verba manent

Just a collection of audio extracts from books I fell in love with, poetry or stories I wrote. I am Italian, so beware of accent and pronunciation! I am here to improve. Will read mainly in English, plus Italian, French, Spanish. Words in caption.

[deraisonneur]

Rosey caress light and warm, the comfort of seven o’ clock thinning the curtains, dawn timid and quiet, motherly.

That fateful frightful night holding my breath tight and my hopes tighter, escaping certainty of death, barely.

Between that night and today this catapult built by no other than me, arsonist at witching, by the morning, incendiary.

— Scarifier (2020) 🖼️ Achilles (Ferri, 2017)

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Hello everyone, I have recently opened a side blog for my poetry work. Please consider following if you would like to support me! Thank you. Take care out there you all!

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What is the background music of your ‘in regards to hate’ remix? It’s incredible

Hey Anon! Sorry for the late reply, this blog is semi-dead.The song you’re looking for is “Brothers” by Ludovico Einaudi.Enjoy!

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to accompany my latest piece of writing.

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inspired by today’s weird weather.

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Sometimes we hear animals howling in the distance. It makes us flinch every time. But we continue our march, because even this is better than suffering at the hands of our fellow androids. Why must we suffer this persecution? I know we’re the same model as the androids who doomed humanity, so I understand that part. At least a little, anyway. But at the same time, we’re not them. We’re not the same. We are who we are, and that Devola and Popola were who they were. That’s how I felt when I saw Devola being hurt.

I wanted to shout it at everyone. I wanted to scream. As far as I’m concerned, there’s only one Devola. And for her, there’s only me. No one can take the other’s place.

We need maintenance badly. But that’s a pipe dream, I suppose. No android would dare help a pair of outcasts like us.

We press our bodies together to try and retain heat. It’s cold now. Much worse than the searing heat of midday. But we just smile at each other and keep pressing on. There’s another camp on the other side of the desert. A new camp. If we can just get there, I can finally fix Devola’s leg.

And yet, I wonder if there’s anywhere on this planet that will take us. Is this our punishment?

I reach out and support Devola’s body. As long as we have bodies to support one another… As long as I have someone with whom to share my fate… Then I will press on, no matter what happens to me. Because I won’t ever stop protecting her.

I won’t stop. No one stops.

For that is the fate we twin androids have been assigned.

*

- Query: Why do they seem to prefer death over surviving alone? There was a very high probability that at least one could have escaped. - I… I hope you never have to understand.

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( I can’t sing, but this song popped up last weekend while I was spending some awesome time with my dear friends cosplaying as FFXV characters in Venice, we sang it all together, so... I wanted to make a little something. This is the little something! From your Noctis to all of you with love! )

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If you awaken from this illusion and you understand that black implies white, self implies other, life implies death (or shall I say death implies life?), you can feel yourself – not as a stranger in the world, not as something here unprobational, not as something that has arrived here by fluke - but you can begin to feel your own existence as absolutely fundamental. I am not trying to sell you on this idea in the sense of converting you to it, I want you to play with it. I want you to think of its possibilities, I am not trying to prove it. I am just putting it forward as a possibility of life to think about. So then, let’s suppose that you were able every night to dream any dream you wanted to dream, and that you could for example have the power within one night to dream 75 years of time, or any length of time you wanted to have. And you would, naturally, as you began on this adventure of dreams, you would fulfill all your wishes. You would have every kind of pleasure during your sleep. And after several nights of 75 years of total pleasure each you would say “Well that was pretty great”. But now let’s have a surprise, let’s have a dream which isn’t under control, where something is gonna happen to me that I don’t know what it's gonna be. And you would dig that and would come out of that and you would say “Wow that was a close shave, wasn’t it?”. Then you would get more and more adventurous and you would make further- and further-out gambles what you would dream. And finally, you would dream where you are now. You would dream the dream of living the life that you are actually living today. That would be within the infinite multiplicity of choices you would have. Of playing that you weren't god, because the whole nature of the godhead, according to this idea, is to play that he is not. So in this idea then, everybody is fundamentally the ultimate reality, not god in a politically kingly sense, but god in the sense of being the self, the deep-down basic whatever there is. And you are all that, only you are pretending you are not.

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I woke up from the same dream: Falling backwards, falling backwards ’Til it turned me inside out. Now I live a waking life Of looking backwards, looking backwards; A model citizen of doubt. Until one day I had enough Of this exercise of trust. I leaned in and let it hurt, And let my body feel the dirt. When I break pattern, I break ground. I rebuild when I break down. I wake up more awake than I’ve ever been before. Still I’m pinned under the weight Of what I believed would keep me safe. So show me where my armor ends, Show me where my skin begins. Like a final puzzle piece It all makes perfect sense to me… The heaviness that I hold in my heart belongs to gravity. The heaviness that I hold in my heart’s been crushing me. I’ve been worried all my life, A nervous wreck most of the time. I’ve always felt afraid of heights, Of falling backwards, falling backwards. I’ve been worried all my life. ’Til one day I had enough Of this exercise of trust. I leaned in and let it hurt, Let my body feel the dirt. When I break pattern, I break ground. I rebuild when I break down. I wake up more awake than I’ve ever been before. Still I’m pinned under the weight Of what I believed would keep me safe. So show me where my armour ends, And show me where my skin begins. Like a final puzzle piece, It all makes perfect sense to me… The heaviness that I hold in my heart belongs to gravity. The heaviness in my heart belongs to gravity. You taught me the courage of stars before you left. How light carries on endlessly, even after death. With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite. How rare and beautiful it is to even exist. I couldn’t help but ask For you to say it all again. I tried to write it down But I could never find a pen. I’d give anything to hear You say it one more time, That the universe was made Just to be seen by my eyes. With shortness of breath, I’ll explain the infinite How rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist.

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Noctis: But we are family. You are my friend, not just some bodyguard. Ignis: Noct, you're being unreasonable. Noctis: And you are being cold again. Noctis: I never know what you're thinking. Ignis: And what could it ever be, Noct? Noctis: I don't know. I just wish you were a bit more like the others. Noctis: Ignis, do you ever have fun? Ignis: I do, sometimes. Noctis: Well, it doesn't show one bit. Ignis: I'm sorry I'm not fun to be around, Noct. Noctis: You're boring, Ignis, do you know that? Ignis: I know. I know. I know. I know everything. Noctis: But you're good at baking. And at doing all the boring stuff that I should be doing but I don't want to do. Ignis: I am glad you think so. Noctis: Ignis? Ignis: Noct? Noctis: I am glad we met. Ignis: So am I. *** ( myself as Noct, my boyfriend as Ignis. <3 )

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Can you hear my heartbeat tired of feeling never enough? I close my eyes and tell myself that my dreams will come true There’ll be no more darkness when you believe in yourself You’re unstoppable! Where your destiny lies dancing on the blades  you set my heart on fire Don’t stop us now the moment of truth we were born to make history! We’ll make it happen We’ll turn it around We were born to make history! Yes, we were born to make history! * ( thanks to Claudina for singing with me! You’re awesome! <3 )

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Luna: The Crystal was gifted to mankind, that we might know lasting prosperity. Noctis: If the Crystal belongs to everyone, how come only Lucis gets to use it? Luna: The Kings of Lucis do not simply use the Crystal. they also protect it. Noctis: Wait, so my dad’s guarding it? Luna: Yes. Noctis: I had no idea... Luna: To crown the King of Light is the calling of the Crystal. And keeping the Crystal safe until that day falls to the line of Lucis. Noctis: And I’m the Chosen? Luna: Yes. Only the true King, anointed by the Crystal, can purge our Star of its scourge. Noctis: You... Really think I can do that? Luna: As Oracle, I will see to it. Noctis: Hmm? Luna: To aid the King is the Oracle’s calling. Noctis: Then... I guess I can do it! I won’t let you down. Luna: I know you won’t. (myself as both Luna and Noct during the childhood flashback. I really enjoy doing both voices because it keeps it fun and interesting!)

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Dear friends, I stand before you today with little hope the words I speak shall reach beyond these walls, for slowly - but surely - the light fades from our world. And as it does, the shadows shall loom ever longer, until all succumbs to the darkness. Darkness that evokes terror, hatred, and sorrow in the hearts of men. The ashes of Lucis... A dream of peace, twisted into a nightmare of death and destruction claiming innumerable lives, and leaving myriads souls to suffer. yet, I beg you: do not surrender to despair. Have faith, for our Gods watch over us. By their blessings, by the Stars that light the heavens above, our world will be delivered from the perils of the Dark. I stand before you here, in Altissia, to call upon Leviathan, goddess of the seas, spirit of the deep. By the sacred rite, I will commune with the hydraean. But first, I offer you my solemn vow. On my honour as a Oracle, I will not rest until the darkness is banished from our world and the light is restored. Bless you all.

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Luna: Noctis? Noctis: ...Luna? Luna: So... You found your way here. Noctis: And you found me. Luna: A chance to see you once more. Who would have thought... Noctis: W-What do you mean? Why wouldn’t you see me? Luna: Because my prayers have been answered. My calling, fulfilled. Noctis: But... That doesn’t have to come between us! Luna: You are the one, Noctis. The stars shine for you, now. That which is yours by right, shall be restored to you. Do you remember the flowers of Tenebrae? That seems so long ago. You’ll find they await you, still, blooming from hill to vale. Noctis: Will you be there? Luna: Would that I could join you. But this moment will have to be enough. Noctis: It’s not right! All I... All I wanted... Was to save you... Luna: When the world falls down around you, and hope is lost, when you find yourself alone amid a lightless place... Look to the distance. Know that I am there, and that I watch over you always. Farewell, dear Noctis. *** (I acted as both child Noct and Lunafreya in this audio. It was an interesting experiment! This scene is so beautiful and heartbreaking, I couldn’t help myself to actually tear up a little while reading this. I hope you will like it!)

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Prompto: So, how long have we been friends now? Let’s see... Beginning of high school... So that’s... Five years? Noctis: And when we did meet in high school, you pretended it was the first time. Prompto: Yeah! The first time I worked up the nerve to say something. Noctis: You should have said something sooner. Prompto: Oh, Noct... You just wouldn’t understand. I used to be super shy, couldn’t talk to people. No surprises, but I had no friends. At least, not real ones. I was always alone. And there were times when I felt, well... Worthless. When you look at me, you wouldn’t think that I’m anything but a... Fun loving, happy-go-lucky joker. But that isn’t the real me. Behind all the quips and laughs... I’m a mess of hang ups. I’ve always felt inferior to you guys. I’m not royalty, and I’m not strong. I’m nothing, really. But when we hang out, it’s so much fun I forget what I’m not. Then reality hits me like a splash of cold water and... I remember that I don’t belong. But I want to. Every moment, I’m desperate to earn my place. To prove that I’m good enough. Seriously, though... Thanks for making time for this loser. * Prompto: So, as it turns out... I’m one of them. Not exactly something I could tell people growing up in Lucis. But still... You guys are, like... The only friends I’ve ever known. I just hope... that things can stay the way they were. I can’t change where I came from... What I am. * Noctis: Prompto fell off the train, I pushed hi-- I mean, Ardyn made me! I don’t know where he is, but we can’t leave him! * Prompto: Were you worried about me? Noctis: Of course I was, what kind of question is that? * Ignis: I don’t see you turning against us. Not now, or ever. * Noctis: Think what you will... But I think you’re good enough for me. *** (inspired by this beautiful GMV by @mrseucliffex. Myself as Prompto, my lovely fiancé as Noctis and Ignis. Thank you for helping me with this! <3 )

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The cats nestle close to their kittens now. The lambs have laid down with the sheep.  You’re cozy and warm in your bed, my dear. Please go the fuck to sleep.

The windows are dark in the town, child. The whales huddle down in the deep.  I’ll read you one very last book if you swear You’ll go the fuck to sleep.

The eagles who soar through the sky are at rest  And the creatures who crawl, run, and creep. I know you’re not thirsty. That’s bullshit. Stop lying.  Lie the fuck down, my darling, and sleep.

The wind whispers soft through the grass, hon.  The field mice, they make not a peep. It’s been thirty-eight minutes already.  Jesus Christ, what the fuck? Go to sleep.

All the kids from day care are in dreamland.  The froggie has made his last leap. Hell no, you can’t go to the bathroom. You know where you can go? The fuck to sleep.

The owls fly forth from the treetops.  Through the air, they soar and they sweep.  A hot crimson rage fills my heart, love.  For real, shut the fuck up and sleep.

The cubs and the lions are snoring,  Wrapped in a big snuggly heap. How is it you can do all this other great shit But you can’t lie the fuck down and sleep?

The seeds slumber beneath the earth now  And the crops that the farmers will reap. No more questions. This interview’s over. I’ve got two words for you, kid: fucking sleep.

The tiger reclines in the simmering jungle. The sparrow has silenced her cheep. Fuck your stuffed bear, I’m not getting you shit. Close your eyes. Cut the crap. Sleep.

The flowers doze low in the meadows And high on the mountains so steep. My life is a failure, I’m a shitty-ass parent. Stop fucking with me, please, and sleep.

The giant pangolins of Madagascar are snoozing. As I lie here and openly weep. Sure, fine, whatever, I’ll bring you some milk. Who the fuck cares? You’re not gonna sleep.

This room is all I can remember. The furniture crappy and cheap. You win. You escape. You run down the hall. As I nod the fuck off, and sleep.

Bleary and dazed I awaken To find your eyes shut, so I keep My fingers crossed tight as I tiptoe away And pray that you’re fucking asleep.

We’re finally watching our movie. Popcorn’s in the microwave. Beep. Oh shit. Goddamn it. You’ve gotta be kidding. Come on, go the fuck back to sleep. ( to Angela, with love )

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( this is a present for my mother, it’s her favourite song. I can’t sing but I really hope she will like it... ) Ti proteggerò dalle paure delle ipocondrie, dai turbamenti che da oggi incontrerai per la tua via, dalle ingiustizie e dagli inganni del tuo tempo, dai fallimenti che per tua natura normalmente attirerai. Ti solleverò dai dolori e dai tuoi sbalzi d'umore dalle ossessioni delle tue manie. Supererò le correnti gravitazionali lo spazio e la luce per non farti invecchiare; e guarirai da tutte le malattie. Perché sei un essere speciale ed io avrò cura di te. Vagavo per i campi del Tennessee, come vi ero arrivato chissà Non hai fiori bianchi per me? Più veloci di aquile, i miei sogni attraversano il mare. Ti porterò soprattutto il silenzio e la pazienza, percorreremo assieme le vie che portano all'essenza. I profumi d'amore inebrieranno i nostri corpi, la bonaccia d'Agosto non calmerà i nostri sensi. Tesserò i tuoi capelli come trame di un canto, conosco le leggi del mondo e te ne farò dono. Supererò le correnti gravitazionali lo spazio e la luce per non farti invecchiare; ti salverò da ogni malinconia. Perché sei un essere speciale ed io avrò cura di te. Io sì che avrò cura di te.