BYOTH

(Bring your own Tinfoil Hat) Conspiracy theories are low-key boring. I can fix that. AI wishes it could do what I can.

[batshit-conspiracies]

Fuck Barbecue. It’s horrid.

You can't actually fuck barbecue sauce on account of the penis eating acid in the recipe :/. I'd say I hope this helps but it seems that you've already encountered this issue.

[batshit-conspiracies]

What is up with public bathrooms? Like, have you seen the places that make disabled people go to the back of the building to use the bathroom? Like what is up with that?

They collect the DNA you deposit so they can CLONE YOU. Do NOT use public restrooms or your clone WILL REPLACE YOU.

I recommend places like the woods, a bush, or a fountain (the coins in it disrupt your DNA and create imperfect clones)

[batshit-conspiracies]

Why did the government invent taxes?

I'm not sure which 'government' you're referring to. There are many, and most tax their populace for mundane reasons such as infrastructure but a few spend a majority of their tax dollars on commissioning fursuits for the uber-rich portion of the furry community, the 1%ers if you will. However I am currently using this information as blackmail so I cannot share which ones.

Of course taxes are optional, and like many pioneers of a better world, I do not pay mine.

[batshit-conspiracies]

Ok so what if humans actually had like a mutation that gave people powers but the government has this aerial spray to provent it

Like person a should have grown wings but they don’t bc of the spray.

That's an interesting theory, my fellow questioner. I would recommend testing your hypothesis by temporarily halting your consumption of oxygen until you get super powers.

[batshit-conspiracies]

Why do Lays Barbecue chips taste better than most other Barbecue chips

Easy. Lays puts a higher concentration of red 40 in their chips, which shares many similar properties to cocaine. This was in like.... A study or something by RFK Jr himself.

[batshit-conspiracies]

Get bitches?

The bitches are being sent by THE GOVERNMENT. I will be getting as FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE from the government controlled bitches you are manifesting for me. What even are you, a cop? The CIA? The FBI? The TRA?

[batshit-conspiracies]

Hey what's the dealio with those there Crayola crayons my son just can't stop biting since he's been playing with them ¯⁠\⁠_⁠༼⁠ᴼ⁠ل͜⁠ᴼ⁠༽⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Your. Son. Is. Going. To. Eat. You.

Let me repeat myself.

YOUR SON IS GOING TO EAT YOU.

Crayola is the biggest exporter in cannibalistic propaganda. Crayons encourage cannibalism at a young age due to the waxy pheromones that mimic the feel and taste of human flesh to undeveloped and young brains. If your kid is eating crayons, it may be too late. He is coming for you. Lock your doors. Hide. You are in danger, my friend.

[batshit-conspiracies]

Today I would like to discuss the overabundance of round manhole covers. WHY round???. WHY everywhere??? Well I have the answer.

You see, the circle is a method of teleportation that only the shadowy elites of this world, who I cannot name for fear of my own safety, have access to. They provide many places in which they can easily teleport throughout towns and major cities, however the working man can't access the skill of teleportation, so the circular shape of the manhole cover is meaningless.

Only when we fill every hole with a square will the elites let us teleport. We must restrict their access so we too can reap the benefits of teleportation

[batshit-conspiracies]

Wait is that why sharks bite internet cables???

Robot sharks often bite internet cables to interfere with big tech since they're in direct competition for your data.

[batshit-conspiracies]

What's the deal with those there sharks

Oh BOY don't get me STARTED. Most people in my line of work will tell you birds aren't real, but that's a false claim. The real fake animals made by the government are SHARKS.

Sharks, or their proper term, shark robots, are one of any coastal governments' preferred tool for mass surveillance. While they mostly surveil the undiscovered mermaid race and prevent them from sharing the true cure to the common cold, they can also be used to surveil YOU. Anytime you're near the ocean, the rare shark-filled river, or your local aquarium, the sharks are watching you.

They do it through the fin on their back, which scans and records everything happening around the robot constantly.

This is why 'sharks' can't stay still btw. They gotta keep moving to gather more data on the mermaids and the occasional human. Luckily, I'm safe because my current location is 100% 'shark' free!

[batshit-conspiracies]

What role do HB pencils play in the dentist industry

Contrary to popular belief, HB pencils are actually tooth-fragment free. They're the much safer option when considering school supplies, as they don't have harmful effects like psychologically influencing the youth to join the dentistry conglomerate.

[batshit-conspiracies]

What's the deal with No. 2 pencils? It's always a No. 2 pencils on standardized test in the bastard US education system. Why?

It makes children into dentists. The use of a No. 2 pencil while a child or teenager is developing mentally subconsciously manipulates the user into considering a career in dentistry because the lead actually contains bits of child teeth. These teeth are gathered by the tooth fairy race, enslaved by the dentistry conglomerate.

The predatory dentist industry floods the market with mandatory No. 2 pencils to boost their numbers to increase their chances of winning The Great Doctor War. I wish I could say more, but they're always watching.