Melancholic Whispers

here be sad ramblings that i call poetry and also random unplanned rants

[aweepingwilllow]

time flies by and i inevitably find myself writing another poem about a friend lost, about a love that died in its cradle, about her

i realize the futility of it

i wish i could stop and forget

but every moment without her is a moment spent yearning to be with her

oh how i miss her

does she feel the same? does she still think of me?

i have my answer, yet i can't help but long for the days when we were closer

why did i have to go and ruin it all

[aweepingwilllow]

i can't breathe

every inhale and exhale is a grueling labor

i am being strangled by my own mind

trapped inside its labyrinth with nothing but my thoughts for company

how cruel

[aweepingwilllow]

i can't remember the last time i wept

i hurt, but the tears won't fall

i've cried waterfalls in happier days

but now, as the tears try to come out, they seem to twist into a false grin

it is as if i am giddy with sorrow

[aweepingwilllow]

i miss her but sometimes i wish i had never met her

i love her though she's the one who taught me the depths of hate

she showed me first hand that those closest to you can wound you the deepest

twist the knife with a smile on their face

i should have known better

and still i wish we could be together

[aweepingwilllow]

she laughs as she flips her fiery red hair

her eyes glimmer as sapphire is wont to do

and i feel the butterflies again in flight buoyed by the sweet melody of her laugh

but as i remain entranced she drifts away from me and we're strangers once more

the memory of her remains etched in my heart and its grooves ache longingly

alas we were never meant to be

[aweepingwilllow]

what's wrong with me

liked by everybody but loved by nobody

why is it this way?

i am not seeking your pity, nor hollow reassurances

there must be something wrong with me or i wouldn't always be this lonely

so just tell me what's wrong with me

maybe then i can fix it and finally be happy

[aweepingwilllow]

love is so beautiful

i hope i find it some day

i think that's my one true wish

[aweepingwilllow]

i wish i just knew that i would be forever alone

for some reason the uncertainty cuts deeper than the loneliness ever did

the hope festers like a putrid wound

[aweepingwilllow]

genuinely wtf is wrong with me

i send something in the gc and no one responds for half an hour so i decide to cut everyone off and turn off my notifications

one person reacts and it's all sunshine and rainbows again

rinse and repeat every fucking day

wtfwtfwtfwtf

[aweepingwilllow]

every day i think i'm over her, a thought in contradiction of itself

why do i grieve a fantasy that only existed within my own heart

i wish i never got a taste from this poisoned chalice that we call love

[aweepingwilllow]

my spirits ebb and flow as do the tides

the moon's full figure shines, unblemished

the tides threaten to drag me under

[aweepingwilllow]

if nobody reaches out i'm alone and nobody likes me, makes sense, i don't like me either

if somebody does reach out they're just being nice and it's out of pity, what else would it be?

i'm my own worst enemy

there is no winning

[aweepingwilllow]

another day slips by

everything is falling apart and all i do is watch it happen

i do nothing but hope for the days to be better

and with each passing day, my hope continues to wither

[aweepingwilllow]

i didn't know it was possible to hate someone yet love them with all your heart

she's the one person who has hurt me the most

but at the same time i would forgive her in a heartbeat if she but asked

[aweepingwilllow]

talking to people is so nerve wracking

weaving my thoughts into the right words always feel impossible

what if i say the wrong thing?

what if they hear something i never meant?

am i saying too much? too little?

is talking with me tedious?

should i just stay silent forever?

i wish i could just beam my thoughts directly into their brain and do away with all this uncertainty

[aweepingwilllow]

the days stretch endlessly

the nights are voids of darkness, dragging me deeper into despair

i am deathly tired

how much longer till i escape this waking nightmare?

[aweepingwilllow]

overthinking and anxiety are a deadly combo, i shouldn't be anxious to the point of feeling ill because of the possibility of someone misunderstanding something i said