conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 38 (masterpost here)
Bruce: Red Robin, i am five minutes out from Coventry. what's your ETA to meet?
Tim: oh for- *cuts himself off*
Jason: *snorts* he'll be over in fifteen, he's just doing a favour for me in the alley first.
Bruce: affirmative, see you soon.
Jason, snickering: you really don't wanna work with Batman tonight, huh?
Tim: IT'S NOT THAT- look, i like working with Bruce, working with Bruce is fine,
Dick: you are literally the only child who thinks that but ok,
Tim: it's just that working with Bruce tonight is going to be a pain. he's been on my ass about a project at WE that i've been blowing off, and hell knows the whole 'no civilian life talk in masks' rule only ever applies when it's us talking to him.
Jason: yeah he can be a hypocrite. if you want i can get one of my sniper guys to take him out? non-fatally, don't look at me like that-!
Tim, groaning: no, it's fine, i'll just get in as many fights as possible so he doesn't have time to lecture me about time management. actually i better head over there before i'm late and he uses that as a segway into it.
Jason: have fun, Replacement.
Tim: *unenthusiastic grunt*
Jason: so where are you covering?
Dick: the docks, it's boring as fuck so i'm about to get food. where the fuck is Robin tonight? he didn't actually mention to B where he'd be stationed.
Jason: if he wasn't telling why the fuck would i know?
Dick, unimpressed: come the fuck on, Jay. you two trauma bonded in the loa and now you talk about shit. it's a logical assumption.
Jason: yeah he's meeting with some snitches in the diamond district to research one of his solo cases; that animal trafficking ring Talia told him about last time she was in town.
Dick: wait Talia's been in town-?
Jason: -you know i swear she finds these things and then presents them to Damian like an owner shoving bits of meat into those toy-puzzles for dogs to figure out. it's the wildest form of parent-to-child-enrichment i've ever seen.
Dick: ...didn't your mom used to send you outside with random pieces of household trash and the game of 'see how long it takes for you to figure out how to trade this up into a new bag'o drugs for mommy' whenever you ran out of books to read?
Jason: mind your fucking business circus boy.
Dick: *snorts* whatever, as long as he knows to contact somebody for backup if things go to shit.
Jason: well obviously, i made sure of that. yo, Dickie, by the way, i got a question.
Dick: *absent hum* oh yeah? shoot. also do you want a quesadilla because i can swing by the alley and drop one off if you want.
Jason: nah you good, i got donuts. so, has Damian like... fucked up real bad lately or something? like was he real mean to Bruce?
Dick: uh... *pause* *confused* i mean... not that i can... remember? not recently? why...?
Jason: well i mean. *snort* he's Robin. he is Robin, right?
Jason: so, Batman and Robin are supposed to be a prime duo. like, The Duo Of All Time kinda shit. so iconic that when i beefed it the Replacement had to force Robin back into existence to get B to not implode in on himself like a dying star. it's like Batman's whole thing; he needs a Robin. and Damian's his little guy; his little fella, his youngest baby. you know?
Jason: and yet i swear to fuck for the past few months that fucker is never patrolling at Batman's side. he's always either with me or RR, or off on his own doing some solo shit- which in of itself is crazy because when i was Robin i wasn't even allowed to interview mugging victims alone, let alone just fuck off for a night without telling him where i was going.
Jason: so like. my theory is he must have pissed Batman off like, real bad. because it's that or all this bat shit is finally taking a toll and he's got early onset dementia to the point where he doesn't remember Damian exists.
Dick: ...honestly now that you mention it? yeah, what the fuck happened between Damian and Bruce?
Jason: listen if Bruce had done something then Day would have told me, he knows i love to hear complaints about that old man. so he must have done something.
Dick: so what you're your saying is- *breathy laugh* for him it's like, Damian insulted his hairline and B was just like 'ok fuck you that's it i don't have a youngest son anymore'.
Jason: do you have any more theories?!?
*three seconds of silence*
Dick: maybe he insulted the cowl's design?
Jason: *cackles* he fuckin- seven kids was just too much for Batman. he hit his limit. Damian was just the one that happened to be closest when he snapped; one of us had to go.
Dick, solemnly: i can't believe it wasn't you,
Jason: oi! you piece of- *conceding* actually no, yeah, i can't believe it wasn't me either. sucks for Dami though.
Dick: i know, right? getting disowned so young? poor thing, he probably just dropped a plate during dinner and B snapped.
Jason, grave: and now he's on an endless mission to get his youngest shot in the line of enemy fire so he doesn't have to buy more than one carton of eggs to feed us all.
Dick: *hums melancholically* the man doesn't even know twelve-pack egg cartons exist... he thinks there are only six,
Jason: well he's never set foot in a store before,
Dick: he's never- *wheeze* he doesn't know-!
Damian: Jay, i'm going to your apartment. my source is saying there are trails for the animal ring in the alley and i want to take a nap and a shower before i track it down. i'm taking your bedroom, you take the couch.
Jason, quiet but incredulous: what the fuck that's my fucking bedroom???
Dick, struggling not to laugh: it's ok Robin, you don't have to suffer alone, we know the solution. walmart has boxes with more than six eggs.
Damian: ...did you two get high together again?
Jason and Dick: *lose it*
