[thelordofshrimp]

Jesse. Jesse meth isn't the only thing we're cooking. Because today's video was sponsored by Hello Fresh.

[draconym]

Bad and naughty horses have to wear the Elmer's hat

[prokopetz]

Reasons why computer problems seem to mysteriously vanish as soon as a technician shows up:

You were spacing out and skipping a step somewhere without realising it, and you can’t reproduce it when you try to demonstrate it because now you’re paying attention to what you’re doing

It’s an intermittent electrical connection fault that’s being aggravated by movement/vibrations in your desk; you need to check your cables

The act of explaining the problem to someone caused you to figure out what you were doing wrong

The real cause of the problem was somewhere upstream of your terminal device – for example, at the network service provider – and it got fixed at the source while you were waiting

Your computer is in a location with poor airflow and is overheating; waiting for the technician to arrive gave it a chance to cool off

Despite all appearances to the contrary, modern computers actually have very good fault recovery, and most minor problems will sort themselves out on their own if you give it a minute

Magic

[bookshelfdreams]

the computer doesn’t respect you. next time, try firm eye contact to establish dominance.

[humanpersonface]

I know that some British people take umbrage at Americans calling the Great British Bake Off relaxing, but it's just because GBBO is such a different kind of stressful from American baking shows.

American baking shows will be called something like "Cupcake Knife Fight", there's horror movie lighting everywhere and dramatic stings every 5 seconds. All of the contestants are shit talking each other and fist fighting over the one single deep fryer provided by production. It will show the judges all whispering to each other at their super villain table overlooking the whole kitchen, and one will be like, "Oh my god. Everyone look at Brenda right now. She's straight tanking it." And it will cut to Brenda, who is running around covered in flour and crying and also bleeding for some reason. Then you get a clip from an interview with one of the contestants, and they're like, "I really need to win this. Without this award money, I'm gonna need to close my restaurant, sell my dad, and live out of my car. AGAIN." Then the giant digital doomsday clock overhead lets out a horrid klaxon, the judges tell half of them that their cupcakes taste disgusting, and one of them gets eliminated and sent to walk down the dramatically-lit shame hallway never to be seen again.

Meanwhile GBBO is in a lovely, brightly colored tent, there are delightful and friendly hosts/jesters there to keep everyone entertained, and all of the B Roll is of like... a bumblebee going into a flower, or a lamb running in a field. And yes, there will be moments where someone will mess up their timing or something, and they'll be looking at their bake through the oven door like, "oh gosh I don't think this will rise in time!" Then they stand up to find Paul Hollywood directly behind them ominously. His creepy whitewalker eyes will glow white, and he'll say something like "the 12th of June. 2035. Drowning." And his eyes will go back to normal and he'll walk away. Then the baker gives a playful grimace to the camera and says "that didnt sound great, did it?". Cut to a sweet looking older woman sipping tea on a stool and she says "oo I do hope that Prue enjoys the taste of my sugary, sticky baps!". Then, at the end, someone gets a gold star for doing good, and the loser of the episode gets in the middle of a giant group hug. You see all of them at the end of the series at a giant carnival with their families and the post credits informs you that all of the contestants have become a Partridge Family-style traveling band and stayed friends forever.

[rederiswrites]

The real thing with ADHD is not "I forgot", but that forgetting is this ongoing process. I remembered! And then I forgot.

At ten this (hypothetical) morning I remembered that I have a meeting at six. And then from 11 through 3 I worked on other stuff and had zero thoughts about that meeting. Maybe even thought about what I was gonna do with my evening at home. Got attached to the idea of taking the time to make a good dinner, maybe play some video games.

And then at three I said, "Oh! Fuck!" and remembered again, hopefully long enough to set an alarm. And then I went to the bathroom and remembered that I need to clean the counter and spent twenty minutes cleaning the bathroom and went to get a snack and then at five I said, "OH! FUCK!" and had to scramble to dress like a real adult and get out the door.

It isn't one clean forgetting. It's a constant process of forgetting and then, with an exhausting adrenaline spike, remembering. And then forgetting. Baby, I can forget the same thing more times in a day than you ever forgot your parents' anniversary.

[anangelofthetardis-deactivated2]

omG I SEARCHED GOOGLE FOR A SEWING MACHINE DIAGRAM AND THIS CAME UP I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING

[fkjfkjfjglfjh-deactivated202005]

We actually keep this picture hanging up in our costume shop. If you have ever operated a sewing machine, this picture will speak to you on a spiritual level.

[occasionalesbianlovermariahcarey]

I hate calling in sick I don't want to inform anyone about my abnormal bowel movements

[pinene]

I love it. I call them up and say hey bossman I'm camped out on the shitter today yeehaw

[occasionalesbianlovermariahcarey]

you are so beautiful in every way

[pinene]

We will get married on a windswept cliff and the dinner will be easily digestible

[gaynfl-moved]

just heard a coworker say "I know this thing wouldn't even work for Jesus" about her printer

[gaynfl-moved]

heard three people say "amen" in response

[plaidos]

oooh rare leap year post, adds to the resale value

[nixcraft]

I heard you like escape rooms.....

[21st-century-minutiae]

VIM is a late 20th century, early 21st century text editing software. It was designed for computers that couldn't necessarily display anything but text, or for circumstances where only text can be easily transmitted.

There is a common joke in the computer world that vim is impossible to exit. But the explanation is given right in the above screen. All you have to do is type ":" followed by "q" and press enter.

There are two unlisted "tricky" things to escape vim. First, vim will toggle between two modes, one where key presses add text to the document, and one where it is accepting commands and you can do things like copy and paste or search for words or jump to specific lines or exit the program. If you press the ":" key in the first mode, it will just type a ":". Pressing the escape key will leave typing mode. Typing "a" or "i" will enter the typing mode (in append or insert mode respectively).

Second, like most text editors, vim doesn't want you to accidentally leave unsaved work. To leave vim when you have unsaved work you can type ":w" to save, ":wq" to save AND quit, or ":q!" to quit without saving.

The fact this is not as simple as just hitting the escape key or pressing an x button is the source of the joke, comparing it to an escape room.

Most people in the early twenty-first century have never heard of vim. Those that have would be familiar with the jokes. They also probably know how to escape vim.

[fluorescentbrains]

seeing straight men be disgusted by booktok smut recommenders has actually radicalized me to the side of booktok smut recommenders. girls your taste may be atrocious but i will never disparage you for exposing mainstream discourse to the concept of soaking through your underwear. spent my whole life listening to men talk about penises it’s about time they get jumpscared by women talking about pussy in crude detail on social media. go forth and goon my warriors

[insomniac-arrest]

I work at a bookstore and hearing one of my male coworkers call smutty romantasy "the downfall of society" because it's "literally just porn" radicalized me

Men have an entire industry. Entire industries dedicated to their sexualities. Let women have fantasy sex. there's not even a camera crew involved.

[furiousfurious]

Left this in the notes

[insomniac-arrest]

😂

[goodattellinglies]

[escuerzoresucitado]

[hammercarexplosion]

🦀 no he isn't he is normal 🦀

[whatcoloristhatcat]

🦀 red mackerel tabby with moderate white spotting 🦀

[roseverdict]

[coloredcompulsion]

[keskaowl]

tags from coloredcompulsion:

[2urban2fantasy-deactivated20241]

“Could you be the chosen one?”

“I am very much the guy who’s here.”

[lifewithchronicpain]

[ruinedchildhood]

[dragon-in-a-fez]

why does my mother suddenly fail kindergarten whenever she tries to do anything on the computer

[dragon-in-a-fez]

I know she doesn't know what "the maximise button" is so I told her "click the square at the top right" and she clicked...the printer icon...in the middle of the toolbar. and I'm just like okay. this isn't a technology thing you are flunking basic shapes and directions. I'm turning off your computer and getting you a block puzzle. you have a master's degree

[myrinthinks]

[hustlerose]

idk much about jojos bizarre adventure but what i DO know is that there’s a character named r.e.o. speedwagon like the fucking 70s rock band and everyone just thinks that’s fine 

[ndiecity-deactivated20241101]

reading this is like seeing someone discover pokemon for the first time but they’re like “there’s a lizard that breathes fire? what the hell”

[did-you-know]

A painter in Los Angeles kept missing his exit for the I-5 on the 110 highway, so he did his research, climbed up the overhead sign, and changed it himself without anyone noticing.

This is Richard Ankrom. He couldn’t find his damn exit, cuz it wasn’t properly labelled.  

So he took life by the balls, like any self-respecting Californian would do, and used his sign-painting expertise to fix it himself.

He called it ‘guerilla public service.’ Even got himself an outfit to look official. It worked, obvi.

Caltrans investigated, but the sign was actually up to code. They left it there for 8 years before they made an updated sign.

Source Source 2

[amarettosweet]

[asgardreid-deactivated20180407]

You can do anything if you’re wearing a hi-vis vest and hard hat.

[eclipsebykimlipmp3-deactivated2]

chaotic good

[possiblypessimistic]

chaotic frustrated 

[agnesandhilda]

shoutout to the woman from my high school martial arts class who liked to get me in joint locks and then joke about how I was easy to catch. you cannot comprehend how psychosexually formative that was for me

[agnesandhilda]

imagine, if you will, having an adolescent half-crush on someone way older than you, which is also confusingly blurred up with admiration of them as a role model. now imagine that you and that person are in a social environment where it is acceptable to (platonically, consensually) choke someone. I think I was very normal about it considering the circumstances

[agnesandhilda]

she would demonstrate takedowns on her husband (also in the class, and who was not a small man) before we got to try them and the first time I saw her twist him around and down onto the floor like it was easy my entire abdomen clenched

[agnesandhilda]

I cannot stress enough how eager this guy was to be manhandled (womanhandled?) and flipped around by his wife. he was her de facto guinea pig whenever she got to teach and I never saw him unenthusiastic about it. he'd set himself up for a joint lock fully smiling. the other adults in the class occasionally teased him about it (being so quick to let your wife put you in a submission hold tends to raise a few eyebrows), and I always kind of wanted to defend him but what would I have said? like, don't worry. I won't judge you. I also like being pinned down by your wife

[draculaisagothwizzard-deactivat]

That last sentance really hits ya like a psychosexually formative takedown

[agnesandhilda]