Leave Me Alone

Anthony Bialy writes a thing about a thing.

[anthonybialy]

Frauds Abusing Waste

Your hangover cure won’t work on cancer.  It doesn’t even really make the headache and light sensitivity go away.  This particular patient has been treated by sickos for years.  Focusing on waste, fraud, and abuse is wasteful, fraudulent, and abusive.  The refusal to address rampant spending while pretending that a superficial snipping will remove the tumor is only helpful for a chance to use the Oxford comma.

The real approach to savings is widespread elimination.  Government’s inherent rottenness saves effort in examining details, which itself would cost money.  We already know what doesn’t work, namely the government.  If the goal is not to capture criminals, scare enemies, or pave roads, then find someone else to fund it.

Wholesale removal of agencies benefits everyone but the moochers technically employed at them.  It’s way past time to get paid by being useful.  Saving 100 percent of the budget amounts to small change next to the exponential relief for sanity.

Government is inherently inexpedient.  Republican presidents used to at least pretend to know that.  One who allegedly dominated the business arena doesn’t even acknowledge ceaseless debt.  I am starting to suspect the incumbent might not be as amazing at profiting as portrayed.

Wacky interpretations of reality distort economics, too.  Having no competition is a virtue, according to those who have no freaking clue about life or anything contained within it.  They can finally focus on efficiency once they’re spending other people’s money with no accountability or worry of losing market share.

Uselessness by virtue of not having a second federal option is the defining characteristic in case nobody has noticed yet.  Democrats who think they need to embrace socialism more blatantly think we’ll enter utopia once nobody can choose.

Spot a liberal by who thinks that not having to vie for bucks will make results more desirable.  A lack of accountability somehow allows the monstrous purveyor of mandates to provide outstanding customer service.  By contrast, the so-called free market flaunts the nerve of humans profiting for providing services others voluntary purchase.

There’s no fear of the ghastly schemes which inflict financial doom of disappearing, so don’t worry.  Thinking Medicaid embodies compassion works except for the awful coverage that’s bankrupting the nation.  There’s a reason the service has no alternative.  Victims forced onto welfare care might be able to afford their own if only so much wasn’t drained from the economy to fund things like, oh, Medicaid.  Don’t panic: that’s someone else’s money taken.

Trimming instead of cutting is like taking an ibuprofen in lieu of chemotherapy.  An actual conservative, business success, and leader would have had a plan ready to excise superfluous divisions instead of fiddling with their budgets.  And the quite figurative person would be able to articulate why dooming citizens to being at the mercy of lousy initiatives is bankrupting in multiple ways.

You’re capable of providing for yourself and will have a far easier time of doing so once Washington isn’t Swiffering away fortunes.  And you haven’t heard that from a president from the side ostensibly favoring liberty in awhile.

A handful of bureaucrats forced to face the horror of creating something useful in order to pay rent has been the only upside.  The administration makes a show of reducing spending without making a worthwhile impact.  Does that sound like any current president?

Wondering why nobody else thought of that is as blasphemous as questioning Donald Trump’s superiority.  He’s the best at figuring things out unlike every low-energy loser who came before him.  That’s unless history exists.

If we’re stuck with a president this old, it may as be someone who endured previous struggles could lean from them.  At least, a college graduate could recall learning about what not to do.  The same president who figured tariffs which have been proven to devastate the economy will make everyone rich thinks he’s the first to think efficient leadership is all it takes to get government running at a profit.

You can tell they’re not serious by how they claim there can be no opposition.  Are you for waste?  Pro-fraud?  A fan of abuse?  Opposing federal waste is like saying that the wisest course of action is to hire the best people and do what’s right.  Pretend there’s no difference from actually doing it to maximize results.

Empty blathering can’t possibly summarize this president unless arrogance paired with ignorance has been an emerging executive trend for years.  The two times he’s suckered enough voters into thinking that he’s different from other politicians haven’t affected cold economics.  Reality is as usual unimpressed.  Math is particularly indifferent to empty boasts.

It’s fine and fun to can superfluous federal mooches.  But refusing to acknowledge what an artless deal entitlements are is worse than keeping the buggy whip factory open.  Entire federal programs have been obsolete from the start.  There has never been a moment when the Education Department educated anyone.  The premise that their existence is justified is as unsubstantiated as figuring present tax levels are correct.  A slight reduction in how much the successful are soaked will cause orphan famine.  

The next conservative who wins the presidency will be the first in awhile.  The debt clock is spinning too unfathomably quickly to notice the numbers, so I’m sure we don’t owe anything.  We can hope the spending stops if it burns out.

A president who claims he embodies boldness with business sense won’t excise entire useless bureaus.  I am starting to doubt whether I should buy a Trump phone.

You wouldn’t buy this on your own.  It’s easy to tell what federal components are unhelpful because of that whole coercion thing.  On that note, the only useful governmental branches involve police, judges, and military exercising force upon criminal individuals and nations.

Everything government does forcing people to comply.  Deciding what role the pushy goon has is a matter of limiting its awfulness.  Futilely trying to work around that is as wasteful as it gets.

[anthonybialy]

Dread and Other Sports Fun with the Buffalo Bills

Following sports is fun except for how you’re almost certainly going to be devastated at season’s end.  I suppose it’s good preparation for every rotten outcome.  Well, that turned dark fast.  But coping with the prospect of likely agony leads to enjoying what’s going well.  A temporary experience embodies much of the entirety, so go ahead and celebrate when you can with the Perry’s pint of your choice.

The sense of gloom seems palpable at all times for the Bills and especially so during the previous crushing campaign.  Buffalo fans are optimistic despite it to the point of it being a defining personality component.  It’s not just sports.

Being able to sense devastation throughout the day is a special gift for those who are aware of things.  It’s not psychic to notice something.  Anyone with any experience at this life thing can surely think of moments when it’s clear that disaster is pending.  It either applies to what’s about to happen or presently unfolding.

Bills backers might just have noted how the Sean McDermott era went.  Tendencies become apparent after repeated watching.  People binge-watch the same shows repeatedly for numerous reasons.  Passive viewers don’t have to pay close attention because they know what’s going to happen, which reduces anxiety.  We felt that way getting through games during the drought.  But the phenomenon is present during semi-successful years, too.  Enduring the same type of playoff exits is not as reassuring as hoped.

A vibe can’t be measured by NFL statistics, at least under current technological limits.  Like fake videos that look real, give it a few months.  On the other hand, this league is primitive despite its advanced status.  The cavemen in charge will figure out what a catch is before they are able to accurately rate a club’s prospects.  Such alleged information might be what wagerers use to justify attempting to double their children’s insulin fund.  You’ll have twice as much if it pays off, so indulge hunches without fear of there ever possibly being a downside.

Anticipating a cinematically crushing coda is not just nervousness over the matchup.  The vague yet palpable feeing that we will remain unfulfilled persevered even during the playoffs.  The aura felt like they were going to find a way to botch the finale.  It was no stranger than Stranger Things.

Precedent isn’t always comforting.  Knowing how consistently a team displays characteristics isn’t just for coaches.  The worst part of being a Buffalo sports enthusiast only seems like the ability to spot trends, as doing so means knowing when to brace for impact.  Nobody would fly the airline with a similarly atrocious safety record.

Buffalo sports teams aren’t cursed.  Presuming the spirit world feels displeased with us is an easy way to avoid responsibility for poor decisions.  Brandon Beane didn’t offend a fortune teller.  On the other hand, he drafted Keon Coleman.

Pretending fate is against you is a fun way to dodge reality.  The Chicago Cubs may have gone 108 years between championships because the club's owner insulted a goat’s owner.  Or they may play in a charming yet confined ballpark that makes it tough to control outcomes while suffering for ages from emblematically awful ownership.  They’ll go at least a decade between titles, which is surely the worst.

Regrettable personnel and strategy maneuvers made a curse into a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Alleged curses do cause harm in the sense that they remind current players of past struggles, which increases stress and harms performance.  Tell a person he’s part of a legacy of failure to continue it.

Our doomed lot is certainly not the only fanbase that’s suffered though challenging seasons and decades.  But the plight of these particular entrants is particularly Buffalonian in character.  Some zealots recall unimaginable sports disasters.  Our city’s loyalists have to ask which year.

Sports reflect the real world.  Now, there’s a horrifying thought.  This was supposed to be time off from ceaseless aggravations.  Enrollees innocently believed they were escaping reality.  These were supposed to be a fun few hours of sitting still while watching others chase an object like possessing it would offer utter fulfillment.

Instead, a source of alleged merriment drives the tortured to pray for the end of seasons so they can get back to addressing queues of scripted shows.  Those offer hope of satisfying conclusions.  They’re also fictional.

Sports reflect a hopeless existence in an uncaring universe where punishment is capriciously inflicted regardless of good actions or pure intentions.  I hope you enjoyed the games.  

The congregation dreams of a moment at one point in the distant future where pattern recognition and innate tension don’t work against those who’ve demonstrated faith.  It’ll have to be sustained.  Such a perfect confluence of results would be at minimum almost a year away.

Success would require breaking the streak.  That’s never happened before.  But all of life is seeking to get through, so treat hoping the Bills can get more sacks this season as preparation.

[anthonybialy]

America Leads World in Free Cup Refills

Argentina wins. A formerly daft place even by South American standards decided socialism is dumb and thrives as a result. Sure, economic champions lost some sporting tussle. But it was that one where participants curiously propel the ball using their feet. That baffling restriction on recreation is more of a time-waster for cursed citizens of people’s republics.

I miss mocking soccer. The sport is easy enough to tease that the biggest problem is deciding what to tease about first. That’s the real contest.

But we made it through a World Cup whose stadiums were unnervingly close. We have thankfully expelled those involved. I’m thankful we’re at the point where it’s the longest possible time before more soccer, to paraphrase Lisa Simpson about the church of sports.

Deprived hand football fans didn’t find much fun in a potential offseason distraction. The World Cup is not like the Olympics where outsiders enjoy a glimpse of exotic events. General sports aficionados can get into water polo for two weeks every four years. By contrast, soccer can’t manage to be fun as a novelty while counting down to NFL training camps.

Soccer is done gaining American ground. Please do not laugh at those whose lone hope for establishing the game within our borders has been dashed. Cultists need one bet to come through to avoid having to relocate under an overpass. Having so much invested in one competition makes it like games themselves. Maybe they’ll win an extra one in four years.

The last of the helped those making the case against the sport. A 1-0 final score in the final game only seems like it was fixed by the Association of Metaphors, as a meager tally is a most natural outcome. Two teams split one goal as is often the case,

Frustration is easy to spot. Seeing usually helpful arms uselessly dangling

Every player should wear goalie gloves just to add to the surreality of the absurdist nightmare. The alleged distraction is popular in countries that can’t afford equipment. Padding is a decadent luxury.

Slumming Americans aspire to poverty and all its trappings. Oddly fervent backers seem like the sorts who still have bio pronouns. Those who never posted a profile photo with a mask might find it amusing to win in a sport we loathe yet can’t be bothered to sulk when our side lets another nation win something.

Wondering when it’s going to catch on in the land of hand sports is like waiting for a goal. America has been told they’re going to start embracing the leggy affair since before there were Super Bowls. It will catch on in L or C years.

We have so much fun embracing this sport that we keep inventing chances to do so. There was alleged next major pro league NASL, making the World Cup in 1990 after wandering 40 years in the soccer desert, hosting the tournament last time, the previous soccer league’s spiritual descendent MLS, making the quarterfinals in 2002, and bringing the World Cup back to share with the rest of North America. And all that’s occurred is more Americans realizing what does and doesn’t happen when arms are figuratively removed. It’s a bad sign when increased exposure decreases interest.

The delusional certainty that soccer is kicking its way into American consciousness comes on top of the ceaseless belief that children getting tricked into running around while chasing a ball will become soccer enthusiasts. The summer camp special is tag with largely unused nets.

We’re going to be safe from the scourge for a couple years. Hopefully, the referee adds extra mystery minutes. The next kicky battle is blessedly out of our home and time zone so we don’t accidentally turn it on while searching for something fun to watch. There should be a comfortable clock buffer whether or not we stop setting our clocks forward then back. Changing the time is is unproductive as the sport in question.

The allegedly beautiful game’s partisans will be relegated to visiting countries that don’t have a single Waffle House. Morocco, Portugal, and Spain take the place of Mexico, America, and Canada in the 2030 reboot. That’ll be followed by what’s surely to be a wholesome gathering in noted non-terror hive Saudi Arabia. Rewarding those who don’t deserve it is another tradition the soccer people resurrected.

Being different makes us unique. I’m sorry to Europeans and American liberals who demand conformity. The rest of the world can enjoy their indigent pastime. Non-Yankees are similarly allowed to pretend health care has no cost and chips and queso should not be complementary. Get into whatever seems interesting. Zealotry doesn’t mean they get legitimately free things while on a waiting list for allegedly free medical services.

The mercifully concluded World Cup’s legacy is showing off what’s between venues. Lucky visitors are returning to their home continents to rave about America’s everyday blessings, which ruins the delusion for unjustified snobs. European discoverers of the New World’s bottomless Dr Pepper cups seem like the types who respect America enough that they’d apply for membership. No Texas Roadhouse loyalist will start an empty daycare.

New Target devotees are sort of people we want to stay. Immigrants inspired by a sport the gracious host doesn’t like will be true Americans when they hate soccer like the rest of us.

[anthonybialy]

Graham Platner Is Reich Out

Graham Platner will always remember the ground he took.  We’ll know if he looted while retreating.  It would be in character.  Everyone knew what a scumbag he was except for those closest to him.  I’m starting to suspect Democrats don’t pay attention to evidence.

An enthusiast for an alarming side during a world war has been locked out of the Senätörbunker.  His alleged BFFs abandoned him as soon as the battle turned.  Turncoats are always surprised when one of them turns coats on the other.  Believing the amoral connivers who claimed they backed him no matter what was an error in judgment.  His ghastly offenses can’t be characterized as the same.

Democrats had the chance to never nominate a predator Himmler in the first place.  And they stood beside their Maine man during the unveiling of numerous awful details about him.  But they made it clear that they no longer backed their SS BFF as soon as supporting the all-time scumbag became politically untenable.  They truly are brave like the family that hid Anne Frank.

Being called a Nazi is especially rich coming from people who would’ve voted for one.  The ultimate slur is so commonly aimed at Republicans that they don’t even flinch upon encountering it.  Thank the rabid for conditioning.

For leftists, every accusation is a confession.  Accusing everyone who opposes them of being a Hitler-hugging woman abuser turned out to be personal.  Baffled participants think everyone else is a hypocrite hiding something out of projection.  And that’s just the start of coping mechanisms.

There are countless complaints one can make about the incumbent executive.  But at least Donald Trump doesn’t have a Nazi tattoo that we know of.  They can’t just call him a loudmouthed schmuck like normal humans.

Leftists are so frenzied about making opposing the president their entire personality that they spew every nasty bit of invective that comes to mind.  Comparing him to the worst person ever comes naturally.  I’m sure reaching the end of hyperbole won’t discredit every other accusation they make, as these are people known for thinking ahead.

The guy with the Totenkopf tattoo treats women like they’re Belgium.  Consistency can be overrated.  At the same time, changing principles depending on if the person you’d vote for is the one being accused of violating women shows the wrong kind of adjustment to circumstances.

Amateur prosecutors don’t care about stopping a professional fiend.  Me Too enthusiasts zealously conducted struggle sessions before issuing the same summary sentences to everyone accused.  Platner has multiple victims.  But his enablers didn’t care until one of them was a fellow liberal.  Now, that’s dedication to ideology.

Claiming to be for the people is helpful, but only in the sense it shows how depressingly high of a percentage of said people will fall for it.  In an alternate history that didn’t diverge too far from our own, Democrats who see Susan Collins as an Ayn Rand-hugging zero-government evangelist voted for the serial blitzkrieger because he hates billionaires.

Platner is a fake member of the working class and real Nazi.  That’s the opposite of ideal.  His alleged work as an oyster farmer is nearly as phony as his socialist ideals.

Every accurate claim about Platner sounds like an exaggeration.  He’s truly a commie Nazi as seen in The Simpsons.  The villain in a McBain movie was supposed to epitomize exaggerated evil.  Platner finally made something true.  Perhaps the show will have him as a guest.  He has no voiceover experience.  But that makes it like everything else.

The two ghastliest ideologies share ample common ground.  The biggest difference between the worst of Russia and Germany is that the sides hate each other.  And that’s because each wants to rule over everyone, not because ideologies differ in how to best administer benevolent services.  Asking just what Nazi is short for provokes inadvertently amusing ignorance or attempts at explanations about differences.  Sure, the most diabolical rulers ever involved wholesale government control of every life aspect. But today’s national socialists don’t support the bad parts.

Please forget who was Sieg Heiling for Platner.  The wish to erase shameful maneuvering makes it like everything else they try.  Please don’t try to think of who kept you from visiting sick grandparents in hospitals and forced your kids to sit apart on playgrounds.  And you definitely shouldn’t remember just what disgusting traits and behavior they’ll tolerate if someone supports their dreadful ideas.

Democrats will always have backed the woman-assaulting Nazi in a desperate attempt to gain a single Senate spot. They’re principled in their way.

Getting called Nazis for wanting a flat tax is the primary tactic of those who nominated a real one.  Claiming leftists don’t have swell ideas gets easier with every campaign.  It went like the one Germany tried when they were being naughty.

Platner won’t get to be a senator, but he’ll always be a Nazi.  He can’t even flee to Argentina considering they’re now big meanies shrinking government.  Now, he’s stuck knowing he’ll never make those kinds of gains again.  He will console himself by getting a KISS tattoo with the second half first.

[anthonybialy]

Buffalo Sabres Keep Those Who Want to Stay

Everyone in Buffalo is thrilled to be in the city at all times.  Sure, we may occasionally kvetch about our limited standing grievance list, but otherwise every resident is constantly elated about where they reside to the point you shouldn’t even ask if I’m sorta joking.  Residents genuinely embrace their city with wholehearted affection despite a handful of drawbacks.  That’s why players who relocated here for a job transferring elsewhere is so perplexing.

A Buffalo Sabres offseason featuring three unique player situations who didn’t want to be here might’ve seemed like a condemnation of the franchise’s status as recently as last summer.  But they’ve remade themselves to the point where we can properly blame those who switched companies and not their last employer even if three of them makes enough for a trend.

The best hope is Alex Tuch was too nice to fire his agent.  Not budging is considered a challenging negotiation strategy.  He owes me a refund on my 500 Level shirt featuring him.  It’s not like he has to choose between doing the decent thing and bus fare.  There’s always someone who will overpay for goals.  In this case, that person is Ted Leonsis.

Tuch will accumulate the same playoff production with the Capitals for the Sabres as he did during the second round.  Trying to focus on his good play despite going pointless became a formidable task.  It’s easier to list the negative qualities of someone who dumped us.

Washington surely thinks they’ll never rue a Jeff Skinner-type deal.  The Sabres by contrast learned from experience.  You may as well learn from your dumb mistakes.  Life only gets worse when repeating what made it difficult to begin with.  While it’s best to not screw up in the first place, the agony of a buyout is a helpful teacher.  I look forward to the Capitals learning.

One needn’t be a comrade railing against kulaks to suggest maybe being a bit flexible about salary demands could be prudent.  It’s not presuming athletes have enough cash.  Earning 100 million dollars means a chance to get to 101 million.  It means someone thought your work was valuable enough to throw fortunes at you.

But there’s enough of a cushion at some point to think about other goals like team success and a hospitable work environment.  There’s precedent in the same state.  My basketball BFF Jalen Brunson took less currency in exchange for carrying around his league’s most prestigious trophy along with his Finals MVP award.  Tuch preferred holding cash.

Why don’t you make less money?  This isn’t about me, so stop being selfish.  Massive metropolis Buffalo being unable to re-sign players due to artificially limited overhead space is an argument against a salary cap, which if you recall is supposed to help oh so oppressed small markets.  Franchises that are allegedly based in glorified large towns will never be able to afford things like staff.  Multibillionaires claiming they’re too poor to conduct business figured out a way to get fans to clip coupons on their behalf.  There’s already enough stress from following a team without doing an owner’s bidding.

Meanwhile, others pout their way out because they crave status.  The lure can be as tempting as cash for some and nearly as treacherous.  Bowen Byram is obsessed with being a number one defenseman like David Letterman was at taking over The Tonight Show.  Byram could have been pleased with playing well at 12:35.

Being happy in one’s present role is a sign of a healthy life approach.  Byram is now a higher executive job at a struggling company, so congratulations on his alleged promotion.  See the contract he got and be glad a relationship ended in what’s a trend.

The third man out doesn’t seem like as much of a drama queen, at least by comparison.  Michael Kesselring was too low on the totem pole to anticipate moving up.  That’s tricky with the carvings in place.  A fresh start is way easier for establishing a new order.

But who’d leave?  Observers might figure players would want to remain part of a club that just spurred delightfully rabid lunacy in a fanbase where that characteristic had remained dormant for a decade and a half.  Making the playoffs means not having to beg.

Telling someone leaving that you’ll see them later is fittingly abrupt.  The goodbye could be technically true: the Sabres will play the Capitals this upcoming season.  Eric Cartmanez telling those departing “We will miss you” almost sounds sincere.  It’s not to be brainlessly optimistic to predict that the Sabres can sustain momentum without those who left.  But good teams learn to replace those who skipped town.  Conditions allow the Sabres to show they can sustain with a real-world example.

Keeping staffers they already had doesn’t seem exciting.  Don’t tell your spouse.  Appreciating who’s been around is part of contentment.  Spiritual carny Zach Benson can set up his amusements semipermanently in Buffalo.  And retaining Beck Malenstyn for Malensix seasons brings comfort as reliable as he is.

Framing a lack of spectacular moves as a positive is like saying there’s not much traffic.  It’s possible to miss the downside.  But steady competence can take the form of not overreaching and overpaying to win July.  There’s a few months before games count in case anyone forgot.

Trusting prospects are developing properly isn’t unjustified faith for those who’ve done their tasks.  Anticipating that, say, Konsta Helenius will improve upon his auspicious small playoff sample size is a reflection of a competent organization.

The summer’s not over in case you are still in the mood to listen to the Beach Boys in a Sonic stall.  The Sabres might still get Connor Hellebuyck, which would entice Connor McDavid to engineer a trade to join him.  I’m allowed to get ahead of myself by proposing crazy deals while dreaming that the suggestion is the first step toward creation in reality because I’m not presently the general manager.

Jarmo’s greatest strength is standing by his word.  Accountability set in as soon as he took over.  The lack of nonsense is itself refreshing even if it can be tough to notice a missing negative.  Similarly, retaining talent means a chance to reboot last season, which finally isn’t a threat with the Sabres.

Only those interested remain, which is part of developing an appealing culture.  Players who don’t want to remain joined in can seek fulfillment elsewhere. The Sabres have reduced ruing.

[anthonybialy]

Can I Kick It? No, You Can’t

I’m typing with my fingers.  Proprietors of every sport should take note of which limbs are most useful for, well, handling items.  The World Cup finally settled that Belgium is better than the United States.  Well, that seems totally accurate.  If that’s the result, the competition sucks.  Take comfort in knowing that, if Brussels had an NFL team, it’d be worse than the Browns.

Jingoism is best when applied judiciously.  Resisting soccer even when it’s invaded our borders was the wise play.  Investing hopes in a sport America continually rejects led to predictable disappointment.  But there’s always room on the soccer-opposing bandwagon.

Donald Trump should call and try to get four goals.  America’s referee-in-chief concluded influencing sports falls under his responsibilities as head of state after carefully perusing the Constitution.  An erstwhile owner of a team in a mysteriously defunct American football league can’t stop meddling.

The shamefulness of whining until the president gets his way should unite parties.  Replace Trump’s name with Obama’s to see if anyone’s reaction changes.  If the kvetching call about a call is suddenly cool or lame, the subject has tested positive for shameless partisanship.  That’s as bad as liking soccer.

Avoiding coverage is an athletic feat more impressive than the covered sport.  True patriots should congratulate themselves for nearly getting through the trial.  The alleged beautiful game couldn’t be more aggravating by design.  I’m looking forward to a few years of not hearing who’s offside and why.

There have been 37 goals scored in soccer’s history.  That’s not counting the scenario where the ball is placed on a dot close enough that its shadow can reach the goal line near sunset.  The only thing worse than a sport where nil is a regular score is settling the affair with penalty kicks.  It should be a foul.

Spare a kind thought for me, as I watched a little.  My television accidentally shared the end of the Netherlands playing Morocco because there was supposed to be a syndicated Seinfeld on, and the mendacious channel guide was only the first offense.  Witnessing five goals on 10 attempts after two during two hours of play is a condemnation of the whole.

Sports are unequal.  Tracking which ones prevail is part of a bigger competition.  Any game based in lauding faking should be relegated, to use lingo that soccer freaks grasp.  Acting like an assassination victim when a ghost brushes by should be shamed in any sport yearning to be taken seriously.  By contrast, soccer is the athletic form for insurance fraud.  It’s wiser to wager on professional wrestling than a game with such gullible referees.

Wondering when it will finally catch on is the only more interminable wait than for goals.  We’re told as often by soccer snobs that the last outpost will be overcome by adoration for the subtleties of scoreless inaction.  You’d think they’d be tired of being wrong about everything, but they stick with their eternally frustrating favorite sport as an indication of stubbornness.  A diversion is surely wonderful if its intricacies need to be pointed out constantly.

Soccer will catch on right after the metric system.  American parents are baffled that soccer does not have a competing Super Bowl.  Their kids all play.  But it’s a runaround activity, not an outing participants take seriously.  Burning energy is the goal.  The best athletes move on to objectives that involve holding a ball.

A generation of American kids will be inspired to not play soccer.  Heroism takes different forms.  I don’t think that was the, to use a term, goal.  But soccer’s victories are inadvertent.

True victory came when everyone saw how America is the best despite only managing a lone goal in the knockout portion.  We should host an annual World Cup with no soccer.  Driving from Buc-ee’s to Applebee’s is the game everyone wins.  Visitors impressed by free chips and sodie pop refills mean our country won despite that one side getting trounced.

The upside is that we at least will no longer have to hear that Europeans can take a month to chase a tournament’s games in a different hemisphere because they don’t have to worry about health care expenses.  I hope they didn’t lose their places in line while abroad.

Countries that have been on the Moon don’t need a trophy from a sport they don’t like.  We looped around the craggy soccer ball in the night sky as part of a particularly fun year.  Being different than everyone else isn’t merely a way for America to flaunt individuality: we’re discerning about what we like and loathe.  Rest stops whose architectural plans must account for the curvature of the Earth are embraced in a way that using the same space for a playing surface called a pitch are not.

A popularity contest merely shows that a high percentage of humans have awful taste.  Our preferred name for the kicking affair shows our commitment to doing things our way.  Calling a game largely played with hands football may be weird, but it makes more sense than one based on feet.

America won.  That’s always true.  But supremacy in any battle to the lone victor is especially apparent in our milestone birthday year.  Our hockey forces still bask in gold acquired during the Minor Miracle.  The aforementioned Artemis reiterated that we’re in charge of Earth’s satellite.  And our 250th celebration was somehow more festive than previous memorable versions.

We’d win a world title in kickball.  But the gym class favorite is ignored by a globe that doesn’t want the USA dominating at yet another tournament.  Battlers in a contest that Third World residents eschew because it’s too rudimentary can have this trophy.

Sports shouldn’t be political, which is why I reject the one whose global circus is finally wrapping up and leaving town.  A game where teams often share a lone score reeks of socialism.  Hosting other nations who cared offered the reminder that America is great because it sucks at soccer.

[anthonybialy]

New York City’s Surrender Flag

New York City has given up.  I’m sure the employer will keep paying an employee who abandoned the job.  Someone will undoubtedly cover for the city’s shift.  An inadvertent economics lesson is already undoing progress, which is the progressive signature.  A mayor who thinks he can sucker the municipality, mathematics, and reality is doing great except for the things.  Just like him, Zohran Mamdani’s ideas don’t work.

Government supermarkets almost seem too obvious to mock. But a Soviet throwback is begging for taunting.  The alleged embodiment of trends and commerce is not even treating medals featuring hammers and sickles as kitschy.  

We advance while regressing.  Every comrade has a pocket screen with access to every bit of accumulated information, including the consistent horrors of socialism every single time it’s been tried. Worshipers use the devices to praise the glorious mayor for caring enough to make child care free.  Worrying about just who’s paying is so bourgeoisie.

The metropolis sure got jealous. Demonizing someone who could be paying you seems shortsighted until a clever savior comes along with a plan to make wealthy fiends pay a living wage without having to work.  The utopian contraption functions perfectly as long as nothing needs to be created and large-scale employers getting demonized by the mayor on the sidewalk don’t grow tired of menacing loiterers.  

Condemn bosses who make what you deem to be excessive salaries to get ahead.  Sure, high earners didn’t take anything from you.  In fact, they may have hired you or sold you something you really wanted.  Such crimes are the only ones that cannot be excused in a Batman-free Gotham.  Entrepreneurs owe you something for creating a product or service so worthwhile that you’re willing to spend.  It’s their fault for tempting.

The professionally envious wonder why they don’t get ahead.  Resentment doesn’t seem to make the skyline more glamorous.  There sure are a lot of poor people who need assistance in a place that adds to the dole like it’s an employment opportunity.  Cheering for wealth transfer is either utter obliviousness or wholesale scheming.  Leftists cover the whole spectrum of humanity except the middle.

Everything interesting is closing.  The list of fun businesses that made strolling appealing has dwindled faster than the city’s supply of billionaires.  Outposts with character have been replaced with condos that couldn’t be more generic were that the goal. Is that the goal?  Building warehouses to store citizens requires demolishing the interesting reasons to move there.  That’s the only efficiency on display.  That’s until they open one central kitchen to make every delivery order.

Electing to become a suburb of East Berlin won’t change which side won the Cold War.  Trying their very hardest to not try hard at all is a persistent habit amongst people who would rather blame than generate.  Glistening empty towers contrast with impossibly dingy slums in a socialist actuality that’s supposedly a capitalist infliction.  Creating awful conditions they claim their enemies provoked substitutes for developing a business plan.

The symptoms have been festering.  New York City’s softness got exposed during shutdowns.  Fearful bullying manifested itself in sundry ways from shrieking at anyone who dared take an unencumbered breath in a supermarket to deciding which industries are to be shuttered any random day for collective health.  Emergency despots shrugged as businesses which were barely getting by had their revenue disappear.  Making money while a store is closed turns out to be challenging.  Leftists assault the little guys they claim to adore.

Voters who chose class warfare get highly taxed for awful results, which is the ideology in action.  Realizing that every dollar seized by government is one that can’t be used to buy or pay is one way of learning we really are all in this together.

Confused grabby politicians wonder why successful people they demonize don’t subject themselves to feedings by particularly greedy vampires.  Very genuine politicians try to guilt their human blood banks into staying and paying, which is a sure sign of a rational political ideology and respect for humanity.

Services have been withdrawn.  Democrats demanding funding fail to grasp that New Yorkers who moved on up had already done that.  Employing people while spending at will are typical behaviors of the city’s comic book villains.  It’s not like rich people dine out or anything.  

Putting up with a lot differs from putting up with too much.  A New York address used to carry significance.  It still does, although now it’s in the opposite sense.  Discovering some sucker Manhattanite is still putting up with endless indignities is now accompanied by pity at getting no benefits.  Those outside the contaminated zone shake heads at what suckers inmates are or fear for their safety.

Avoid ZIP codes with known toxic waste dumps.  Individuals and companies used to desire setting up an office there because it meant they arrived at the place that drew the most impressive achievers.  Getting there was prestige’s pinnacle.  Meanwhile, independent artists thrived on the vibe.

But that was before it was easy to use one’s couch as an office chair.  Ordering people to stay at home was yet another unseen consequence by tyrants who’ve made the jurisdictions they attempt to control dangerous thanks to various types of muggings.

It’s not like there’s fun available as a tradeoff: you can enjoy a bank on one corner and Starbucks on the next.  It doesn’t matter which block.  The only businesses that can survive in Gotham are monolithic conglomerates if it doesn’t feature enough irony.

Some damage can’t be undone.  Jealous voters will always have elected this commie charlatan.  A city built by people with the precise opposite values declines in ingratitude.  Creativity is quashed as an ideology.  New York City is dangerous on the sidewalk and at home as predators on every level attempt to seize what useful residents acquire in exchange for offering goods and services.  Worst of all, it’s dull.  All the fun escaped for various reasons.  The lack of interesting things to see and do in what used to be the best place for it is as dull as socialism.  Consistency is predictable.

[anthonybialy]

One Chance to Get 250 Right

America is the best.  This is a breaking news column.  A milestone anniversary featuring a memorable number has been met with pockets of tepid enthusiasm.  I don’t want to rush anyone, but this is the time for increasing guacamole and patriotism reservoir levels.

I don’t want to blame whoever’s currently president for the lack of excitement, especially when his enemies would despise our land even if it upped unearned entitlements to their preferred levels.  But king of festivities Donald Trump seems to struggle acquiring chips and streamers.  The good thing is he’s most renowned for accepting blame.

America’s 250th birthday is known as the Bisesquidoubleandahalfacentennial for short.  Like the Artemis Moon-loopers, we only get one chance at this.  Yet thrills seem contained in a place that should already be shooting off fireworks at every hour.  Sunlight illuminates the blasts.  

The self-proclaimed real believers in national promise want the president of their dreams bossing everyone around.  The difference between Trump fans and their archenemies is they accept orders only from their hero when he hugs a flag.  Acting like they strengthen loyalty has diluted fun.

Pleasant effects would be more apparent with an actual conservative.  But then we’d have to elect someone who doesn’t think announcing how amazing he is qualifies as a political philosophy, and we might never know.  Aspiring revelers could afford more America 250 merchandise if tariffs weren’t making paper plates a luxury item.

The other side sucks.  Trump’s superpower is getting his enemies to help him.  The reality show host and president never has to say anything positive or worthwhile: he merely must gesture at sputtering pinko lunacy.  The other side makes it easy by hating one thing, namely everything about America.

Contingent love is more than bad news for their spouses.  Deeply imperfect people kvetching about the place they live for not living up to their exacting specifications will surely feel pleased soon.

Bitching about America’s imperfections is for citizens who are surely inherently happy.  The loving left knows with certainty that it’s the only flawed country.  We should aspire to be more of an earthly paradise like one with universal everything or whatever they think Palestine is.

I checked and America has fewer things wrong with it than any other place.  Knowing who sucks the least is one way to approach many aspects of this rather imperfect world from voting to ranking.  Those whose preferred maniacal policies would lower us into the receiving votes category resent our current poll status.

You’re doing it wrong.  It doesn’t matter what it is.  Self-professed complex 

philosophers think it’s sophisticated to incessantly nag.  Eternal pouters are unlike Rocky IV-adoring rubes they disdain who possess the simpleminded earnestness to appreciate the greatness and goodness of a nation created with freedom in mind.  They can’t distinguish between being critical and negative or anything else.

We know who would’ve pledged allegiance to George III.  Retroactive loyalists to the crown only like America if there’s a president they voted for, and that visionary megalomaniac needs to try to ruin everything good.  This hateful bordered enclave full of checks and balances doesn’t tax enough.  The answer is always more.

Internal critics hate America then do all they can to make their claims true.  Their wretched notions that have been enacted at multiple levels cause the very poverty they claim to oppose with all their might.  Those who don’t recognize the downside of fundamental change should be pleased they got their way.

Telling crabby downers to get out before America’s next birthday is only partly as mean as it sounds.  The faction that thinks it’s cool to enter any country they feel like should find one with mandated parental leave instead of this mean jurisdiction where sellers can make as much as buyers will pay.

Noting this is a better country than any around sounds earnest every time.  So, that’s good.  Sincerity shouldn’t concern the authentic.  Pretending that nobody who stands up during the national anthem while watching a game at home has ever criticized this country is a popular hobby for those who also think class warfare doesn’t affect motivation.

America is great despite its government, which enhances its case in a way that infuriates those who claim we get freedom through mandates.  Trump makes the case for privatizing everything by bungling a simple soirée.

There’s tension about event planning, like whether Poison and Vanilla Ice will be onstage simultaneously.  I’ll still cheer for this country as I’m bracing for the worst single ever.  You may have noticed that getting marginal musicians to play in front of a group has been poorly managed.  Uncannily, that’s like every other Trump property.  It’s almost like him running his mouth is his sole successful enterprise.  You can gamble the day away at the Hard Rock in Atlantic City and not the Trump Taj Mahal for some reason.

We get a wrestling promo to accompany UFC fights.  Trump gets to act like he’s the knight protecting against a horde of barbarians.  Conflation is amongst his most annoying habits, as seen by how he links adoring America to worshiping him.

Freedom aficionados wonder why whooping about a calendar moment that should make everyone naturally pumped seems muted.  The head of state gets to blame a lack of excitement on bald eagle-punching ingrates who despise all that is good and decent.  We can note both the disturbing percentage of divisive United States dwellers and the lack of strategy from an executive who assured us he’d take care of everything.

The most fun events will fittingly be those not thrown by the government.  And the best part of partying is how no America-haters will be there.  It’s not to dedicate too much time to hating haters.  But we should feel glad to be despised by the miserable.  The carbon footprint of cooking meat with fireworks will further enrage the excluded.  Tethering steaks to bottle rockets is the typically awesome way we do things.

[anthonybialy]

Unordered Executive

We need a president. Championship teams would have to stumble through self-guided White House tours without one. They still occur even though participants are endorsing Fourth Reich fascism and very unfunny sexist misogynistic alleged jokes by posing for a photo with the present office-filler while he holds up an unused version of a garment they wore while triumphing.

But some other unofficial tasks would remain best left unperformed. The incumbent has assigned himself other duties. We should encourage him not to perform them. It’s the law.

Life is better without a president. I guess we should technically elect one. But most of what we do doesn’t need the supervision of Donald Trump or any other megalomaniacal doofus who wants to rule over spacetime. It might occasionally be worthwhile to have someone confident come out and warn inferior nations not to mess with us. We’d enjoy more free time and everything else without the person who’s supposed to be a leader forcing ostensibly free people to, say, pay a fee for each transaction.

The most important factor in electing an executive is finding someone with a gentle touch who can tap the nuclear launch button threateningly without pressing it. Everything short of mushroom clouds over enemy cities should be left in the hands of everyone else. This is a country that’s supposedly about self-reliance. Too often, that self is the head of state.

The less Biden, the better. A prototypical Democrat showed why Democratic policies are to be avoided at every opportunity. I’d think Jolted Joe was a saboteur if I hadn’t spent decades listening to him try to be clever. I thought him not doing anything was the best hope for his term before it became clear his brain was comprised of Nickelodeon slime. I’m a hipster who thought so on the first day. People who pay attention don’t need Jake Tapper’s guidance.

It was very difficult to see that Biden was consulting with his Steve Austin action figure. I’d trust him more than Kamala. A president unraveling was history anyone paying attention saw as it happened. That counts out the media.

Discussing how his nuclear mental meltdown was an utter surprise shows journalists are as dim as Biden. Exhibiting every sign of dementia didn’t alarm those tasked with observing every presidential move. It’s not just an exaggeration of a doltish political adversary. Biden was born during World War II. What’s the excuse of those who didn’t pick up on Grandpa forgetting his address?

Biden was dumb before he went senile. Debating whether Democrats missed Biden’s obvious mushbrainery or if they lied like they do about their policies does not lead to a good result for them either way. But we should all be used to that.

This wasn’t just regular stupid Biden who plagued the early days of C-SPAN. The best excuse for missing the obvious daily update of an addled senior was that Biden. The last Democratic executive flaunted his idiocy publicly for half a century. And those using the lamest of excuses are the ones who agreed with his lunkheaded policies.

Keeping him in office when he couldn’t do the job seemed ideal. But Democrats will find a way to screw up everything. The marionette presidency led to staffers who tilt even further leftward than Biden if you wonder what enabled Trump again.

Opening the border and jail doors lets miscreants roam around in case you couldn’t guess. Wondering whether or not a professional politician and amateur everything else would have acted as deplorably if we had been cursed with his presidency in 1988 is an academic exercise. Biden would’ve failed any year.

Propping him up any time they needed him to make a cameo wasn’t quite presidential. A mysterious ruling committee was not what the Founders envisioned. Then again, neither was anything believed by anyone in the Biden White House.

The urge to have a president do nothing should be bipartisan. There’s an example in office. Trump’s best hope is to be saved from tariffs by judges who understand the Constitution and doesn’t want taxes imposed by fiat. Saving the economy is a byproduct. Voters could stop electing arrogant idiots who think they deserve boundless power then show the downside of cutting out the middleman.

An alleged business titan who needed to get elected to get people to obey might not dominate as the virile alpha stud he claims to be. The overcompensating shtick is so obvious that it seems like a trick. It’s been going on for almost as long as Biden was in office. Trump’s blatant acting is not going to stop his fan club branches from fawning over tax hikes.

The best president is forgettable. That is, the best president would be. America hasn’t been left alone by a trusting leader in recent memory, even factoring in how it’s all short-term now. How did this paragraph start? Freedom favorers yearn for a person only reminding everyone who’s in charge when some country is begging to get nuked. We aren’t supposed to constantly think of the executive. Iran used to have to do that, and now nobody can track who’s presently in charge.

We could try electing presidents who aren’t tripped up by mental infirmity or cloddish ineptness. I may be too much of an idealist. But there’s surely someone born in America who’s at least 35 equipped with sensible restraint. We only need one. A president who doesn’t harass Americans would embody patriotism if anyone forgot. Aspiring despots who can’t fasten their own buttons make the case against themselves. It’s their gift to the republic.

[anthonybialy]

A Champion Interval

There’s been just the one championship this year.  I shouldn’t take things for granted, as that’s infinity percent more than the most common outcome.  Teams I follow have actually been at the decent rate of a single title combined annually, which far outpaces historical trends.  This is me being appreciative.

You think nothing could ever change.  Then the Knicks go from playing like they hate their fans to giving them the greatest thrill they’ve ever experienced.  The vast contrast made the triumph even more stirring, so thank the franchise for the Langston Galloway era.

Enduring ample anguish first doesn’t seem like it should be part of the deal.  But I’m afraid it’s the point.  Untold devastation first is the only way people will then cherish triumph.  Hand someone a million bucks to see it squandered.

The Sabres were the surprise schedule ruiners.  It turns out they were allowed to advance to the mythical postseason this entire time.  I knew I purchased the short-sleeve t-shirts featuring their logo for a specific reason, namely to wear them while it’s warm.  That may seem self-evident.  But nothing seems normal after surviving a historical banishment.

Reaching the semifinals disappoints very grateful.  Syracuse lacrosse has gotten back to the point where there’s a letdown at championship weekend.  The gap since their last Memorial Day win seems more acute not just because there’s another year added but since they have finally gotten somewhat close again.  My experience in one of the few teams I follow with an embraceable title legacy makes their bout with drought even more frustrating.  I hope the team I still refer to as the Orangemen gets back to the point of being despised.

Meanwhile, losing the sole postseason game can’t be seen as that much of a letdown, especially when the franchise in question has won the league’s final one the previous three years.  The Bandits are regulars to the point where it’s important remind oneself a first-round exit isn’t the worst.  Not taking it for granted is a blessing.

Contempt for the Bandits from enemy fans is a sign of thriving over time.  A slight decline isn’t a plummeting.  The legacy of three consecutive wins haunts haters.

The league’s flagship has brought the championship streak for teams I back to four years, which I treasure as personally unprecedented.  This surely will continue indefinitely, right?  Even if not, an NLL dynasty will always have been joyous to have experienced.  Three in a row by them creates a noticeable impact for all involved parties.  It’s sustaining me now even with the Knicks creating basking.

Playoff games overlapping is as good a problem as Elon Musk being unable to decide which restaurant deserves his DoorDash order.  It sure was nice of the NBA to hide games on Prime, as I totally didn’t want to be burdened with flipping back and forth from early Knicks postseason action and the Sabres.

Demanding fans pay for another particular streamer in order to view every postseason contest is their gift to ensure fans of multiple organizations focus on one.  It’s totally not a disservice that harms the league over time in favor of a quick afterburner boost.

All this winning cut into my BritBox time.  I’d usually have a way higher percentage of my DVR free.  I would rather never catch up.  Conditions could get so bad that not having a roof overhead became tempting.  I postponed the horror of going outside for as long as possible.  Checking that the Sun still exists is probably worthwhile, although it’s much brighter than I remember.  I might even read a book, which goes strongly against my commitment to tsundoku.

The lack of stakes in previous springs freed up time, which is like noting Pyongyang’s traffic is manageable.  Not feeling an unbreakable obligation to be tuned in for the first faceoff is not worth the tradeoff.

Waiting so long gives fans time to respect how tough the default setting is.  Make sure to embrace the challenge of an extended absence.  That’s why life does this to you.  Getting through is easier when you start stressing about the next game as soon as the last one finishes.

The era of avoiding excitement wasn’t as fun as you’d think.  Not getting wound up over my side chasing the object more successfully than the other paired with uninterrupted free time.

It’s better to feel beholden.  For one, the time spent in question is invested watching sports, not getting dental attention or going to some job.  And some sort of connection is welcome during an era when avoiding it becomes customary.  Human contact is as eschewed as Jets tickets.  Teams inflicting dullness is even more acute in an isolated world where staying inside to scroll has overtaken doing stuff as the primary form of entertainment.

Remembering what it’s like to feel stressed out is part of getting ahead.  Progressing to the next stage is normal for spoiled fanbases.  I urge those I back to attempt to join them and make others feel resentful.  Wanting it to happen is surely the easy part.  That’s surely all it took for the Knicks.  I swear I haven’t gotten spoiled.

[anthonybialy]

Going Broke with Kathy Hochul

Get back here for your punishment.  The perpetually struggling place you fled needs you.  The unmitigated gall to run a desirable business is the only thing treated as a crime in New York.  Its classy class warfare governor wants nothing to do with fiendish employers of thousands who offer products many more thousands want.  But she does miss their filthy lucre.  The state got those who thrive to leave a place that’s the opposite.

Liberals think politicians embody them then go ahead and elect Kathy Hochul.  Tell someone to say she’s smart and accomplished without laughing and while maintaining eye contact to win a bet.

Florida is the beneficiary of New York’s contempt for prosperity.  That’s aside from all the New Yorkers.  They hopefully recognize regrettable voting patterns that prompted their exile.  The confused embodiment of gubernatorial ineptitude recently wondered if “Maybe the first step should be to go down to Palm Beach and see who we can bring back home because our tax base has been eroded.”  Get divorced then demand your ex drives you to soccer practice.

This is not a no-fault split.  The state did everything they could to provoke moving out.  Hochul engages in the sort of behavior seen in cheaters who are trying to spur their legal partners into splitting.

It’s these other states that are really ruining New York.  They have some nerve not letting parasites feed.  The ability to be ambulatory confuses Kathy, who notes “I have to look at the fact that we are in competition with other states who have less of a tax burden on their corporations and their individuals.”  I’ll flaunt my commitment to magnanimousness toward a bungling dunce by giving her credit for realizing there’s a competition.  But seeing there’s a race somehow makes her dumber, as she refused to participate.

The incumbent tries to figure out why the other team won’t tackle someone running toward the wrong end zone.  I’m not saying women don’t understand football: it’s only this particular woman.

Horrible greedy currency hoarders don’t want to pay for awful state programs with what they’ve worked so hard to accumulate for some mysterious reason.  The good news about the governor’s obliviousness is that we can at least laugh as she tells those she despises that they should feel bad.

Please think of the underclass whose votes she bought by doling out what she seized, as summarized when she said “I need people who are high net worth to support the generous social programs that we wanna have in our state right now.”  Guilt is her only asset, which doesn’t surprise anyone tortured by listening to her for a few seconds.  There’s a Geneva in New York, and she violates the bigger one’s convention.

Keeping people poor in multiple senses starts emotional manipulation of the worst kind.  The governor generously giving out lifesaving assistance, which is super nice except for how the very system for draining payments prevents recipients from getting ahead.  Debating whether Hochul is foolish enough to think she’s actually helping or deliberately keeping the underclass where it is doesn’t change how much harm she inflicts, but at least we’d uncover the motive.

Government’s markets always suck.  You don’t even need New York City’s Soviet Supermarket to open to see.  Mean barons would help people on their own, namely by spending.  Offering support by hiring people is the byproduct of creating value.  By contrast, Kathy wants you to keep contributing without doing anything to earn.  Why not?  That’s how government does it.

Broke Blue States wouldn’t need purportedly generous social programs if the economy were better.  But tracing back to the root cause is so tricky with many steps, so just open the cash tap and keep throwing the output at residents for compassionate productivity.

Unlucky Palm Beach transplants miss out on the glory of a state income tax.  Their erstwhile state gets to punish success while frittering the result of doing so on fantastically wasteful.  Awful public schools are expensive.

Kind Kathy sure is generous with other people’s money.  The aspiring dictator frames every spending initiative as if she’s dipping into her PayPal balance to fund.  She’s either too dim to realize every dollar has been pirated from someone useful or just hopes voters are as stupid as she thinks and will reward her shameless bribery.  Even worse, she makes others fund corruption.  It’s as close as the amateurish professional politician gets to running a sustainable enterprise.

Pilfering treasure decreases as the percentage increases, which is a seeming impossibility that explains why liberals believe in things that aren’t true.  The  defiance of mathematics and reality leads to them getting blindsided by human nature’s consequences.  It turns out people dislike having their stuff taken.

The only thing declining faster than revenue is the number of electoral votes they get.  The alleged Empire State wonders why their nickname is a quaint term that hasn’t been used sincerely in ages.

Life is often about the less worse option.  Politics offer examples, I’m afraid.  Voting comes down not to thinking Republicans are wonderful but that Democrats are definitely worse.  Reluctantly siding with the appalling faction that’s going to be slightly less horridly invasive is how politics should be.  New York has never been more desperate for the relatively less toxic option.

I can’t believe I got robbed, says a voter for the Robbing Our Residents Party.  Democratic states keep voting for what harms them in a certain sign of intelligence levels.  A governor who demands chipping in for pizza serves a five-slice large that is billed as free and really costs 873 dollars.  Meanwhile, hose cruel cheaters in Texas and Florida always manage to have snack and arcade money.

Panhandling is just one more crime Hochul enables.  This particular tolerated offense doesn’t just reflect a plummeting economy paired with a lack of concern for quality of life regarding all involved parties: begging is personal.  Hochul creates only devastation and spurs nothing but woe.  It’s unsurprising that her only answer to frittering fortunes is to shake a hat.  The governor of old New York has accumulated all the spare change she’s going to get.

[anthonybialy]

A Trillion Times Jealous of Elon Musk

Liberals who think Elon Musk takes some of his 50 billion 20-dollar bills from a vault whenever he goes to Burger King wonder why they never get rich. Very astute financial commenters don’t understand anything at all but are wise otherwise. Asking what Elon has accomplished is how idlers spend their hours. Professional busybodies don’t waste time like a trillionaire.

Flipping out because someone is worth 13 figures is the hobby of those who haven’t earned 13 dollars. The inability to grasp the benefits of spurring value is common amongst self-proclaimed experts in empathy.

Enemies of someone who catches rockets don’t seem too into science. Deniers of the process are consistent in the worst way. Economics is also an experiment with clear results.

Some industries don’t contribute as much as others. There’s a reason those who don’t present anything potential customers might buy oppose rankings based on judgment.

Uncannily, Democratic office-fillers only offer resentment, uselessness, and the belief there’s capital being thrown in the air that lucky people snag. Life is not a cash booth, which you’d think would be pleasant news to those who think the problem is they never get picked. But they’re angry about having to do something other than snatch bills flying past them to profit.

Plans to confiscate then redistribute are a recipe for spreading penury. They’re not going to end food insecurity. Producing wealth is about knowing you’ll be hungry again tomorrow.

This piracy is for good. It’s like you didn’t realize Johnny Depp was the good guy. Disney sure seems cool with promoting the notion of thieving.

Government has already cured poverty. That’s a relief. Nobody’s broke, as the caring entity that watches over us all has taken untold trillions in order to ensure everyone has a little. It’s simply impossible to transfer this much lucre and end up with even less, right?

Central planners think they’re entitled to what others have gained despite an unblemished track record of squandering what they pirated. Liberal politicians get rich off making others destitute, which is bad enough. Then they make it worse by presuming everyone else who has a fortune operates similarly disgustingly.

The best way to cure destitution is to not plan on doing so. Let humans be free to act upon brainstorms, and some will engender progress that seems like it’s from a 1950s science fiction cartoon prediction. Drinking a coffee without putting down your bagel while your car drives for you is merely the primary outcome.

Giving people salaries in exchange for doing useful tasks is the precedent despised by Democrats. His employees benefit just like those who aren’t paid directly by him. People who use Starlink or work in supermarkets patronized by rocket scientists are all doing better.

Hoard is the keyword. Anyone who uses the magic envious incantation term is tipping off how they see others and more tellingly themselves. To soulless grifters, accumulating a fortune is like gathering coins like an app game. Elon’s currency might just be tied up in his businesses, which is an interesting way of stockpiling greedily.

A person who sells products doesn’t owe anyone anything. Yet allegedly guilty parties do just that. The explorer of space and new earthly frontiers has constructed more than any government program. California will finally construct a mile of high-speed rail once they commandeer that one guy’s trillion smackers.

Rattling off what they’d buy with pilfered funds is a hobby to waste precious hours on in lieu of coming up with a business plan. Aspiring con artists would make sure nobody ever went without getting everything they need bought by government. It’s sad and weird how there’s just never quite enough seized to spawn utopia. Treating loot as a finite hill from which we deplete resources damages the environment.

Fans of government buying everything suddenly hate subsidies. They made an exception for the one recipient who’s generated anything helpful. Elon’s output has been an infinitely better value than, say, public schools, which couldn’t be purposely designed to make kids dumber.

The Democratic idea of a thriving economy is a trillionaire getting mugged. Think of all the contents redistributed from that rather thick wallet. Legalized crime is the specialty of those who think taking creates.

Elon made things, which made others jealous It’s bad enough to contribute precisely nothing. Tearing down those who make them look even relatively worse is part of their commitment to destruction. Someone made something. Note whose instinct is to take.

A confession that they’re parasites is the inadvertent statement made by those who have generated exactly one trillion dollars less. Phantom crime investigators think he’s Walter White looking at buck stacks and not someone planning how to build underground people movers between cities.

Elected leeches are the ones who spread indigence, not Elon. Trying to rip him off makes everyone poorer. Politicians who only subtract resent those who add. They’re bad at every mathematical attempt. Elon’s enemies can’t count to a trillion but will try to grab it.

[anthonybialy]

New York Knicks Are Really Good Now If You Haven’t Heard

The New York Knicks are the NBA Cup champions.  Oh, and they’re NBA champions.  I don’t want to presume my personal takes are standard, but I do believe the latter is even more treasured despite league propaganda suggesting otherwise.  That was one fun way of improving to 3-6 in the finals.

I couldn’t find my tweets from their last championship, but I swear I didn’t start following them during the second round.  I don’t even care that Spike Lee’s happy.  

Billy Donovan may not coach Giannis on the Knicks.  The fan suggestion for impulsive radical change may be postponed or even canceled based on that whole trophy-winning thing.  Sure, they fired Tom Thibodeau as a reward for winning a couple playoff rounds.  But the precedent doesn’t quite seem to apply now.

It took a long time for Mike Brown’s vision to click.  But it happened right in time.  Novel rotations, shifting ball handling responsibilities, and defense tough enough that it could be classified as mean allowed him to join a list that now includes two Knicks coaches who helmed championship teams.

The interval doesn’t seem like an interminable wait now.  There’s no bitching about the journey after reaching the destination.  We’re supposed to enjoy getting there, which is challenging when your Greyhound bus is waiting for the Amtrak to pass.  But the hassles of arrival are forgotten upon reaching a vacation in paradise.  Baby, we finally reached Atlantic City.

Resting starters paid off weeks later.  The Knicks created an odd scenario where fans wondered if the roster encountered enough adversity early in the bracket.  They were not tested because they dominated.  They’re participants and not subjects.

Goaltending remains illegal in basketball, but the champs played in a style reminiscent of some famous ones.  The Knicks are Ryan Miller/Gerry Cheevers/Grant Fuhr-type competitors who get the equivalent of a big save when the situation calls for it.  One statistic makes the aptitude clear.

And they sure rose when needed.  No Knicks fan needs to get a reference to being 29 points down tattooed because they’ll always remember it.  Some fanatics might still want a visual cue inked.  A confluence of moments that had to go perfectly paired with an absolute San Antonio screwup.  I could have been calling their plays.  Maybe they follow me on Twitter.

Small differences in the application of physics lead to monumental changes.  One Game 2 make and Game 4 miss would have demonstrated chaos theory at work.

It’s remarkable how close events could’ve turned a historical outcome.  I know: I’ve rued enough of the negative outcomes being on the other side to feel bad for the other side while being glad I didn’t join them.

Construct a roster able to affect fate.  Turning RJ Barrett into OG Anunoby and ending up with Josh Hart after starting with Kevin Knox show we’re not doomed by earlier decisions.

Comebacks are usually rare.  These guys made it their habit.  I’m fine with them creating tense situations late, at least now.  The Knicks defy reason and precedent.  That used to be a bad thing.

Defying science is part of a magical journey.  Observers kept saying the Knicks couldn’t keep pulling off miraculous responses and they kept proving everyone wrong.  I wish they could’ve avoided the necessity of heroic comebacks, which as a reminder require being down by significant margins first.  But it worked out because they kept completing every step.

The Knicks made constantly getting outscored early and even a little late their brand.  The good news for resilient rosters is that the league only records the points for each side at each game’s very end for record-keeping purposes.  Relentlessness doesn’t seem like it can be measured until you see the last tally from the postseason’s final game.

I wasn’t born into Knicks fandom.  But I still took upon a burden I chose.  Moving to Gotham led to me aligning with a franchise that was largely too lousy to break hearts.  Sticking with them after I left brought lessons in perseverance.  The risk of backing a dud is inherent to cheering.  But sometimes the investment in loyalty pays off.

A horrible team allows fans to enjoy an even more shocking achievement, so thank the Knicks for that.  Otherwise, we’d never be shaking our heads while smiling about a club that went from winning 17 times in a whole season to 16 in one playoffs in what now seems like a mere seven years.

This is a fanbase that’s proven its dedication.  It was really nice of our favorite squad to provide us with a way to demonstrate character.  We endured trials both over seasons in which they looked like they committed gambling fraud and in finals games where they won despite being down by 173 by the first TV timeout.

James Dolan is a championship franchise owner.  I can’t believe I can even type that legally.  A person who will surely also be known from now on for speeding freely doesn’t even seem upset about losing revenue from a figurative Game 6.

Retire Jalen’s number now.  He can continue to wear the number 11 for as long as he likes, but consider it out of circulation.  The MVP’s embodiment of determination only begins on the court.  Brunson’s pay cut bought a championship.  I don’t think I am authorized to speak for him.  But I bet he thinks the price was worth it.

The Knicks made it so everyone can sense their intangible qualities.  It’s as tough to do as consistent comebacks, but they demonstrated those, too.  Chemistry is tough to measure outside of a lab setting.  But the results are visible just as sure as geeks wearing white coats know what will happen after mixing contents of beakers.

A Knicks fan born today has never seen a championship.  Everyone takes on a legacy without the choice.  It’s not giving away too much about my age to say I’ve only been alive for a Knicks championship as of Saturday.  I did see them tie for sixth-most in league history.  All that waiting seems manageable now.

[anthonybialy]

Fighting Fight Night

A UFC event at the White House is an embarrassment for both.  Call it a draw.  Wondering how we got to this point will help us develop a strategy for future matches.  It’s uncanny that such an uncouth moment is engineered by a reality show host and steak salesman who turned a few shaky real estate deals into a career as a carnival barker.  The shtick applies no matter where he’s employed, including now.

Mixing mixed martial arts and the executive branch only seems odd to your pedestrian non-presidential thinking.  If you didn’t want a show, you should’ve elected someone who has a guiding principle other than his own awesomeness.  The first WWE Hall of Famer elected president isn’t doing anything performative, as there’s no way that reflects his entire career.

The real card was for Trump’s birthday if you forgot the reason for celebrating.  MAGA Christmas featured presents only for the honoree.  The guy you know is the best fighter on account of how incessantly he’s announced such would defeat any challengers but graciously lets others battle.  He’s the Andre the Giant of presidents.

The loudest sport isn’t related to your television’s volume.  Garishness follows seeking attention with a skirmish smörgåsbord that’s promoted ceaselessly for months.  Conditions seem dissimilar from those under any present presidency that comes to mind.  

It’s tough for purveyors of shlock to credibly draw attention to a circus tent set up in an inappropriate location.  As usual, the the precisely wrong outrage junkies for the issue grandstand about decorum.  Most glaringly, one-time resident Hillary Clinton made sure to continue her lifelong quest to help Trump in any way she can by overreacting in sheer obliviousness to her hypocrisy.  But the spot still seems undignified regardless of the residence’s present occupant.

A sport that seems obnoxious has more to do with what surrounds the focus.  I’m not going to doubt the unparalleled toughness of entrants, and not only because I am thinking of my personal safety.  Figure skating is also a brutal athletic test, and I still wish they used the ice for hockey.  I’m undoubtedly missing subtleties by noticing that every duel seems like one on top of the other in what appears to be the missionary position with the exception being that lovers do not typically swing at each other’s heads like a malicious metronome.

Anything Joe Rogan likes sucks.  A universal rule has never been truer than when applied to the Rogan of sports.  Citing the lack of restrictions as a virtue is a typical defense.  But those seeking few rules may as well wish that football allows holding and pass interference.  Boxing is interesting because of limited contact allowed.

Libertarian rules apply as usual.  One can loathe a contest without spewing melodramatic charges.  It’s not the human cockfighting nonsense as the late John McCain once notoriously claimed.  But octagon-based brawling has a time and place for aficionados which doesn’t include Flag Day at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Donald Trump is skilled at proving his haters right.  He’s much better at living up to his preposterous image than, say, keeping airlines running or grasping why tariffs are for commerce-loathing liberals.  

Pre-empting parody is not what we mean by getting ahead of the news.  A most unbecoming clash on the grounds of America’s most famous temporary residence shows why a spectacle may not be a good thing.  It’s difficult to explain the notion to Trump.  That makes it like everything else.

An administration that’s crude to the point of being a spoof keeps meeting its own standards.  I would have predicted there would be unarmed combat on the president’s property as a joke.  Trump has a subtle sense of humor where he likes to do exactly the preposterous things his critics claim he will in order to disarm them.  That’s surely the strategy, no?  It sounds like the same one employed by competitors.  Do something so crazy that foes feel intimidated.

Jokes regarding a preposterous future becoming reality are now predictable.  Telling someone a decade and a half ago that President Donald Trump would be hosting scuffles visible from White House windows during the second of his nonconsecutive terms to be dismissed as excessively silly.

Idiocracy was understated.  Its best joke is that it’s not set in the future.  This presidency has unfolded like it’s written by Mike Judge.  President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Camacho would have thought grappling on the grass went too far.  The venue might have killed the last of the lawn.

A cage tussle out front is technically presidential.  That makes it like everything else Trump does.  Something astoundingly gaudy can also be thoroughly trashy in a way usually only seen at his casinos.  That’s at least for the ones remaining open.

The pasture was going to waste.  Every previous dumb president combined didn’t have the sense of the incumbent to let that classy Dana White stage bouts in the void.  What other sport would be as fitting?  They could play football on the White House meadow, but the USFL folded a few decades ago for mysterious reasons.  Temporary unconsciousness offers a respite.  The submission hold has caused the nation to tap out.

[anthonybialy]

Falling Apart on Schedule

Suffering from the same predictable chaos apparently doesn’t bore enough people.  Stream The Office again and see if Kevin doesn’t drop the chili this time.  The comfort of knowing what’s next should be outweighed by the dullness, especially when pertaining to dreadful political outcomes.

Step back to view the big picture.  Notice the overall pattern of spastic aggravation even if individual moments shock.  Knowing that something as awful as it is random is about to be inflicted on the news cycle and nation is assuaged by how we know to brace for something vaguely lousy.

Many dedicated believers in a particular political theory wanted their own bully.  Getting to boss around everyone turned out to be the ultimate purpose of power.  Donald Trump’s fervent worshipers especially want two groups ordered around by their dreamboat, namely their enemies and themselves.  The federal revenge tour shows a true belief in limited government.  That’s unless craving a strongman who’ll tell them what to do exceeds constitutional authority.

The difference from Democrats is largely stylistic.  At least they’re honest about loathing the nation.  For now, enjoy massive overreach in front of a giant American flag.

Far too many alleged conservatives conflate America’s greatness with federal power.  After all, their beloved idol is executive, which means he’s running the whole show despite what those other two loser branches think they wield.  But this is an awesome country precisely because government is made to sod off.  Trump engages in constant interventions that would make Joe Biden blush were he capable of grasping current events or fastening his Velcro.

Being surprised when the executive is right is a small benefit.  I’m glad for a president who, say, distinguishes between the two types of immigration.  One breaks the law, which is a regrettable way to create a first impression in the place the new arrival hopes to make a home.  Realizing that entering the country without permission is trespassing is refreshing.  But choosing who pays what tariffs that day cancels out warm regards.

Fixing existence just takes a convincing boast.  Claiming everyone else in the party is a fake Republican while taxing all of commerce, spending like a Democrat on meth, and providing cover for the ghost of the prototypical pedophile reflects a commitment to boldness.

True independence takes the form of not aligning with whatever gang you think will win the prison rumble.  Some people just need to feel validated.  Spot them by how eager they are to have what they believe dictated to them.  The Treehouse of Horror where Bart is omnipotent predicted the future, which would be a good segment to open an upcoming Halloween episode if they still made good ones.  I miss the ‘90s, and not just because Trump was confined to playing his rich guy character like Homer’s relative wishes he did.

Having principles in place no matter who’s president makes life tricky.  Who’s going to tell you what you believe?  I guess you just have to remember.  Starting with a big idea about how life should be makes retention easier.  Trying the precise reverse has led to precisely the reverse of gains, but at least the president’s fans don’t waste precious hours trying to recall if they think tariffs make them pay more for everything.

An ideology revolving around a person will surely be stable.  You’ve met humans before, right?  And the particular human in question is known for creating surprises.  Consider his lack of any principle other than the fact he’s amazing to be a virtue in order to enlist.  Trump fans only care what their person claims in order to honor his style.  The answer will be different in 10 minutes if they don’t like it now.

The president sure does change his views frequently.  But that’s just to test your commitment.  Flexibility takes the form of not believing anything.  Reality isn’t precisely changing with informational updates.  Policy on whims pairs with adherence to polling.  Thinking sentiment is heading in a new direction embodies integrity, according to the most honest.  Switching football jerseys during Super Bowl commercials is for true life champions who only want to be associated with winners.

That’s the wrong logo.  Which colors does my team wear, again?  Treating politics like sports doesn’t make rooting more fun.  Cheering for laundry may seem arbitrary, but at least zealots dedicated to a particular athletic club dedicated to chasing a certain object may have been born in the same city or married a member of the faith.  Enrolling in a party is capricious when both stand for the same things.

You don’t get loyalty in return.  That’s why you’re not president.  Trump’s insistence on fealty embodies his basest understanding of power.  Domination without concern for the cause summarizes his second try as well as the first.  Learn from the master.  He’s the one who claims to be the one.  Commitment is surely reflected in someone whose greatest skill is getting divorced.

Not voting for Trump shows dedication to the long game, which is why he never thought of it.  Lurching from one overreaction to the next spurs proselytizers to invent convoluted designs that’d make Rube Goldberg applaud.  The most liberating present feeling is getting to avoiding inventing preposterous excuses for a daft administration.  Imagine getting to criticize or praise based on the issue.  Having zero obligation to do either is the closest thing to freedom when government continues to incinerate confiscated funds at record pace.

Praise is most sincere when it follows occasional moments of doing what’s right.  Doing so out of obligation indulges his instincts, which is not the praise devotees think it is.  Loyalists indicate he’s right every time, which surely makes him a prudent choice as a prophet.

It would be nice to have a president who’s mostly skilled even just for a change of pace.  We could enjoy a different kind of predictability rather than anticipating random outbursts.  The dull proficiency of knowing what one believes and sticking to it would shock in the calmest way.  Knowing capriciousness is forthcoming doesn’t make dealing with the specific results any easier.  Consistent inconsistency is only so reassuring.

[anthonybialy]

A Buffalo Bills Surprise Party for Josh Allen

May 21 is Buffalo’s primary holiday.  It shouldn’t keep featuring this much apprehension.  A citywide party for Josh Allen’s 30th birthday wasn’t the landmark event we pictured.  The lack of cake and streamers reflects his employer.  Aspiring celebrants hope we won’t again be trying to determine how to fix the roster after he turns 31.  I just wonder if there’s a way to learn what could help him like a super receiving corps.

Refusal to give the best chance the Buffalo Bills will ever have necessary resources is a principle of sorts.  Barry Sanders learned patience while seeking gaps by waiting for the Lions to draft offensive linemen.  Josh has waited without groaning for so long that he makes the legendarily evasive rusher look like he’s yelling at a bus to hurry.

Brandon Beane conducts business as if he resents the sole reason he’s not scouting for Cleveland.  Those mean fans claim he’s a one-pick wonder, and he’ll show them.  The confounding lack of support for the biggest asset is a trend to the point it’s up to him to prove he can reverse it.

Radiating cockiness is even more off-putting when paired with his obliviousness.  Usually, the quarterback flaunts his ego and not the general manager.  But the Bills innovate.  It’s one thing to yell at players screwing up games in real time while facing pressure from virtually superhuman foes.  It’s another to watch a general manager infuriatingly bungle an offseason where he’s granted months to ponder exactly what workers he should hire.

Allen covering up mistakes is franchise policy.  It may not explicitly be their official mission statement.  But improvisation defines the situation.  It feels like he’ll do something that seemingly defies physics to the point that people have become accustomed to magic.  The Bills are set up in the same way Frank Reynolds bails out the gang, and we shouldn’t want to imitate Eagles fans.

A most valuable player award is a slight against the rest of the roster.  It’s a statement that the winner is singlehandedly responsible for success more than any other player.  The Dominik Hasek-era Sabres teams were often maligned as a one-man show.  His contemporary Buffalo counterpart knows the feeling.  Josh covers up the front office’s shortcomings.

A cessation of nonsense seems obvious.  But organizations must decide to do so.  The Bills need a Lou Saban figure who makes it clear it’s time to quit fooling around.  The figurative leader doesn’t need to issue cage face masks to receivers.  In fact, I think they’re already equipped with suitably modern protective equipment.  The specifics are less important than the mentality.  It doesn’t even need to be the coach.  Every Bills fan is waiting to see if Joe Brady is able to reverse trends.  But promoting from within seems like it would preserve them.

The Bills are astoundingly casual with finding a bottle containing a genie.  They’re running out of wishes.  A football club shouldn’t find it hard to realize they must hurry.  They could pretend they’re playing some sort of game with a ticking clock where they must get certain tasks done.

They don’t have to head back through their own franchise history.  There’s a present Buffalo precedent from a different team that remarkably reversed its fortunes.  Jarmo Kekäläinen makes holding down the key to find the letter a with an umlaut even more fun.  Restoring order starts with establishing accountability.  Installing the simple mentality of no longer tolerating nonchalance spurred advancement.

The franchise needs an owner with an active mentality and plan for advancement.  So, please contact anyone you know who might fit that bill and ask if they’d like to buy a team.  Counting on Terry Pegula to do something wise is as worrying as the plan for Keon Coleman to start trying hard.  As with the ostensible receiver’s boss, his behavioral pattern has been established.  It feels like he’s blundered his way into the rare stretches of success.  I don’t think I’ll be asked to ghostwrite his autobiography.

It’s easy to claim that someone who does well got lucky.  Many allegedly knowledgeable hockey observers spent too long thinking the aforementioned Hasek just happened to get in the way of pucks.  But it still seems as if Pegula isn’t prompting accomplishments.  It took setting the NHL playoff banishment record to realize hockey school supervisor Kevyn Adams didn’t earn a baffling promotion.

If you want a reminder that time evaporates quicker than expected, realize that Josh is entering his ninth season.  I don’t want to presume anything but imagine he has a chance to keep starting.  I’m fretting about ending it with unfulfilled potential through no fault of his own.  It’s not making excuses when one worker has done what he could to overcome drafting many players who decidedly aren’t him.

Prepare to spend the summer envisioning nightmare scenarios about ghastly outcomes during the next season, namely football.  Don’t go outside and appreciate sunshine when there is a sport over which you have no control to obsess over.  The Bills are at fault for not fixing what sure looks to be broken.

This cell seems smaller than it was yesterday.  Conditions aren’t conducive to improving morale while serving the summer sentence.  Another uninspired draft means it still feels like they haven’t added sufficient receiving resources.  There’s good news if D.J. Moore wants to prove he can thrive under pressure.  The soirée will feel more festive next year if Josh’s bosses finally start providing needed supplies.  But it now feels like they didn’t load the gift card.

[anthonybialy]

Minute Progress at 60 Minutes

Enduring each excruciating second of 60 Minutes is a torture set up by the premise.  The antiquated show’s name highlights just how long viewers will be locked in the sanatorium.  One particular practitioner has been discharged to his consternation.  Fresh air is toxic to the mendaciously insane.  Scott Pelley can’t announce what he thinks is going on anymore, and the last moments of Sunday suck a little less.  Canning the embodiment of the best way to get misinformed half a century ago is a good start.

I’m worried 60 Minutes will stop being stuffy, frigid, and haughty in obtuse bias. There’s nothing left of the sludge factory.  Pelley shouldn’t fret: he’ll find work making buggy whips.

Pelley covers one story: his own amazingness.  Getting fired for insubordination has offered the professional narrator the chance to act like a victim.  The midway barker sought self-styled cases of injustice to promote at his erstwhile gig.  Now he can interview himself.  He’s surely as awesome as his source purports.

Pelley is acting so melodramatically that it could be a segment.  He’s even more upset about not currently having a place to present what he stubbornly maintains are facts.   

Nobody familiar with Pelley is surprised he’s stealing valor.  His specific self-aggrandizing lie that “I have been in combat” highlights everything wrong with journalists, so thank him for revealing truth.  It’s accidental, but that’s how he works.

Someone watching something is not participating.  The pomposity of reporters who are taking notes about what others are doing is the industry’s defining feature.  Pretending he was carrying a rifle instead of a notepad doesn’t deter Rambo Pelley from his fantasy.

The casual announcement was curious choice of words for someone who uses them for a living.  Risibly announcing he’s been in combat is inadvertently revealing.  Do you know how full of oneself one must be to shamelessly claim something so despicable?  The answer is as much as Pelley is.  By his standard, I’ve been in NHL games.  And anyone who watches 60 Minutes is a contributor.  Tim Walz saw more combat.

Nobody is presently paying Pelley to lie superciliously.  It’s a loss for journalism.  He says he’ll tell me the news for spare change.  A weekly lecture that supposedly straightens out distortions instead contributed to them.  That’s worth examining for an hour.

Liberals suddenly care deeply about profits.  Hearing how much money 60 Minutes made is a curious defense from people deeply committed to punishing billionaires for attracting customers.  By their very serious logic, a good show should need subsidies because the unenlightened masses are too ignorant to tune in.  Do a story about how quantity equals quality.

We await which streaming service will host the new version of stodgy harangues to skip.  Hoary contributors who are the next to leave the alleged institution may soon be reunited with Pelley in a different break room.  Then they should have no problem reuniting the band on a different platform. Right?  Anyone who claims to be in such demand should be glad to enter free agency.

Producing their own YouTube or Twitter knockoff should be as easy as churning out distorted attack pieces.  The Scott Pelley and Friends Hour couldn’t look shoddier than the network version.  All the producer has to buy is a black curtain.  The signature sterile backgrounds look chintzy as they add to airlessness.  They don’t even need a stopwatch: your phone does that.  Sticking with obsolete technology is perfect in its way.

The best part of a phone timer is not having that creepy clicking.  The sterile clock is the next thing Bari Weiss should can.  Everything about 60 Minutes is as uncomfortable as being the subject of one of their cheaply-edited hit pieces.

The tone indicates the end of fun.  Racing after the late CBS NFL game to switch to Fox is as much of a tradition as cheering against the Chiefs.  Americans would rather watch Terry Bradshaw attempt English than the news as presented by Stanley Kubrick.

The person who pimped lies about his ideology risibly spews an accusation featuring the same offenses against those who finally had enough. Finally: there’s a good story from the show. 

Turmoil beats the stability of sticking with a partisan fibber.  Upheaval frightens everyone.  The desire for predictability is baked in to humans.  Please stop moving around the clicker and TV Guide.

Craving a stable viewing experience is especially appealing to Boomers who’ve grown accustomed to thinking they’ll be well-informed before the weekend’s end.  Anyone who’s endured a conversation with one knows the opposite’s true.

Those going extinct vainly fight nature.  The dinosaur insists the world will end when it does.  Instead, life goes on and actually improves.  The diehards at 60 Minutes think they can maintain their monopoly indefinitely.  Sunday night has been the schedule’s Baltic Avenue for decades.

Pelley is known by his fans, unfortunately.  If you’re a journalist praised by a politician, you’re a failure.  Adulation from those who should be subjects of ridicule is what we call the Stephen Colbert standard.  Those holding offices are precisely the people both late-night hosts and Sunday evening journalists should loathe.  Getting on the case of anyone in power is their role.  Instead, protected Democrats don’t have the sense to express gratitude privately by quietly sending an Edible Arrangement.  I am not listening to Pelley and Colbert’s podcast.

Confusing dull with worthwhile has long been the business model.  The show has banked on suckering enough gullible viewers into thinking tediousness means there’s something important offered.  Realizing that being bored doesn’t mean one is learning something important leads to doing something more enlightening for 60 minutes.