occasionally subtle
$LAYYYTER
izzy's playlists!
KIROKAZE
Cosmic Funnies
ellievsbear
sheepfilms
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
blake kathryn
hello vonnie
Not today Justin
Origami Around
Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
todays bird
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TMBGareOK. The Official They Might Be Giants tumblr
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Kiana Khansmith
h
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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@angelwithadevilonhershoulder
I’m at my dog sitting job in a pretty old countryside farm and the lady who does the cleaning up here told me this morning that there are old tunnels (now closed up) running from the house to the church (1km) and I did not want to know that
Imagine what could come from there? Ghouls, ghosts, vampires?
Each ball is travelling in a straight line... but end up in a fantastic illusion
Source
Can't believe Peter Griffin really tried it.
Ok but I'd the second dude like...a vampire? Because my straight ass is bewitched.
[Transcript:
(the first person has text over them that says "being fat and wanting a girlfriend")
First person: "See what's behind this door..!"
(Door has text over it that says "fat girls" while The Toccata and Fugue in D minor plays in the background)
First person: "Noo, is there a bett-"
Second person: " Yo it's funny that there's an entire demographic, of petite women who love bigger men. But because you've just ousted yourself, as a cunt, it's never gonna happen for you mate. You're really out here body shaming, all these beautiful shawties, big body Bugatti (kiss noise), exquisite; but you're built like a less cool Bling Bling Boy from Johnny Test. Make it make sense mate. It doesn't- it really doesn't. Could've kept your mouth shut. But you had to say something. And you even went so far as to put it on the internet. And you thought that was a good idea because-? Please, take yourself elsewhere. Sincerely the entire fucking human race."
End transcript.]
The moment that man started speaking -
That transcript up there is great, but it fails to mention that the second person? Has a voice like... warm caramel. Like a blanket on a rainy day. Like the gentle creak of an ancient tree in an even more ancient forest. A voice that's a low, deep -- far deeper than expected -- warm, and has a soothing timbre that, honestly, I could listen to for hours.
I love how all of the Batman villains are like “ah he’s not at the manor, it’s defenseless! and then alfred just racks an AK-47 and is like pull up bitch
Batman’s Villains: The butler will be easy prey!
He’s just an old man…he doesn’t have any of the Batman’s gadgets or training or fighting skills!
Alfred: Oh my you’re right
There’s something else of Master Bruce’s I don’t have as well
(Cocks a shotgun) A CODE AGAINST KILLING
Batman’s Villains: Wayne isn’t here to save you old man!
Alfred:
Alfred is the original “Call an ambulance — but not for me”
@dragonpuppies I spent way too long on this
Bruce: I have a code.
Alfred: And I have a gun.
Bruce: time to remove the guns.
Alfred: good fucking luck.
The bar was so low it was practically a tripping hazard in Hell, yet here you are, limbo dancing with the devil
OP this is such a raw line what the fuck
…They did what… to you? No. I will make them pay. You’re fucking mine. And nobody, nobody, lays a goddamn finger on you.
Me when I get my car back from the mechanics and the adjustment on my seat is all wrong
This is the funniest fucking addition
…They did what… to you? No. I will make them pay. You’re fucking mine. And nobody, nobody, lays a goddamn finger on you.
Me when I get my car back from the mechanics and the adjustment on my seat is all wrong
This is the funniest fucking addition
when you tell a girl her outfit is really cute and she does a little pose thing then smiles, reblog if u agree
When you tell a girl her outfit is really cute and she immediately tells you where she got it
When you tell a girl her outfit is cute and she shoves her hands in previously unseen holes and squees with excitement, “It has pockets!”
would you prefer to learn French or Italian before you die?
the threatening aura of this message reads like it was sent by the duolingo owl
I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.
Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."
I'm literally a flight attendant, offering snacks and drinks is my job
This is universal. This comedy transcends time and language.
Hes right
when sypha said ‘i serve no demon and do no evil’ i thought the alternative was something like serving god and doing good but with magic and i was like ok but turns out there is a third option which is ‘i serve literally no one and i do what i want and god can eat my entire ass’
The hero we deserve
These two things get confused for each other far too often
in case no one’s told you yet, you feel exhausted and hungover and sometimes even sick after panic attacks/meltdowns/flashbacks/dissociative episodes/etc. because of very real chemical processes that are involved in your nervous system activation and de-activation during those times. it’s chemical dump effects, and no, you SHOULDN’T be able to just brush it off and feel and act normal. you’ve got a bunch of physical things that got activated and that all has to wind down. It’s not in your head, it’s very physical, and you need to work WITH your body during the after-periods instead of trying to curb stomp it. be gentle to yourself, okay?
Ohh
That, that actually explains a lot,,
so- That’s why I get really tired and just wanna sleep after arguments and panic attacks? Damn
yes, that’s EXACTLY why. when you get nudged into fight/flight/freeze/fawn modes, that involves very real hormones and very real physics changes all directed by your nervous system to prepare you to survive some sort of danger, and it takes time to get back to equilibrium after that!
vampires always like “i could kill you if I wanted” like? yeah? so could another human being. so could a dog. so could a dedicated duck. you arent special
i passed the game you told me to download
I dont talk to you anymore. But I wanted to tell you, i had a lot of fun.
