This isn't even a transphobia thing, it's just the usual cisnormativity of the world. Idk something as silly as being told in a new job "yeah we all share a single lockerroom, it's unisex, its fine, but if you're a prude you can use the other one, nobody uses it" and then you have to consider whether you prefer to be considered a prude (and miss on a lot of the social nets of the job) or be clocked and be accidentally misgendered often like your other trans coworker with nobody else acknowledging it, or like whenever you drop your stealth with Allies)
Or seeing feminist initiatives for women in science and knowing that you're not the one who's in their mind, because your experience doesnt count, because they're thinking of girls like they were, not girls like you were.
Or seeing queer spaces and knowing you're not the type of person who's in their mind, because you're Not Queer Enough, because you are a binary woman (you are not), and then if you're allowed on a technicality you see you're the only one of your kind, and the cis men make jokes about putting on skirts, and the cis women make jokes about putting skirts on men, and the NB and trans men joke about cops thinking they were a trans woman and being Accidentally Trans Allies because they got some misdirected hate crimes (they showed their ID or got searched and the cops realized their mistake and left them alone).
And then you go to physics conferences and you see you're the only one of your kind, and go to women's physics groups where they talk about how hard it is to be few of their kind while you're there, alone, unacknowledged, and often get to hear some seriously cissexual stuff.
And then you work with kids, because you're a science communicator and a teacher, and you remember how many times you've heard, read, even from your own family, that people like you must be prevented from doing that because we are degenerates, and you wonder how many parents who smile at you would still smile if they knew.
And then you go to your neighbourhood leftist organization, on request, to talk about the neigbourhood urban garden, and you love the place and the people, and then look around and find that they recently held a bunch of conferences on Trans Ideology Infiltrating The Left.
And then you have a discussion with activist friends on risks, and you spend literal hours discussing women's fears concerning SA in prison or police retention (a fear that, while you share with your cis mates, is not discussed with you in mind) but when you try to talk about fear of V-coding or solitary confinement or being put with the men you get "nah thats not gonna happen", and "well it surely wouldn't be that bad" and "hey it would be fun if we were cellmates, no?"
And then you go play sports with cis friends and whenever you score they joke about you having advantage, even if your score is literally the average score of the group, and so you think of playing sports with non-friends in a neighbourhood group but then wonder whether they'll have to have an entire meeting just to ban you and people like you.
Idk girl, I'm just tired. Tired and alone. And it fucking sucks that the only places where people like me are expected are like,,, BDSM and non-monogamy stuff, which, don't get me wrong, are things that rock, but like I'm a bit more.
germansingergirl
theartofmadeline
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romaincrisis
