Edward Cullen is so fucking STUPID angjwhs like I know most of it can be excused away as writing inconsistency/plot reasons/Mormon nonsense/whatever but GOD this man is so dumb
-his plan for leaving Bella human and avoiding the volturi is so nonsensical and full of holes. When Bella points out that the Volturi can find him he’s like “haha I can take care of myself 😄” bitch Jane flattened your ass on the ground with a single look yesterday who do you think you’re kidding
-“the volturi don’t measure time like we do. They probably won’t check to see if you’re human till you’re 30” and then they come like 6 months later (even before the whole Rigatoni visit Alice saw of vision of them coming to check)
-can’t put two and two together that the woman that’s been coming after Bella for the past year or so and the sloppily made vampire army are the same threat
-during the “we can’t have sex cause I might accidentally kill you” talk he won’t consider letting Bella be on top and letting her do the work so they could safely have sex or else just eating her out. And no, being a 100 year old virgin is NOT an excuse he has watched through the minds of Rosalie and Emmett fucking enough times to know how things work and you just KNOW Emmett has spent entire days going down on Rosalie with no break
on a side note does anyone have a fanfic of emmet and jasper giving him the offscreen sex talk I NEED it
-half of his inner dialogue in midnight sun when he’s interacting with Bella is “Surely Bella MUST know this *thing about his feelings he has never verbalized to her* but just in case I will *do the worst thing possible to try and make it clear to her*
-is INCENSED and insulted Billy black DARES to be scared of him and is worried he might kill Bella when him killing Bella is quite literally all he thinks about and worries about and almost kills Bella an hour later when he kisses her
-does not tell Bella they are going on a hike for their first date so she would wear proper footwear
I could go on but I digress. This man has so many thoughts running through his vampire brain and not one of them is smart, nobody let him make plans