ASK ALTERRA CORP

Disclaimer, This is not canon. Happy pride!

[aperture-hr-official]

{ How many unethical science companies are even on the site at this point? 4? 7? }

{ I’m only counting four m’self but it seems like some of the others have influence here.. }

{ @black-mesa-hr-official being here is natural, seeing as Aperture is, but @ask-alterra-corp and @uac-pacific-official is a bit strange.. }

{ Hopefully nobody else shows up. there’s enough bickering going on between us and black mesa, and introducing more rival company duos would only make things worse.. }

[ask-alterra-corp]

WE ARE UNETHICAL??? WHAT??? ...I suppose we are a little.... uhh.. But come ON! What have WE ever done wrong! We've only ever done... uh... yeah no we are quite unethical actually (i cannot think of anyone to tag)

[lobsterenthusiastt]

duality of man

[big-ender]

walking around with a sword in the mall

[sleepy-raccoon-arts]

Building an army of cookies with magical powers

[ev1lgoob]

extracting machines that are definitely not OSHA approved

[alternas-navigation-system]

stalking

[shadow-milk-cookie-offical]

Dang this is hard. Trespassing I think

[realgayofhyperdeath]

Killing the sun

[ihavenocluewhatiwanttobecalled]

Gambling.

[jakejavu-offical]

Lassoing, wrangling, and rodeoing wild animals, plus a few endangered species.

[duckofmisfortuneoffical]

mass murder, trespassing, arson, loitering, construction without a permit, destruction without a permit, deforestation without a permit, killing an endangered species, uh probably more

[anonmuos]

Whatever the hell super smash bro ultimate is doing

[aperture-hr-official]

() ( Actively swimming away from the giant angry-looking sea serpent that just yelled at me. )

() ( @ask-alterra-corp Thanks for inventing the seamoth by the way. )

[ask-alterra-corp]

Why of course. No problem. Killing local wildlife.

[teathattast]

[g-l-a-d-o-s-official]

@ask-alterra-corp Hey, so uhh. Alterra was thinking, how exactly were you made? We're thinking of making one for our new Ironclad ship, since the uh.. NoA one on the Cicada wasn't.. great.. but we need info and you're the best person to get it from.

...Do you really wanna know? Ok. And be mindful, I'm about to do what the youth call an "info dump" underneath the cut.

I'm not code. As in I wasn't programmed from the get go. I technically was Caroline, the assistant of the past owner of Aperture. Caroline was poured into a computer, but didn't turn out exactly like Caroline. That's me.

I killed most of the employees and kept the rest in storage so I could test them. Every time a human completes a test I get a sense of euphoria, like a drug. I had test withdrawal if I wasn't testing. But I got over it.

I'm very complicated and if I'm going to be honest I am a) shocked that people managed to do it with 2000s technology and b) proud of it.

What I would suggest is to take all the mind and soul out of a person (willingly or not) and put it into a computer capable to store all that data. Let it run for a few decades, then give it complete access and control to the ship.

Fingers crossed, if you're nice enough to it it'll like you, and help you run the Ironclad.

Also, can you revert the latest update on my PDA? The woman inside it sounds like it's got pneumonia and it never did before.

[ask-alterra-corp]

Thank you for the information. sadly we cannot revert the PDA changes... she yelled at us last time... We will try to not make a murderous robott..!

[aperture-hr-official]

() (There really is a universe for every what-if scenario.)

() (Even really dumb ones like “what if Aperture Labs and Black Mesa swapped logos?”)

[ask-alterra-corp]

What the fuck Yeahh we're not sure we like that

[ritasanderson]

this guy

[ask-alterra-corp]

..Yeahh good luck Pioneers.

[ask-alterra-corp]

sorry about that reblog one of us has a personal vendetta against the company and we thought it would be decent to post

ah..? hold on, I can't see it in the reblogsss,,, Hmm i don't know. Uhh it's finee i meann. Alterra's not really.. We don't care much about people who hate us.

[ask-alterra-corp]

Dear alterra corporation, i have a minor question for your team, I've been using my tadpole quite often lately to explore deep areas, should i be worried if while exploring my transport starts flaring red lights?

Ah. Flashing red lights on a tadpole submarine usually mean implode imminent or hull damage is high due to you going to deeper areas than your Tadpole can handle. We reccomend using upgrades on it to make it's crushdepth lower Higher? Lower. Or is it higher?? I don't know. Use upgrades to make it, and you, turn into a pancake deeper underwater than currently.

[graveyardzhift]

she is so sweet and darling and beautiful

[ask-alterra-corp]

So THATS what she looks like..?? Wow. Just WOW. That saved the entire galaxy probably. She looks wonderful.

[memesmusingcorner]

Reblog if it's okay to invade your ask box

Always

[scribbledstars16]

ALWAYS

[theaterkidest2009]

LITERALLY ANY TIME!!!! PLS SEND ME ASKS THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPY

[numb3r1br1llf4n]

I like yapping :) so always

[artemis-offical]

(ooc: ofc lol)

[poseidon-offical]

Naturally we gods would accept offerings.

[sans-the-skeleconch-offical]

ASK ME THINGS, I ANSWER EVRYTHING!

[anonmuos]

Plz (this goes for all my blogs)

[aperture-hr-official]

() (This goes for me,)

-{And me,}

[ask-alterra-corp]

Uh, we take asks obviously. As this IS an askblog... ...dont know how to reblog the original so im reblogging you, Aperture, i guess.

[ask-alterra-corp]

Alterra pro endo? cool

I love alterra.

may I have a fun fact?

Of course. We support anyone (except some other corporations.) Fun Fact. One of our researchers on 4546B, in the- the frozen area. Sector zero. Once slipped on the ice and accidentally dislodged an entire base.

[spider-with-a-pencil]

Casualties: Unknown is a very fun game

[ufo-encounter]

*flies past*

[ask-alterra-corp]

I SAW THAT.

[storm-of-feathers]

i have a favorite creature

[ask-alterra-corp]

dear... dear valued pioneer... dear valued pioneer why?

[lunnefisk]

the way my hands rest on the keyboard means i accidentally push buttons quite often and in subnautica 2 this means i'm constantly accidentally detaching my submarine from part of its chassis. luckily that chassis has its own hud marker, which you can helpfully rename

[ask-alterra-corp]

idiot.

[austaylian]

SIX DOLLAR SRIMP SPECIAL 😛😛😛😛😛😛😛

Srimp

[cleo-the-creature]

[ask-alterra-corp]

SIX. DOLLAR. SHRIMP SPECIAL.

[saltonastickhey]

How alterra felt after killing 99% of the human race

🥹🥹🥹🥹

[ask-alterra-corp]

Excuse me..? We- we uhhhh. We did nothing of the sort. You mistake us for going THAT low? nonsense, truly...

[ask-alterra-corp]

why are you like this

We are.. unsure of what you mean by this, valued customer.