anxbook

just a little piece of my soul put into the internet.

[anxbook]

day #16

kind of a sentimental day

There’s something magical and hypnotizing in this song, which makes me listen to it with continuous delight. And it’s not only because of the vocalist, whose voice I find beautiful and unique. Zero sounds very reliably. The honesty I can feel in each verse creates a stirring effect. I have an impression that Billy Corgan is singing right to me. The simplicity of this song also strikes right in my heart - I think that when you express something personal for you there’s no need to use sophisticated or poethic words but it’s enough just to say it in the way you feel it. And this is actually what Zero does. It’s lyrics is a simplicity and an extremal hit of despair at the same time.

Emptiness. That’s the key word. At first glance lyrical subject seems to be deeply rooted in an inner void. He can’t find any sense in anything. It’s also impossible for him to define himself in any way. From his perspective not only surrounding but also the world of ideas, is empty.

[anxbook]

day #15

obsessed with beauty

I’m determined to see beauty everywhere. It looks like I experience reality filtered by infinite search of aesthetic. That’s the reason why it’s so important for me to be surrounded by things and art which reflects my sense of beauty. What might surprise you, is an impression that my feelings and emotions seems to be connected with the amount of beauty I observe around. Pretty weird, I know, but there’s nothing I can do with my beauty obsession lmao.

I go through life with continuous delight. I chase beauty, I obsessively look for it everywhere. Maybe that explains a little bit why I love taking photos so much. Because it gives me an opportunity to keep a part of a beauty with myself for longer?

This collage is made of photos of things that have inspired me since the beginning of September. Delicious coffee I drunk in one of my favorite coffee shops, which helped me to discover completely new connection of taste. My minimalistic clock on which I look many times each day. Another photo is the picture of my bookshelf - I love it with absolute love - inspiring albums about art and monstera. Together they create a kind of minimalistic, vintage aesthetic. And also the photo of an interesting house I saw during one of my walks.

[anxbook]

day #14

am I a coffee princess?

If you follow my social media longer, you could probably notice that coffee plays an important role in my existence lmao. I don’t treat it only as a tasty, energetic drink like most people do. I look at drinking coffee from different perspective.

For me it’s a kind of ritual. Therefore I find an atmosphere and feelings connected with coffee as important as the drink itself. It means for example that I can’t drink coffee in a hurry. It also means that I don’t drink it according to any other reasons than simply hedonistic pleasure.

The ritual of drinking coffee is always the best moment of my day. Even when it lasts just a few minutes, it helps me to relax and slower my thoughts. In my view, coffee is also connected with a kind of mindfulness, because I do it usually very carefully - to notice every single aroma of the drink and to classify my sensory experience. For those reasons the quality and the way of preparing coffee is pretty important for me.

So now, please try to answer to my question honestly. Am I a coffee princess?

[anxbook]

day #13

the sound of changes

This time it’ll be more optimistic than usually. If you asked me which song I find the most positive and hopeful, the first one appearing in my head, will be “Good Riddance” by Green Day. I’m not a big fan of this band. Also I don’t think this song is something absolutely genius when it comes to the melodic line and the vocalist’s voice. I mostly appreciate the lyrics.

It's something unpredictable

But in the end it's right

I hope you had the time of your life

There is nothing granted in your life. Nothing lasts forever. Change is the only sure thing in your life. The song introduces an optimistic point of view on this aspect - don’t attach to anything, because everything will pass away, but appreciate everything, cause it’ll never happen again. Look at life with open mind and curiosity of new, unpredictable situations.

Very simple, for me a bit too simple. But despite of it, the song gives me soooo much hope. I love it because it was with me in some important moments. Every time I hear “Good Riddance”, it reminds me also about someone very important for me, who did a lot in my life. That’s why I feel a kind of sentiment towards this song.

[anxbook]

day #12

about last walk in the city center

You may think I’m crazy but I don’t mind lmao. Every time I see open door of a tenement house, I feel I simply have to get inside and take some photos. That’s one of my obsessions and it might be quite irritating for people going for a walk with me. But actually it can inspire them to look up architecture and take photos. Cause I find architecture and photography one of my favorite disciplines of art.

What seems to be the most fascinating when it comes to photography is the perspective of immortalizing the picture of reality as we see it. Reality filtered by our emotions and aesthetic. Reality put out of context. Isn’t it pretty inspiring?

[anxbook]

day #11

I’ve just read really interesting book.

For some time I’ve been interested in japanese aesthetic and literature. It’s still quite new hobby for me but I develope it with pleasure. Today I’d like to tell you something about the last japanese book I’ve read - “The fever of golden fish”.

I must admit it made me feel absolutely delighted. All Japanese books I’ve read have something in common - maybe a kind of specific vibe, but it’s quite difficult to put in words. They are very poetical - their language sounds very rhythmic and can describe characters’ emotions in a natural and metaphorical way. The second thing is the fact that thoughts and feelings of the characters have their reflection in the picture of nature showed us in the book. It creates an amazing, original impression of the world interpreted not only as a background of the plot but as an important character taking part in the story.

All of the aspects I’ve described above appear in the “Fever of golden fish” and they work great. At first sight it’s just a story about a man, the golden fish keeper, who fell in love with a girl and his feeling doesn’t flow both ways. But to look deeper, it’s a reflection about beauty.

Golden fish are a synonym of beauty - they’re adorable and very popular among Japanese. The girl in which the main character fell in love, is introduced as an ideal, infinitely beautiful person. Contemplation of her beauty full filles the man’s life but in the end he realizes that she isn’t the personification of absolute beauty - she is just human as him. And then he feels inner emptiness - fundamental beauty of his life wasn’t a beauty in fact. The book describes a perspective of human life seen as a senseless pursuit of beauty.

[anxbook]

day #10

vandal vibes

hi there, today I discovered an amazing place. As soon as I opened the door, Vandal Coffee Shop stroke me with the beauty of its interior. I think it’s one of the most beautiful coffee shops I’ve ever visited. I’m in absolute love with this vintage aesthetic and eclectic style. Vandal’s interior made me feel cozy and comfortable but at the same time excited and even a little bit agitated. Simply beautiful.

I think it’s a good time to say something about coffee lmao. I must admit, it was worthy of this place and atmosphere. Delicious and very interesting. Hmm… I ordered drip of Ethiopia and it made me possible to discover something completely new for me - I could feel an aroma of immature strawberries in it. Quite surprising because the sourness of this coffee was subtle and it seemed to taste as it was connected with something sweet (that’s why it associates with immature strawberries).

Can’t wait to visit Vandal Cafe once again. Bye bye.

[anxbook]

day #9

when Dante was there

my life is pretty counterproductive lmao. The best example of how I waste my time is the thought which visits my mind every time I look at this photo I took in Florence. I could spend hours imagining how Dante perceived this city? How did Florence look in the eyes of the early renaissance poet?

We’ll never find out. Unfortunately. Or maybe fortunately cause thanks to it we can waste hours of our lives thinking about how Dante perceived the most beautiful place in the world.

[anxbook]

day #8

Do what you wanna do

Go out and seek your truth

When I'm down and blue

Rather be me than you

I know, this quote isn’t the most popular part of the song I’d like to write about. But to my mind, it contains the essence of the reflection introduced in “Heaven Beside You”.

I’m not sure if it’s a 100% correct interpretation, but I love to look at this song as a manifestation of dualistic human nature which always contains happiness and despair. In every happiness we experience there is suffering, sometimes hidden too deeply to be seen at first sight. And the most inspiring thought of “Heaven Beside You” is the conclusion that we should be ready for negative experiences and emotions - taking them with consciousness, being yourselves despite of them and also cope with them as we are.

I find this song quite optimistic in its lyrical sense. Actually, it’s the melodic line and amazing Layne Staley’s vocal that makes the song more melancholic and even tragical someplace.

[anxbook]

day #7

one place where I could spend whole life

What’s your best place where you feel you could stay forever and be happy? If you asked me this question, my answer may not be surprising. I’d say: “coffee shop”.

I love the specific vibe of those places. Intimate, peaceful atmosphere and everything is about coffee. Only yourself and coffee. And nothing more is needed. Oh, I know I’m addicted to this black drink lmao. But would’t you agree with me? In coffee shops time passes slower than anywhere else.

[anxbook]

day #6

4 reasons why you should start writing a diary

the only person who is able to fully understand you is yourself. Therefore I find it pretty useful to learn to look at your life, thoughts and emotions from distance. When you want to describe something, you have to observe it first - so the conclusion is that thanks to writing a diary you can get better and better at observing carefully yourself. It is often called mindfulness but I prefer the name “understanding yourself”.

it can help you to organize the chaos of your thoughts. I’m fully concerned that everybody expresses confusion and inner deconstruction from time to time. When you feel like this, it’s terribly difficult to explain the bullshit of your thoughts to anybody, even to yourself. But when you start to write it, it also means that you start to organize it, which is strongly connected with number 1 of my list.

writing a diary can evoke your inner artist :DD Thanks to my diary routine I started writing poems. I do it mostly when my thoughts and emotions are so chaotic and strong that I just can’t express them in any other way. That’s why my poems are really abstract and usually when I read them after some time, I completely don’t know what they are about lmao. But it doesn’t matter at all cause thanks to writing a diary and poems I’ve become more sensitive and sympathetic towards people.

when you feel lonely, writing in a diary may be a substitute of an engaging and honest conversation with someone close to you. Of course it wouldn’t replace relationships with people in time perspective, but it doesn’t change the fact it might help.

[anxbook]

day #5

art is…

What is art? What is art for you? What is art for me? I think art is something relative and that’s why there’s no sense in looking for a general definition of what art actually is. The magic of art hides in the view that it’s a kind of a feeling or experience which is aroused in a human by some kind of cultural works.

For me, art is the best way to express what I can’t express in any different way. It’s also a medium which makes me able to create my own reality. But first of all I see art as an aesthetician pleasure itself. Of course there is a kind of art introducing important cases and ideas, but for me the most important is beauty. And this is the main explanation of art in my opinion - just beauty without any purpose. Only aesthetics.

In the photo you can see my interpretation of Vermeer’s painting. Hope you like it.

[anxbook]

day #4

don’t know what to write here :pp

Whatever you want to do, the most difficult thing is to start. Always. Also when it comes to writing a post on your tumblr blog. lmao

Not knowing what to start with, I’ve decided to share with you feelings which come to me when I look at the photo of the tenement house above. It reminds me of one of the walks with my closest friend. It also arouses in me an aesthetician pleasure of admiring old architecture.

When I’m on a walk in the old town of Poznań, where I come from, I stop very often. Not only to take a photo of an example of nice architecture but, and mostly, to have a short journey into my imagination of people who used to live there a long time ago, when those buildings were new. I love creating their portraits and personalities in my head, making up stories and dramas about them. To think about it more, I realize that it’s the one of best explanations of what the soul of the building is.

[anxbook]

day #3

I don't fear my eyes are turning red, I don't feel my arms are breaking up

Have you ever experienced the impression that a song you were listening to at that moment could describe your emotions better than you would be able to? I feel something like this quite often and today one of those situations takes place. Blossom says more about my feelings than all poems I’ve written in my diary.

My heart is broken and that’s the reason why I feel a big loneliness and emptiness inside. I’ve found out that the person who seemed to be very close to me, has been far away for all the time of our relationship. It’s mostly the same what the lyrical subject of “Blossom” experiences. Therefore the lyrics strikes straight to my heart. I can easily identify with this song and it helps me to relieve my pain because I feel understanding ensuing from the lyrics.

The lyrical subject is lonely with his feelings and it leads him to perdition in despair. Love seems to be a barrier separating him from the object of his feelings, who blossoms every day.

[anxbook]

day #2

memories usually strike unexpectedly

I spend most of my life in my head and maybe it makes me more likely to feel melancholy or nostalgia quite often. Both of them come to me usually in the least suitable moments. For example, let’s take this afternoon - I was trying to study for my geography exam, but my mind wasn’t listening to me. Instead of learning it was having a romantic walk in the center of the most beautiful city in the world. I mean Florence obviously.

So I decided to have a short break from studying. I devoted my free time to prepare this quick collage and to write a few words about nostalgia.

It’s absolutely useless and annoying. But at the same time it can be a pretty pleasure. You can recall not only the picture of what you love and miss but also emotions you felt at that point of time. And it all comes back to life for a moment just to disappear later in the chaos of your thoughts again. Isn’t nostalgia beautiful in its senselessness?

[anxbook]

day #1

my favorite book

if you asked me which book I love the most, I wouldn’t hesitate even for a second. The answer is obvious in my mind and it’s: “The Count of Monte Christo” by Alexander Dumas. If you could read only one book in your whole life, you should choose this book and I suppose it’ll be enough. lmao

It is often said that “The Count of Monte Christo” describes a story of revenge, but to my mind it’s a tremendous simplification. Of course, one of main plots of the book is revenge. Therefore I understand, why this opinion is so popular among readers. But when you read carefully, you’ll see that the story of Edmund Dantes is first of all the study of evil and despair and their influence on human existence.

If I had to describe “The Count of Monte Christo” with one sentence, I’d have a big problem. But when I think about it deeper, I conclude that the book has done it best itself. This quote is definitely the essence and also my favorite one:

“There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness.”