Anxiety's Room Support

***Closed 08/17/21*** Founder: Virgil | Run by: Kai, Clover, Valley, Remy, Phoenix, Anden, bun, and Kaleb | An account to offer support to fanders who are in any kind of stress, crisis, or simply just need some advice or someone to talk to. We are here to help you. Note: This is not a continuously monitored blog. All remaining asks will be answered. Emergency Resources Disclaimer About Us

[anxietysroomsupport]

(TW: suicide / vent) i have attempted suicide today. a failed attempt only by chance

i don't really know why i'm writing here. i guess i just wanna talk about it with someone. i did tell some of my friends but other those few minutes, it isn't getting mentioned anymore and i- ..i know they do care about me but.. sigh. i don't know what i was expecting once done it. and i don't wven feel bad about it. am i shaken up? yeah, but i have been hoping to do this in years. doing it felt like an achievement

and about the act: what i can't understand is how did i fall? i wanted to.. swing for just a few seconds and get the illusion of a suicide to feel better (not like i really cared if i did succeed), and at the second try i counted to 10 and was going back on the chair. next thing i know, i am on the ground. the chair was now on the floor somehow and the pain i should have felt by falling was numbed down. was i uncoscious? was reaching the 11th second enough to do that? or was that some sort of amnesia, maybe? i know for sure it didn't pass too much time because the song that was playing was at its end when i got up

sorry if you can't help. thanks for everything<3

Anonymous asked:

(TW: suicide / vent) i'm that anon again, and i just wanted to ask if you know if mine was a failed suicide attempt, a parasuicide or something else? internet isn't helping

so, what i got that gets into the first one's category is intentionally doing it with the thought of ending it. and yeah, it checks out, but i also was numb and didn't care whether i ended up alive or not. but i also just wanted the illusion of an attempt, which would make it parasuicide? i don't know and not calling it a sucide attempt makes me feel like shit. i'm an attention seeker, alright

~

Hi Anon,

When I first saw this ask, it had already been so long since it was sent in, I sat on responding for a while because I am afraid you might already be gone.  I have thought about it often.  But I wanted to respond in case you are still here and in case there are other people in your position right now.  

It’s not perfectly clear to me how you attempted suicide, but my guess from the clues (swinging, a chair, numbness, and falling) is that you practiced hanging yourself.  10 seconds without oxygen or blood flow to the brain would be enough to cause intense dizziness and disorientation, which could have caused you to fall even after you relieved the pressure.  Sometimes the sudden blood flow returning can also be disorienting.  Amnesia is not likely.  It would be more likely that you lost consciousness briefly.  It’s possible to pass out for just a few seconds and then regain consciousness.

When parts of your body don’t have sufficient oxygen, it’s common to feel numb.  Similar to a leg falling asleep when you sit on it for too long.  Or you may just have been unconscious during the fall and the pain had already begun to subside when you were waking up.  Luckily it sounds like the fall was not a bad one.  

It reminds me of a dumb game my friend group used to play in high school.  It was Spin the Bottle with everyone sitting in a circle, except instead of kissing, if it landed on you, you choked yourself until you passed out, or until people got bored of waiting and spun again.  Can’t tell you why this was a sudden (and brief) trend at my school, but I think it falls under your question about parasuicide.  

As far as I can tell, parasuicide is a more umbrella term that includes suicide as well as intentionally performing dangerous acts that could kill you, but aren’t necessarily intended to kill you.  

The difference seems to boil down to Why you did it.  If you did it with the intent to kill yourself, it would be attempted suicide.  If you did it to hurt yourself, or to feel what it would be like, maybe it is parasuicide.  Ultimately I don’t think that finding the right term is the important issue here.  

You say you feel like shit if you Don’t call it a suicide attempt.  Have you thought about why it makes you feel wrong?  Guilt?  Shame?  There are strong emotions that you’re dealing with and they are clues.  I don’t ask these questions to interrogate you, but as prompts for you to really think about and explore what’s going on.  Would you be more upset with yourself if you died in a stupid accident than if it were on purpose?  Why?

Maybe you are seeking attention and maybe that’s a good thing.  When it doesn’t matter to you if you survive or not, it’s a sign that something is very wrong in your surroundings, or that your brain can’t reconcile something.  Maybe you’re stuck and can’t find the exit, so you’re exploring making your own.  But there are other ways out that don’t require putting your life in danger.  Calling attention to your situation could be very important to getting help.  

You’ve reached out to your friends but they didn’t respond in the way you hoped they would.  You wanted more concern, more recognition that things are bad.  Maybe you wanted them to do something, to take action for you.  It is normal and okay to want these things.  You just need to tell the right people.  You need to tell someone who has the power and knowledge to act, and that usually isn’t going to be other young people who haven’t needed to seek out help before.

Tell someone who feels a responsibility toward you; a teacher, a parent, a supervisor, a doctor.  Tell all of them.  It is never too late to tell one more person.  It is never too late to ask for help, even when it feels impossible.  It’s not impossible.  Pause, take a breath, and ask. 

Please take care of yourself.

-bun

[anxietysroomsupport]

just watched Rosenchranz and Gildensturn Are Dead for the first time and now, I think with a combination of tired from exercising, being hungry, and it, I'm extremely dissociated. like, it was worse a minute ago, because barely anything felt real. stressful. also just general stress but stupid stuff like not pulling off a costume that well or well actually worrying about whether I want to go to public school full time next year isn't stupid but nonetheless okay I'm going to go eat

Hi Anon,

Go eat! And drink some water! Maybe a nap.

It's easy to get caught up in doing things and forget to take care of our bodies, but you already know what to do, so I'm glad you're being proactive.

Friendly reminder to everyone that lots of mental issues can have physical world causes. Listen to your body, and stay safe out there.

-bun

[anxietysroomsupport]

I just feel so tired of being so dumb all the time. I used to be able to maintain a c in math classes but now i can barely get a d- i keep asking people for help but my tutor wont text me back, no one in my house knows how to do the math, i cant find examples online that isn't something from a previous unit i also dont know how to do and the teacher scares me too much to ask for help. Im scared to fail the class but thats all i really can do this late in the year

Hi Anon,

It sounds like everything was hitting as once this day. It's overwhelming!

This is an old ask so I understand if you're way past this now, but if not, remember it is your Right to ask teachers for help. It's your grades on the line and it's their job to help you. If they reject you, they can't say you didn't try (and you can tell your parents / other teachers / principle that they refused to answer questions).

Most teachers want their students to do well, because you doing well reflects good on them. There are going to be lots of times when summoning the will power and courage to talk to someone will be the only way you can move forward, or will open up opportunities that weren't there before. It's a skill worth practicing.

Hope you're having an easier time today.

All the best,

-bun

[anxietysroomsupport]

My body image is the lowest it's been in a while thanks to the weight I gained under lockdown. I'm in a healthy range but I'm not happy with how I look. I wasn't before either but at least I was making progress to being lean, that's gone now. I hate the extra fat on my stomach, my arms, all of it. I'm trying very hard not to overreact and fall back into disordered habits. I can get back to were I was without doing anything extreme to my diet if I exercise and I need to, I hate feeling like this.

Hi Anon,

It's okay to be unsatisfied with where you are. It isn't what you want, so it pushes you to change. But it's important that you also hold on to the idea that, however you look, your body is never "wrong". However you look, you still have a good body, that has inherent value. You always hold value, no matter where you are on your journey, so always make sure to treat your body well, by getting enough calories and water, and by not punishing yourself for perceived "failures".

Because, again, your body is not wrong.

-bun

[anxietysroomsupport]

Last few months I've gotten kind of numb emotionally, like there's a thick glass barrier up in front most of my emotions so I know they're there but I can't feel it. I appreciate not being an anxious mess but I can't fully enjoy things, can't focus and I have no idea what I'm feeling if anything most of the time. I don't want to be stuck like this.

Hi Anon,

I promise you won't be stuck like this.

When we're under too much stress, our brains shut it all down. Like most coping strategies, if you do it too much it can be hard to get back to a healthier state of being. But you can't just turn it back on.

So practice a few things that can help steer you back. Establish a daily / weekly routine that you feel comfortable with. Do it regularly even when you don't see the point. Take care of the things you have to do, and remove the things you don't have to do. Do something just for yourself. And build into your routine a little time at least weekly to just do something mindless, like watching reruns, so your mind can wander back over to the emotions it's hiding from and explore things a little bit.

Take your time to process whatever's going on in there, and if you need to be anxious, or cry, do that, but maybe you'll also realize that something that used to bother you is no longer a problem, just by letting time pass.

If your numbness does continue to last no matter what you're doing, it would be a good idea to talk to a doctor about possible depression, which often can't be fixed on your own. An imbalance in the brain needs help, no matter how great our self-care strategies might be.

-bun

[anxietysroomsupport]

My sister doesn't like coats on the clean laundry, where I had to put them today because she had ten on the piano bench so I put two on a basket, and she got mad at me and yelled at me, and my parents are always just like "everybody calm down :)" and yeah that's GREAT and all but I'd like my sensory issues to be cared about too! Whenever I don't want to eat something because it makes me want to throw up it's "suck it up" or when a certain piano sequence grates my skull I'll "get used to it".

Hi Anon,

It's unfair to you that your parents aren't able to understand when you're struggling because perhaps it's not as loud or obvious as your sister yelling. It's the kind of thing that makes people act out more.

Your sensory issues deserve recognition. Maybe yelling about it would get you there, but I don't want to encourage you to add to your households stress. So it's important to remember you can just refuse things outright. You're allowed to say, "No", and you're allowed to not negotiate or budge on things when it comes to your own body. If you have to, you can walk out of the room.

You could also try making your own food on occasions, if there are some easy things you know you can eat. And maybe pick up some cheap earplugs. You'll find better solutions as you keep going, with or without your parents help.

-bun

[anxietysroomsupport]

I'm stuck in quarantine so let's see how many asks we can get through tonight! Starting at: 27

-bun

[anxietysroomsupport]

Tw/Cw: self harm

Hey so this might be a bit of an odd question and it’s gonna need some background first. So, I’m allergic to the cold, and when I’m exposed to something cold for an extended period of time it can become really painful. As far as I know it won’t actually cause any physical damage, it just hurts for a while and gets kinda itchy, but still... Would this make holding an ice cube in my hand count as self harm? I’ve done it before, and it started to hurt after a while, but the coldness of the ice helped to cool off and calm down when I was really upset, sad, angry etc, but.. idk I think i might be trying to justify it to myself because I don’t think it’s something that would typically be considered self harm but I could be overreacting. Anyway, sorry for the weird ask.

Hi Anon,

No need to apologize, friend.

This is not self harm. I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Imagine this scenario: Someone who gets sunburns easily, but still enjoys going outside or finds that being outside helps them relax, might risk the sunburn or stay outside until they start to feel a sunburn coming on even though they know they're susceptible to burning. That doesn't make going outside a form of self harm. It's more like a calculated risk.

When you're using ice cubes to help yourself calm down (a thing I've absolutely done as well), you're aware of the risk and your intent is to use it responsibly. If it starts to hurt or you get a reaction from it, you should stop using it. But some people do just let themselves get sunburns all the time so that they can be outside more. It's a trade off, and you get to decide what level of risk you're willing to take for it.

Hope you have a wonderful day.

-bun

[anxietysroomsupport]

My dad just yelled at my sibling on a day where they admitted to me that they're really stressed because they, an adult with a drivers license without insurance, drove down the block to return a lost dog because no one was available to drive. I'm the one who accidentally said it and I feel so bad but now everyone's upset and our days are ruined and I feel so guilty and upset and he has no right to yell at her when the punishment if caught by a cop is loss of license. They can't drive now anyway!

Hi Anon,

This kind of thing can feel so stressful in the moment! Getting yelled at can be really alarming.

You didn't mean to get your sibling in trouble and I bet if you ask them about it they aren't mad at you. Your dad might have overreacted because your sibling took a big risk for the dog.

Losing her license would have been a big consequence compared to returning a lost dog a little sooner. Maybe next time an emergency happens, your sibling can stop for a moment and consider if she can wait for other people to come help instead of acting immediately. It's really hard to do that when everything feels like it's urgent and people are making quick decisions, but it could really help in the future.

Wishing you all the best.

-bun

[anxietysroomsupport]

I just realized that the sequel for a fic I really liked that I just finished (and then proceeded to pretend that everything continued to go well) has MCD and Terminal Illness tagged, instead of just Chronic Illness like the first one, and even though it's not finished yet I'm already stressing about it. I haven't even finished the prequels so I won't be reading it yet but hng.

Hi Anon,

You're making the right choice to be cautious about reading a fic that could be triggering or upsetting for you. You can choose not to read it if you think it would be too much. It's definitely frustrating to realize that you might not be able to finish a story you've enjoyed in the past.

It sounds like the author might not have known when they started writing the original story that the sequel would have terminal illness, so they didn't tag it in the original. Or that the original and the sequel were separate works, so they have their own separate tags.

Unfortunately this is just one of those instances where you have to decide if you're going to cut your losses and move on, or keep pushing yourself. In my experience, it's not worth it to make yourself suffer. There are infinite more stories out there to enjoy and discover.

-bun

[anxietysroomsupport]

my sis doesn't feel well and accidentally knocked over my crystals that i made for science and ik it's stupid they're just a mix but I didn't get a chance to actually take too much time to look at them under the microscope so i started to cry by accident and then she started crying because she felt bad so then i felt worse and now neither of us feels good and i still have a lot to do and it's 8:30 pm :(((

Hi Anon,

I'm so sorry Anon. I appreciate that you didn't get mad at your sister, because it was an accident and she already felt bad for what happened. It sounds like you both care about each other a lot.

It's okay to cry on accident, sometimes we just can't control that. It was a bad day, but I bet you've both forgotten all about this by now!

I hope you both have a beautiful day.

-bun

[anxietysroomsupport]

[TW: SH MENTION, NOT GRAPHIC/DETAILED]

coming here with some good news :) i don’t really have anywhere else to share it, and i used to come to this blog quite often a LONG while ago, so,,, :]

SH is something ive dealt with heavily for the past couple years. however, ive been clean for about a year!! i still struggle a lot with other mental health stuff, but being clean for that long is something i do allow myself to have some pride in. i didn’t have any help, and was dealing with it mostly on my own. quitting was really difficult, but i did it.

ive been doing good mental-health wise for pretty much the entirety of quarantine. none of my issues went completely away, but i found new support systems and healthy coping mechanisms. :)

this last week has been.. particularly rough. i was the closest ive been to relapsing in months just the last couple of nights. tonight, as well. but im pushing through. it’s hard, and i know that things are going to get worse before they get better, but im getting through it. i will survive out of sheer fucking spite.

to anyone struggling with their mental health, please know that there IS help for you. help is available. you aren’t hopeless, or broken beyond repair. you deserve help. you deserve to be happy, and safe, and healthy. you are so strong, regardless of whether or not you see it. you are strong. you can get through this.

you might not feel like it, but i promise that people do care about you. and if anyone (including yourself) tries to say otherwise, tell them that Camden does. i care about you. your life has value to me.

(i hope you (mods) are all doing well. i know that running a blog like this can be difficult, and i commend you all for doing something that helps so many people. i wish you all the best! :D)

-camden

Hi Camden,

This is so sweet and we are so proud of your progress!

Thank you so much for writing in, and to everyone else out there:

Camden cares about you.

We care about you.

Your life has value.

-bun

[anxietysroomsupport]

I’ve restarted typing this multiple times now. I’m not sure what exactly I’m even here to talk about at this point. I just know I’m not okay. I’ve found out that I might have a fucking plethora of different mental illnesses. Specifically: Severe Depression, Anxiety, ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, PTSD, and possibly even Narcolepsy. These are all just possibilities for right now, because I don’t have the money to go and do anything about any of this, so literally all I’ve been able to do with this information is try my best to further research these things, and try to find out what I can do. Without an actual diagnosis though, I feel gross or bad for that I have these or even might have them... like it just doesn’t feel like it counts and I don’t want to upset anyone, but it makes me feel like shit every time someone tells me that I ‘don’t even have it that bad’, that I’m ‘overreacting’, that I just ‘need to focus and stop procrastinating’, or that I’d be able to focus more and I’d feel better if I were to simply ‘get more sleep’. I’m just so sick of it. I’m so fucking sick of it. I’m trying my best I really am but they all just think I’m lazy. It’s so fucking hard to care about homework or hobbies or even fucking social interactions when it always seems to feel like it just leads to me being told I’m not good enough. I’m not trying enough. I’m not enough. I’m so fucking tired all the time, I’m so fucking tired, I just want to sleep but I can’t because I’m failing. I’m failing. I don’t want to do it anymore I just don’t. I can’t. I’m so fucking tired. My head hurts. I keep crying. I don’t want it. Why me? Why? I’m so tired. I just want to sleep.

Hi Anon,

I'm so glad you were able to write in and overcome that - thing - that tightness or anxiety or whatever it is that makes it so hard to reach out to people. It sounds like you got a lot of distressing news all at once and that can be extremely hard to deal with.

I assume you continued to do research on those different mental health issues and hopefully have a little more information to work with now. Even without a diagnosis, heck even with a diagnosis that you Do Not have some of those things, you are still 100% allowed and encouraged to use any of the tips or tricks you learn for dealing with them. Because we don't have to have ADHD in order to use memorization or organizing strategies designed for it, and we don't have to have depression before we're allowed to see a therapist.

Basically, it doesn't ever have to be "bad enough" before you're allowed to take it seriously. It is affecting you. That's enough.

So please don't feel gross or bad for doing research on your symptoms or even for adopting any strategies for mental health disorders if they help you.

You are exhausted. Running into repeat disappointment or failure, especially when we're already trying so hard and tired, can wear you down fast. Taking a break is necessary, at the very least just to put time in between yourself and those events. Do some little things that you enjoy and you are confident you can do, and make sure to recognize that you did accomplish them. This helps get your mind back in a place where things feel possible.

And taking a break itself can be hard to do when you're not used to it! You'll feel anxious doing nothing, or doing something "unproductive", because it's not something that's encouraged or allowed without also feeling guilt. You mentioned procrastination and laziness, things other people have accused you of, and the psychology field has been gathering more evidence for a long time that laziness is not a real thing. Laziness is not a Thing on it's own, and what we perceive as laziness or a lack of motivation is often a reaction to stress. It's our brain's going down into power-saving mode because we're so overwhelmed.

You aren't lazy. You just need to slow down. - NPR (podcast and transcript)

Laziness: fact or fiction. - Psychology Today (article)

"I think it is better to understand why you don’t want to do something than to immediately just feel guilty about it." From: Is Laziness real? - Freakonomics (podcast and transcript) (I read through this podcast and they're also very funny as well as informative)

And it is just sort of very Guilt-based, right? It all feels very Christian to act as if laziness is a literal hell-worthy sin that we should feel guilty about and punish people for and punish ourselves for. Whether you are religious or not, it's important to recognize that those seven deadly sins were categorized quite a long time again and we should take them with a grain of salt. The "sins" should be considered a thing that people at that time were very worried about, but didn't necessarily know how best to deal with then, and we're still learning how to deal with them now.

When you're dealing with a lot of people (or maybe a few really vocal people, or maybe a religious teaching) who feel the need to constantly let you know that you aren't meeting their expectations, it is Crucial to remind yourself that their expectations don't matter. Not that they don't matter at all, or that they don't effect things, because they do. But that, their expectations are just information that You can choose what to do with. What matters is that you are meeting your own expectations, and even then you don't need to be any harder on yourself than you find to be useful for your own self-motivation. Dwelling in guilt doesn't help people, it just makes us feel bad about ourselves, and eventually leads to a cycle of self-hate and depression.

When a friend or parent tells you that you aren't doing enough, remember that you don't have to take this to heart. It is just their opinion and you can choose not to care about their opinion. You can even contradict them, or show them you don't care anymore with phrases like, "Well, that's life, ain't it." "Oh well." "Better luck next time I suppose." Many people will eventually stop commenting about it if they aren't getting the reaction they wanted from you. Try going back over some of your past interactions and imagine how you would have preferred to respond to them, as a way to practice for the future. Once you've done it a few times, it becomes like habit and it's much easier.

Lastly, getting enough sleep is important, but if you do in fact have narcolepsy, even sleeping can be a tricky thing, so I would start with that.

First person accounts of living with narcolepsy - Narcolepsy Network. There are 4 stories linked here from people who have this sleep disorder.

Good luck on your journey.

-bun

[anxietysroomsupport]

How do I best stop caring so much abt what other ppl say? Like, if someone says they dislike someone I like character-wise, or a show I like or something, I get mad, then I leave the situation or change the subject to avoid saying anything I might regret, then later I'll see the thing of character and feel bad for liking them. Like, my interests must be approved by someone else?? Also, if someone dislikes my religion, I start having a faith crisis. I know what I believe, it's just so tiring. So

I guess I'm like doubting myself? Everyone else's opinions somehow matter more, but sometimes I also feel, usually at the beginning phase I mentioned, like I'm right. Sometimes like indefinitely? So I'm like gotta pull back before you're stupid. Idk, it just bugs me how much I give other people control over my life and let them affect me.

Hi Anon,

Conflict avoidance is a survival strategy old as time, back when it was critical for people to band together in order to literally survive the wilderness. It doesn't have as much use for us today, but it can still feel like it's do-or-die.

One way to start changing your thinking is pre-empt other people's opinions. Remind yourself before you start having a conversation, that this person might disagree with you and that's okay. Remind yourself that you don't need to agree. Their opinion is just information, it isn't the rule of law. Your interests are already all pre-approved - by you!

Second, cut yourself some slack. For both media and religious faith, it's okay to have doubts and question yourself. Perfect faith is unachievable and I don't recommend it. We need to be able to question something in order to understand it fully and it's far better to believe in something that you've examined critically, than to just blindly follow.

-bun

[anxietysroomsupport]

Hey, I think I sent an ask about a year ago, under the tag ‘♣️’ about how I had been pretty depressed and numb for a while and then I was starting to shift into just pure anger over even the dumbest things, and I remember sending that and knowing what my anger was really about, and what situation caused that depression to hit suddenly, and I remember being surprised about how your response was spot on. You hit it right on the nose, but at the time I still just wasn’t ready to face it. So even after I read your response I just kinda continued ignoring it... :/ Not smart, I know, but now I’ve found out that I might have PTSD, and while I’m sure it wasn’t just that one situation that caused it (because there’s actually plenty it could be) I do believe that that situation might’ve been my breaking point. Even now trying to explain this I can’t really bring myself to fully say or even think about what happened because I know if I do I’m gonna either cry or have a panic attack and it’ll feel like it’s happening all over again... but I also know that if I don’t figure out a way to get it off my chest then it’s just gonna fester and I’ll never be able to get past it... but I don’t know how to. How am I supposed to open up about something when even just thinking about it almost triggers a panic attack? I don’t want this to be the thing that consumes my life because the person involved does NOT deserve to have that kind of power over me. Sometimes I wish I just didn’t remember anything that happened, then I wouldn’t have to deal with this. My heart hurts, and my hands are shaking just trying to type this. I really hoped that I would be able to just leave that whole situation in the past... why does it still hurt? I don’t want it to hurt anymore.

Found you!

Hi ♣️ Anon,

I am sending you so much love right now. You are going through it, in more ways than one. I'm so sorry you're still hurting. It isn't fair to you.

I can't tell you exactly what to do (although I still always highly recommend therapy, those people are great), but I can tell you about what I've done, and that the most important thing is that it's okay if it takes a long time. You are the one working through it - if you want it to go faster, you work on it more (with counselors and self-reflection) and if you want to let it go slow and just percolate in the background of your mind, you can do that too.

Trauma can take a long time and several phases to deal with and feel right again. And the phases will kind of blend together so you don't even realize you're moving through it until you look back and realize you're different now.

Phase 1 - In it. The thing is happening, or just happened, and it's survival mode time. The number one goal is just trying to keep everything moving, keep the schedule, keep obligations and promises, keep it together. It's a kind of denial that can be useful and it's hard to realize when you need to let it go.

Phase 2 - Admitting this isn't working. Just trying to go about your business isn't working, and maybe there's no clear reason why, but something is definitely wrong. Everything sucks. It's like trying to keep running when you're leg is broken.

Phase 3 - Looking for solutions. Maybe start researching mental health, or get super into wellness. Work on the symptoms that are present right now and get to the causes later.

Phase 4 - Follow blogs, read articles, learn about other people's problems and how they relate, how other people cope with different things and why. The shape of what hurts is becoming more clear. Be mad about it, and push it back down so it doesn't ruin your day.

Phase 5 - Surround yourself with good people. This is your support team, your network. Keep moving, but differently now. More aware. Forbid them from ever mentioning the thing that hurt you (but be forgiving if they slip up).

Phase 6 - Realize you didn't think about the hurt all day yesterday. Be mad you're thinking about it now, and grateful at the same time that you were free yesterday, because that means you can do it again. Linger a little longer on it, and feel the sadness like a weighted blanket. Then take it off again because you have things to do.

Phase 7 - Keep moving, keep rocking it.

Phase 8 - Realize you've overextended yourself and have been overextended for years. Make time for the therapy I should have gotten years earlier (but maybe wasn't ready for anyway). Course correct and basically reorganize your whole life. :) You're different now, again.

Phase 9 - Someone mentions "the thing", and then catches themselves, and you laugh and tell them it's okay now. It's not completely true, but it's better.

Phase 10 - Keep improving your life, without "them", without "the thing". Get more days where it doesn't even cross your mind.

Phase 11 - You're talking to someone about "it" and it's like it's just information now, it's just "a" thing that happened, instead of "the thing". They ask you questions that you don't really know how to answer, but they don't push it. Later, be really surprised that all the old emotions came back and you're actually upset again in spite of yourself. Go easy on yourself for a few days. You're different again.

Phase 12 - Name the thing, just to yourself. Call it what it was. Feel furious, again. Be mad that this altered the course of your life, because it didn't let you choose. Then look around and recognize that things are good despite the thing. The thing tried to ruin you, but you're still here and you're still loved.

Phase 13 - Realize the ways that "the thing" is still affecting your relationships and work on breaking those habits. There's still more work to do.

This has been my path so far, and it isn't linear, or clean, and it definitely hasn't been great every day. It's been years and I still get mad sometimes, and still hurt and sometimes I have to deal with fallout, but the vast majority of my time?- is really good, and it will be good for you too. This thing won't end you. Even when you aren't "dealing with it", you're moving forward and that's just as important. You don't have to suffer and process it every day. Sometimes it's enough to just have a day where not too much went wrong and you made it through. Every day is another day in between you and the hurt and each day is so important.

I definitely have wished I just didn't remember things, Many Many times! The memories probably won't ever go away, but they get softer around the edges.

That person absolutely does not deserve your time and energy, but don't let that stop you from working on yourself, for yourself. It's not about them anymore. You deserve to spend the care and the time and the energy to deal with it, in the ways you need to.

-bun

[anxietysroomsupport]

My family never apologizes when they don't wake me up. I have never in my life woken up to my own alarm, and today I have to do something at 11 and they woke me up st 9:40. I tried to at least get over it with "they tried" but they didn't, and when they first woke us up they were like "you know what time it is right??". And every time they said " you needed sleep!" no matter how many dozens of times I say I absolutely DESPISE sleeping in. And they try to say I should enjoy it or wake up myself.

Hi Anon,

Since it seems like this has happened many many times, your family just isn't a reliable way to wake up for things, and it's unlikely they'll start apologizing now. So how can you help yourself wake up in the morning-

There are tons of different variety of alarm clocks now that wake people up in different ways:

The Pavlok Shock Clock - This one will literally shock you with electricity. You wear it on your wrist.

The Clocky Alarm Clock on Wheels - It has wheels and will start rolling when it goes off. You could put it bedside to let it hit the floor and chase it, or even put it on a shelf above your bed and let it fall on you!

The Sonic Bomb with Bed Shaker - This thing gets stupid loud and you place the disc under your bed so it will actually shake the mattress at the same time.

Classic metal bell - Old school analog clock, these things are so flipping loud and the sound is such a classic "alarm/emergency" that when my roommate, in the next room across the hall, used one I would leap out of bed too at the sound. Really gets the heart going.

Make sure you're also getting enough sleep at night, and a good quality of sleep. All the classic things like no blue light right before bed and don't eat a giant meal right before bed because you'll be burping and digesting and it'll keep you awake.

Good luck, Nonnie.

-bun

[anxietysroomsupport]

My director suggested I take a 6th hour class since I only have a 5th hour class and have practice after 6th hour, so I don't have to go home for 50 minutes, and said I should mention it to my parents. Doing my duty, I did, but realized later that the class I was interested in taking I knew the teacher actually provided homework. It would put my busier days (once or twice a week) at 14-15 hours. My dad already emailed the councilors about scheduling, so I keep going in between (-Stressing)

being really stressed out about having someone go through the work to look and then saying no, but knowing I don't have the mental or physical health to take on another class, especially when I actually use that free hour, like today, to eat since I couldn't earlier. And when I'm not stressing out, I just feel like it's all going to work out. Then we cycle back again. I'm already too stressed but too many times have things hurt me because I just went with it. And if I try to vent ( -Stressing )

to adults, or even just say I'm stressing about it and having a busier schedule to my parents, I just get "it could be worse" "I have extremely busy days every day" "Your siblings have busy days too" "Calm down" and "Worry about it later". The first time I complain, I get a " Sorry :( nothing to be done" the second time a "drop your personal commitments then" and after that, the above list. And by complain I mean mention my anxiety. Also I've been having trouble sleeping from stress. -Stressing

Hi Stressing,

That is legitimately stressful!  I bet your semester is over now but I wanted to say I’m really impressed with how aware you were already about needing to manage your time in a way that works for you (even if no one around you accepted it).  

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if it “could be worse” or if everyone else in the world has busy days too.  You’re allowed to advocate for yourself and state your limits.  Things can be done to change it, and you shouldn’t have to give up all your free time to make room for work or school commitments.  Sometimes it takes way more asking and pestering than it should, and you only have so much energy, but if you can fight for yourself and for what you want, it’s your right to do so.  

If it could be worse, it could also be better.  If they tell you to drop your free time, tell them you can’t.  If they ask why, ask them why they can’t drop this extra work you don’t want.  If they say nothing can be done, tell them yes it can.  They just have to look for a solution with you.

Losing sleep is a common result of stress.  There are lots of things you can do to help sleep, including:

take melatonin supplements

stop using tech, or play a relaxing mobile game, or read a textbook several minutes before bed

exercise like stretches, yoga can help your body physically relax by loosening your muscles and working out any excess energy

meditate / clear your mind by intentionally thinking about nothing.  this takes practice and you often have to re-clear your thoughts several times when you’re first getting the hang of it.  visualize your though as a physical thing you can put down, and put it away.  

while in bed, 2-3 deep breaths where you hold for a few seconds between the in and outs can trick your mind into releasing the sleep/chill out chemicals

You can do any combination of these things, or even all of them!  I hope your 2022 brings you more peace than 2021 did.

-bun