Chloe, 29, Northern Ireland. Autistic. They/she/he/it. Here you will find a lot of SPN/destiel posts, with a few other fandoms, memes and politics mixed in. Also the occasional fanfic, and pictures of my cat Poppy. May be mentions of NSFW topics, anything particularly explicit will be tagged. Feel free to say hi! ko-fi.com/angelcatsiel
Welcome to my blog! I’m Chloe, I’m genderfluid and my pronouns are they/she/he/it (I don’t mind!). I used to write reader insert fanfics here, mostly for Supernatural, which can be found here, but it’s unlikely I will share any more. This blog is now mostly a mixed up bag of memes, fandom posts, art, politics, and personal stuff (tagged ‘personal’ if you want to blacklist, and often ‘health stuff’). Most reblogs are queued, and I do sometimes share adult content and NSFW topics.
Forever obsessed with destiel. Currently very into 911 and bucktommy. Autistic, queer, disabled (PoTS & FND) and trying to learn to love myself after a long time doing the opposite. Feel free to message me if you need something tagged! And feel free to tag me in things related to my special interests (especially rats!). My inbox is open to anyone, even if you just want to chat or say hi 😊
Finally, here is a picture of my cat Poppy, because she’s cute.
I know this is the website where we talk about artists and writers doing anything other than making art or writing, but man, we REALLY undersell how good it feels to actually work on your stuff.
Like you hit your word count for the first time in a week and its like
being at work while your personal life is falling apart has to be among the top 3 worst human experiences. You’re at your absolute lowest and someone wants to circle back on an email…… unreal
being mutuals is like we’ve never talked but i saw your vent post and do you want me to kill that person for you. still won’t talk to you tho bc that is scary sorry. love you
getting older can be so amazing? you get more familiar with yourself. learn tips & tricks for troubleshooting your own brain. trial & error helps you build routines that minimize discomfort, maximize reward. your preferences/interests don't get set in stone, but you do find out which ones are going to stay with you in the long-term, and which ones are fun but transient joys to appreciate in the moment.
you learn that the world is so much more complex than you were taught, and that that's okay, and that there's an endless supply of things you can learn or watch or experience or think about if you want to. if you're lucky, you loosen up, stop putting so much pressure on yourself. if you're lucky, you learn to recognize that negative inner voice, and whack it with a baseball bat until it hushes up. if you're lucky, you learn to treat yourself gently, not because you are fragile but because you are worthy of gentleness. (i hope you are lucky.)
and some things will change. some things will get better. some things will get good. and maybe you start to recover from the dehumanizing stress of childhood/education. maybe you learn the power of your own autonomy. maybe you learn how to walk away from bad situations (which is a superpower even if you don't realize it yet). and you get to choose your own clothes. and your own food. and which relationships to pursue! and what you do with your free time. and with your life (but don't worry you get to choose that gradually). and that's crazy! and sometimes scary. and extraordinarily, indescribably precious.
I wanna make bracelets to hand out to people for my conventions next year so if anyone has any suggestions for colour palettes themed around doctor who or supernatural (anything from 2 to 9 colours), let me know!
Mary Winchester (Supernatural) vs. Abby Anderson (The Last of Us)
Mary Winchester
Abby Anderson
Remaining time: 4 days 6 hours
Propaganda below the cut:
Mary Winchester:
The show brought her back to show she has flaws and wasn't a perfect mother and people act like this was a stupid decision and dislike her character for being messy and not acting like a mother to her now adult sons when that is literally the point of her character.
The fandom largely adopts the show’s misogyny towards Mary and all of its female characters. I don’t actually see very much of this first hand because I am good at curating my online experience, but I do know that people tend to think she should have been a better mom and blame her for things that it makes no sense to blame her for. The vast majority of the fandom also just generally takes Dean’s/the show runners’ perceptions of all the events in the show to be accurate, and all of those views that they take to be accurate are misogynistic.
Mary is a fascinating part of the dead girl genre, especially in how similar to Laura Palmer she is. They both had men trying to solve/avenge their murder as the whole plot of their show, but they also were both entirely misunderstood by these men. Nobody knew about Laura’s sex life/drug use/etc. and nobody knew about Mary being a hunter. Considering that SPN drew some inspiration from Twin Peaks, I would almost think that this is on purpose, but the show itself is so misogynistic that I wonder if they could have done commentary on misogyny on purpose. Mary is the most interesting character in the show imo and I’m sad that the fandom at large doesn’t have more intelligent discussions about her.
Hated for her choices, for wanting to be her own person and not babying her adult children
She was a badass, who was thrown into an impossible situation and did the best she could with it
EVERYTHING she gets hate for is something sam and/or dean have also done or would do in the same scenario! she gets hate for making a demon deal to save her (not yet) husband. dean and john both made demon deals to save family members and they don't get hate regardless of the aftermath! (we also see what happened in a world where she didn't make the demon deal and she gets hate for it anyways.) she gets hate for joining the british men of letters, but sam (who was tortured by them) joins them too in the episode following her confession that she joined them! she hid the hunting life from john and sam did the same thing with EVERY PARTNER he had! she left her ADULT sons behind so that she could cope with being brought back to life 30 years in the future and the fandom acts like she's guilty of child neglect. you know who else repeatedly left family behind to deal with things on his own and doesn't get the same level of vitriol? SAM!
She was brought back into a world where everything she knew was gone, her sons were adults (and older than her at this point), after being violently killed, and somehow she’s the bad one for not immediately adjusting and wanting space? Dean throws several tantrums, giving her the cold shoulder and generally being passive aggressive the entire season and then blaming her for dying and his childhood as if that’s her fault. And Sam and the other characters support him and centre the brothers’ pain over hers when again she was brought back into this new scary world with these men who she doesn’t know. Both fandom and show punish her for not immediately wanting to baby these grown men. And she has to apologise and repent by sacrificing herself. And fandom ofc eats it up, at times even calling worse than their abusive father, blaming her for everything that happens in the show and ofc the million bashing fics where Dean gets to yell at her, because SPN fans and writers love when men get to yell at women. Also they shame her a lot for having casual sex with one of the characters, because mothers aren’t supposed to have sexual relationships 🙄
Okay, so there's a scene in Supernatural where Mary tells Dean, her son, "I am not just your mother and you are no longer a child." This is a perfectly reasonable sentiment, as Dean is, literally, 38 years old at this point. It's also an interesting statement for Mary to make imo, because it suggests that both Mary and Dean should grapple with the idea that she was never the perfect wife/mother that her husband and children thought of her as.
Dean responds to her statement with, "I never was." And there's many analyses of this scene out there written by people who use this as evidence of Dean's manpain, and his sad childhood, and how Mary was actually a bad mother all along - instead of engaging with the implications of her original statement and how that makes HER character more complex. She's a nuanced character! She's been through a lot, and that informs the complicated, sometimes good-sometimes bad decisions she makes!! Except many SPN fans are obsessed with hating Mary for "being a bad mother" (read: dying and not getting to raise her children, then coming back to life and not fitting into the perfect motherly ideal her children have constructed of her).
And the thing is: SPN is famously bad with women, right? SPN is like, the Misogyny Show, and the show kind of has a Madonna/whore complex about the female characters where they're either perfect or irredeemable. But I would actually consider Mary to be one of the better-handled female characters on the show? The show starts with her dying, and her husband going on this quest to avenge her death and find her killer, etc etc, and there's this idea that Mary was this beautiful, perfect wife/mother. But the show actually works to deconstruct this idea somewhat, and late in the show we start to see that Mary was never a perfect wife, and she had her own life, and her own secrets, and real interiority. And this really nuances her character! It's interesting!
And yet, even though the writers actually did want (for once) the audience to view Mary as a complicated character, lots of fans STILL refuse to engage with this idea. People want her to be a bad mother to act as fuel for Sam and Dean's (mostly Dean) manpain. It drives me fucking crazy.
God I could yap about Mary Winchester for HOURS. Like we all know that supernatural is misogynistic as fuck but usually it's the writers doing the heavy lifting. But in Mary's case the vast majority of the misogyny is coming straight from the fans.
Like Mary started out as a classic case of fridged woman to drive man pain. Then the writers gave her a little more depth and nuance and intrigue through time travel shenanigans but that was mostly just setting up convoluted parallels and backstory stuff rather than actually exploring her as a character. But then they did something genuinely interesting. They. Unfridged. Her. They plucked her straight out of that fridge, plonked her down into the narrative over 30 years after she initially died, then said have fun. And that is so cool!
Mary comes back to life and she gets to exist as an actual character! She gets to be more than a perfect mother and perfect wife placed on some fantasy pedestal that no one could ever live up to. She gets to be badass. She gets to be messy. She gets to be flawed and complex while still being a genuinely kind person trying to do the right thing in a terrible situation. I mean, from her perspective she literally just woke up one day and her 6 month and 4 year old sons were suddenly older than her! That is an insane situation to be in! Of course it takes her a little time to adjust.
And how does the fandom react to a genuinely complex character in a fairly unique and fascinating situation? Pure hatred of course. Her many "crimes" include: making a dodgy deal as a teenager immediately after her parents and (then) boyfriend were murdered, being dead so unable to raise her children, not magically knowing that her husband decided to neglect and abuse their children while she was dead, taking more than 5 minutes to adjust to suddenly being alive and 33 years in the future and younger than her children, not dropping everything to coddle her two FULL GROWN ADULT CHILDREN (mid & late 30s) WHO. ARE. OLDER. THAN. HER. And talking to the British (yeah that was a whole thing I'm not gonna get into just know that the writing was shit)
As punishment for those truly heinous crimes, the fandom consistently treats her with the same level of disdain as John Winchester (has several documented cases of canon child abuse and over 6000 AO3 fics dedicated to his terrible parenting) if not more. And they will only talk about her to complain.
Oh yeah. And then the writers decided to re-fridge her.
Free all the women in supernatural but most of all free my girl Mary.
Abby Anderson:
Abby exhibits all the same flaws (incredibly central to the overall story of the game) as Joel and Ellie do, but Joel gets a pass 'cause he's the beloved man and Ellie barely gets a pass because she's at least at "our" side. Meanwhile Abby is afforded no such grace. Her being muscular only makes things worse because looking "unattractive" to a general boring male audience is a crime even worse than killing their blorbo (while said blorbo can surely kill whoever he wants and the theme of the narrative is just irrelevant I suppose). Plus those same muscles lead to any femininity she has (and she has notably more than Ellie) being denied to her, 'cause. Booo, muscles. Manly.
Abby starts as a traumatized revenge-obsessed girl much like Ellie then becomes in turn. As the plot goes on she displays actual compassion over and over. She shows that she's not a monster. The way she helps Lev and Yara, the way she takes Lev under her wing. (The way she's never transphobic to him either). The way she ends up sparing Dina despite narratively having every "right" to take that life(s) for a life(s). She does that growth before the other people in the narrative do. And she deserved so much more grace, if not love, than she got.
Death threats to the actress, massive temper tantrum online, endless debates about how her physique isn't realistic, compilations of her in-game deaths going viral with comments all saying how much they hate her….. People will straight up be so smug about how "wow the game is telling me revenge is bad I already knew that" and then bullied several actual human beings as revenge for a fictional character's death. Like maybe y'all do need to have someone sit you down pre-K style and explain that revenge is bad ¯_(ツ)_/¯
A) she's jacked as hell B) her gameplay is amazing C) yeah she killed everyone's favorite meow meow but I support women's wrongs ❤️ D) I don't even need to support women's wrongs she was kind of right
For Abby Anderson, they didn’t just send death threats to her actress, they also sent death threats to her husband AND HER INFANT SON. She literally had the company she worked for consult her on how to protect her in case the more aggressive “fans” wanted to approach her.
The alt-right backlash towards TLOU2 was pretty much entirely started because she was (incorrectly) assumed to be a transgender woman.
we got a big 2 litre bottle of fanta with our pizza yesterday, my boyfriend put it in the fridge and it has since mysteriously vanished. so far we have only two possible theories. one; somebody broke into our house through the back door while we were upstairs having sex, ignored my phone and the ps5 and other valuables, and just took a big bottle of fanta from the fridge. two; ghost.
Just realised I made this on the 4th anniversary of me receiving my FND diagnosis. I am wishing all disabled people who don't know what's wrong with them a very 'get diagnosed'
woke up this morning, opened instagram and was immediately greeted by my own face front and centre in the latest video unpeople posted from their concert last month
