Levi x Reader (F) Reckless
summary: you get a little careless in an expedition, and Levi lashes out on you for it.
Crimson drips from your forehead. You try to maintain your balance but the pressure your body just received is a little bit unbearable. You can’t help but squint your eyes shut.
The aberrant titan that attacked you is nearing. It refuses to eat you, grabs your feet and swings you against the hard ground you could almost feel your bones disintegrate. You’re unable to move and your vision starts to get fuzzy. This can’t be the end of you yet, you still have plans for the future you promised to share with your lover.
It’s a tad bit hard to predict the running titan’s actions considering the fact that it’s an aberrant, but it would probably just bluntly attack you because you’re left defenseless on the ground and your horse already ran off by the first attack, which is the only thing you had that can outrun a titan. Why did you even end up in such an unfortunate situtation in the first place?
Your gases ran out. That’s why.
It’s the consequence for being continuously offensive in the fields while heading toward the woods. Fighting the random titans that went your way head on is completely unnecessary and can definitely be avoided, yet you battled with fourteen of them. You knew well how your gases could run out with no tall buildings present around the area and how your blades could go dull with a single careless move. It’s really your fault, and you’re perfectly aware that you’re just lucky the titan was an abnormal one, else you’d have been long eaten right off the bat when you failed to operate your maneuver gear.
You figure you have atleast a few gas left that can bring you up to the nearest and tallest tree within your sight as of the moment. At the last minute, you shoot up from the ground and sloppily reach a massive branch of a tree seconds before the titan could reach any of your limbs. The twelve-meter giant lets out a loud growl, attempts to climb the tree you’re currently on but fails in so many ways.
You let out a heavy sigh before leaning your back against the trunk. Now, what should you do? You have no means of transportation at all. No fuel, no horse, and only one pair of sharp, usable blades. You try feeling the signal guns from your waistband but feel nothing. They must have fell when you were shoved to the ground from earlier.
You sigh once more. Things couldn’t get any worse. Hopefully, the titan’s loud growls could help your squad lead themselves to you and send aid.
A few moments later, your vision goes blurry once more. The impact the titan gave off, it’s something to take note of.
You soon feel sleepy, eyelids dropping. How long will it take for Levi to find you? You’re completely helpless and you’re near to drifting to sleep, which is never a good sign.
Just when you’re about to fully close your eyes, you hear the familiar sounds of wires stretching and grasping toward and onto different surfaces. Finally, someone.
You open your eyes, searching for your kind savior. To be honest, now that you think about it, you strongly wished it isn’t—
You immediately hear his scoff as he lands on the branch you’re on. You catch how his grip on his blades tighten.
He closes the distance by taking a step forward, and that’s when you notice the two cases of gas on his back. Maybe it’s supposed to be your refills, but with your condition?
“Just how careless can you get?” The coldness of his tone doesn’t escape your hearing. You feel your heart clench in pain. He’s furious. Whether fuming furious or collected furious, you have zero ideas, but you sure know he’s really mad.
“I accidentally ran out of—”
“Of course, you’re going to say it was an accident. Why did I even ask?” his voice doesn’t get any softer, and instead turns harsher word by word. His expression is even more stoic than his usual, and you wish it would atleast be relaxed, or even just furrowed. Him showing little to no emotions doesn’t make you feel any better, in fact, it makes you want to shout.
“I can’t believe you planned on being a burden today. Today out of all days,” you hear your name slip from his to tongue venomously, and the way he calls it creats a lump in your throat. Not a good feeling.
Levi heaves out a distressed sigh before lifting you up in his arms. He skillfully maneuvers through and out the woods, heading to the safest location he could find. One with plenty of cadets and soldiers of the higher ups. You find out that the expedition has finished and that it’s time to retreat. You probably got stranded for two hours, with no one knowing your location.
All the details about the way he treated you come rushing to your mind. His hold of you was distant and unwilling, his breathing was too calm, and his eyes never met yours even once. Not another word rolled from his mouth other than the painful, agonizing statements he said from when he first discovered you.
“Hey! What happened?!” Hange immediately attends to you but you just answer her with silence. She falls quiet and doesn’t bother you with questions anymore. Maybe it’s best to let you have your solitude.
You ride one of the carts that had the retrieved casualties on it with a comrade. The soldier gives you a concerned look. Despite wanting to ask how you’re feeling, he decides not to do so upon quickly feeling your off aura.
An hour passes and you finally reach the gates. People stared at the seemingly parade from the Scouting Legion. Some threw snarky remarks about the dead bodies covered on the carriages and some questioned their children’s and families’ whereabouts.
The whole trip back to the headquarters, you did nothing but look at the skies, regretting your careless actions that caused this situation.
You’re not in a good condition at all when you arrive in the infirmary. The nurse checks on you and diagnoses you with a concussion. It’s not a surprise. You were slammed to the ground by a giant, your head took in all the impact, almost blowing itself off. Even just a concussion is lucky at this point.
You refuse to stay in the clinic and request to take your rest in your own room. Fortunately, she gives you permission and leaves to give you your medications.
“He’s not here…” you mumble to yourself. Thinking about him makes you feel like your heart is about to shatter. Because you’re so stubborn, things led to this. You know him, he will never condone such actions. If you were just a little bit more careful then you should be by his side right now.
The nurse comes back with your treatment and tells you when you should take it. You try to register all the information given to you, but it’s difficult. She quickly picks up and stops talking. She writes down the medications and when they should be taken on a paper. She smiles and dismisses you, wishing you a fast recovery.
You then stand from the bed and make a beeline for the room you and the Captain shared. Your chest thumps louder with every counting step. Of course you’d be nervous! Remembering what happened earlier, you know you would have been just as mad if it applied to Levi as well, which is way impossible.
You’re now infront of his office’s door, wondering whether or not you should knock. You end up knocking, opening the door hesistantly, your other hand’s grip on the paper bag tightening.
Levi is sitting on his desk chair, jacket removed. His gaze doesn’t rise an inch to acknowledge your presence like how it always does when you enter. You feel your heart crack yet again. This is how it’ll be? He’ll get colder every second? For shit’s sake, you know full well can’t handle that.
You suddenly blurt out, “Levi, I’m sorry. I didn’t— I knew I got careless and stubborn and stupid and that I didn’t give a damn about being a headache to you and to them and—” you stumble upon your own words, feeling a sharp pain on the back of your head for speaking too quickly against your own liking. It’s obvious you’re devastated physically and emotionally. Your lover here show you no concern about how you’re doing and that alone is breaking you into pieces.
With your free hand applying pressure on your temples, you shut your mouth for a few moments before deciding to speak again. This time, calmly.
“I’m sorry. Will you please, talk to me? Levi?” Your voice is quieter, almost incoherent if you someplace else, but inside the room where silence dominates, it still reaches the man’s ears.
You patiently wait a couple more seconds for a response. A word, a groan, a hum, a gaze, anything would do. You know he heard you, he really heard you for sure, and yet he doesn’t speak.
Sighing in defeat, you give up and tell him you’ll sleep to get your rest. “Go get yourself some sleep, too.”
As you lie on the bed, looking for the most convenient sleeping position you could get before drifting off to sleep, your heart stings for the thousandth time. The absence of your loved one makes your trip to dreamland uneasy and uncomfortable.
Levi walks alone in the headquarters in utter silence. He’s wearing his uniform. He walks past groups of soldiers who offer their condolences to him and he’s left clueless.
He just nods it off and continues walking. Cadets fall in line, not a word slipping out their mouths as if they were asked to form. Some are crying and it catches Levi’s attention.
Armin is crying. Mikasa is leaning against the wall with her head looking at the floor. Eren is clenching his fists with both darkness and sadness in his eyes. Sasha stares at her right, looking empty. Everyone else are mourning in their own ways. Needless to say, they are all devastated. Everybody drowned in silence.
The scenery is too unusual for the Captain that he’s stuck between asking them what was going on and leaving them alone.
Before he can even go near them, he feels a hand on his shoulders.
He looks at its owner and sees Hange.
“She was the best,” Erwin says with eyes of sympathy, voice a hint of sadness.
“She’ll always be in our hearts,” Hange adds, adjusting her glasses after wiping the tears that fell from her eyes.
That’s it. He’s really confused of what’s going on. Someone died and she seems like a really important person to everyone, including him. Who could that be if you were on his bed just awhile ago?
A casket suddenly appears to his left. Slowly, he approaches it to atleast have knowledge about who passed, and he didn’t expect who he sees.
You, lying peacefully inside. No traces of blood, no wounds, no everything. Seeing you wearing the same dirtied uniform you wore hours ago, he feels his world spin and fall apart.
Levi’s eyes shoot open. His head hanging as he wakes from his slumber, he realizes he fell asleep on his chair and is now all sweaty. He fixes himself and wiped off all trails of wetness on his neck and forehead.
As if everything falls into place, he remembers his recent nightmare and quickly stands from his seat to check on you in his bedroom. It’s such an awful dream and he hates it big time. Anything about the idea of you leaving him, he will never favor.
He enters the connecting room as fast as he could and freezes right away, seeing the bed left empty.
The sight inflicts a strong pain on his chest. He felt like vomiting, like weakening, and falling down to the floor. It can’t be. She’s alive, right? But where would she go? He knows for sure you wouldn’t leave him like that. You must be outside or something. This late in the night, where could you be?
He dashes off and searches for you, thinking well of where you’d probably go in late hours. His heart thumps harder and louder every minute that he wants to rip it off of his chest for being annoying.
Having lost dominance over his emotions, he barged in every door he encountered by the cold, empty halls with great force and speed. He receives whines and complaints from the people he disturbed while looking for you.
“What’s Captain doing?” murmurs Connie while squinting his eyes. “It’s two in the morning, what’s going on?” asked Jean.
Levi ignores their words as he advances to the next door. He couldn’t give less shit about their whines when you’re gone and missing. The women’s quarters might be where you are, and yet you aren’t.
He’s beginning to lose hope, unable to find you no matter where he rummages. He ruffles his hair in frustration, trying to guess where you possibly are. He clenches his fists and focuses hard in hopes of learning your location.
That’s when he sees light seeping under the kitchen door, indicating someone has lighted a candle from inside. It might be you, if anything.
He heads straight for the door, feeling cold sweat drip from his forehead. Please let it be her. Please.
He wordlessly opens the door and immediately darts his eyes on the figure infront of him. He sees the most familiar facial and bodily features he has grown fond with. You’re drinking tea, sitting by the dining table. His fear almost vanishes upon seeing you, but it will not be firmly erased until he gets to touch you.
“Levi? What are you doin—” you stand and get cut off as your lover pulls you into his strong arms. His raven hair is awfully disheveled, clothes a mess and all wrinkled, face failing to maintain its usual stoic expression. But what strikes you the most are his eyes. Watery with a lone, visible teardrop. Whatever the matter is, he’s obviously not in his best form.
“You brat,” he scowls, voice weak but manages to reach your ears. You can’t help but weep. He finally talked to you. “I had this stupid dream—” he pauses as he tightens his grip on you while you run your fingers through his velvet-soft strands. “—and I thought I lost you. I searched for you everywhere but can’t find you, so I thought I really did… lose you.”
This is Levi for you. A man who has learned to conceal his emotions, creating a barrier between himself and the people around him. You know how rough and aggressive life has been to the man, making him lose all the people that became close and important to him. Sorrow and pain has taken over his guts, it’s only natural that he guards himself from anyone brave enough to initiate a relationship with him. With all the grieving, he refuses to deem anyone else important to himself. But it was you who’s able to break through and read right into him clearly. That even the strongest human being anyone has ever known can have his own weaknesses.
His vulnerability is completely visible right now, and he isn’t afraid to show you, because you’re that significant to him.
“Oh God… Levi I–I, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you! I woke up about half an hour ago and couldn’t sleep and I thought I should go for a stroll,” you reply with the biggest hint of concern in your voice. He’s utterly scared and you could feel the fear radiating from him. This is highly unusual of the Captain, but it was because of the fear of losing you.
“I didn’t mean to scare you, Levi. I know I can get stupid but that’s how I got here, didn’t I? I was stupid enough to take a risk, go against your rules and love you,” you whisper to his ears, tone ever gentle as your tears stain his shirt. He pulls you closer, tightens the hug upon hearing your fragile voice.
A few minutes go by and you’re both silent in each other’s arms, only your breaths covering your ears. You decide to break the silence.
“Are you still mad at me?” you ask, creating a muffled sound due to your mouth being buried in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent. Levi pulls you away from him to take a good look of your face. You’re afraid that he might remember how he treated you yesterday and continue doing so, but he only shakes his head that made you smile in satisfaction.
“Next time don’t be flying around going all reckless, brat,” you smile, hearing the nickname once again. He really can’t get it out of his system huh, calling you a brat. You know he meant it completely different from how he called the others, though. Eitherway, you’re glad he’s back to being mean.
You break away and give a sloppy salute, chuckling a bit. He softly caresses your right cheek with his calloused palm and looks straight into your tear-glowing eyes.
The times that Levi started the romantic expression can easily be counted by the fingers, and tonight was one of it. Heck, it might be the first time in a long while. It warms your chest a thousand, no, maybe a million or even a billion times better. You don’t hear it everyday, especially coming from him, but when you do, you can’t help but get emotional.
Tears have come streaming down your face uncontrollably and Levi wipes them all away. “I love you too,” you reply, almost inaudibly, the gust of emotions rendering you unable to create a collected sound. But he hears you anyways.
He gives you the smallest smile before kissing your forehead and holding you tightly, realizing how much of an emotional mess this night is.
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