exe.calibre

🧝🦉not very secret side blog🔮✨

[melpackets]

[xiuyawn]

slip up

[clintbeefwoods]

sometimes i think about how shen jiu was a peak lord despite his "weak" cultivation and his unstable core. sometimes i think about how stunned shen yuan was by the actual depth of that body's power. sometimes i think about how incredible shen jiu could have been if only just a little sooner, just a little kinder, just a little safer it all came to him.

if only. if only. if only.

[hovfire]

we need to normalize kung fu masters saying shit like "our school doesn't use such techniques" and explaining their flaws instead of just calling them evil wrong and foolish because i'm fighting this demonic path guy right now and he's not seeming foolish

[disgracefulthings]

Shang Qinghua: Bro, my king and I are having another baby!

Shen Qingqiu: Congrats

Shen Qingqiu: You know, I've always wondered how you two decide who will carry the baby

Shang Qinghua: Oh, it's simple. My king and I play rock paper scissors, and whoever loses carries the baby

Shen Qingqiu: Wait, you haven't been pregnant yet. What are the odds of that?

Shang Qinghua: It has nothing to do with odds. My king isn't good at the game and always goes for rock, so I win every time

Shen Qingqiu: Don't you feel ashamed for taking advantage of your huband

Shang Qinghua: Of course not, I don't feel shame at all!

Shen Qingqiu: Figures

Meanwhile

Mobei-Jun: Qinghua and I are having another child

Luo Binghe: Neat

Luo Binghe: Come to think, I've always wondered how you two decide who carries the baby

Mobei-Jun: Qinghua introduced a game called 'rock paper scissors', I don't know the details about the game, but rock seems like the optimal choice, and every time I use it I win

Luo Binghe: And he hasn't caught on?

Mobei-Jun: Qinghua isn't very bright

[confuzing]

What if...

What if Bingge is bad at sex actually?

He leans too hard on the blood mites and absolutely hammers the pleasure center of his wives' brains but then they wake up in bed alone the next morning extremely sore and bruised and just... Feeling bad? And even the wives who are into the rough handling are like, "I wish husband would learn one single iota of aftercare."

But they all say the sex is great because they come a bunch so he never gets better at it.

Meanwhile, Bingmei is on a mission to make Shizun feel as good as possible at all times. Once this man learns about foreplay and lubricant it's over for you (Shizun).

He is mathematically and scientifically determining exactly what Shizun wants and how he wants it.

His mission in the bedroom is to make Shizun come so hard and so often he doesn't remember his own name ... And he's doing this without blood mite assistance because -unless Shizun is in a very specific mood - he thinks the blood mites are kind of creepy.

Bingge is running a pretty good buffet and Bingmei is crafting Five Michelin Star Fucks for Shizun only.

[whattheship]

Oh boy, I get to use this meme again!

[sunderwight]

Shang Qinghua accidentally changing the plot by getting caught colluding with demons before Luo BInghe even arrives at Cang Qiong Sect.

On the one hand, obviously this is considered treachery by a lot of cultivators and the straightforward consequence would be to kill him or at least cast him out. On the other hand, Shang Qinghua is a load bearing peak lord (only guy who knows how to get half the shit they need done), and in the wake of the whole Tianlang Jun fiasco there is something to be said about obtaining slightly better relations with some of the remaining leadership in the demon realms. Especially since Huan Hua Palace has been using the whole incident as an excuse to run roughshod over the borderlands and reap the material benefits (running protection rackets, trading exclusively in rare materials & power sources, and so on).

So between one thing and another, and Shang Qinghua's dubious attempts to explain himself, the other peak lords confer and decide they're going to allow this match to proceed.

Shang Qinghua: uh, match? what match? they can't possibly mean they're going to let me carry on spying on them for demons, right...?

Anyway, smash cut to moshang wedding. Mobei Jun is very pleased, Shang Qinghua is still trying to figure out wtf is going on, the other peak lords are awkwardly mingling with demon nobility, Linguang Jun looks like he might start spitting blood any minute, and Shang Qinghua's own underlings have abandoned him to go gleefully firm up some new trade agreements with Mobei's people.

By the time Luo Binghe arrives at the sect, everyone and their dog knows that Peak Lord Shang is married to the Demon King of the North, so when Luo Binghe finds out that he's half demon the first thing he does is tell everyone. After all, that might make him marriage material fit for a peak lord!

[lunnitavaldez]

Goodbye Hamsghua.... we will all remember you 👋

[supertaliart]

Full Shen Twins Comic!

[nat-draws]

Shizun's naughty disciple

[pleuvoire]

one time this japanese fujoshi i follow on twitter posted "the bottom should have a bigger dick so that you can watch it bounce while they get fucked and the top should have a smaller dick so that it can go in easier. uke dicks should be big and decorative and seme dicks should be average size and functional" and honestly her mind

[summerdoddles]

Is just me who get a morbid curiosity of reading the full PIDW by Airplane-bro just to see how bad it is?

Like I know it's going to be a shitshow with tons of fan service but like, I want read it just to confirm 👀💦

[notsofrozt]

*crawls out the wall* there is an actual novel very similar to PIDW if you are curious. I saw a review by an irl Cucumber-bro on Reddit the other day:

I lowkey want to read it just to see by myself how truly horrible it is XD

[sunderwight]

Shen Yuan, realizing he doesn't have the faintest idea what Airplane's real name is/was: hey so what were you called back in our "hometown"?

Shang Qinghua, abruptly nervous: uh, well, I mean does it matter? You know my handle anyway so why is it important?

Shen Yuan: I don't know. aren't you curious about my name?

Shang Qinghua, profusely sweating: nah not really bro, the past is the past, it's probably better to just leave it where it is

Shen Yuan: I guess that makes sense... how philosophical of you.

Shang Qinghua, still hoping he can take the fact that his name was "Luo Binghe" to the grave: yeah man I mean it was a whole other life. I'm not even sure I remember anymore.

[red-garden]

AITAH for trying to ruin my son’s relationship?

I (652M) have a son (idk maybe 80? 14?M) who has major hots for his milf teacher (milf age M). Teacher is just insanely slutty, absolutely built to take dick. My son isn’t even 100 yet (I think), he would have no idea what to do with all that. Meanwhile, me and me nephew (187M) are older and know how to treat a lady (gender neutral). Ideally I would like to marry my nephew to teacher after having my way with him, but teacher is very attached to son. Son is also rather volatile- teacher pushed him into the abyss at some point and he recently climbed out. He’s nothing I can’t handle, but he keeps threatening to destroy my rpf collection if I keep trying to fuck his little crush.

I decided that soft power was probably the best way to go, so I started writing rpf about teacher and son getting a messy divorce. I gift them to teacher, which he always graciously accepts. Currently I’m working on a harem drama AU where teacher leaves son for nephew after a life changing night in my bed.

Son attacked me unprompted and accused me of trying to ruin his relationship. Which I am, but it’s in everyone’s best interest! Nephew has never had a partner before- not even during his heats- and he could really use an older man to take care of him. Clearly he needs teacher more than son. So am I the asshole?

[red-garden]

(Tag via @voidpersonthing )

No AI could conceive of half the shit the scum villain fandom makes.

[sunderwight]

Love the idea of Luo Binghe being like, yeah Shang Qinghua's relationship with Shen Qingqiu is weirdly intimate at times but no way is Shang Qinghua actually on the list of possible romantic rivals. For one thing, Shang Qinghua has Mobei Jun. For another thing, he's the least impressive peak lord, and even if he actually has some of the most useful skills they're not sexy skills. He isn't as objectively hot as Liu Qingge or Yue Qingyuan, and he is also very often deeply pathetic and weird.

Then one night he sits up in a cold sweat with memories of overheard conversations between Shizun and Shang Qinghua about how weird monogamy is, and he's suddenly remembered that Shang Qinghua gave him the advice about acting pathetic and weird to win over Shen Qingqiu, and it worked, and Shang Qinghua is one of the most competent cultivators alive and while cool sword moves and six pack abs are sexy, Luo Binghe knows his husband has -- specifically -- a thing for competency above all else, and oh god. Oh fuck.

This is what Mobei Jun means when he says that Shang Qinghua sneaks up on his targets in plain sight, isn't it?

[allpiesforourown]

Disciple shen yuan gets kidnapped by a demon lord and when binghe shows up to rescue him, shen yuan is wearing this.

Now what

[theladysunami]

Now that I’ve read ‘The Disabled Tyrant's Beloved Pet Fish’ I’m really itching for something similar but Binggeyuan flavored, that includes Bingge’s harem!

(A more direct adaptation already exists: ‘The Proud Immortal Demon’s Pet Fish’ by BeanFiend).

I’m thinking something along the lines of Shen Yuan transmigrating into one of the forgotten wives’ pets, a cute PIDW monster cat, ferret, or fox of some sort.

His experiences in the inner court result in him unilaterally deciding to help his poor forgotten mistress (*cough*and-ultimately-Bingge*cough*) by finding her friends, resolving all the ‘stupid’ harem drama, and raising Bing-ge’s kids properly.

Of course, trying to do most things while a small fuzzy animal is quite the challenge, and cultivating a human form isn’t easy even without the fear of being discovered and executed for infiltrating the harem as a man.

Once he does figure out the transformation part (mostly), he still has problems since the System didn’t find it necessary to provide an animal knowledge of traditional characters, writing via brush and ink, properly wearing xianxia robes, or any other type of human skill.

That and transforming doesn’t come with clothes!!!

Most of the clothes Shen Yuan can ‘borrow’ belong to wives and female servants, and he’s always in such a rush to complete whatever task he’s taken upon himself —before being stopped and arrested— that he can’t just stand around experimenting with the intricacies of xianxia robes and grooming. He ends up spending most of his time in human form running around looking like a perpetually bedraggled maid or low-ranked concubine.

Bing-ge is bemused by the glimpses and brief meetings he gets with this strange ‘woman,’ and wonders if she’s a wife he’s forgotten about or a maid he should wife up at the earliest opportunity.

That’s all I have for now. The idea of Shen Yuan accidentally endearing himself to the wives and kids, and seducing Bing-ge, all while looking like a bedraggled lunatic, is just really funny to me.

Who wouldn’t love the crazy man who somehow knows the powers and weaknesses of every beast, potion, and secret artifact in existence, but not how clothes or hairstyles work?