Poetic Filter

All the art I dare to share.

[austenappalled]

Life as a Writer

Grant description: “A prize of $3 and a pack of chewing gum is awarded biennially to a 90 year old LGBT Inuit named Clarice living in Vanuatu, who yodels while she belly dances, for a collection of poetry focused on the life cycle of the nematode that took her entire life to complete.” Me: .........................I can fake that.

[austenappalled]

Writer's Block

I'm forcing myself to write right now. I'm told by the pros this is how.    I clench my teeth, heaving    and trying to breathe, but the shit just won't seem to come out.

[austenappalled]

Commencement

Success is not swift, however we may study or compare. She lives not in ambition or ties    in prestige or fortune, but in the dedication to craft    in the minutiae of perseverance    in the bravery of brazen stubbornness -- for who will read what you have not written? There is no excuse for stopping the soul.    Neither age, nor mood, nor happenstance matter. Write, regardless    of time, place, genre, or popularity    of chance    of promise    of the future. Write.

*This poem was inspired by an article written by Neil Gaiman.

[austenappalled]

A Little Existential Crisis On My Morning Walk

Today while walking down the street, I found myself thinking about all the lab mice that have to be euthanized as a result of the government shutdown. I thought about how mice are biologically similar to us, but with a much shorter life expectancy-- hence why we use them for pharmaceutical experiments. Then I found myself wondering, "What actually is the life expectancy of a modern human being?" My initial answer was, "It depends where you live." Industrialized nations generally have a longer life span than their agrarian counterparts. But what, actually, is the natural human life expectancy? Should we really be keeling over at forty, like our cavemen ancestors of yore or have we changed so completely as a species -- from hunting for survival to hunting for sport -- that nature no longer plays a role in our lives except for the occasional cosmic bitchslap life so loves to deal when we get a bit too cocky? "Oh, you think you've beat HIV? Well, here's some cancer. Figure that shit out!" Then while thinking about the biological trickery that is modern medicine, I found myself looking at the cars passing by and wondering how it got to this point: the cars, the money, the intricate bullshit politics. Humans are the only species that need to complicate things so much. Dogs just go, "Well, shit. I've got food and I can sleep." They don't spend their days trying to figure out the best combination of words that will make people who read them want to go shell out pieces of paper to buy shit that will invariably kill them. Why do we need this? What's it for? Why do I spend 95 percent of my waking time worrying about whether I'll have enough pieces of paper at the end of the week, month, year, my entire life--why do I worry about whether or not someone will claim they love me forever? Put a boisterous ring on my finger and get me even deeper into debt? Why? Dogs don't do that and I like dogs. Dogs also sniff each others' asses a lot, but who's the real dumb one: the mammal who sits around licking his balls all day or the one worrying about whether he'll have enough pieces of paper to afford sitting on his couch, scratching his balls after working all day?

[austenappalled]

The American Government: A Play in One Scene

People: I want this. Democrats: I want this other thing...for my...constituents. ::snicker:: Republicans: I want this third thing...also for my, um, constituents. ::snicker:: Democrats: Well you can't have that, Republicans. Republicans: Then fuck you Democrats. Democrats: Fuck me? Fuck you! Republicans: No, fuck YOU! People: Um, guys? Democrats: You're a bunch of ignorant assholes. Republicans: You're a bunch of pussies. Democrats: I know you are, but what am I? Republicans: I know YOU are, but what am I? People: Guys?? Democrats: Dumbassessaywhat? Republicans: What? Democrats: ::giggle:: Republicans: Aw, you guys are such assholes. If I can't get what I want, I'm out. Democrats: Fine, be that way. We don't need your stupid states anyway. (Democrats and Republicans leave.) People: Guys?

[austenappalled]

Source: http://cheezburger.com/7414259968

[austenappalled]

Online Dating Tips for Men: The Profile Picture

As I seem to be a professional online dater, allow me to share my wisdom with you gentleman as to what your profile says to female readers.

The profile picture is my first chance to lock eyes with you, as it were. Lucky for you, you get to show me you at your best instead of meeting in real life when you're cramming a burrito in your mouth. With that said, be sure to pick, y'know...a good picture. I've seen a number of guys who, upon further inspection, are pretty cute, but they look like Quasimodo in their profile picture. Bad marketing, boys! How do I pick a good profile picture, you ask?

Simply follow these rules:

1. No Selfies! Selfies tell your lady viewer that you either a) do not have one friend who would take your picture or b) were rushing to just put any old picture up and don't really care about how you come across. The former is off-putting -- why don't you have friends/family members that will take a nice picture of you doing something fun? Do you not know other human beings? DID YOU EAT YOUR FAMILY?! The latter suggests that your desire to find a relationship is akin to that uncle who goes fishing every weekend. It'd be nice if he caught something, but really he just wants to drink all day and have a good time. 2. No alcoholic beverages in your profile picture. Alcohol's great. Going out for drinks is possibly the most awesome way to get to know someone. But think about it. Your profile picture tells me how you perceive yourself (sort of a picture's-worth-a-thousand-words summation of yourself). If your profile picture is you holding a brew up to the camera for no particular reason, that tells me you're very proud of your drinking habits. As someone who really only drinks socially, that makes me wonder if you spend every night drinking to inebriation and makes me not want to click on your profile to learn more. Keep it in there if it's a really good picture of yourself, but don't make it the first impression you leave with a potential date. Note: there are two exceptions to this rule. Your profile picture CAN have alcohol in it if you 1)traveled to Germany for Oktoberfest and had awesome beer in a funky stein or 2) are a bartender and compete in those bottle-spinning bartender-flair contests. That's pretty cool.

3. No sunglasses/hat/other face obstructions. I understand that people want to maintain their privacy and aren't comfortable putting their face out there. Perhaps online dating isn't really for you then. I recently came across one guy who might have been handsome, but not a single one of his pictures showed his whole face. The text of his profile didn't impress me and his pictures didn't show me enough to go, "Let's give him a chance" so I passed him right by. You're losing out, guys! 4. Stop it with the facial hair... ...None of you can pull it off.

5. Get a picture of just yourself. You may not realize it, but some of your friends are more attractive than you. There's nothing worse than getting excited over a guy's profile, getting intrigued by his profile picture, and then realizing that you've been pining over the wrong guy for 3 seconds. Total let down. You might even be decent looking, but I'm so disappointed, I just have to close out your tab and go on with my life.

Good luck and God speed.

[austenappalled]

To my followers!

Hey guys! I've begun working on a new project. Call it therapy. I hope you'll submit your frustrations so we can come together to blow off a little steam and maybe be a little happier in the long run.  Check it out at http://srslyfuckyou.tumblr.com/

[austenappalled]

Can't Stop Thinking About Boston

John Lennon in Imagine! with Lyrics! Lyrics: Imagine there's no heaven It's easy if you try No hell below us Above us only sky Imagine all the people living ...

[austenappalled]

Happy Hump Day!

[austenappalled]

[austenappalled]

How it feels when you catch someone cheating on you

[austenappalled]

Green-Eyed

On the train a woman sat in front of me, reading a law textbook and highlighting excerpts vigorously. With every page turn she stopped to check the ring on her left hand: admiring it, twirling it. It twinkled in the fluorescent light like the snow on the ground above us. It was beautiful and I was jealous. But why? Content with work and love, what do I lack? A symbol? A talisman to ward off creepy men and inspire the same envy I now dissect? Am I really so shallow to need a sign on my hand telling everyone, "Yes, I am loved"? Yes! I am loved! By many people whom I also love. And that's enough. That's all I need.

[austenappalled]

I am utterly in love with this shop.

[austenappalled]

What are these walls here for? Tear them down. Tear them down, I say.

[austenappalled]

Pinus Longaeva

Untouched by insects, man and pest, the Bristlecone Pine twirls his roots into the ground.

Older than Christ, he watches history pass -- observing always, absorbing all. Yet immune to the dangers that fell his oldest companions, he stands, immortal, unsure of Time's fidelity. Will his cells continue reproducing, his branches ever blossom? Or will he lay himself to sleep and see the sun no more?

[austenappalled]

Centennial

What is in a year or a hundred that warrants revolution, rights given and taken with the tide of history? The funny tumblings of morals from generation to veneration. What were we before we became what we are? What spirit possessed us to suffer women the vote while censoring their bodies or to burden the poor with the poverty of the rich? God appeared in government, not to forgive us our slavery, but to witness the beginning of the end.