what

Sophie

[deus-ex-moshina]

Venom (2018), trailer vs. the actual movie

[kokomiiya]

(Venom 2018, the trailer)

*creepy orchestra music* *people screaming*

Venom, growling: The way I see it, Eddie… *slams Eddie into a wall* …We… *Eddie screams, eyes turns completely black* …Can do… *Unhinges his jaw and bites off someone’s head* …Whatever we want

*bone-crushing noises* *more screaming*

Some grim and serious trailer voice: We all have our own… *dramatic pause* …Demons

(Venom 2018, the movie)

Venom, yelling at Eddie from a broken bathroom mirror: Dumb little bitch, I’ve reminded you to get tater tots on our way home 15 fucking times and you still forgot? Piece of shit. Useless scum of the Earth

Eddie:

Eddie: Parasite

Venom, voice breaking: You take that back. You take that back Right Now

[sneakyfeets]

my wife’s so cute because we both love animals so much but her way is very pure and genuine whereas my family is:

me, holding up my cat: stinky

wife: no!! don’t be mean!!!

me, swaying him back and forth in the air: stinky bastard man

wife: No!!!!!!!!

my mother, not looking up from chopping veggies: naughty boy. brat cat

wife, distraught: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sneakyfeets]

In case anyone doubted the validity of my claims: 

[beatlesweatles]

The wife:

The mom:

[socialistexan]

White collar worker and executives: “Hurray, it’s labor day weekend! 3 full days off! We are so fortunate to live in a Great Country that Cares about it’s Workers!”

Service industry workers who know labor day weekend is one of the busiest 3 days of the year which means double or triple shifts and not seeing family all while being forced to be not only polite but cheerful:

[spiroandthelacktones]

While also knowing that Labor Day was intended as a holiday for them and they still have to put up with this shit

[wedding-shemp]

I’m thinking about Mark Hamill’s story about how he was so clueless and self-absorbed in his twenties that he didn’t notice his co-stars having a very obvious affair and how completely in charachter that is for Luke Skywalker. Like, how long do you think it took Luke to notice that his best friend and his twin sister were married. I’m guessing when Leia was seven months pregnant with Ben

[wedding-shemp]

Luke: what do you MEAN you’re pregnant? Who got you pregnant??

Leia: Han.

Luke:

Leia: My husband. Han. Who I’m married to and live with.

Luke:

Luke:

Luke: Your WHAT

[neilnevins-deactivated20240617]

Bugs Bunny could singlehandedly defeat Thanos by dressing up as a TSA agent and setting up a metal detector in the middle of the battlefield saying that all metal objects must be removed if you want to pass on through now stick around for my 2,000 word essay on just how effectively he would convince The Mad Titan to comply

[neilnevins-deactivated20240617]

“For shame, doc! Dontcha know we got other folks waiting?”

(Thanos looks behind him and sees dozens of Bugs Bunnies dressed as angry yelling travelers with huge bags of luggage. Thanos rubs his neck guiltily and begins sliding off the gauntlet)

[vampiricyoshi]

I felt compelled

[ndiecity-deactivated20241101]

Nobody expected you to draw T. Hanos himself in the Looney Tunes artstyle but you absolutely fucking delivered

[gucciballs-deactivated20200720]

what a deal!

[birdpower-deactivated20180803]

the fourth person to call 615-332-4570:

[poseidont]

a concept: future jake and amy having a kid BUT amy goes into labour on halloween and jake has to figure out if amy is cheating him out of the heist or if he’s actually about to have a kid

[dizzybunnies]

bold of you to assume she didnt plan to get pregnant exactly 9 months before halloween so that its actually both

[mrgaretcarter]

bold of you to assume it wasnt jake who planned to get her pregnant exactly 9 months before so she’d be thrown off by contractions

[mrgaretcarter]

bold of all of us to assume Holt didn’t pick an exact date to compliment them both so they’d have validation horniness so that jake AND amy were in disadvantage during the heist

[disregardcanon]

Holt: your heteronormative lifestyle choices will bring about your demise

[kelssiel]

bold of no one to assume that this wasn’t all a brilliant scheme by Gina Linetti to throw all three of them off their game because of course Jake is going to pass out in the delivery room even though he’s been “training” for this for months now, so Amy will have no choice but to call her “mentor” Captain Raymond Holt to coach her through the labor

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

vampire conspiracy theories, go!

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

absolutely superb 

[thecheesecakeklutz]

[disgustinganimals]

a useful security device 

might pet

[catsbeaversandducks]

“Don’t you f**king touch my toy!”

[royal-abbotts]

thor has big dick energy AND big heart energy ok sorry i don’t make the rules

[danhumphrey]

peter parker, expressing his affection as any teen would: thor i would die for you :)

thor, gripping his shoulders with the intensity of ten thousand burning suns: i would never let that happen

[sunderious]

peter parker, later that week: i would die for you loki

loki, looking him dead in the eye: you will.

[rhythmic-idealist]

drax: [really bad joke]

peter parker: mr. drax? I would die for you

drax, with a pause spent determining that peter is probably joking and then a hearty guffaw: but my muscles and fighting power is several times your own! your death would be meaningless!

[magical-art-dad-deactivated2021]

peter parker, in the middle of battle with no regard for his own safety: i would die for you

t'challa, who has lived with shuri long enough to know exactly what answer peter is looking for: then perish

[galahadwilder]

Please picture the following

Wonder Woman greeting T’Challa with the Wakanda Forever salute, but forgetting what happens when she clashes her gauntlets like that

Accidentally blowing him through three walls, a car, and M’Baku

He is, of course, completely fine, but that was certainly not the greeting he expected from the suddenly VERY apologetic Princess

[trekmemes-deactivated20220205]

Bonus: T’Challa runs back to Diana and does the salute again, channeling the power from the improved kinetic absorption and redistribution on his suit, and launches Diana straight into the sky. They laugh about it later.

[rustandruin]

[evilkitten3]

someone introducing t’challa at an international conference: and now, his majesty, king of wakanda, t’challa!

shuri, somewhere in the crowd: NERD

[ludwigplayingthetrombone]

i dropped off my resume at this place at 1:15 and got called for an interview at 1:45 holy dang

[aughtpunk]

Today I got interviewed, hired, and then given a dollar raise and a better store location because the interviewer “liked my attitude”

REBLOG FOR GOOD JOB GETTING KARMA COME ON GRAB A PIECE

[mainflopgirl]

anyone who says they would rather be an avenger than a guardian is a fool. the guardians go on constant outer space adventures with a talking tree set to 70’s dad music. plus they all love and would literally die for each other. what do the avengers do? assemble for five minutes then get into a walmart parking lot fight and never see each other again. fuck you.

[circuskidcon]

Thor ghost wrote this

[dianapforlunch]

Bruce Banner in Avengers (2012): Hulk is the darkest part of me…The wrath I cannot control…Why my bones are made of glass…

Bruce in Infinity War (2018): What the FUCK did you just say, ugly ass green thumb looking mf?? NO???? what the FUCK is up hulk step the FUCK up hulk

[cinematik-deactivated20180629]

acceptable marvel characters to stan:

peter parker and friends

anyone from wakanda 

honestly. that’s it i’m sorry

[cinematik-deactivated20180629]

……fuck