My Apologies for my Absences
For those that don't know, I am already an artist with a chronic heart illness on top of PMOS. I don't hide it, I am unwell a lot of days. I get hindered a lot of the time for appointments and general just bad days where anything from high blood pressure or panic attacks can wind me up in bed all day spiraling.
I live with my grandparents, lost my grandmother last August and lost my job of 8 years in October. 300 applications and nothing. I'm now practically bedbound.
Just a month or so ago, my grandfather got diagnosed with esophageal cancer, and was supposed to start treatment this week.
Today, he had a stroke. He can no longer speak, write or do basic functions. I never thought I'd have to make those phone calls to take him to the hospital.
He is the only family that has ever taken care of me, this house is the one I was born and raised in, I know nothing else. For the last decade, I have taken care of my great grandmother, my grandmother and now him alone in my house, and now we're here. I have no job, no money for my meds or to feed my cats, no way to access anything. Having to put my own health on hold for the last 2-3 years I'm only deteriorating myself. Nothing but a ticking time clock.
I've been trying to make sure to get my commissions that are backed up as my priority over everything, the last thing I ever want is to burden people with something I owe them. I don't ever want to be a burden. I've been trying not to talk about it much for my own privacy and fear, but its now gotten to a point where I'm apologizing for hiatuses, everything.
What this means for my blogs, I don't know yet.
If he doesn't pull through any of this, I don't know what my future is. I have nothing, and can't afford anything in good ol expensive California.
I'm just so sorry. I hope I see you all again soon.
