Return of the king

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@batfamily14
Return of the king
shhhhh 🤫
I think people would be less suicidal if they were allowed to talk about being suicidal without risk of being sent to the Torture Dungeon
actually fucking disgusting that glasses cost any money like if you actually think about it for more than a few seconds it is so unconscionably inhumane. this goes for things like insulin and mobility aids and hearing aids too ofc but fuck man, fucking glasses? the thing you need to fucking see? its genuinely sickening and inhumanly evil that those cost ANYTHING.
based on that one scene from Ghost Stories lol
Commission Info / Kofi (members get comics a week early)
I'm tired of pretending:
A young James Marsden would have eaten the role of Dick Grayson up!
I like to headcanon Jason did not have asthma until he died and came back to life. Now everyone in the Batfamily has a mandatory inhaler on mission.
“Fuck Batman, and FUCK KLAY THOMPSON TOO.”
- Jason Tood probably or Dick Grayson
what you don't want to hear over comms
b/c it means their situation is bad
Duke: [single tongue click. does it in convos but if he's in a dangerous situation and you hear this out of the blue, it's about to get a whole lot worse]
Jason: [any involuntary sound of woundedness or distress. Finds these sounds especially mortifying coming from himself so if they come over comms it's fear toxin or blinding pain]
Steph: [genuine desperate screaming at someone. Loud, piercing, with zero levity]
Damian: [specific, shrill cry of fear]
Jason's resting standing position is akin to that of the four year old you see silhouetted by the light of the hallway at 3:31 am and they just stand there and won't say or do anything until you speak to them first a minimum of 2 times
Dick's resting face is flat and even when he's unaware of his surroundings, he's aware of his surroundings. his body language says dangerous, unmovable, sharp, quick
Tim's resting position is blank and still and silent, but his gaze is tracking what's happening like a bird, with the slump of an ammonite and his feet going numb under his weight
How to Keep the Various Bats Alive: a guide by Stephanie Brown
I know that Jason made a list like this. I don't trust it.
Do not let any of them have free rein of the kitchen.
In case of an emergency, yell for Superman. One of them will come.
If you are one of the aforementioned Supermen, and there is still an emergency, Leslie Thomkins' number is on the fridge and the door to the showers in the Cave.
If I am gone, that means someone needs to pay extra attention to Damian. I recommend Jason or Cass. Everyone else is too oblivious. He likes the vegan ice cream place on 4th.
Tim is allergic to walnuts. He forgets about that, sometimes.
Dick needs at least 8 hugs a day. Sometimes he needs to stock up, always give him lots of hugs before he leaves the manor for an extended period.
Tim also needs to be touched a lot. I usually just punch him in the arm, that seems to satisfy his touch starvation.
If Harley Quinn is in the manor, she misses her Robins. If she's in the Cave, something is wrong. If she's at WE, you're being robbed. She probably won't keep what she steals, I think she just needs it sometimes. Like when zookeepers give tigers blocks of ice with meat inside? She just needs the enrichment.
Duke has been angry lately. Do not allow him any weapons with sharp edges. He's also been having nightmares. Cass is the best person to help with that.
Never wake Alfred up, he doesn't get enough sleep as it is.
Don't touch Dick without permission. I know that didn't used to be the case. It is now.
Sometimes Cass gets overwhelmed. Don't approach her without invitation in this state if you value your bones.
Never let the bunny outside when it's snowing.
Don't eat right before dinner, that's just rude.
Don't enter anyone's room without an invitation. Duh.
Never mention Jason's scars. Specifically the autopsy one. You'll know it if you see it.
Duke needs to be reminded that he's human sometimes. Easiest way to do this is hand him an animal. Playing board games works too.
Tim is not allowed to accept any dares. Tread carefully.
Damian is NOT team leader if Bruce is gone. Don't let him convince you otherwise.
The rest of the family:
Jason | Damian | Tim | Babs | Cass | Bruce | Duke | Dick
How to Keep Casualties to a Minimum Within My Family and its Adjacents: a guide by Damian Wayne
In case of an emergency, or an inability to contact me, here is a list of things to keep in mind.
Drake is allergic to walnuts. He cannot seem to remember this.
Do not consume any media featuring clowns in any communal areas. This should be common sense, but it is not.
If Oracle has to ask where Batman is, he's been taken or gone dark on purpose. Neither ends well. Find him immediately.
Batcow has to be milked twice a day. When I am absent, this task falls to Thomas. He usually needs to be reminded.
Never open Drake's closet.
If Alfred the Cat does not appear when Alfred the Human calls him, Duke knows where he is. Don't follow him.
Father needs to be prompted to eat sometimes. You'd think he would know better, but the only one worse at taking care of themselves is Timothy.
Cassandra enjoys the sweets from the shop on Evergreen. Especially the dark chocolate and raspberry truffles.
Don't let Stephanie talk over Thomas too often.
If the Manor seems too quiet, check to make sure Todd and Drake haven't killed each other.
If Stephanie doesn't show up on the game room couch for more than four days, something is wrong. This has only not been the case once, there are almost no exceptions.
Never, under any circumstances, play Erik Satie in the house. It's one of Jason's triggers. Gymnopedies especially.
In case of de-aging or sudden child acquisition, extra clothes are kept in the nursery.
Richard enjoys strawberries.
Tell Todd if you leave the Manor. He gets flighty if he doesn't know where everyone is.
If you aren't a family member, never speak to Cullen Row without his sister's permission. This is only a precaution, but the boy has way too many buttons you can accidentally press.
Don't lock any doors unless it is your own or one leading to the outside or the Cave if Jason is home.
On the topic of doors, never slam them, especially around Father.
Do not touch Richard without permission. Or Jason. Especially if you are not in their direct line of sight.
Keep Drake hydrated. Or ask Stephanie to keep Tim hydrated. She is like a snake charmer to the obstinate serpent that is Timothy Drake.
The rest of the family:
Jason | Steph | Tim | Babs | Cass | Bruce | Duke | Dick
Everything you need to know about the Bats: a babysitter's guide from the pencil of Dick Grayson
Yeah, my family is a mess. I know. Please do your best to keep them alive, regardless.
Please keep all hands, feet, and other objects to yourself.
I wouldn't necessarily recommend giving Damian any more pets. That being said, it's a surefire way to coerce him into going to bed when he isn't supposed to be patrolling.
Tim is allergic to dogwood trees and walnuts. His EpiPen is in the linen closet right by the kitchen door. For the walnuts. Not the dogwood trees. He will not go into anaphylaxis because of hay fever.
Ignore the dragon-bat. Plausible deniability. He's not exactly the best houseguest. You don't wanna be responsible for that.
Don't mention the fact that Duke doesn't seem to age. Ever.
Never get Tim started on the JFK assassination. Not if you have anywhere to be.
Steph should never be out of contact for more than three days, unless she says otherwise. She doesn't technically live at the manor, but if you haven't seen her there in three days, look for her.
If Damian ever props his chopsticks up in his bowl, rather than on top of it, run. Traditionally, that's a means he's wishing death on the host. He won't kill you, but the fact that he is miffed enough to be announcing it is very bad news.
Don't mistake Babs' chair for a handicap in anything more than literal terms. She can and will still beat your ass.
On the topic of Babs' wheelchair, she doesn't need your help to get around. If she did, she'd ask for it, but probably not from you. If she does ask for help from you, and you are not the only option, consider yourself chosen. Barbara Gordon trusts you. That's a feat in and of itself.
If someone who you don't actually recognize shows up in the cave and claims he is Tim and Batman, do not trust him. There's a good chance he is actually Tim, but he's also probably a little evil. Maybe a lot evil, depending on the version.
Don't let Duke get too lonely. He doesn't tend to ask for companionship, but he needs it.
Same with Damian. Duke and Damian are actually very similar in ways I hope you never recognize.
Don't threaten Jason. Or Tim, for very different reasons. Even as a joke.
Don't walk in on Bruce's gossip/tea parties. Don't ask why there are criminals at said gossip/tea parties.
If you see any of those same criminals anywhere else in the manor, or the Cave, or any building with "Wayne" on the papers, leave them alone. Their presence there is just an affectation. Unless you want to be the subject of a nasty 10 minutes at aforementioned gossip/tea parties.
Never ask Harper where she is going. Or why she is home. Don't ask Harper anything in general.
Titus is not allowed in the library. Alfred (the Cat) is. Don't get that confused, they are incredibly vengeful animals.
Please keep everyone fed. Especially Tim and Cass. They eat the least.
Batcow is not allowed in the manor.
Always assume Cass is watching you.
If not her, then Duke. He can always see you. Whether or not he perceives you is impossible for you to know.
Always thank Alfred for meals. You don't want to be on his bad side.
The rest of the family:
Jason | Damian | Tim | Babs | Cass | Bruce | Duke | Steph
I love how everyone thinks Jason is the dark angry robin when he’s just trying to read a good book without having criminals in Gotham.
Dick on the other hand? His hands are rated E for everyone. He purposefully finds fights. He rows with Bruce at a drop of the hat. Everyone in Gotham is terrified of batman but 16 year old Robin Dick Grayson just told him to go fuck himself.
Tim is a cold anger like ice. He’ll slowly make a plan to destroy your life. If you act better he might abort the plan altogether before you even know it exists. Jason and Damian are fire, burning quickly and can spread but often go out just quick as they started.
Dick is like lava. He rages hot enough to melt metal and can simmer for ages before exploding seemingly at random. He can light fires under others too causing flames to rise. The line between justice and vengeance is small and he toes it often.
I'd argue that Jason is less a fire than a time bomb. He sits and waits and plots and plans without appearing to change at all, he's still reading his book but his mind is on your downfall. And the moment he has that plan? He explodes. Jason looks like a fire to the outside eye, because they don't see that he's been planning all this time. Jason didn't just vibe until one day he spontaneously decided to break into the tower and beat up Tim, he planned and planned in casual secret until he had his foolproof plan ready and only when he deemed it perfect did he execute in sudden brutal fashion.
So yeah, time bomb.
Everyone Wants to Be Tim Drake’s Favorite Brother
Being Tim Drake’s favorite isn’t just about bragging rights—it’s about power, perks, and an almost supernatural level of protection.
It starts with the little things. Tim isn’t one for grand gestures, but when he cares about someone, it’s obvious. He listens—really listens—to the small comments, the things others might forget. That offhand remark about a snack you miss? Tim’s already on his way to get it for you. Complaining that your suit’s not fitting quite right? Tim’s hands-on with upgrades by morning. If you're Tim’s favorite, it’s a constant stream of thoughtful gestures. Gear gets upgraded, favorite books and gadgets mysteriously show up, and Tim’s always thinking of how he can make your life easier.
But being Tim’s favorite is more than just gifts. It’s the way Tim treats you, the way he prioritizes you over everything else. Tim listens when you vent, has your back during arguments, even when you’re wrong, and somehow—somehow—he gets Bruce to listen to you more than anyone else.
Bruce listens to everyone, of course. He’s the Bat. But when Tim speaks, it’s different. Bruce doesn’t just hear Tim—he acts. Whether it’s adjusting mission plans, reevaluating tactics, or considering Gotham’s crime trends. He’ll mention something, and suddenly, Bruce is shifting his approach. No one else seems to have that pull over him. Tim has a way of cutting through Bruce’s stubbornness that no one else can match. It’s not lost on anyone that when you’re Tim’s favorite, Bruce seems to listen to you more, too.
And then, there’s the most dangerous perk of all: Tim’s wrath.
Everyone in Gotham has learned to fear the consequences of hurting anyone Tim cares about. They all remember how Janet Drake, Tim’s mother, was exactly the same. Janet didn’t just love fiercely; she made people fear the consequences of betraying her affection. She’d build strong alliances and maintain an iron grip on them, ensuring no one dared to harm those she called her own. She had a reputation for turning the tables in ways that left lasting marks on Gotham’s criminals, so it’s no surprise that Tim inherited the same instincts. The last time one of his favorites got hurt in Gotham, the Rogue responsible learned the hard way that crossing a Drake isn’t something you do lightly. That night, the Rogue barely escaped with his life, and the damage he caused was felt across Gotham for weeks.
The rumors from that time still make the rounds. Red Robin hunted that Rogue down, dismantling supply lines and ruining their operations in ways no one else could, using connections no one could have anticipated for him to have. He sent a message—a warning—one that still echoes through Gotham’s criminal world. After that, the Rogues were far more cautious when it came to hurting anyone Red Robin seemed particularly attached to.
These days, the Rogues are more careful. If they can see who Tim’s favorite is, they back off. Patrols get easier. The punches are pulled. The threats don’t carry the same weight. It's almost comical. Once, Jason caught Riddler mid-riddle and swore he saw him glance over his shoulder like he was checking for something—and then mutter, “Not worth it,” before retreating.
Of course, everyone’s gotten a taste of these perks at some point.
Jason remembers his time as Tim’s favorite. When he first came back, Tim went above and beyond. His gear was upgraded constantly, his safehouses were restocked with his favorite things, and there were custom modifications to everything. Tim even managed to reclaim all his old safehouses from the GCPD archives with no problem. Jason never openly admitted it, but he savored every moment. It felt good to be cared for like that.
Cass had it too when she struggled to reconnect with the family. Tim stuck close, quietly offering his support—whether it was with training or just sitting together. She didn’t ask for a suit upgrade, just mentioned how bulky it was in passing, and Tim designed a new one for her the following week, fitting it perfectly to her style. And as for the Rogues? They couldn't run away fast enough when she showed up.
Right now, they all suspect Duke to be the favorite. Tim’s always inviting him to collaborate on tech projects or sharing valuable intel. And Duke has started receiving gifts that seem to show up at just the right moment—books, custom gadgets, and even the occasional throwback cereal he mentioned in passing. Tim’s also been there for him every step of the way, making sure he’s always in the loop, collaborating on projects, and taking the time to make Duke feel seen.
“You know,” Duke said one night, stirring his soup casually, “Scarecrow’s been weirdly quiet lately.”
“Yeah, I noticed,” Jason said with a raised eyebrow. “What did you do?”
Duke blinked. “Nothing.”
Jason shot Tim a look. “What did you do?”
Tim’s smirk was all the answer Jason needed.
And that’s the thing—being Tim’s favorite isn’t just about attention or gear. It’s about something more. It’s about protection. Once you’re Tim’s favorite, the world seems like it can’t touch you. And everyone knows it.
They’ve all had their time as Tim’s favorite. Jason, Cass, even Damian had his moment. But once you’re no longer the favorite, it’s hard not to crave it again.
Jason lingers in the Batcave, pretending to talk about his gear but subtly hinting at upgrades Tim could add to it.
Damian scoffs at the idea of being prioritized, but Tim catches him comparing his gear to Duke’s own, new and improved gear, muttering to himself, “It’s adequate,” like it’s an insult.
Dick tries to remain above it all—he’s the eldest, after all. He doesn’t need Tim’s attention. But when he sees Tim working behind the scenes, tinkering with Duke’s gear or offering an unexpected assist to Jason, there’s that ache of longing for when he was the center of Tim’s world.
In the end, they’ll never say it, but every single one of them secretly wants to be Tim’s favorite. Because when Tim Drake decides you’re his favorite, you’re not just cared for—you’re protected and given an unwavering loyalty that makes you feel untouchable in Gotham.
And in Gotham, where danger is always close, nothing is more powerful than the protection and devotion of a Drake.
I actually don’t think Jason would be built like a body builder. I think he’d have obvious muscles but the look of them wouldn’t be hinged upon aesthetic. He certainly builds muscle to be strong even if it doesn’t appear this way. His stomach would be smooth, maybe no super obvious abs unless he flexes. His chest broad but not overbearing. You think oh he’s just a regular dude. Then he is seen dead lifting Batman like a feather and it’s like OH SHIET
I need more Tim protects his family from any racist, homophobic, what not comments.
Like Tim, who is white, non-religious, and queer takes all the negative comments towards him and just steers it past him. So people comment about him a lot, because he just doesn't care and lets it happen.
But then someone comments something about the color of Damian's and Dick's skin, the scarred face of Jason, a stereotype of Cass, called Duke a thug, talked bad about Bruce being a Jew? Oh just consider your life over with.
He will publicly humiliate you. He will grill into you so hard your bones will be scorched black. He will break your company down. He will make you bankrupt. He will expose all of your secrets. Ruin your marriage. Ruin your family. Ruin your image.
Mess with Tim Wayne all you want, but if you mess with the rest of the Waynes, just expect Janet Drake's sole child, her carbon copy, Tim Drake, to appear and put your life to shambles.
It is no joke that Tim Drake is far more protective of his family than Tim Wayne is of himself.
Janet and Jack Drake's forthcoming comes in the way of Tim Drake destroying your life entirely, digging up your secrets and uprooting your company at one small discriminatory comment towards his family.