Video description: A TikTok that starts with an on-the-street interviewer, which is then stitched by a Black man standing in his yard with grilling stuff behind him. He has short natural hair, glasses, and is wearing a dinosaur button up. Username @/sciencewithtyus
Subtitle transcript (thank you @ace-bard3-paladin1):
Woman: Do you have any advice for straight men?
Man: Hi ace man here. I actually do have some advice for straight men -- don't mind me I'm just outside, I'm getting the grill warmed up -- But yeah I have some things I think I can contribute to this conversation.
Now, you might be wondering to yourself "what could an ace person possibly contribute to this conversation?" But in a similar way in which women understand the patriarchy in the way they're subjugated under it more than men do, in the way that Black people understand whiteness more than white people can perceive it as a construct and how it's been manipulated in a way to impose forms of power on a systematic level, ace people often have to unpack and disentange the way that what desire and sex means in society -- and the way that often it can be compulsory in a way that it is assumed that we're all supposed to participate in it. So that's really important to think about what we're going forward in this conversation.
I first want to say that I think it's unfortunate because I feel like a lot of men have been sold this lie through western media -- television and even some forms of even literature -- that the quality of men's lives are not of any value -- of any substance -- unless it's on the condition of having some sort of romantic partner, or an individual of like, of substantial attractiveness. Which I feel like actually hurts a lot of people in the long term.
I find one of the major problems with advice that is given to straight men -- and many other men around the world -- is that it's given under the expectation that it will accumulate or accrue some form of social capital, and I find that that's incredibly dangerous for a lot of people out there, when it comes to this idea that you should do something only because it's advantageous -- but rather than the fact that you enjoy doing it.
You hear a lot of guys in, like, men's advice columns or podcasting "women love guys that do interesting things" and I'm sure there's definitely a sense of accuracy to that. But here's the question, though: is that like -- do you find that interesting yourself? Do the things that give you joy, and you will attract the people around you in proximity to the things that you share common interest with.
Don't take ceramics because you're trying to find your future partner, take ceramics because you think it'll be an interesting class that you maybe will end up actually enjoying for a long period of your life.
So aside from the basics that I feel generally benefits a lot of men -- like have decent hygiene, decent self maintenance -- you know maybe have a hobby, one or two -- once again it's not a competition, do it because you like it.
There's often one that I feel like is left out in this conversation, and that's like, live a life of substance, live a life for yourself, live for yourself. Not for other people, or in the hope of doing something in an expectation of getting something out [of] it. Do it because you like doing it, and radiate that joy.
I also think, because of the way toxic masculinity is internalized in a lot of straight men, in the way I think loneliness plagues a lot of men, you have a lot of people out there who restrain themselves from doing things that they would actually enjoy, under the perception of the fact that they are alone, and that something's wrong with them, or that they're lacking in their life. If you wanna do something, do it. Don't be afraid to do it by yourself. You wanna go to that concert? Go by yourself. You wanna take yourself out for dinner? Take yourself out for dinner. Live for yourself!
