Begin where you ended it @audreyblanche - Tumblr Blog

fake relationship but its a king and his concubine that was once an amazing soldier but he couldn’t go up the ranks for whatever reason so the king was like listen. hear me out. you can be my strategy dude. u just gotta be okay w walking around shirtless a lot. and soldier dude is like man that’s an UPSIDE and yknow they end up falling in love

aethersea

some idiot advisor: I can’t believe his majesty lets his boytoy attend these council meetings, it’s an insult to the noble institutions that uphold our nation, it’s an outrage—

a somewhat smarter advisor: you’re just mad bc he pointed out how dumb your naval attack strategy and no one laughed when you made a mean joke about him

fieldbears

Boytoy has gone from a top fighter who was well respected but in constant danger to wearing silks and eating grapes on daises. That fucked up rotator cuff was the best thing to ever happen to him

mzminola

Bonus points: at least half the other concubines are experts in assorted fields, the monarch brings them to relevant meetings to both play up a reputation for frivolity, and make sure at least one person there doesn’t have an outside agenda.

aethersea

my harem?

did you mean: my chief strategic advisors

kitten-kin

The kingdom is an absolute monarchy but the harem has become a secret meritocracy. The nobles and official advisors kind of side-eye His Majesty because wow some of these consorts must have like…really good personalities. Kings of the past have had their own specific tastes of course; size, shape, age, color, et cetera. More than one ruler has interviewed consorts feet first and Ardwin the Adventurous’s obsession - God rest him - with snuffling armpits like a sow rooting for mushrooms is well known despite never being alluded to in polite company.

The worst part of it is that the new king takes at least part of his harem with him everywhere and it’s so embarrassing. The Counselors of War have never once met with His Divine Majesty without that hulking battle-scarred consort interrupting with muttered growls or scornful snorts. And the Ministers of Finance all flinch at the sight of that fox-faced one, rumored to have been rescued from the gallows because His Augustness took a fancy to his eyes or some such nonsense. General petition days are even worse, with practically the entire harem drifting in and out of the Grand Hall in turns, insouciant and smug like granary cats who know they’ve been given full run of the courtyards and barns.

It’s absolutely infuriating that the kingdom has never before known such a period of peace and prosperity under this ridiculous monarch.

absolutely-esme

It has not yet occurred to anyone that, perhaps, his highness has a competence kink.

It will, eventually, and at least a few people are going to be embarrassed it didn’t occur to them sooner.

“Well, you won’t be catching the king’s eye,” becomes an entirely different sort of insult than foreigners tend to assume.

alhashimis

@pscentral event 36: trios alec hardison & eliot spencer & parker

look, I know it’s not the same thing but hardison and I are gonna be here for you forever.

#leverage

andhumanslovedstories

One of the stranger things about training brand new nurses is explaining how to min max small talk. It feels very weird to coach people on how to chat.

andhumanslovedstories

if I make and post an insanely detailed powerpoint on the twenty different equations I run mentally during casual conversation to make it flow better, everyone has to say that it's sexy and cool and not weird at all

andhumanslovedstories

remember, everyone promised to be cool! also disclaimer disclaimer disclaimer assume I said all the things you'd say to be like "i know human interaction is complicated, i know some of what i listed here would be very annoying to some people," and all that

#ressources

wheeloffortune-design

In time travel movies, when the time traveler asks 'What year is this?!?' they're always treated like they're being weird for asking.

When in reality, if you go 'What year is this?!?' people will just say '2024. Crazy huh.' and you go 'Wtf where has my youth gone.'

And if you ask 'And what month??' people won't judge you, they'll just go like 'SEPTEMBER!!! Can you believe it?!?!' and you go 'WHAT?!? Last time I checked we were in May?!?'

marlynnofmany

That is a great point. Especially if you time travel to a period of Big Historical Events, when everybody's looking a little wild about the eyes.

"Hey, what month is it?"

"January already, can you believe it? I swear I was just at Pompeii, but no one's going there again."

aphony-cree

In the same vein:

Stumbling into a diner and asking "What town is this" isn't weird, the workers will think you're on a road trip

If you ask them "Where's the nearest Nano Deck?" they'll assume it's a shop they've never heard of and say "Sorry, I don't know where any of those are"

Going into a store and telling a cashier "I need pods for my comm device" will just get you a "Never heard of those, maybe try Radio Shack?"

I think the problem is that people who create sci-fi movies have never had to work customer service jobs

should-be-sleeping

I paused for like a second while signing a document and the person who gave it to me blurted out the entire date without giving it a second thought.

Like, I just couldn't recall if it was the 22 or the 23rd and here you are with the month and year as if I just woke from a decades long coma, bless.

lilacpaperbird

*white knuckling the bathroom sink* do NOT infodump ppl about the fact that the first spn fic was a wincest one and that it was posted mere hours after the pilot and that the founder of ao3 was a wincestie and that the first fic on ao3 was wincest too and that the omegaverse as we know it was created by wincest shippers for jared/jensen fics *pointing at myself in the mirror with a shaky hand* ppl will think you're weird and off-putting you need to control yourself–

nameslikeguns

it's fundamental fandom history 😤 and honestly the amount of people who think wincest is an aberration in spn fandom and those that think ao3 shouldn't allow "problematic" content and be fully censored should know these things so they can be aware of where these cultural juggernauts started.

lilacpaperbird

not them asking naomi novik AKA ASTOLAT if she was okay with incest fics of her characters when she was the one in the trenches writing wincest fics and founding ao3 so people could have a place to post their works without censorship. that's absolutely hilarious I have to find that post

lilacpaperbird

YES my brother in christ she WROTE THE PROPOSAL !

May. 17th, 2007

An Archive of One's Own

AO3 was created out of collective effort, and she was the one who started it all. It's incredible to see how many of her ideas in this proposal ended up actually happening. So many things we now take for granted were crazy dreams at first

#fandom history

numberonehugninja

CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARLLL THAT KIIIIIIIIIIIILLS PEOPLE CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARL

#it is way too late for me to be sitting in my kitchen ugly laughing about this

loonaelipse

lucy liu deserves the lesbian cult following that cate blanchett has and you can’t change my mind

queercapwriting

In Elementary alone, she:

cannot sit properly in a chair to save her life:

has a sharper suit and tie game than any cis man:

Glasses™:

is utterly adorable:

has That Smile™:

and is Very Tired:

my case will never rest because there is Endless Evidence, but I’m supposed to be at work so thank you for coming to my TED talk.

entrandoempanico

Lucy “Heart Eyes” Liu

#lucy liu

cirquedusorrel

This whole fight is Andy being attracted and Nile refusing to lose…

#the old guard #nile/andy

geekysprinkler

deleted scene

#the old guard #i am dying #asdfghjkjhgfghjk

simply-ellas-stuff

When I say I want to learn how to fight, I mean like Charlize Theron in The Old Guard.

#the old guard

mistress-new-mistress

The Old Guard

#the old guard #asdfghjkjhgfghjk

spider-heda

Charlize Theron and Kiki Layne as Andy ‘Andromache the Scythian’ and Nile Freeman, during the plane fight scene in The Old Guard.

#the old guard #that was the sexiest goddamn fight #nile pushing off the wall while andy holds her down #ungghhhhh

rudderless-in-an-ocean-of-stars

the old guard crack #29473

kidnapper: we have your son.

joe: i don’t have a son.

kidnapper: but you’re under the contact name ‘daddy’ in his phone though???

joe: santa maria madre de dio, they have nicky.

bonus:

andy: you mean nicky has them.

nile: wait, what does that even mea-

*the sudden sounds of gunshots, pained screams, and angry italian cursing begin to echo from the other end of the call*

nile: oh.

#the old guard #lol

theseymourbirkhoff-deactivated2

Motherfuck

#the old guard

cirquedusorrel

This is the first moment that Andy really recognizes Nile as more than an obligation. Andy is a fighter at heart and the moment Nile lands a clean hit, she’s surprised but more than that she’s delighted.

#the old guard