Cave Johnson Here...

~ The name's Cave Johnson, founder and CEO of Aperture Science. I don't see crises - only challengitunities. Any Questions? Ask Caroline, My PA.

[askcavejohnsonceo]

...

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2UCoxgcODo)

[askcavejohnsonceo]

Portal 2’s Co-Op Was Perfect

Portal 2’s GLaDOS, the game’s coolly sadistic robot narrator, wanted me to hate my co-op partner. In corporate lingo pulled from a dystopian HR manual, she warned that Portal 2’s levels are lethal unless my teammate and I trust, respect and communicate with each other. “Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you,” she said, “given the other’s performance so far.”

You're not wrong. 

Aperture Science is filled with mankind's greatest inventions, and the best $60 test subjects money can buy!

[askcavejohnsonceo]

We do all our Science from scratch. No hand holding!

[askcavejohnsonceo]

‪$21.6 Billion to build a wall?‬ ‪Ridiculous.‬ ‪I can buy moon rocks for half that price. ‬

[askcavejohnsonceo]

Me: Video Games don't make you violent

GLaDOS: *forces me to incinerate my weighted companion cube*

Me: I'm going to cheat in a crowbar and beat your robot ass to a pulp.

[manchesterca]

Before and after reorganizing my Valve display.

I’ve still got more that won’t even fit here.

[askcavejohnsonceo]

Hell of a setup you got there kid.

[askcavejohnsonceo]

Well, that slinking Rat Man is still squirming around my damned facility apparently.

[grossnational]

Bell Labs, 1970

“In the late ‘60’s I worked for Bell Labs for a few years managing a data center and developing an ultra high speed information retrieval system. It was the days of beehive hair on the women and big mainframe computers. One day I took a camera to work and shot the pictures below. I had a great staff, mostly women except for the programmers who were all men. For some reason only one of them was around for the pictures that day” –Lawrence Harley “Larry” Luckham 

[sommerrev]

@whatsinthesauce

[backboneofaperture]

Visit Original Link

Greetings, fellow science enthusiasts, and welcome to Aperture Science Innovators! My name is Caroline, and I’ll be answering your questions today

(Oh boy, I’m already out of things to say. How does he keep this up?)

I’m the assistant to our CEO here at Aperture – I’m sure you know all about Mr. Johnson – and he enjoys his pre-recorded messages so much that he told me to make a few of my own. I don’t have much to talk about, myself, but I’d be happy to answer any questions you may have regarding Aperture or anything else that comes to mind. Just leave your inquiries here on my desk and I’ll get to them as soon as possible. 

I suppose that’s all for now. This is Caroline, signing off.

(What do you think, sir?)

[askcavejohnsonceo]

Looming omnipotently over the tiny, miniature people living in your desk drawer isn’t only encouraged, but comes highly recommended from me.

It’s like you’re simulating my life here at Aperture...except I have to occasionally pay you...and I can’t flush you down the toilet quite as easily.

[askcavejohnsonceo]

A friendly reminder that Android Hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance.

[askcavejohnsonceo]

Portal vs Half-Life

[askcavejohnsonceo]

For Science.

[askcavejohnsonceo]

Portal: The Uncooperative Cake Acquisition Game livestream is starting in 5 minutes!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zsi_OYUljq4

[askcavejohnsonceo]

I’m excited to announce that I’ll be doing a Livestream of the freshly released ‘Portal The Uncooperative Cake Acquisition Game’ tomorrow night with Nick and Ryan from @syntheticph on the @lambdageneration Youtube!

Friday, November 6th at 8pm PST HERE

We’ll be going in fresh, seeing what it’s all about, and generally making fools of ourselves playing a board game version of Portal.

It’s gonna be fun, and you’ll be able to see how much fun the game is, with people who LOVE the series.

See you tomorrow everyone!

[askcavejohnsonceo]

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[askcavejohnsonceo]

Caroline, what's left in the Q3 Health & Safety budget? Gonna need banners and Moon-Rock celebratory items. Y'know, the good stuff. Not the stuff we reuse for employee birthdays and put in the fire extinguishers.