. And not just look, but let yourself be apart of it. Let yourself be a part of a community, and find the things that make you happy. Wanting to climb rocks in Patagonia? Wait! Yosemite is 4 hours away, a gym is 4 minutes away, and California has plenty to offer-- that’s why you came here! Allow yourself to be inspired by other humans, places, and things. Why rush away from the life that you’ve craved for the past half a year on the road. Love where you are, embrace it, find happiness there. It already feels easier to do than when you’re alone, on the road. Stop thinking about what you don’t have, that is far away and start working towards what you want, where you are.