Thinking about (movie) Stratt. Who said she believed in god.
what would she have first thought when she heard of the Petrova Problem? Upon receiving the death warrant of humanity, where would her mind turn to? Did she immediately thrust herself into strategy mode, start predicting the worldâs crash course into oblivion, start calculating potential solutions and fixes?
or would her first thought be that, âThis is humanityâs judgment?â
the Christian bible has a whole book rendering the final days of mankind in detail. The apocalypse of John. Famine, pestilence, war. And death. The stars dying. Terrible natural disasters. Majority of mankind wiped out.
she has studied history. The winding and repetitive waltz that was humanityâs cycle of destruction and recovery. She knows what apocalypse would mean to humanity.
the astrophage is no antichrist. But the devastation it would bring is similar enough.
For a moment, would she have let herself be caught in a whirlwind of despair and resignation? Would she allow herself to cling onto hopelessness?
perhaps in that moment, Stratt finds herself angry at god. She is Fearful. Desperate.
then the historian in her takes over. She pulls herself togetherness , compartmentalising her terrors towards her own future and the people around her. Strategically, she zooms out her outlook. She forces herself to gaze at humanity through a telescope. She mustnât think about each and every precious life on earth. She can only think of life, of humanity, as a collective entity.
she knows for humanity to survive this, someone must play the role of the Decider. Someone must make judgments on who lives and who dies and what should be sacrificed for humanity to pull through.
would she have been bitter towards herself at that conclusion? Upon her understanding that she will have to do the inconceivable, the horrific, to possibly break free of the next phase of destruction?
or would she already be diving headfirst into the cursed role of humanityâs judge and saviour and executioner?
Historically. Biblically. she knows what happens to saviours.
if she succeeds, if she can help and lift the world out from doom, she will be âthe worldâs whipping boyâ. If she goes through with whatever actions she takes for a greater good, judgment will find her, either from the hands of man or from the wrath of the lord.
And she dives in headfirst anyway. Taking all this fear and despair and shoving in into a locked box and sealing that box deep, deep, deep into her subconscious.
there isnât time for being good.
the days flip by. She hardly feels present in them. She stops attending church. Too busy. She stops reading the bible. too busy. She draws herself away from mankind and God. She feels abandoned.
but somehow, hope, the tiniest glimmer, finds it into into her path.
at first, would she have let a laugh tear its way through her throat when she sees the name Dr Ryland Grace, typed in a neat little line beneath a most outrageous scientific claim? The most outrageous scientific claim, that might just be the saving grace of humanity? It feels poetic.
Project Hail Mary. It had already been in action for a while.
the name was chosen for the projects nature as a long shot.
Stratt knows Catholicism. Itâs tear marks in humanityâs past. Its association with her, spiritually.
Hail Mary, full of Grace.
Grace. Heaven knows she will not get any.
at the same time, hope presented in such an on the nose fashion makes her feel like maybe not all is lost.
the space dots are water based. Hope gone. Dr Grace insists on continuing to help. Hope regained, even if by a little. A team is assembled. Dr Grace continues assisting. He becomes invaluable to the mission. the earth portion of the project is a hairâs breadth away from success. A party. She allows herself some humanity. She allows herself some celebration. launch day is soon.
Stratt, blown to the ground by a violent shockwave. She sees it is from the lab. The area where the lab was. She takes a moment to seal herself up again. She starts running.
both her science officers killed by a mistake. She connects the dots all too quickly for her taste. Dr Grace is the only viable substitute.
Dr Grace, who never volunteered. Dr Grace, who must go.
she must send her hope away to his death, praying for a miracle. Praying that his sacrifice will not be in vain.
would she have been startled by her making such a cold decision. Does she judge herself for losing whatever morality left in her? Does she predict whatever reckoning will she receive in the afterlife?
it would be a cruel world where she may walk away, unpunished.
would she have disassociated as the guards and army personnel tear after Grace like hunting dogs? Would she try to rewrite her actions of murdering a fearful man, as sending the sacrificial lamb to the altar? Itâs for the greater good, she tells herself. It rings hollow.
the day of the launch. Perhaps she watches behind a wire gate, the metal lines crisscrossing her view. She watches the spaceship launch, knowing how the crew are soon to be left in the hands of the ISS crew to transfer to the Hail Mary. Grace, already unconscious. Has been since that day.
Goodbye, Doctor Ryland Grace.
she thinks about the etymology of the word goodbye.
for the first time since the world ended, she bows her head, and prays.
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