Confessions Of An Out Of Control “BorderPolar”

Drug addict/alcoholic who is trying to get her shit together. Posts may be triggering to some ✌🏻

[authenticity2025]

still healing from things i don't speak about, i just take it day by day

[heavensickness]

Magnolias are so ancient plants that almost every other plant and insect who came to being around the same time as them has gone extinct by now. They are the loneliest plants in this world. Does anybody understand how much grief it gives me that the symbolic flower of Kuras is magnolia.

[blairwitchapologist]

may i please direct your attention to the poem dinosaurs smelled magnolias by dalton day!!!!!

[annamariaizland]

So much on my mind and I don’t even know where to begin.

1)I’m clean and sober but I don’t want to be. Tomorrow will be 60 days again and I should be happy and I’m not.

2) I bought a mobile home and I get the keys in 18 days. There is so much left to pack and do.

3) The intrusive obsessive thoughts are getting worse. I now cannot leave the house without my blanket in my bag. Terrified of my apartment bursting into flames, getting sectioned and not having it, and so much more.

4) My hair is falling out in clumps thanks to lamictal. It’s just hair but it makes me want to bawl. My hair is my statement piece and I love it.

5) the manager who was sexually harassing me finally got fired. I’ve stopped leaving work early because of this.

6) I’m scared. Scared shitless. I don’t know what to do anymore

[vixensofdeath]

when will winter come so I can just rot in bed and be sad. I just want to lay down and sleep forever in my cold dark room.

[weltenwellen]

jessczapalskipoetry

[annamariaizland]

Just? Wow.

[mtn-babe]

Page 237 hit home…

[kirbyskisses]

this post is absolutely going to get flagged with a mature label, and i don’t care because somebody needs to say this.

you all need to learn the difference between impulsive thoughts and intrusive thoughts!!!!

i’m so tired of hearing people use the term incorrectly and saying “let the intrusive thoughts win!”

impulsive thoughts or harmless thoughts that you want to act on. they are strong urges that come to your head very quickly and while they might not necessarily be good choices, no harm comes from them.

impulsive thoughts

“i should cut my hair and dye it neon green.”

“i should write smutty fanfiction about a hot character i like.”

“i should go by 3 scoops of ice cream because i suddenly gotten an urge for ice cream 20 seconds ago.”

intrusive thoughts are harmful. they intrude into your mind, particularly if you’re a neurodivergent person, and are thoughts that you don’t want to have about harmful, traumatic things (ie p*doph*lia, incest, self-harm, SA, etc.) that you would never want to do; they can often disgust you.

intrusive thoughts:

“i’m babysitting and i could hypothetically kidnap this kid.”

“i’m in the kitchen cutting food - i could kill someone i love with this knife.”

“i’m in the train station. i could push somebody onto the tracks or down the stairwell.”

i have had intrusive thoughts so bad that i threw up out of disgust. i know i am not the only one. it makes me so frustrated when people say intrusive when they mean impulsive so now that you know, please correct your vocabulary. please stop saying “let the intrusive thoughts win uwu 🥰” when you’re just talking about drawing sexy fanart.

and for anyone else out there who suffers really bad intrusive thoughts sometimes - they do not make you a bad person; they are out of your control. you recognize that they are bad, you do not act on them, and that means you are a good person.

stay strong.

[thepeacefulgarden]

[cluster-b-culture-is]

Cluster b culture is being in therapy for over 2 decades and still being beyond fucked up. I'm only 23, and this is gonna be the rest of my life. Fuck me.

.

[warriorheartofmine]

[bornanoldsoul]

!!! 🤎

[sxmplxcxty13]

BPD is funny because it can so easily bring you to your knees in rage, shame, and sadness one minute while launching you into unimaginable happiness the next. Love yourself borderlines, there’s always a reason to smile, you just might not have found yours yet.

[annamariaizland]

Today I learned you can’t taste raspberry vodka in any of the cranberry drinks like cran mango. I mean like no burn, no alcohol taste, nothing.

I found out my best friend is not getting out of prison like I was told. I found out over a text message from someone who has known for a minute and failed to tell me.

So I ask you, if I can’t have her, what’s the fucking point of not being fucked up? Cuz I don’t see one.

Fuck this shit

[kosmogrl]

hate not having things to do because I get bored but when I have things to do I hate having things to do, hope that helps

[borderlinebeauty]

lolol yes omg.

[annamariaizland]

Everyone told me kicking my opioid habit would be the worst, and it was to a point, but god no one told me kicking the synethic marijuana habit would be even harder. I don’t know why I’m so attracted to it. I crave it, I crave that warm hug and rush of euphoria. I crave the deep sleep I get when I smoke it. But it comes with paranoia and psychosis. And it always leads me back to the psych ward. I don’t know what to do anymore nor do I know how much longer I can go without snapping

[bl0w-m3]

People will tell you “trust me, I’m not going anywhere” and then two days later never speak to you again with no explanation. Abandonment doesn’t even phase me anymore. Everyone else left why wouldn’t you.