YOU GOT A HOLE IN YOUR RIGHT WING

Male, 30's. A yam's what a yam and that's all that a yam. Hate big government, hate conformism, hate communism. Jehova's Witnesses are cool though. Listen to my rambling at your own risk.

[luckydreaming]

Are fedoras really that bad?

YES YES THEY ARE

[drxgonfvcker-deactivated2019061]

I don’t really believe this mumbo jumbo

I mean it’s a goddamn hat.

Right..?

The white rose, it symbolizes the unique beauty of all the women who wish not to be with a nice guy such as myse-

[running-with-toast]

I wonder if this works with other kinds of hat…

Nothing ventured, nothing gained…

WHEEEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE THAT’S AMORREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[onceuponakhaleesi]

Men of Tumblr are my favorite kind of people…

[jamesbleach]

wait, does that mean?

oh boy…….

[usedtobehmc]

Luckily, this nonsense doesn’t work on girls.

Observe…

[rootbeergoddess-deactivated2017]

IT’S GOTTEN BETTER!

[coffeeandcursewords]

This post is immaculate

[mobians-and-chaos-blog]

It can’t be true.

And it can’t possibly work on motorcycle helmets.

I must test it.

Nothing happening so far…

[strampunch]

HOLY SHIT IT WORKS

[pokemon-chick-1personalblog-blog]

What in the world?

Oh why not? This should be interesting.

Here we go!

Were all mad here in Underland!

What the hell! Never Again!

… Actually …

One more time.

[tdg267]

the-masters-shadow hahahahahahahhaahhahahahaa pffffdf

[somethingwickedthiswaylives-dea]

This is such a beautiful thing

[metal-n-tech-nerd-deactivated20]

Jesus christ

[commanderchrist-deactivated2017]

Ah, man. What a great post. *ties ballsack tightly with a hemp rope* TAKE IT FROM HERE DELORES! *Delores the amazon dressed in tight leather puts on a pair of spiked high heels. She starts stomping the sack* Oh! Ow! Oh god! Fuck yeah in the sack! Thats my sack! Oof! Oh! The sack baby, OHH!

[mr-downer]

yo what the fuck happened to this post

[stargirl720]

I’m. I’m not the only one seeing this right. Please tell me I’m not the only one seeing this.

[trader-j0e]

This must be what having a stroke feels like

[me----irl]

Reblog if you think the person you reblogged this from deserves to be happy.

[severeobjectfun]

Guy whose family fled from communism: "Can you please not praise the man who tried to kill my family and destroyed their home country?"

American teenagers who have never experienced living under communism: "Well obviously your family deserved to be killed. I bet they were really the bad guys. How dare they keep too many chickens to themselves."

[arcenciel-par-une-larme]

PLEASE TELL ME THEY'RE JOKING. PLEASE.

[trader-j0e]

I'm thinking the one about the chickens is sarcasm. The rest, though, are probably unfortunately real.

[rohirric-hunter]

Ever since I got a job as a security guard I can’t take heist movies seriously anymore.

[edgar-allan-possum]

Why is that?

[rohirric-hunter]

Accurate heist movie: The Team is sneaking into a high security facility. An alarm is triggered, they freeze, prepared to knock out whoever responds to the alarm. It takes 40 minutes for someone to respond. When they finally do show up, they shuffle along, annoyed, arms full of 16 bags of pretzels for some reason, and reset the alarm without bothering to check their surroundings. They report that the alarm went off in error. Security control starts a fight about the correct designation of the door. The guard announces that they’re leaving the alarm key in the alarm because it’s always going off for no reason. No one challenges them on this. They shuffle away, leaving an alarm key and several bags of pretzels behind.

The Team knocks out a security guard and steals their radio. The team mimic can perfectly replicate the knocked out guard’s voice. They get caught because they pronounced the name of the company correctly.

The Team disables an alarm. The only way to do this is to rip it out of the wall and disassemble it until it physically can’t make noise anymore. This very loud process is clearly heard by the posted security guard nearby, who rolls their eyes and text their supervisor that the logistics contractors are fooling with the alarms again.

The Team breaks into the facility at night. There they meet a single security guard who is chanting potential names for NPCs in their DnD campaign out loud while they do their patrols. They encounter a fire extinguisher. They pause in their chanting to check that it is properly charged and to apply a sticker that reads, “Anal use only”. This guy is disgustingly good at their job. There’s no way around it, they’re going to catch you. And you’re going to have to deal with the fact that you’ve been had by someone who has a supply of stickers that say “Anal use only” and who unironically wanted to name their NPC shopkeep Mammogrammus.

The Team attempts to bribe a security guard. This is its own post but know there’s no way in hell that would work.

The Team breaks into the high security room and disables all the alarms. Security control sends several guards to investigate why there are no alarms going off.

The Team attempts to break into the high security room but can’t because it’s randomly decided not to let anyone at all in today.

The Team steals a keycard with “””””unlimited””””” access to the facility and gets caught because the computer system that manages keycards randomly revokes access for no reason.

The Team walks past a security guard in broad daylight wearing T-shirts that say, “We are here to rob you”. The security guard does nothing, having seen several people in logistics wearing that exact shirt two days prior.

[trader-j0e]

Here's another also from personal experience:

The alarm goes off. By some miracle it's one of those that bypasses the on-site security and goes straight to 911. The dispatcher contacts a police officer. The police officer tells the dispatcher to call the security station on site and tell them to "check their damn alarms again". The dispatcher does so. Same process as above.

[eff-plays]

The icon for Banishment is so funny.

Just get outta here. Leave.

[luckynumberthreed]

[wizardlyghost]

[trader-j0e]

"You there. To Brazil. Now."

[correctopinionhaver]

[vegetavegetason]

[arachnopus]

[uncle-beanbag-mojave]

I live in the Mojave. Cracker Barrel has these outside. Moist.

[trader-j0e]

Wait, dp they have vegetables, vegetas, or rain?

[cantankeroussob]

Based Mom in 1981:

Klaus Grabowski molested and murdered a 7 year old girl.

He confessed to the crime after his fiancé reported him to police.

Marianne Bachmeier, the girls mother, smuggled a handgun into the courtroom and shot Grabowski 5 times.

She served 3 years.

[newyearnewscarab-deactivated202]

Queen

[weather-n-calamity]

In a true and just world she wouldn’t have served a single day behind bars

[thefieldofreeds]

She did nothing wrong.

[dr-retard]

she served the community

[trader-j0e]

"What did you feel as you killed him?"

"The recoil."

[tuxankhamun]

Ma'am, we're sorry to have to tell you this, but your husband had an accident at the Pianos, Anvils, and Comically Large Panes of Glass Incorporated factory...

[trader-j0e]

"He was beaten by a roaming mob of feral mimes."

[copperbadge]

On Saturday I said to my partner, as I have said for months, "A ten thousand dollar a year raise would solve so many of my problems."

As of this morning I was reluctantly looking for jobs because I love my job and don't want to leave it, but see: $10k raise problem solver.

As of noon today this was no longer an issue, because my boss called me with the news that I was getting a $10K merit raise.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This is roughly $200 extra per paycheck. Enough to pay off debt faster, rebuild my savings, and spend a weekend a month in Milwaukee getting obscenely laid. The sex I'm going to have on $200 extra per paycheck. You can't even.

May all of you get the $10K raise your soul has yearned for. And whatever level of sex you can be satisfied with for $200.

[vergess]

hey bestie i think ur post might be charmed 'cause you aren't gonna fuckin believe what happened today

[couldtheycatchkira]

What color is Kira thinking of?

Blue

Green

Red

Burnt Siena

Peridot

Olive

Chartreuse

Pine

Jade

Clear

Voting ended onMay 14

[couldtheybekira]

Okay I have no fucking clue what L’s plan is here. Red is the color most commonly associated with Kira, is that what he wants me to say? What if I say blue?

[couldtheycatchkira]

Of course, he'll immediately want to avoid any colors associated with aggression, so he'll default to a cool color. However, he'll no doubt have noticed the sheer amount on offer. Which means he'll know I'm leading him to pick blue, since green and any derivative thereof is the obvious trap.

[couldtheybekira]

Damnit! He was leading me to pick blue, wasn’t he? It’s fine, anything he could say to indict me, I could also use to justify my choice! We’re asking what *I* think *Kira* would choose, after all.

[couldtheycatchkira]

Impressive... He's figured out my little trick. It ultimately doesn't matter what color he picks, it would be impossible to know what color Kira's thinking of at this exact moment... But he's still hesitating. He knows I've misspelled sienna. And when he remarks on that instead of clear not being a color... That's when I'll have him.

[couldtheybekira]

God, I’m so tired.

[couldtheybekira]

"is Siena even a color"

Hmm. For once, we're on the same page. it sounds like a reddish color, right? i'll just discreetly look it up-

he... mispelt it?

No, he did it on purpose! He had to! But I can't tell if he'll think I'm Kira if I acknowledge it, or if I don't acknowledge it! I have to throw him off his game.

"Maybe he's thinking of a gradient."

[couldtheycatchkira]

"A gradient, huh... I guess that's as good an answer as any."

But wait... Why would he pick an option like that that isn't on offer...? A gradient is a scale of shades between two colors... Could he be implying that there are two Kiras? And not only that, but a gradient is a noncommittal answer that techically answers the question, so he's purposefully avoiding the prompt. There's no doubt in my mind, Light Yagami...

...You're Kira.

[couldtheybekira]

"Hey, so uh, when did the Authurian knights get here?"

Were they responding to something I said in my internal monologue? How? And why is that corner of this room a cave??

I really wasn't expecting that.

[trader-j0e]

"Oh, shut up," chastised the ostensible leader of the Knights to the one who had suggested dictation. "If he's not saying it aloud how could he be dictating it to someone else? Besides, the poll clearly says he's thinking of Chartreuse."

[thatsbelievable]

[trader-j0e]

@randomencounters

[couldtheycatchkira]

What color is Kira thinking of?

Blue

Green

Red

Burnt Siena

Peridot

Olive

Chartreuse

Pine

Jade

Clear

Voting ended onMay 14

[couldtheybekira]

Okay I have no fucking clue what L’s plan is here. Red is the color most commonly associated with Kira, is that what he wants me to say? What if I say blue?

[couldtheycatchkira]

Of course, he'll immediately want to avoid any colors associated with aggression, so he'll default to a cool color. However, he'll no doubt have noticed the sheer amount on offer. Which means he'll know I'm leading him to pick blue, since green and any derivative thereof is the obvious trap.

[couldtheybekira]

Damnit! He was leading me to pick blue, wasn’t he? It’s fine, anything he could say to indict me, I could also use to justify my choice! We’re asking what *I* think *Kira* would choose, after all.

[couldtheycatchkira]

Impressive... He's figured out my little trick. It ultimately doesn't matter what color he picks, it would be impossible to know what color Kira's thinking of at this exact moment... But he's still hesitating. He knows I've misspelled sienna. And when he remarks on that instead of clear not being a color... That's when I'll have him.

[couldtheybekira]

God, I’m so tired.

[couldtheybekira]

"is Siena even a color"

Hmm. For once, we're on the same page. it sounds like a reddish color, right? i'll just discreetly look it up-

he... mispelt it?

No, he did it on purpose! He had to! But I can't tell if he'll think I'm Kira if I acknowledge it, or if I don't acknowledge it! I have to throw him off his game.

"Maybe he's thinking of a gradient."

[trader-j0e]

"Perhaps he was dictating it," suggested one of the Arthurian Knights, a group of which had been seated in a particularly cave-like corner of the room and going unnoticed until now.

[beardedmrbean]

[trader-j0e]

Meanwhile on Amtrak: "Our train will be delayed for two hours while we wait for seventeen fucking freight trains to pass. Fuck you and please enjoy a complimentary smell of sewage from your carriage toilet."

[dr-retard]

Hey did you ever make Audrey II and if so what is she up to?

I can never do her justice but I did my best

[trader-j0e]

I love her. Literally just living the best life

[floralcavern]

This is the guy you’re saying spread hate speech and shit?

At least watch a Charlie Kirk debate every now and then, geez.

[anamericangirl]

Keep sharing these so the left can never get away with their dangerous lies. Charlie Kirk was nothing they accused him of being.

[catholic-judge-deactivated20230]

Tiananmen Square massacre - don't forget today's the anniversary!

Communism kills! Communism oppresses! Communism steals!

[tyke-dyke]

hey kiddos lets not dox ourselves like imbeciles on the internetz okay? ^_^

[tyke-dyke]

theyre so fucking dumb these days god

im going to bring this back

[tyke-dyke]

your birthday too.

dont reveal that shit

[tyke-dyke]

triggers too are a bad idea to reveal because not everyone is very niceys

and some people, surprisingly enough, are not going to be good people, and they might say mean stuff to you to make you mad and sad.

Dont reveal anything that will make it easier for you to be manipulated, or things that will make you an easy target

[tyke-dyke]

dont say what school you go to

[heywriters]

don't post pics of the exterior of your home

don't stream your walk home from school or work

don't share private info about OTHER people in relation to you (younger sibs, parents/partners in unique jobs, YOUR OWN CHILDREN, your neighbors, your coworkers, etc.)

don't give out your full name including middle names and suffixes like "Jr", e.g. things that can legally identify you

and for godssake NO SEXUAL INFO or PICS <<< this goes for minors, but the rest of you aren't suddenly safe from predators and consequences either!

stop giving away all the info that could hurt you to people you have never met and should not trust

BE - MORE - CAREFUL.

[trader-j0e]

Always assume anything you post can and will be used against you by those acting in bad faith if they manage to obtain it, no matter how innocuous it may seem.