A Series of Unrequited

Her heart was a secret garden and the walls were too high

[anxiouswriterwannabe]

Say i have a friend that i met in college. We're just friends and he clarified it over a million times that we are just friends because I know he is not into me and in the first place I am not his type but we message each other everyday and we go to school together and see each other everyday. But no matter what he says that we are just friends I feel like we are together and I am getting possesive because i really feel like we are together. I am really affected by posts about no labels and bestfriends because i feel like it is really my situation with him. People have been talking behind my back that I am just assuming things and taking everything too seriously with him and being a feeler because it is too obvious to them that he is never into me and there were stories that he told his friends that he will never like me and he doesn't find me attractive and he is disgusted when we are being teased together. What should I do to stop this feeling and move on?

Hi anon! Thank you for reaching out to me i greatly appreciate it. Moving on hmm that's something i've already done with my bestfriend lmao. Like what i've said with the previous anons who also reached out to me, we have different ways of dealing with moving on. In my case, the lockdown helped a lot bc i did not get to see him for almost a year now, tho we still talk thru chat but it feels different when i'm talking to him in person idk lol but yeah my way would be avoidance. I don't suggest avoiding him totally because that would be too much and he might wonder why. Maybe lessen the time you spend with him? Make yourself busy. Anime helped me a lot too. Exposing myself with the things i like. OR maybe let your feelings out to him? Maybe confess? If you can? I personally can't do that tho lmao i'm too scared but yeah my way was avoiding my bestfriend and it worked for me. We're still friends up until now tho but i'm not attracted to him anymore 😆

[anxiouswriterwannabe]

So, my life has been a mess for about a month now. I got drunk with my best friend. (Normal) I slept over at her house and she asked me to come up to her room and cuddle with her that night. (I may have complained when she took all of the dogs upstairs with her so I nobody to snuggle with.) I'm married but kinda separated. Her and my wife are friends. Anyway, she got into bed and instantly became my little spoon. The way she fit next to me.. was perfect. Anyway, she said "goodnight. I love you." (Its our normal.) In return, I said "goodnight. I love you, Jamie." She sounded surprised and replied "you've never said my name like that before." And that's... when she kissed me.. and then apologized quickly after. I asked why she kissed me. She said "I'm leaving soon and I wanted to see if you felt the same way." (Shes moving to North Carolina in a couple of months) and I told her I was in love with her and she told me she would repeat those same words when im single.... I'm single now and still waiting. Anyway, she asked me to move with her and I told her I cant get out of my lease.. she told me she would wait for me. She also told me she wasnt going to be the other woman and that I had things I needed to do. (I took my wedding ring off the next day.) Not that it matters because she isnt speaking to me anymore. The next day she told me we had to pretend like nothing happened and that shes still in love with her ex wife. (We made out for like.. 2 hours. Idc what anyone says.. YOU SOBER UP THROUGHOUT ALL OF THAT! And regardless, I've seen her way more fucked up and she wasnt incoherent that night. I gave her a few days and texted her. No response. I waited until just a few days ago and rexted her and said I needed a friend. She said, "I cant be your friend anymore, I'm sorry. It's too weird." WHAT.THE.ACTUAL.FUCK. am I supposed to do now?!

Hello, anon! Can i just say this was the hardest one to absorb so far??? This was the most complicated one so far. I don't even know what to say. And if i was in your shoes, i wouldn't know what to do either. Help. But anon, this was sent a month ago, i suppose? I want to know what steps you've taken (if you're comfy to share)

Guys, if you have some thoughts on what anon should do, please drop a comment as they might read some of those 🙂 idk what to say honestly

[anxiouswriterwannabe]

Hi again, I really feel like atoddler coming back to her mother to tattle. I told you I have moved on before and I cost me distancing myself. But I approach him back, cause I thought it'll be okay, since im over him. But I was wrong... Guess who's in the friendzone again.... I hate myself. Why do I keep doing this 😭

I'm glad you came back to give me an update! I haven't been in this blog in forever istg i've been very busy with work. Anyhoo, i'm so sorry to hear that. I guess feelings aren't forgotten that easily 😭 hang on there! It's not time to forget him yet maybe. I actually met my bestfriend again after 6 months and i didn't feel anything anymore. I guess i've already moved on. I hope you can too. I understand how hard it is to be in the friendzone 😭

[anxiouswriterwannabe]

Hi. There's a quote from the movie Tolkien which reminded me of you so I thought I'd share it with you 🖤 “To love someone, who, for whatever reason, cannot return your feelings is painful. But if you listen to the poets, perhaps there's a kind of beauty to that love. It burns bright and it's never tainted by reality or by overuse. It's as clear and fierce today as it was the very first day it began. And there's beauty to that.” ~ Tolkien (2019)

I'm touched! This is so beautiful, anon. Thank you for sharing it. I haven't watched the movie, but i will now 💗

[anxiouswriterwannabe]

Hi! I was the one who asked you how I can move on from the guy I liked since 1st yr college. I just want to share that I already confessed to him but sadly, he doesn't feel the same way about me. However, despite the pain, it's easier for me to move on already because now I know that there's no future for us. Thanks for giving me advice. I hope this will help others. P.S. Watching anime really does help. Thank you! 💕

Hello anon! I do remember you! And i salute you for bravery because i can never do what you did. Regardless of what the outcome was, you were able to find closure and i'm so proud of you. I wish i was as brave as you. I'm not really sure tho if it was my advice that helped you but yes watching anime, i'm happy i recommended that hahaha thank you for letting me know what happened. Different experiences from different people give me different perspectives, perspective that i can never see on my own 😊 thank you anon! Stay safe always 💗

[anxiouswriterwannabe]

There's a lot of things i wanted to tell you

I wanted you to know my feelings

But i got scared of what we are going to be

I did not want what we have to end

So i chose to shut up

I chose silence

Because in silence, i find no rejection

[anxiouswriterwannabe]

What do you do before sleeping

I question my purpose in life hahaha aside from that i scroll through my twitter or watch anime, just the basic introverted stuff

[anxiouswriterwannabe]

firstly, i LOVE your poetry! it provides solace for so many people. and yes, your bio is right, your mind IS a secret garden, one with beautiful flowers and ferns in the form of metaphors. second, i think it’s so sweet that you kinda just let your followers vent to you about their emotions when they may not have other people to do so. being there and providing comfort for them and making them feel heard is really nice of you!

Wow! Thank you so much, anon! This message warmed my cold heart, i'm gonna cry waa i wasn't even expecting i would get interactions with my posts because i was just letting my emotions out for the things that i couldn't say out loud 💖

But yes it makes me happy when they tell me their stories. Sometimes we just need someone who listens and it's easier to vent out your emotions to a stranger because there will be less judgements. But thank you so much. I hope you have a great day. Stay safe 💗

[anxiouswriterwannabe]

Do you ever think about becoming friends with your crush’ girlfriend?

Oh no worst case scenario. I don't want to be talking to her about him hahaha

[anxiouswriterwannabe]

It’s 2:42 am in the Ph now, what or who made you stay up until this late?

I work night shifts during weekdays. So my messed up body clock made me stay up this late hahaha

[anxiouswriterwannabe]

hi! thank you for writing your wonderful poetry, it makes me feel so comforted. so i liked this guy and we were super close friends last year, but all of a sudden this year he’s ignored me and hangs out a lot with this other person. and the fact that he provided no explanation for basically ditching me obviously made me realize he’s not a great person. but i still like him and i don’t know how to get over it. i want to forgive, forget and move on now, but i don’t know how.

Aww these messages make me really happy. Thank you, anon!

Moving on. Ahh i'm not the best person to answer this bc i also suck at it? I just wing it most of the time hahaha sometimes we like the person too much that we tend to overlook some of the unpleasant things they have done to us. I can relate to that big time.

Idk if this works for you but it worked for me with my past crushes, so what i do when i want to get over someone is i ignore them. Sounds childish, i know lol when i don't see the person that often, i tend to focus my mind on something else. I read books, i watch movies, i hangout with myself (i do this a lot btw i like doing things alone), watch anime and the likes. I keep myself busy.

However, people are unique thus, we have different ways of handling a certain situation 🙂

I'm so sorry if i'm not much of a help. I'm so bad at this 😂

[anxiouswriterwannabe]

Hey! Idk if you remember but I once told you that I confessed to my bsf that i knew since 7 and we just stayed friend nonetheless. So today, I just wanna tell you, that I successfully moved on from him and I wish the best for you. My story didn't ended up well, but i sure do hope the best for you, TAKE CAREEE!!

I do remember you! I believe that your story ended up well because you were able to move on with your feelings for him. That's a big flex because moving on isn't easy! I hope the next time you fall in love, it'll be with someone you deserve 💗 as for me, i'm not thinking about him that much anymore, social distancing and quarantine helped me a lot, i haven't seen him since March. I don't message him too. We only talk about work. I feel like he's already seeing someone now, i'm not sure. Idk how i would react if i see him again though lol but thank you for stopping by and letting me know! Stay safe and take care always 💖

[anxiouswriterwannabe]

Hi! I saw that you're from ph! Love your writings, kumusta? I hope we can be kaibigans! :)) 💚

Yes! I’m from the PH. We can definitely be friends! I’m okay, still stuck at home but i’m coping :) I hope you’re okay too with the current situation we’re in.

[anxiouswriterwannabe]

which part of the philippines are you from?

Hello! I won’t go into specific details because i’m scared someone might know who i am lol but i’m from Visayas :)

[anxiouswriterwannabe]

So there's this guy. We had a thing for like a year. Now he's making a year abroad. We didn't mean to make things serious. And now, somehow we still have a thing, but not really (lol). I don't know what I'm supposed to do, I'm stuck between staying and letting go..Any advice?

Hello! I hope you’re doing well. I have a question though, do you like him a lot? If you do and if i’m in your situation and if i’m brave enough, i would ask him "what am I to you?” But i’m not brave so i’ll probably still hold on until i get tired lol. Kidding aside, what do you want to do? In all honesty, i don’t know what to advise so i’ll just ask you questions probably? Sometimes, when people ask us questions, we find the answers to our own questions hahaha so... if i tell you to let go, are you ready to let him go? Would it be okay for you to cut all the ties that you have with him? Would it be okay with you if you see him with another partner? If you’re going to stay, are you okay with not making things serious? Are you fine with that situation?

Probably what i would advice is go with the decision that will not make you regret in the end.

(i know i’m not the one to talk because i’m a mess myself but that’s what i would do, ideally haha)

[anxiouswriterwannabe]

You see, I like this guy. I don't know if I love him already, but I know that I do have feelings for him. I met him last year when we were 1st year college. I am this man-hater type of girl so I thought that I just have a little crush on him. However, as days passed by my feelings for him grew deeper. He and his gf broke up last year but I'm not sure if they're together again. I want these feelings to be gone already as I know that he's out of my league. What do I do?

Hello anon! We have our own ways of getting over someone. What works on others may no work on you. Some stay away from the person and some sticks with their feelings even if it hurts until they get tired. As for me, as long as i don't see the person that often, the feelings just fade away. That's when i know "ah maybe i wasn't really in love with him, maybe i just enjoyed the attention he gives me". Honestly anon, idk how you would get over him bc some who resist their feelings end up feeling more and some who stick with their feelings end up falling even harder. Maybe try what i did and let's see what happens?

P.S. watching anime helped me a lot too 😆 bc my focus wasn't on him anymore

[anxiouswriterwannabe]

i don’t know if this helps, but i confessed to my best friend and he rejected me. we didn’t talk for two months but then we became best friends again when it stopped being awkward.

Thank you for sharing, anon! I actually had the same experience when i was in high school (thus the trauma i have right now lol). I was forced to confess to my crush, who also happened to be my bestfriend and neighbor. He didn't directly say to my face that he doesn't like me but he didn't say anything. But at that moment, i knew he doesn't see me that way. I swear it was so awkward, i wanted the ground to just swallow me alive lol. We haven't talked for months. I was devastated. We used to be so close. I used to go to their house and we would bingewatch movies together. We talked again after 3 months and i had to pretend that i don't like him anymore. We're still friends now and he's already happy with someone else. I don't like him that way anymore. I guess our feelings fade away in time especially when you don't see each other very often. I guess i'm just easily attached to guys i'm close with, but i'll never make the same mistake ever again.