[awakeningdawnx]

I just wanted to be abused atp

[awakeningdawnx]

my biweekly break down of the month went well

[awakeningdawnx]

I just have to lie and pretend that I’m fine even though I want to kill myself.

[bpderanged]

People sre going on concerts, trips and having fun and enjoying life and they even have friends and a good happy family and I just cannot seem to get out of my trauma lol

This is so real. It's impossible to enjoy life when you're struggling to just get out of bed. Even maintaining friendships is difficult because all I do is isolate when I don't feel well. The thing is, I always don't feel well.

I've given up on the whole idea of "enjoying life" and "living it to the fullest." That's not a realistic goal for me. The best I can do is not kill myself and that's it. This is all there is to my life.

[awakeningdawnx]

Must be a sign that I’m on the right track. I don’t want to try anymore. I’m tired.

[awakeningdawnx]

I can’t believe that nothing has changed. How does anyone deal with chronic loneliness without using distractions. Or how to use the distractions effectively because once I know I’m doing something to avoid feeling lonely, it because moot.

[awakeningdawnx]

Wonder if I'll ever find somebody else that I instantly click with on here again.

[awakeningdawnx]

When having a conversation with my older sister she said "you've been through a lot of trauma" for some reason this was like new information? I always, without a doubt invalidate my feelings and experiences. I don't really know where this comes from but I do. I have been though trauma, I have been through a lot. I think I often try to normalise it when....it's not? Even though it may have been my normal it's not.... normal.

I'm being affected by everything that's happened and yet I will still sit here and try to invalidate my OWN experiences. What is that?

[awakeningdawnx]

Last year was one of the worst years of my life. It always frightens me that I'm actually so young, I actually deep that I'm actually young and not as old as I think I am? & That I'll probably go through some more shit (can I catch a break?) although I don't exactly focus on that part, it's still there in the back of my mind.

I'm hoping that things can change. I'm very nervous about the future. However, all I can do is move forward so. We'll see how that goes.

[the-perks-of-being-black]

[awakeningdawnx]

What a beautiful boy.

[naive-personality]

what's your problem?

my problem is me

[awakeningdawnx]

What has happened to you?

Erm....a lot.

[wildheart-angelina-deactivated2]

[awakeningdawnx]

I really want to learn how to be comfortable on my own. In spaces where I don't know anybody. How do I do that?

[awakeningdawnx]

Trying my best to re learn Moonlight Sonata and my fingers just aren't the same:(

[awakeningdawnx]

I'm a little bit excited to date. It'll be interesting to see how I venture out in the dating world/scene. Nervous, but excited.

Has anyone discovered something new about themselves while dating? (Moreso relating to sexuality but if not that's ok!). After a few years I didn't really think so much about my sexuality, I actually disregarded the whole notion because I wasn't interested in dating at all (not as in asexuality but just....never gave it a second thought) - currently wondering what I'll find out about myself?

[awakeningdawnx]

I'll calm down eventually....fall back eventually

[sleezed]