Last week I found out I’d lost one of my best friends and have probably lost nother. They are a couple. They are getting married, and I thought I was best mates with them both, they used to joke over who was better friends with me.
Three weeks ago I had a difficult conversation with the guy, who has been my best friend for about 5 years. To me it felt like every time he was meant to see us without her something happened... she cancelled her plans, or something happened to her that meant he needed to stay with her and couldnt come out. That along with the fact that she has become horrendously bitter about the fact that his friend group (me and 3 other guys) aren’t her friends... We have never pushed her out, we have always tried with her but she has never had any intertest in finding shared insterest with us, and would just shut down and sulk when conversations wern’t specifically catered to her.
When she decided to make a big change to there relationship last year (she’s poly, hes not) she stopped him from talking to us about it, us who he had always normally talked to about everything, stating that ‘he can’t talk to you about stuff like this your all really judgy’
I feel like he has been being kept away from us. he stoped talking about anything deeper then videogames, and when she started to have a problem with me she stopped him being alone with us.
I made the mistake of telling him about this. I was worried, I was going to tell him in person but he cancelled on me yet again and I spoke badly. I was too honest, I made it sound like I thought she was being abusve and isolating him becasue I did, because I still do and I do not trust her.
He told me he wouldn’t tell her, then told her straight away and when she got angry he asked her to pretend like nothing had happened, so for 2 weeks she messaged me like everything was fine, but she kept cancelling on me, and then one night when they were all going clubbing she didnt aske me and that was odd. I messaged him to ask about it and he told me that she was just stressed and that shed cancelled cause a mate needed her and everything was fine. So i went out, and she blanked me all night, completely ignored me and turned her back on me.
I found out in the morning when i looked at the journal she’d given me access to, two posts dragging me through the mud, saying we’d never been that close, saying that all drama stems from me but no one will tell me because it would break me. Saying I didn’t understand there ‘healthy’ relationship becuase I’d never been in one.
It blew up. He is saying we can still be friends and is acting like nothing happened, she seems to be going out of her way to exclude me.
And bad enough that her response to someone saying she shuts out his friends for her was to go postal and completely cut out that person but now she’s trying to take my friends from the group. Last night she invited our group (minus me) to a rock club that she actively hates (and then cancelled at the last minute because screw the people who set aside an evening for her), today she is with one of the guys in a pub because shes suddenly decided she likes rugby and wants him to explain it to her. Bullshit
It’s so suspect. As soon as she goes off at me shes gone from ‘there not my friends, I need to make my own friends, there never going to accept me and I’m going to be okay with that’, to trying to pull them all in with things she has never had any interest it. She does this with her partner to, feigns an interest to make him happy and then can only manage to do it for an afternoon before shes back to her selfish self who just wants to drink, go dancing and flirt with other people.
I’m scared that im going to lose all my friends and be left excluded and alone because ‘well shes his fiance, we have to be her friend’ while she makes plans with them that leaves me alone. I’m the person they’ve been friends with for years, who actually shares interests and has made an effort, who spent a 2 years having the hard conversations to make the group stronger when it nearly fell apart... and I’m going to lose them all to a spoilt brat, that doesn’t like them, who half of them don’t like, because they feel like they have to.
