I'm doing fine i think @autisticbiologistmess - Tumblr Blog

Jun 1

Her Sunshine

trinity santos x f!reader

summary: the pitt's resident grump trinity santos likes you more than she lets on.

warnings: grumpy x sunshine, slow burn, fluff, hurt/comfort, mentions of self harm and depression, possible medical inaccuracies, kissing, happy ending

word count: 6.9k

a/n: the talk of self harm is in the fourth section (the opening sentence starts with "ever since movie night" if you want to skip it, the story will still make sense without reading it!

You still remember the first day you met Trinity Santos. It was on the Fourth of July, so it was extra memorable.

When you came to PTMC, you were a third year med student. Despite your bubbly personality, you were so nervous. Your nerves settled, however, when you found out Joy Kwon, who you went to med school with, was on the same rotation as you.

"So what are your thoughts so far?" Joy mutters under her breath to you.

"I like it, everyone seems nice."

"Even Ogilvie?"

You shrug. "He's kind of annoying at times, but he's fine."

"Damn, there's really nothing that gets under your skin."

"Sure there is", you say as you prop your forearms on the counter of the nurses' station in front of you. "Aside from the obvious like abusers or bigots, people who talk over others, people don't have good hygiene, people who chew loudly or with their mouth open, people who don’t use turn signals, people who hate avocados—"

"Amen to that", someone cuts in. You look to your left and see a girl about your age enter the nurses' station. She sits at the desk opposite of the counter you're leaning against and looks up at you. "Add liars to that list too."

Somewhat in shock, you look down at her, expecting her to introduce herself. But she just looks at you confused.

"What?"

"Oh, sorry, we just haven't met before." You give the girl your name, and tell her that you're a third year med student and today's your first day.

"I figured. You have this sparkle in your eyes, and a smile that won't go away", she tells you, her tone sarcastic. "The longer you're here, the most depressing this place gets."

"Trust me, nothing's going to bring her down", Joy chimes in from beside you. "This is just who she is."

You look at Joy, an amused smile tugging at the corner of your lips. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

"It's not at all, I'm just jealous of how happy you are all the time. You have this… constant chipperness."

"You mean my natural charm and beautiful smile?" You say, flashing your pearly whites.

The girl who still hasn't given you her names scoffs, so you look back to her to find her staring at you. "Are you really this sunny 24/7?"

"Are you really this grouchy 24/7?"

"Pretty much", she says with an exhausted sigh despite it not even being noon yet.

"You still haven't given me your name", you tell her.

She grabs her name tag that's dangling from her scrub top pocket, tugging it slightly forward to emphazie it. "I presume you know how to read."

You lean a little closer and read the name Trinity Santos. She's a doctor. You can't help but notice how cute she looks in her ID picture despite having a straight, grumpy face.

"Well, nice to meet you Dr. Trinity Santos."

"Likewise", Trinity replies, not looking up at you, instead sorting through paperwork.

You point to one of her tattoos that's showing, her sleeves rolled up to her elbows. "I like your tattoo."

Trinity glances at you to see you pointing at her arm. She looks down, and then back up to you. "The tiger? Thanks."

For a brief second, you could've sworn you saw a hint of a smile trying to surface and replace the frown on her face.

"I've always loved tigers. They represent bravery and strength."

Trinity continues to stare at you, her expression unamused. "Yup."

You push off the counter. "Okay then... see you later Dr. Santos."

"Goodbye, sunshine."

As you turn around, a smile spreads across your face. You walk away, Joy at your side.

"Sunshine? Your first day and you've already gotten a nickname."

"I guess so." The faintest blush creeps up on your cheeks. "Sunshine", you affirm.

After a month of working in the Emergency Department of PTMC, you've fallen into a groove, and the once unfamiliar rhythm of the department now feels almost natural. While you wouldn't classify any of your coworkers as friend friends, you do have a handful of work friends.

Aside from Joy, you work well with Samira Mohan, and you see yourself in her in a lot of ways. Victoria Javadi is someone else who you consider a work friend. You even send each other TikToks off the clock. Mel King, a third year resident, is another person you've come to admire as not just a friend, but as a person.

Then there's Trinity Santos. You're sure she would not consider you guys friends — you're not even sure if you do — but she has opened up to you. Just a little bit.

Trinity seems to like working with you, even if she won't confess it or outright show it. You learned that she took in Dennis Whitaker because he didn't have a place to stay which warmed your heart. A week ago she told you about the situationship she's in with a hardass surgeon, Yolanda Garcia.

Based on what Trinity told you, it appears that she's falling for Garcia, more than she'd like to admit. However, the deal between them is strictly casual, and Garcia has made that evidently clear. Even though Trinity didn't ask for your advice, you gave it to her anyways. Speaking from personal experience, you advised her to get out now because it'll only hurt more down the line.

Yesterday, Trinity told you that she finally ended their arrangement. You asked her if there was anything she needs, but she said no. Trinity is hard to read at times, but you could tell she was hurting more than she let on. She's been in a worse mood than usual since she stopped seeing Garcia.

"Hey, Whitaker", you say as you jog up to his side, walking with him.

"Oh, hi."

"I have two Crumbl Cookies that I want to give to Santos, you can have one of them. I was wondering if you would be willing to give them to her? Sorry if that's weird, I know we don't really know each other very well, I actually don't even know Santos that well, but I just thought she'd appreciate it."

"That's so nice of you, of course."

"Great", you say with a smile.

"Can I ask why you don't give it to Trinity yourself?"

"I know I have this natural pep, and I don't want to annoy her." Your voice lowers, "Especially today after you know."

Confused, Whitaker looks at you. "Wait you know about her and Garcia?"

"Yeah, she told me. I thought most of you guys knew."

"As far as I'm aware, I'm the only person who she told besides you. I think some other people might know, but it's not because Trinity told them."

"Oh", you say, blinking a few times. "Um, well, I didn't tell anyone."

Whitaker shakes his head, a fond smile growing on his face. "No, it's okay, I'm just surprised she told you, that's all."

"At the end of our shift can I give the cookies to you?"

"Yeah, yeah, that works", Whitaker replies as he comes to a stop at the nurses' station. "Do you want me to tell her it's from you?"

"You don't have to. If you want, you can take the credit", you say with a small chuckle.

"Wow, thanks. I know she'll appreciate it, she definitely has a sweet tooth."

You nod, a smile still painted on your face. "You're welcome."

Then, you walk away to attend to one of your patients you picked up with Mel. It takes less than 10 minutes to follow up with him, all you had to do was go over blood test results, so now you're leaving to check on another patient.

As you open the curtain and take a step out, you ram into someone. "Sorry", you mumble. When you look up you see Trinity.

She inhales deeply before exhaling, her shoulders still tight. "It's okay." Trinity looks at you for a beat, and then continues the path she was on.

You hesitate for a moment before joining her, your steps in sync with hers. "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Trinity replies fast and sharp.

"Sorry, just checking. I know ending something casual when you have feelings and the other person doesn't is hard." You take a breath before continuing your rambling. "And I know you're not me, but I've been through it, and it was hell. I had a crush on this girl long before we started hooking up, and I confessed my feelings a few months later, and she told me she still wants casual and doesn't think of me how I think of her. It was..." you huff out a laugh, "heartbreaking."

All of a sudden, Trinity comes to a stop in front of pedes. You stop as well and turn your body to face hers. "Thanks", she mutters. She then rambles at the same pace as you just now. "I'm trying not to think about it, but yeah, it fucking hurts. I mean Garcia has seen so much of me that no one else has, and not only does she not want to be in a relationship, I don't think she cares about me at all. I've told her a lot of shit, I've shown her a lot of shit, and she just..." Trinity scoffs out an irritated sigh. "Doesn't care."

You nod, taking in everything Trinity just shared with you. "I'm sorry, you deserve better." You spot doubt and a little bit of insecurity in her eyes as she's likely assuming you're just taking pity on her. "I mean it, Santos."

"Thank you", she tells you with a hint of vulnerability in her voice. Trinity crosses her arms and takes a steady breath, centering herself. "So, sunshine", Trinity starts, her tone now teasing, and her mouth twitching into a smirk, "you know what a lesbian situationship is like, huh?"

With a laugh, you shake your head. "Oh, trust me, I do."

Trinity laughs too, and you realize it's maybe the third or fourth time you've heard the sound of it since you've known her. For a few moments you just look at each other, awkward tension brewing in the air around you two.

"Do you want to come over and watch a movie tomorrow with me and Huckleberry?" Trinity suddenly blurts.

Taken by surprise, your eyes widen, and you stare at her. Never in a million years did you think Trinity liked you, let alone enough to invite you to hang out outside of work.

"Sorry, you don't have to", Trinity begins, shoving her hands in her pockets. "Just forget—"

"Yeah, I'd love to you." You smile warmly, hoping to reassure her.

"Oh, okay, cool. I have your number from the work group chat, so I'll shoot you a text about it later. Huckleberry is playing house farmer's boy edition tonight, so it would just be us if we did it today."

You nod, unsure if Trinity is mentioning that because she wants Whitaker there for the hangout, she wants it to be just the two of you and she's giving you an in, or simply to explain why she picked tomorrow. If Trinity wanted to hang out with only you, she would've asked you to come over today… right?

"Anyways, I'm gonna go", Trinity says, her hands raising to grip the ends of the stethoscope around her neck. "See ya, sunshine."

"Bye", you murmur, still in shock.

Hm, maybe Trinity Santos liked you more than you thought.

You had just finished changing out of your scrubs, now dressed in a pair of grey sweatpants and a tank top. You sling your bag over your shoulder and lean against your locker, waiting for Trinity and Dennis.

A couple minutes go by, and they enter the locker room. You hear footsteps, but your eyes are glued to your phone.

"Yo", Trinity calls out.

You look up and see them. You greet them with a smile and slide your phone into one of your sweatpants' side pockets.

"Are you meeting us at our place?" Dennis asks you.

"Yeah."

"Cool. Do you have our address?"

"Yes", Trinity cuts in, her voice dramatic and sarcastic. "I obviously sent it to her."

"Obviously", you hear Dennis mumble mockingly. You press your lips together in an attempt to hold back a laugh, although, a smile still surfaces.

"We'll walk you to your car", Trinity tells you as she grabs her stuff out of her locker.

You lead the way, Trinity on your right, and Dennis on hers. No one is talking, and the quietness is kind of awkward.

"So a movie is your idea of a good Friday night, huh?" You ask Trinity, breaking the silence with a teasing smirk.

"Sunshine, don’t think I'm boring. I go out. I bar hop. I club."

"I go out like that on occasion, but it's not really my scene."

Trinity nudges your shoulder with hers. "That's because you haven't gone with me."

You look down at the ground and smile before looking back up and speaking. "Who do you usually go with?"

"I've dragged Dennis along a few times, once with Crash, but I usually go with a couple of my friends. Ever since I started med school, we've drifted apart and now with me working as a doctor, we have even less time for each other. When we go out, that's when we catch up. In between drinks and dancing." Trinity says that last sentence with a bitterness in her voice.

"I'm her only friend", Whitaker chimes in, his tone laced with humor.

"Shut the fuck up", Trinity says through a chuckle. "They're still my friends, they just don't know that much about me anymore."

"But Whitaker does", you say somewhat as a question, but more so as a confirmation.

"Dennis", he tells you, "but yes."

Trinity scoffs, and you catch a small smile on her face. Her smile makes you smile.

You point ahead at the car two spaces away from where you guys are currently at. "This is my car."

"It's blue", Trinity points out.

"Yes, it is. You're very observant", you joke.

Trinity rolls her eyes playfully. "Uh, huh."

Her and Dennis come to a stop behind your car as you walk over to the driver's side. You pull out your keys and unlock it.

"Thanks for walking me", you tell them.

"Of course", Trinity and Dennis say at the same time. They then turn to each other, something akin to disgust and offendedness on their faces. You giggle, finding it cute.

You open the driver's side door. "Okay, I'll see you again in like 15 minutes." You give a quick wave, and then get into your car.

After you set your bag on the passenger seat, you program Trinity and Dennis's address into your GPS. On the drive over you listen to a soft rock playlist.

Once you arrive, you wait outside the apartment complex for Trinity and Dennis to come and show you to their apartment. You're only waiting for a minute before they get here.

The walk over to their unit is filled with sibling-like bickery between Trinity and Dennis. Something about Trinity leaving her laundry in the dryer, and Dennis eating all the Lucky Charms. A chuckle escapes you every now and then upon hearing some of their comments and complaints.

Once you reach their apartment, Trinity unlocks it and steps inside. The duo gives you a mini tour, pointing out the kitchen, living room, and bathroom. They tell you to make yourself at home while they change.

Dennis comes back from his room not even two minutes later. He's wearing sweatpants like you along with a blue t-shirt that has a vintage style print of a state, you think it's Nebraska. You're on the couch, and he joins you, sitting on the opposite end.

"Do you want something to eat?"

Truth be told, you are hungry, but you don't want to impose. Instead, you just shrug. "Eh, I'm okay."

Dennis examines your expression for a few seconds before standing up. "We have some leftover lasagna I'm gonna heat up. I made it a couple days ago. Can I get you a plate?"

"Yeah, that would be good, thank you."

He nods and heads to the kitchen. You watch from the couch as he scoops servings for you and him. He also grabs a third plate, you assume for Trinity.

After Dennis heats it up, he brings you your plate and sets his own on the coffee table. He then goes back into the kitchen to grab the third plate. On his way back over to the living room, Trinity comes out.

"So what movie are we going to watch?"

You turn to her. Trinity's now wearing a pair of baggy boxers and a white tank top. You don't even realize how intense you're staring, but then Trinity makes eye contact with you. Immediately, you look away.

"I'm okay with anything", you say.

As Trinity and Dennis's paths cross, he hands her the plate of lasagna that’s in his hand. "What about Happy Gilmore? It's a lighthearted film", Dennis suggests.

"God, you have such bad taste. I forgot how much I still need to teach you", Trinity says with a small chuckle as she sits on the sofa. Dennis sits in the same corner he was previously at.

"Hey, I teach you things too. You really love my farmer's casserole."

"Don't flatter yourself, I like any casserole."

As the two settle in, you take a bite of the lasagna. "This is pretty good", you say after you finish chewing. "I didn't realize you cooked."

Dennis chuckles, almost embarrassed. "I don't really. Just a few family recipes."

"And they're all bomb as fuck", Trinity compliments even though she just made a jab about Dennis's home cooked meals a second ago.

You notice how she's sitting, her back against the cushion and her legs spread. Dennis leans against the arm of the couch and stretches his legs onto her lap.

"But seriously, what are we going to watch?" Trinity asks again.

"A musical?" Dennis answers, providing another suggestion.

"Aww, musicals are so cute", you say.

"Trinity loves them."

"Shut up, dumbass", Trinity tells Dennis, lightly smacking one of his ankles.

Dennis looks at you and lowers his voice despite Trinity being in the middle of you two. "She's embarrassed."

"This is shocking news", you giggle. "I would've never guessed."

"And that's why she's embarrassed."

"Fucking close your mouth", Trinity mutters, although there’s no real bite behind it.

You raise your eyebrows at Trinity, a grin still plastered across your face. "What's your favorite musical?"

She looks away from you and glances down at the plate in her hands, scooping a bite of food. "Hades Town", Trinity admits in a quiet grumble.

"I saw that on Broadway when I was 21."

You can see Trinity's face light up. She finishes her bite before responding to you. "Lucky."

"It was really good."

"How about Grease?" Dennis cuts in.

"Oh, I love Grease", you beam.

"Okay, yeah, let's do Grease", Trinity says.

But neither Trinity or Dennis move except to eat. After 10 seconds, Trinity turns to Dennis, an annoyed look on her face.

"What?" Dennis asks her, sass in his voice.

"Aren't you going to start the movie?"

He rolls his eyes and sets his plate down on the coffee table. He grabs the remote, finds the movie, and starts it. Then he puts the remote on the coffee table and swaps it out for his plate.

You're enjoying watching a movie with them. Occasionally you'll glance over at Trinity and see her mouthing the lyrics, probably completely unaware that she's doing that. She'll make some witty comment every so often, and surprisingly Dennis even does once or twice.

Right after There Are Worse Things I Could Do, a song you learned is one of Trinity's favorites from Grease, Dennis gets a phone call. He excuses himself and goes to the kitchen. Trinity pauses the movie for him.

When he returns, he collects the dishes from the coffee table as he updates you and Trinity. "Amy's baby has a fever. His temp is barely 100°, but I'm going to go check to ease her mind and help out." He seems to be done talking, but then you see a flicker of realization cross his face as he glances at you. "Oh, Amy is this woman I help out. She lives on a farm", Dennis informs you.

"Cool."

"Damn, Huckleberry, that woman has got you whipped."

"Shut up", he says, annoyance in his voice but not any anger. "You better be nice while I'm gone." Dennis eyes Trinity, and then you, and then Trinity once more.

You've never seen this side of him before. It's… entertaining. The two of them together are endearing.

"I'm always nice", Trinity shouts as Dennis puts the dishes in the sink. "Just not with people who always eat my avocados!"

Dennis slides on his shoes and side eyes his roommate from the entryway, waving her off before leaving. After you hear the door shut, you look to Trinity, holding back a laugh.

"That was…"

"Annoying? Yeah, sorry. He can be a real fuckleberry sometimes."

"It was kind of cute."

Trinity's eyes snap to yours. "What do you mean cute?"

"Just, you know, seeing how you interact with one another, your relationship."

She crosses her arms, almost offended. "There's nothing cute about it."

"I beg to differ", you say in a sing song voice.

"How is us annoying each other cute? I hate living with him sometimes", Trinity tells you, slumping against the couch. You can see right through the wall of feigned toughness she’s trying to put up.

"Sometimes?" you tease.

"Whatever", Trinity replies, shrugging you off.

You laugh softly, and you see a small smile spread on Trinity’s face. Her eyes meet yours, and you hold each other’s gazes for a few seconds. Trinity looks away first.

"Thanks for the cookies."

"Cookies?" You look at Trinity, confusion written on your face before it clicks. "Oh, right. Dennis told you they were from me?"

"Yeah, was he not supposed to? Why would you not want the credit?"

"All I cared about was getting you the cookies, and I didn't want to overwhelm you or annoy you or anything."

"Oh. Um, well, thank you. That was nice."

"You're welcome."

"And you wouldn't have annoyed me."

"Oh", you say in surprise.

You're about to make a joke or sarcastic comment back like "could've fooled me" or "that's a plot twist", but you can hear the sincerity of her tone. So instead you just nod, not really sure what to say, but luckily for you, Trinity talks first.

"Ready to start the movie again?"

Your eyes linger on Trinity a longer than necessary before you turn your attention back to the TV. "Go ahead."

Ever since movie night at Trinity and Dennis's apartment, Trinity has been talking to you much more than before. You love to annoy her with your liveliness and smiles. You think she secretly loves it too.

Most people just assume you're cheerful all the time, but what they don't know is that you've battled your own demons. As a teenager, you developed depression which carried into adulthood. You've since seen a psychiatrist and now go to therapy, so it's much better managed.

But that's why you try to appreciate the little things, look on the bright side, and raise people's spirits — especially being in this line of work. Because you know what it's like to have dark days and how it feels when life isn't worth living. And so, your shine can never be dimmed.

"Did you hear about the patient that pissed on Whitaker earlier?" Joy asks you.

"Yeah, poor guy", you say with a pout.

"You have to admit it's a little funny."

"Maybe, but would you be laughing if it happened to you?"

"Yes", Joy replies instantly without even thinking about it. "Maybe not in the moment, but yes, it's funny."

You chuckle and shake your head. "It is kind of funny", you admit. Before you can say anything else, another voice pops in.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" You turn around and see Whitaker.

"Yes." You look back to Joy. She has a questioning look on her face, and you mouth "I don't know" before turning back to Whitaker. You walk with him around the corner. "What's up?"

"Just, uh..." Dennis shifts his weight nervously. He hesitates for a moment like he's not sure if he should be asking you this. "Has Trinity said anything to you today? Anything that might raise any red flags?"

"What? No. What do you mean by that? Is she okay?"

"She seems kind of down, but she won't talk to me. I know that she found out last night that Garcia is seeing someone else, so it might be about that. I don't want Trinity to do anything... self destructive."

You nod, taking in this information. "I've only spoken to her a couple times so far today, and it was all case related besides me telling her a little bit about a show I just started. She seemed a little off, but I didn't want to push her."

"That sounds about right. I'm surprised she wasn't short with you at all."

"Do you want me to talk to her?"

"Eh, it's really up to you. I don't think you'll get anywhere, but you never know."

"I'll catch her at some point."

"Thanks, I appreciate it."

With a comforting smile, you give Dennis a nod. Then, the two of you go back to work. You head to the nurses' station, and look up at the board to find a new patient. But out of the corner of your eye, you see Trinity.

You look to her, but her back is turned to you. She's in front of a suture cart opening a drawer. You take a grounding breath before walking over to her.

But before you get there, you see Trinity tuck a scalpel into her pocket. You watch as she walks away, never noticing you. In your gut you have a bad feeling, so you make the choice to follow her.

Trinity enters the bathroom, and you pause outside of the door, unsure if you should follow her in. But something is telling you to go after her.

When you enter, Trinity's not in view. You bend over slightly and see only one pair of shoes, ones you instantly recognize as Trinity's. Cautiously, you walk over to where she is, the second to last stall.

You stand outside of her stall in thought. On one hand, Trinity might need space, something you know she needs more than the average person. However, on the other hand, you know Trinity isn’t good at accepting help.

So you decide to help her.

"Trin?"

Silence.

"Trinity?"

"What?"

"Can I come in?"

"No", she scoffs.

You bend down, getting on all fours and crawl under the stall door. Once you’re all the way in, you sit on tile, your back against the door. Trinity’s sitting on the toilet but not using it.

"What the fuck", Trinity mutters under her breath. You see her tuck something behind her. "I could've been peeing."

"I knew you weren't, and you wouldn’t open the door", you say as you bend your knees to rest your forearms on them.

She glances down at her feet. "Because I didn’t want you in here."

"I know."

You sit there in silence for about 20 seconds, not wanting to pressure Trinity, but letting her know you’re here.

"Why are you even here?" Trinity asks, finally meeting your gaze.

"Because I want to make sure you’re okay."

"I am, I just…" she draws in a shaky breath, "I'm fine, just tired."

"Trinity."

She holds your stare, your eyes locked like it’s a contest. She’s the one who loses. "Really, I'm fine, I just needed a little break", Trinity tells you, rolling her eyes.

"Hey", you start, your voice softer. "What did you hide from me when I came in?"

"You mean when you broke in."

"When I crawled in technically."

A small chuckle escapes both of you, and then silence sets in again. The air feels still and heavy.

"Trin."

With a sigh, she grabs what she tucked away. "It’s just this", Trinity tells you, holding the scalpel up, but not saying the actual name of the object. "For a patient I was going to go to."

"What patient was that scalpel for?"

"Um… oh, there's a kid with an abscesses."

"What room?"

"I don't remember exactly, south 17?"

"South 17 is my patient."

"South 16 then. I told you, I don't remember."

"Can I have it?" You extend your hand out to her.

"Why?" Trinity asks, her voice trembling just slightly.

"Because…" you pause, trying to figure out the most delicate way of saying this. "Now I’m not sure if you were going to, but I don’t want you to hurt yourself."

Trinity’s eyes flash to yours for a second before looking back down at her shoes. Hesitantly and without looking at you, she hands you the packaged scalpel. You tuck it in your pocket, and then gently touch one of her knees.

"I'm just going to stay with you if that's okay."

She looks up to you, her eyes glossy, and then nods and looks back down. "Fine", she whispers.

You rub circles around her knee, your touch light and careful. The two of you sit like that for at least two minutes before she breaks the silence.

"How did you know?" Trinity asks, her voice small and her eyes filled with hurt and something else you can’t quite place.

Slowly, you stand up. You then grab the waistband of your pants and tug them down.

"What are you— I don't need a strip show."

"Just look", you tell her sternly.

When your pants are just above your knees, you leave them there and put your attention back onto Trinity. She’s looking at you, confusion sketched all over her face. As she looks down and examines you, she lets out a small chuckle.

You follow her gaze and realize Trinity is looking at your hip tattoo of a star that's peeking out of your underwear.

"Nice tattoo, but I don't get why you're showing me this."

"Not that."

Trinity glances up at your face again before looking back to your legs. She leans in closer, and that’s when she sees it.

Lines of faint yet small rough bumps that make up a cluster of scars on your upper thighs. Trinity's eyes widen slightly as she takes in the marks on your skin. You hear her suck in some air, almost like a gasp. After a few moments, you pull your scrub bottoms back up.

"That's why."

"I'm sorry", Trinity says, her voice barely above a whisper.

Trinity stands, her pants pulled down but her underwear still on. When she was sitting on the toilet before, she was leaning forward and you couldn’t see her thighs very well. But now you can, and you see scars just like yours.

Trinity waits just long enough so you can get a quick look before pulling her pants back up. "I haven’t, um..." Trinity swallows, almost like she's getting rid of a lump in her throat before continuing, "I haven’t in little over a month."

"That’s good", you tell her with a soft smile. "I know you may not want to, but you can always call me, okay?" You pause for a second. "So… can I ask what drove you to do this today? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, Trin."

She crosses her arms and takes a deep breath. "Fucking Garcia."

"Garcia?"

"I know, it’s so stupid. I just found out she started fucking someone else, and it shouldn’t hurt me, but it does. Also, Whitaker has been spending so much more time at the farm, he’s barely home, and I just… I just have nobody."

"You have me", you reply immediately. "And Whitaker is there for you more than you know."

Trinity looks at you, for once with all her walls down, and nods. "Okay."

"I mean it. You're important Trinity. To patients, to the staff here, to Whitaker, to your friends, and to me."

Her breath catches in her throat for a moment.

"You don't have to if you don't want to, but I think it would be a good idea to talk to Whitaker. He's worried about you."

A half scoff, half laugh escapes Trinity, a small smile forming on her face. "He's so annoying", Trinity complains affectionately.

"Because he cares about you", you reply with a chuckle.

"Yeah, I know." Trinity's voice is soft — gentle even.

"Are you ready to get back to work or do you need more time?"

"I think I'm good."

"Are you sure? I can cover for you."

"No, no, really, I mean it."

You can see the genuineness in Trinity's eyes, her features seemingly lighter than when you first saw her. You give her a small, tender smile. "Okay." You turn around and unlock the stall door before turning back to Trinity. "After you."

It's been a little over a month since that day in the bathroom with Trinity. She ended up calling you once at midnight when you were about to go to bed. Instead of sleeping, you came right over to her place, and brought some of her favorite snacks.

Since then, Trinity's been doing better. She doesn't just say that she is — you can see a difference in her. While Trinity is still crabby at times, you've noticed that she smiles and laughs more. Last week Dennis even brought that up to you.

You were laughing at a joke Trinity told. Whitaker and Javadi were with you too. Trinity walked away to check on a patient, and that's when Whitaker turned to you.

"You know, she smiles more when she's around you."

"What?"

"It's true", Victoria chimes in.

You look between them, a smile still on your face, but now you have a puzzled look as well. "Trinity? Maybe I'm just naturally adorable."

Dennis lets out a little laugh, more so to himself. "You nailed it in one."

Skeptically, you raise your brows. "What does that mean?"

Victoria and Dennis exchange a look and chuckle. "Think about it", Victoria tells you before walking away.

"You'll figure it out", Dennis adds, a smirk on his face.

You stand there confused as ever for a few moments. Were they implying that Trinity thinks you're cute?

For the last week that's been on your mind. However, yesterday after work you went to pick up food and ran into your ex. So now you can't shake that interaction.

You ran into your ex-girlfriend last night when you were tragically looking exhausted and wearing smelly scrubs. You broke up because she cheated on you. It happened almost two years ago, and you haven't dated anyone since her. Her actions really screwed you up, so you've guarded your heart since.

It would be one thing to just see her, but she was with someone else. To see her unexpectedly and after a long shift really hurt. So far today you've been distracted, your mind dwelling on the past.

You and Joy are near the nurses' station, presenting a case to Robby. Joy has just finished debriefing him on a diabetic patient the two of you are treating.

"Labs?"

"Ordered", Joy replies to Robby.

"What did you include?"

"Glucose levels, CBC, and CMP."

Robby says your name, pulling you out of your thoughts. Your eyes flicked up to him. "Hm?"

"Anything else to add?"

"Oh, uh, nope. Joy's got it covered."

"You're talking a lot less than usual", Robby says with a small snicker.

You shrug and force a smile. "I've just had a long week."

Robby nods and decides not to press further. "What about an EKG?"

"Yup." Joy turns to you, expecting you to confirm.

"Oh, hm? I thought you ordered that", you tell Joy.

"No, I did the labs."

"Someone better order it", Robby says.

"Fuck", you mutter under your breath, anger in your voice. "I got it."

You don't mean to leave as dramatically as you do, but you end up storming away. As quick as you can, you order an EKG, feeling stupid for not having already done it. When you're finished, you head to the break room, in need of a short rest, even if it's just for a minute or two.

As you enter, you notice that no one else is in here. From the fridge you grab a bottled Starbucks frappuccino that Trinity gave you this morning. Then you walk over to the table and sit down, slumping in a chair and covering your face with your hands. "Fuck", you curse to yourself.

The sound of the door opening makes you sit up straighter and remove your hands from your face. You see Trinity, her expression has that meep face you've always found cute. She walks over to you, almost hesitant.

"You... okay?"

"Yeah, fine", you reply instantly, your voice flat.

Trinity nods and takes a seat in the chair across from you. "Are you sure? That wasn't like you back there with Robby and Joy."

You scoff, completely unaware that Trinity was even in the vicinity of you in that moment. You take a sip of coffee before replying. "I know I fucked up, you don't have to remind me."

"All you did was forget to put in an order for an EKG. It's barely a mistake", Trinity tells you, attempting to reassure you.

"I still forgot. I never forget." You sigh and rest an elbow on the table, putting your face in your hand.

"What's up with you?"

"Nothing", you bite out.

"Damn, you're starting to sound like me."

A hollow laugh leaves you and cuts through the air. "Am I not allowed to just be unhappy for a minute?"

Trinity's silent for a few seconds, not really sure what to say. Guilt creeps up on you during the suffocating quiet. With a sigh, you look at her.

"Sorry", you tell Trinity, your voice barely loud enough for her to hear.

"So are you going to tell me why you're acting like your grandma died?" Immediately, Trinity cringes. "Shit, that was a bad joke, we're in an emergency room for fuck's sake. Did someone actually die? Shit, I'm sorry."

Your lips curve upwards, just a tad. You know Trinity was just trying to make a funny comment, likely to make you smile, but her backtracking on her words is what really gets you.

"No one died", you say, your tone a little softer and a little lighter.

"Oh, okay, good."

You draw in a shaky breath and clasp your hands together, fidgeting with your fingers. "I ran into an ex yesterday. She cheated on me, and it ended really badly, and it was just a terrible time in my life."

"Shit. I'm sorry, Sunshine."

Hearing the nickname Trinity gave you makes your mouth quirk up into a small smile. You don't even realize that you're even blushing a little bit.

"Hey, there's my Sunshine", Trinity tells you, a smile of her own crossing her face.

You chuckle and meet her gaze. There's something soft in her expression, something you've seen a few times before but haven't been able to pinpoint what it is. Affection? Nervousness? Care? Shyness? Possibly even… love?

"C'mon." Trinity stands up and extends a hand to you. You look up to her and take it, a sly smirk on your face.

You're surprised by how hard Trinity actually yanks you up. She pulls you with such strength that once you're standing, you stumble closer to her. Your eyes meet Trinity's, her hand still on yours.

Whatever you see in Trinity's eyes deepens, and suddenly she's pressing her lips against yours. You're taken by surprise, your body going still for a brief second, but after the initial shock, you kiss her back.

Trinity tastes like cherry chapstick, and her lips are soft and tender. You close your eyes, your mind going blank.

But Trinity pulls back and drops your hand. You feel her body tense as she does so up until there's no more contact.

"Oh, fuck. I-I, fuck, I'm sorry", Trinity stammers.

Your brows pull together, trying to figure out what Trinity's thinking right now. You can see a measure of anxiety scrawled all over her expression. Trinity looks away and fidgets with the hem of her top.

"I'm so fucking sorry. Just—"

Before she can finish, your hands find her cheeks. You look at her for a few seconds, communicating more than you ever could with words through your eyes. Then, you lean in and kiss her.

The kiss starts off soft and slow, like how it was when Trinity first pulled you in. However, this time, it deepens. You feel Trinity's arms wrap around your waist, bringing you closer to her body. Your hands leave her face and trail to the back of her neck, pushing her face further to yours.

After 20 seconds or so, you break the kiss. You kiss Trinity's cheek before resting your forehead on hers. Trinity stares deep into your eyes, taking in every detail of you. She then leans forward, her lips barely brushing yours.

When Trinity pulls back, your arms are still around her neck and her hands are on your hips. You're so smiling and so is she.

"You should smile more", you tease.

"But I love to frown", Trinity replies with a playful pout.

You chuckle softly. "And it's just as cute."

Trinity gives your lips a quick peck before giving your jaw a few kisses, moving up to your ear. "I'll smile as long as you're around, Sunshine."