Okay, so I don’t normally do this. I’m on Tumblr to follow my favorite fandoms not to post about them (or anything else for that matter), but I have to respond to this, because I just do.
Warning, I have ADHD. This reply is going to be VERRRY long-winded, often hyper-specific, and utterly riddled with tangents. (I hope you’re okay with that.)
First, before I say anything else, let me just get this out of the way:
YAS QUEEN/KING/MONARCH! (I don’t want to assume you’re gender, please read only the royally fierce title of your choosing. I actually prefer “sovereign” personally, but I’m also a Mass Effect fan, and I didn’t want to give off Reaper vibes, because I’m not trying to accuse anyone of being an ancient sentient synthetic being bent on wiping out all organic life every 50K years, you know?)
(Did you think I was kidding about tangents? xD)
I love you so hardcore right now for everything you said about how you feel regarding the modern use of the words “platonic” and “romantic” — and that’s a really big deal for me, because I love words like you wouldn’t believe.
If you look up “platonic” in the Apple dictionary (on a Mac or iOS device) or via Google, both will give you the following definition (from the Oxford English Dictionary) —
(of love or friendship) intimate and affectionate but not sexual
Here’s the thing: That is a modern — and dare I say it, colloquial — definition of a much more profound concept. By that I mean we have collectively watered it way the fuck down with our everyday/informal use of the word instead of using it *ahem* correctly.
The word platonic (in English) actually dates back to the 16th/17th century, from “Platonic” — and yes, that’s a capital P, because it’s an adjective based on a proper noun — as in that which is of or associated with the Greek philosopher Plato or his ideas. We started describing love as “Platonic” in reference to the notions of love described and discussed in Plato’s Symposium.
Here’s the twist: The Symposium was basically a bunch of essay-like speeches from different points of view discussing and praising Eros — as in the God of Love and Desire.
(Do not let me go off on a tangent about my obsession with Greek Mythology. Do not. We will literally be here all day week month year talking about it.)
I don’t really expect you to go read the Symposium (or even this Wikipedia article about it, or this one about the concept of platonic love), but I want to point out that anything I have to say about it inside of a few sentences would only be a terribly watered down version of something pretty effing awesome.
For example: You know that story about soulmates where humans used to have double-bodies? The one where we had two heads, four arms, four legs, and two sets of genitals — so there were actually three genders, the all-male (male/male) who came from the sun, the all-female (female/female) who came from the earth, and the androgynous (male/female) who came from the moon? And then Zeus got mad at us for being just too fucking awesome, so he split each human into two halves to diminish our awesomeness? And so we are each compelled to seek out our missing “other half” based on our original gender? (Those that were originally all-male are gay, those that were all-female are lesbians, and those that were androgynous are heterosexual/straight.) You know, that story? Yeah, that’s from Aristophanes’(s) speech in the Symposium.
There’s lots of cool shit in the Symposium.
(Yes, I’m resisting the urge to tell you all about all of it.)
But before I get back to my point about platonic love, here’s some fun information about the word “romantic” —
Did you know the modern use of the word romance comes from another adjective based on a proper noun? Yep. Originally, the word “romantic” didn’t have anything to do with love, but language. It described a composition that was written in the vernacular (i.e., the “common” tongue) as opposed to the more formal Latin. You know, as in the Romance Languages — the ones descended from Latin, like French, Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, Catalan, Occitan, and Romanian. And why did we call them Romance languages you ask? Because Middle English jacked it from Old French romanz, which was based on the Latin Romanicus (meaning, “Roman”).
The modern — and dare I say it (once again), colloquial — definition of the word “romantic” evolved from the mid-17th century use of the word in the sense of the genre of romantic love (stories/poems) — which were more likely to be written in the common vernacular rather than the old, stuffy, formal Latin.
(I’m not going to go off on a whole other thing about the word vulgar. Nope, I’m going to get back to the point at hand, I promise.)
(But seriously, you should go look up vulgar if you’re feeling as wordy as I always am, because it’s relevant to a lot of that really cool stuff about the Symposium that I promised not to bore you with.)
(But spoiler alert! The punchline is that the word vulgar is related to our modern notion of “romantic” love.)
My tangential point about “romance” is that the word “romantic” quite literally (if only etymologically) means Roman(tic), and I think that’s just ridiculous and hilarious. xD
But getting back to the point about platonic love —
The thing about “platonic love” is that, as a phrase, it originally referenced the transcendent “divine love” — which was the end of a journey to achieve a spiritual love beyond the carnal “earthly love” — as discussed in the dialogue/speeches of Plato’s Symposium.
(Remember the thing I said I wasn’t going to get into about the word vulgar? Yeah. The phrase “vulgar love” is just another way of saying “earthly love” — as in physical/sexual love. You know, the kind of love we now think of as “romantic.” Hmm. I wonder if that has anything to do with our modern definition of vulgar… xD)
(No, I will not apologize for my incredibly dated text-based emoticons. I think they’re cuter than emojis.)
Basically, Plato put forward the idea that there are different levels of love — that all forms of love are an expression of the utterly human urge to connect and feel pleasure through beauty and truth. It may be simple and sensory as in the physical or sexual, or it may be complex and ethereal, as in the intellectual or emotional.
More to the point, platonic love the kind of intimacy and closeness which is based on a spiritual desire removed from carnal passion and physical/sexual desire — and in the original sense of the word platonic, it is considered to be superior to all other forms of love.
Platonic love is attraction to spiritual beauty and philosophical truth in all its forms, be that the love you feel for another person, or even the love you feel for intangible things and ideas. It is literally the epitome of true love.
In my opinion, true love is always platonic. Sometimes it’s romantic, but it doesn’t have to be. And, for the record, I love romantic love. Me, personally? I think sex and romance are awesome. I want them. But I would also argue to my last breath that it’s not really possible to experience true romantic love — the fairy-tale romance, OTP kind of love — without platonic connection. And I personally think of romantic love as a foundational base upon which a higher form of platonic love should be built — but that foundation is not always necessary. In fact, it’s rarely necessary. I would even argue that we only put such a premium on "romantic love” because a lot of us are horny, and those pesky primal urges often get in the way of spiritual truth. Maybe we don’t want to admit that sex is just sex, and we try to make it mean something more than it really is because we’re all secretly seeking platonic connection to something more profound than the physical.
In conclusion, platonic is exactly the opposite of “lesser” than romantic.
Platonic attraction isn’t a “denial” of romantic attraction, it is attraction beyond physical desires.
It doesn’t mean you’re “just friends” — it means you’re beyond friends.
To connect platonically is the ultimate form of connection.
Platonic is beautiful. Platonic is lovely.
You are so wonderfully platonic, you beautiful, lovely person, you.
Words are all made-up. They have no power except in the meaning we assign them — but we all have the power to make our words count for something.
So, thank you for sharing yours with me and giving me this excuse to celebrate platonic love with you.
(You up for one last little tangent? Yeah? Awesome! Because speaking of all words being made-up, shout out to all the aros and aces who invented the word queerplatonic! It essentially means the same thing that regular old “platonic” used to mean before everyone decided to ruin a perfectly wonderful word by watering it down. You gave it a much-needed glow-up, and I’m so effing here for it!)
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