barrl @barrl - Tumblr Blog

Thank you for engaging in the mortifying ordeal of being known so that I may partake in the euphoric experience of knowing you.

striders

the fucking full screen sized ads on this app are making it genuinely uninhabitable in here. why can’t i scroll without accidentally touching one of these things and having my phone commandeered by the download page for Stinky Mud Treasure House Merge Farm Slots Magic #3

cutecipher

we have a code red politeful purrer incident

rickybabyboy

proof of tiger politeness

byjove

here are some additional requirements I would add to the United States presidency:

you are not eligible for the presidency if you are over the age of 65, if you turn 65 in office, that is fine but you cannot campaign if you are over 65

you cannot be president if you are a felon

you cannot be president if you have a personal net worth over $8 million

you cannot be presidency if you have had to file for bankruptcy in a business venture

you cannot be president if you cannot pass a basic neurological exam

you cannot be president if you have been convicted of or found liable for any sex crime, domestic violence or sexual harassment. unproven allegations are cause for investigation and can result in immediate termination from office if proven.

you cannot be president if you have been divorced more than once

you cannot be president if you never smoked weed out of a soda can in high school

you have to be up to date on all of your shots and forklift certification

byjove

straight cis white men are barred from holding executive office, if you’re a cisgender white guy and you want to run for president, you have to kiss another man with tongue for at least 15 minutes on national television and you’re disqualified if you display any sign of disgust

egberts

i hate that social media apps have decided it's their job to scroll for you and autoplay the next video in a desperate attempt to get you to stay. like genuinely nothing you do will make me stay and watch that video after you force it onto the screen in front of me. the minute you auto scroll from what i was watching to your stupid distraction technique, i close the app and you fail. fuck you

dreamycastaway

The original pride flag and the sewing machine it was sewn on

iwriterobots

autophage

You make soup in a big bowl. You serve it in a smaller bowl. And then you convey it, using a spoon, to your mouth. But what is the spoon? Simply a smaller bowl still