what's up

Hi, I'm jonathan. Actually I really have no idea what I am doing.

[madejsbridge]

[cockyhorror]

I keep going back to watch this video it just captures my sense of humour perfectly

[shanexrayn]

Demön

[bubbie]

I CANT BELIEVE HIM

[prokopetz]

You know, an R-rated Deadpool film is well and good, but I kind of want to see Wade show up in one of the regular X-Men films, too.

I want to see him hastily catch himself every time he’s about to say “fuck”, because he knows that the film - being rated PG-13 - is only allowed one F-bomb, and he wants to make it count.

I want to see him throw the ugliest tantrum when, after he spends the whole movie saving up that one allotted “fuck” for the perfect moment, somebody else uses it up before he has a chance.

[dark-pika]

And that someone is Wolverine.

[thesonicscrew]

I so love that this is completely possible in upcoming films

[insertnerdyjokehere]

Wade: Everyone knowns PG-13 mean you only get one f-bomb. Gotta use it wisely.

Wolverine: What the fuck are you talking about?

[astroparker-deactivated20200523]

spider-man priorities over the years

[mori-sempai]

tobey maguire: MJ!!!

andrew garfield: GWEN!!!

tom holland: plz let me be an avenger

[gluten-free-pussy]

When I was 16-19 I worked as a hostess/parking lot attendant at a funeral home and my boss told me (and I quote) “you get a friends and family discount but once you quit you won’t get it anymore so make sure you use it.” And to this day nothing has ever been funnier to me

[gluten-free-pussy]

A week after I got the job I accidentally spilled someone’s ashes on myself and my manager told me not to worry about it because they had spare ashes in the back room

[buckynasty-blog]

shuri : what if “It’s Raining Men” and “Let the Bodies Hit The Floor” are both about the same events but from different perspectives

t’challa : I’m literally begging you to stop

[raviposting]

Peter Parker: no let her finish 

[sweartrek]

“rocks are causing sea levels to rise”

[c-bassmeow]

ODNNDMDKDKFKJRJFD OMG

[thenamesjavii]

You can tell it’s been cropped together but like it’s so believable.

[haiku-robot]

you can tell it’s been cropped together but like it’s so believable

^Haiku^bot^9. I detect haikus with 5-7-5 format. Sometimes I make mistakes. All of you have loved ones. All can be returned. All can be taken away. (•_•) | PayPal | Patreon

[wholesomethemedmemes]

This is how Tiffany Haddish ended her standup special. I’ve never been so happy to be cursed.

[agingwunderkind-deactivated2022]

reblog to curse your loved ones in a similar fashion

[jumpingjacktrash]

you are all doomed to delight

[kontrollsysteme]

[setheverman]

if you come to sweden you are actually required by law to wear these

[ninazuu]

[lornnguyeats]

Those are her victims in the background

[memewhore]

[patron-saint-of-emesis]

tumblr im BEGGING you let me reblog ads

[robotmango]

me, crouched down in front of my tomato plants, examining a pattern of insect bites on their lower leaves: i’m going to fucking kill whoever did this. i’m going to kill them for you. don’t worry, babies. I’m going to murder every single son of a bitch who ever got a mouthful of you. they’ll die screaming

my neighbor, who i did not realize was also outside, standing behind the fence: oh! okay. you’re talking to the plants. okay.

[schmergo]

Discourse: Willy Wonka is Old Testament God

[scopesandskulllties-deactivated]

Explain

[schmergo]

Sings “if you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it,” then kicks people out for eating stuff he told them not to eat

[inactiveaccount12345678]

My roomba is scared of thunderstorms

I was sitting at my desk just a few minutes ago, drawing, and a really loud crack of thunder went off–no power surges or anything, just thunder–and my roomba fled from its dock and started spinning in circles

I currently now have an active roomba sitting quietly on my lap

[systlin]

Humans will pack bond with anything. 

[apostatively]

I had a teenage girl come into my tea shop with her mother the other night. She purposely grabbed a teamaker in the most crunched-up looking box on the shelf (got banged around in shipment) and carried it protectively over to the counter. “If something’s in a damaged box I have to get it because I’m afraid no one else will love it,” she laughed nervously.

Not only will humans pack bond with anything, the empathy level of adolescent girls in particular likely has puppy-saving, world hunger-solving, war-ending powers.

[a-dull-glow]

I once saw a really bumpy lime at the grocery store, just a real ugly fruit. Later that night my boyfriend & I were driving home from rehearsal at like 11:30pm & passed the grocery store & I stared crying & he said “is it that lime? Do you want to go back and get it?” And I nodded and pulled the car around and bought the lime.

[localstarboy]

yooo this kid is coming for throats 😂😂😭

[isaacthursday]

Yoooo lil man came to slayyyyy