✮ @vixensofdeath - Tumblr Blog

I feel my eyes sinking but I just can’t sleep. I just end up staring at the ceiling for hours— just thinking about everything that I don’t want to think about anymore. The darkness in my room feels like my mind, so I can never escape that feeling of nothingness. It’s like the room becomes an echoing chamber of consciousness.

Next bad thing to happen to me is gonna send me back down into a spiral. It’s like I only attract bad luck, bad people, and bad thoughts. Everything and everyone is starting to wear me out and im just waiting, scared, for when it gets worse again.

I feel like an old beaten up dog that is just wandering around looking for someone, anyone, to love me.

I can’t keep running in circles, it makes me tired. I can run or I can walk, but it’s like I can’t never get out of the circle. all I want is to feel happy and free. that’s what I always say, but do I really mean it? its hard to tell based off of what I do or say.

i hate being overstimulated all day and when you don’t talk to people (in order to be nice and NOT hurt their feelings) they act like you’re mean. as soon as someone gets annoyed at me when im already annoyed, everything gets worse and you don’t want them to be mad but they’re making you mad. it’s just this horrible back and forth and then afterwards I end up apologizing even though it wasn’t just my fault. It makes me so frustrated because im trying to be a good person then people act like you’re far from that.

ready to ruin my mental health and sleeping schedule on my break, nothing like rotting and freezing for two weeks!

I always feel like I’m cured until I get triggered and literally morph into a demon raging terror upon anyone who interacts with me the rest of the day. like why do people have to be pissing me off (they’re probably just living or they’re an asshole it really depends)

I am so tired and burnt out, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore

my life has just been a series of waiting to feel better and never being able to because someone or something happening. I’m tired of going two steps back every time I step forward. I just wish there were something out there for me, and if there is, I wish it’d come faster.

why are people so shocked and concerned when my borderline personality is being borderline.. like yes, my mind isn’t stable I don’t just say or do things because it’s silly

I can’t tell if I want to kill me or someone else more atp. I don’t mean to be a bitch, to be rude, to get upset so much I explode but I do and in the end I hurt myself and others. I need to stop but I can’t I don’t know what the hell to do when my mind gets so overloaded with violence and hatred. I’m a kind person, I’m a good person, but it’s like I have two different sides I switch to and when I switch it’s like that.

sometimes I wish I never could think because it’s all I do now. all day long it’s me overthinking about everything or just me thinking about things I really just don’t want to think about. my brain is like a swarm of flies that never goes away.

I destroy myself to make me feel better but in the end I always feel worse.

it’s the time of year where I go back into hiding and where I reach a new rock bottom that seems to somehow get continuously worse each time

all I need right now is to be held like the big baby I am

I love and hate when I feel nothing. I go through periods where my mind is radio silent and where I don’t lash out. I’m not happy, I’m not sad, I’m not angry, I’m just nothing. It’s nice to feel nothing until my life is consumed by it. I crave to feel something, because numbly staring out into space gets boring and makes me feel fake. But, when I do feel, it’s all I feel. It’s always so intense and I never get a break. I just want to feel and think normally without having these thoughts take over and ruin everything for me. I hate feeling broken, why can’t I just be normal?

I disassociate the whole day then wonder why I don’t remember anything

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