Flying Tomato Embroidered A-Line Skirt and Tahari ASL Ruffle Sleeve Blouse
So here we are, at the final two. These last two items were my outright favorite out of everything I wore during the trial. They were in excellent condition, and affordable, so if it weren’t for the fact that they were both the wrong size for me, I would have bought them.
I made it work, though! I was thrilled to not only finally get a bottom and a top together, but to get two that actually could be reasonably paired. These are actually downright adorable together. I love pattern mixing, plus the embroidery on this skirt was a nice detail, and went very well with the floral top. You all may know by now that I’m not the biggest fan of red, but I took a chance with the floral top since it was on a navy background, and I liked how that toned the red down a lot. I styled everything very minimally, because I tend to go sans accessories these days, with my trusty heart shaped sunglasses (similar here), and the Alexcina Mules by Mix No. 6. Side note, these are the only trendy slipper style mules I’ve ever tried on that fit my big wide feet. A couple of downsides were the sizes-- GB had no size advisory for the skirt, so I went with a 1X based on reviews, which turned out to be too small. The top, they advised a 2X but I went with a 3X based on the company’s measurements, and it turned out to be too big. Should have listened to them! I was also a big disappointed in how cheap the material for the skirt was. It was some plasticy 80s porch furniture polyester, while it actually looks like it’ll be a lighter, more cotton-like polyester in the pictures.
So, as for Gwynnie Bee overall... Their service is approximately 75 dollars a month for 2 pieces at a time, or 50 a month for 1 at a time. I chose to cancel my subscription before my free trial ended. Why?
Pros: Trying new brands, getting to wear clothes I wouldn’t be able to buy, rotating out a lot of different things in my wardrobe
Cons: Expensive, can’t pick and choose when you get an item, often don’t receive items that can be worn together so can’t reliably make outfits, quality can be iffy, pictures not always accurate, difficult to ascertain your size in multiple brands, even with the size adviser, limited styles available for selection
To me, the cons outweigh the pros. I just wasn’t all that impressed with what Gwynnie Bee had to offer for the price they were charging. There are plenty of other people out there who feel differently, but I’m just not a Gwynnie Bee person.
Things I would like if they were a color other than red
Red is always an ubiquitous color once fall rolls around, and since this is traditionally the time when fall wardrobes are purchased, more and more red items are hitting the market. And I... I hate red! I know, since red is such a popular color most people will find that statement odd. To be more specific, I’m okay with red as an accent color, but I hate it in clothing. And I’m talking about RED red, true fire engine red. Oxblood I can do, I like it okay. Maroon is fine. Primary red can get on outta here. Since I feel this way about red, you may realize this means it will almost NEVER get featured here. So, I decided to make a whole red post for all the red-lovers out there. It’s interesting for me, since I’m ignoring the color of a garment (usually a huge factor in how I feel about it) and focusing entirely on silhouette, fabric, details, etc. Prepare yourselves for the red.
Asos Curve Ultimate Mini Embroidered Smock Dress
I have my doubts about the wording of this listing, mainly because this is a drop-waist dress, not so much a smock dress, so how can it be the ULTIMATE smock dress? But I love a good drop waist dress, I love embroidery, and the ruffles and bell sleeves are cute as hell. If this dress wasn’t eye-searingly red, I might even consider buying it.
Society Plus York Plaid Pull On Skinny Pant
Stretchy pull-on pants that are both comfy AND work appropriate? Yes please! Bright red accents in the mostly gray plaid? NOPE. Any other color, and these pants would go straight into my work wardrobe. Sorry, red. On another note, I am loving this top (besides the red) but can’t find it anywhere on Society Plus. Trust me, everyone, I would link it if I could. (PS these pants are on sale AND an extra 20% off right now, so run for them if you like them).
Simply Be High Neck Ruffle Blouse
I think this blouse would be a good alternative to the one pictured on the Society Plus site to pair with those pants, if you were truly dedicated to the red look. I love billowy sleeves, and the ruffled high neck. In fact, ruffles in general have grown on me a lot in the past couple of months. Not only is this a lovely top, but it comes in a color besides red! It’s navy, so not my favorite color to wear, but still better than red. Is it cheating if I pick something that actually does come in a second color? Who cares, I’m the one who made up this game.
Target Plus Ruffle Tie Neck Midi Dress
Could this dress be any more twee and cute? Yes! If it wasn’t red. The color may be listed as “rust,” but that’s just a fancy way of saying red! Still, it’s got that perfect fall look with the pussy bow, the pleating, the ruffles, the contrast polka dot pattern, the sheer poofy sleeves. I would wear something like this pretty much anywhere. It doesn’t appear to be a midi length on the model pictured, but she’s 5′10″ so it’d definitely hit me below the knee.
Target Who What Wear Plus Floral Bomber Jacket
I may be featuring Target twice, but that’s because I wanted to include a jacket in this post, and this one is glorious. This also comes in another color, but it’s a different pattern as well so I won’t count that. And it may be listed as orange, but this picture is red as hell (I’ve also seen this in person and it’s very red). I absolutely love a bold floral and a patterned bomber, and the contrasting cuffs are just perfect in my book. I would absolutely adore this in a mint green or a pink.
One thing I noticed is that lilac is getting paired with red more and more. I’m into that, since I love lilac and believe that there should be more plus options in this season’s trendiest pastel, but I just can’t get over the red enough to actually wear it. Hopefully some of you can!
Hey, it’s me! With more Gwynnie Bee reviews! I received two more items in the mail since I last posted, and I must say that I am far more satisfied with my second shipment than my first. No cuts this time! Prepare yourselves for lots of photos of me! Let’s dive in.
These are the two items I received, the Style & Co Off the Shoulder Check Top and the Flying Tomato Kimono in Black Multi-Place Print. I actually received the kimono first, but I’ll review the top first because I like the pictures better! I know, vain.
I think it’s pretty obvious off the bat that the top is darker in real life than it’s pictured on Gwynnie Bee’s website. I was hoping for a more pastel blue like in the photo, but got more of a denim blue instead. I’m not that mad about the color difference this time around, since I was expecting some color variation from my previous experience. Plus this top was in significantly better condition than that infamous embroidered kimono from last time. It was about as long as pictured, with a swing shape, which made it very easy to tie up into a knot for a cute crop top look. I chose to wear no bra because meh. The fabric wasn’t faded, it was very soft and comfortable, and had no pulls or anything. Not visible in the pictures is a subtle diamond pattern that was woven into the fabric, which I liked. Aside from the wrinkling in the elastic, it looked new. The elastic at the top is elastic thread sewn into the fabric, and sadly when that wrinkles, there’s no undoing it with my cheap iron at home, so I just wore it as is. I used some garment tape to keep it down, but that only lasted about 20 minutes before the top started sliding up over my shoulders. I don’t know how much the wrinkling contributed to that, but I get the feeling that this had more to do with just the design and construction of the top. There are hanger helpers, but they’re sewn in beneath the armpits (why?) so the hanger helper around the arm trick was a no-go here. Overall it was cute, but the elastic would not stay down for anything. Here’s me in my house after putting on my sweatpants:
Still cute, but not off-the-shoulder.
Next up is the Flying Tomato kimono! I just put it on over this outfit since the teal in it goes well with the mint green shorts. One thing which is visible in these pictures is that the color is misrepresented, though that appears to be more of a mistake of the manufacturer, as it’s listed as “black.” In actuality, the kimono is navy, which I think is visible in the GB pictures, and was aware of before placing it in my closet. Another inaccuracy from the site: this is listed as stretch jersey, when in fact the look and feel of the material is that of soft woven cotton. Personally, I found that to be a plus. This item was in the best shape out of everything I tried, and literally looked brand new out of the box. I wore it for well over a week because it went well with almost all of my work wear, and it was super soft and cozy, but still light enough for 70 degree weather (it was amazing outside when I posed for these pictures, I miss it already). I even considered purchasing it, as GB’s price was around 15 dollars, but decided against it since the pattern isn’t really my style, and the kimono is a size too big. I normally don’t care much with wraps and kimonos, but the larger size makes the arms droop a lot and sit at an awkward length. I was recommended a 2X/3X by the size adviser, and would have been fine with a 1X/2X, so keep that in mind if you choose this kimono. I highly recommend it, even if I decided not to keep it.
One downside overall with the GB site that I still dislike is the lack of control over what items I receive, even when I have items prioritized. I have tried 4 pieces of clothing so far, and GB has yet to send me a bottom of any kind. They also sent me 2 kimonos in a row, when I only had 2 total in my closet. It would be nice to try a bottom sometime soon, so I’m hoping they send one along in my next shipment, which will be the last of my free trial. One upside is that I’ve discovered the brand Flying Tomato, which I will be keeping an eye out for in the future.
It’s me! Yes, I am here. And I felt like wearing purple. Lilac, specifically, and I went as monochromatic as possible. I loooove monochromatic looks but I rarely wear them because they tend to be a bold statement and I don’t generally like people staring at me in public. But I decided to give it a go today! I just bought this dress from Rainbow in their big summer clearance sale, so I decided to debut it boldly. I tend to go minimal with accessories these days, and I think it was the right choice here. Emphasize the purple.
Sadly, Rainbow no longer has this specific dress on their site (though I only bought it a few days ago so it’s probably still in-store), and the other items have been in my wardrobe a long time. Here are some similar items:
Hi, everyone! I recently decided to finally cave to all of Gwynnie Bee’s advertising and try out their free trial. I’m going to review their service along with ALL the pieces I receive in the course of the 30-day free trial! I wasn’t solicited by them, and these are my honest thoughts.
So, first off: you’re only allowed to choose the plan with 2 pieces out at a time with the free trial. I understand that they don’t want to have too many pieces out to moochers at once, but since all the fashion bloggers I’ve seen repping them have said they were on the free trial and have shown 3 - 5 pieces at a time, I didn’t realize this. So, that’s something to know! Also, they used to have a minimum plan of 3 pieces at a time when they first began, which I didn’t realize was an upgrade now. Also of note: they’re a lot more expensive than they used to be! It’s close to $75 per month for just 2 pieces at a time, which I find extremely pricey. But I thought, hey, this is just a free trial, and if I like it a lot I can always come back as a paying customer when I have the money.
Spoiler alert: I don’t like it that much so far. I have a lot to say, so read the rest under the cut!
First off, I have never seen a negative review or a review that had anything negative to say going in, so perhaps my expectations were too high. Second off, most of the pieces they have in stock are not especially stylish. Maybe there are secret beautiful things you can look at and order when you pay for a subscription, but if that’s the case, then they aren’t doing a good job of enticing people with the free trial. I thought since GB tends to stock pricier brands that I might see some unique things or really nice quality, or considering the high cost of a subscription at least some current pieces. But most of the clothing looked pretty dated, a lot was likely aimed at an older demographic (that is fine, but they seem to be advertising to women in their 20s and 30s a lot, so maybe carry more clothing that women in that age range might wear). You also are REQUIRED to pick 6 things for your “closet”-- a.k.a. queue-- before anything gets sent out. Priority seems to be placed on whatever you picked last, which is also very weird to me.
Anyway, it took me a while to find 6 things for my closet because... I found probably 12 things total on the entire site I liked, and some were out of my size. It was very reminiscent of walking into the “Women’s Sizing” section of a department store 10 years ago to pick out a shawl in some weird pattern because it’s the only store in a 100 mile radius carrying my size. Which... Isn’t the whole point of services like Gwynnie Bee to eliminate that experience for fat women? I thought so, anyway.
I decided to go for work wear first, and I really wanted to try some slim fit black work pants, but those don’t exist on Gwynnie Bee, so I went with more office casual pieces. There are actually these Melissa McCarthy tuxedo jeans on there that I’ve been admiring for forever, and I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to try them. According to the size chart, though, they didn’t have my size. Not that someone else had it out, just that they no longer had it in stock, which I understand. They allow people to purchase items they like, so that will happen. No big deal. I picked the next size up since I love them so much, and an embroidered kimono to go with them. I wanted to order items to be complete outfits for work, so ideally I would get sent a top and a bottom together.
I realized quickly that it orders items by last-picked, and apparently there’s no way to re-arrange your queue to your liking ahead of time. You can, however, select items to prioritize to “increase the likelihood they will be sent out next.” I prioritized the jeans and the kimono. I received the kimono, but not the jeans. I instead received a top that I was luke-warm on at best, and so selected just to fill up my closet to get things rolling. Also, it doesn’t go with the kimono. I had meant it to go with some pink pants. According to the website, the jeans I selected are still available, so... Why were they not sent to me? Maybe because Gwynnie Bee doesn’t want free users to make complete outfits, because then they would be using pieces too quickly? I don’t know. I’m thinking of just sending the shirt back and hoping they give me the jeans in time for my next shift.
Johnny Was Mina Draped Cardigan
Disclaimer: This is not a cardigan in the sense that it’s knit. It’s more like a cotton jersey kimono. Which I was counting on, actually, since I don’t want to wear anything knit in August! I like the item overall, and I think the embroidery is unique and lovely. It’s a bit big, but I don’t care that much since it’s not a real shirt. The material is soft and it seems well-made. However, and this goes back to how other fashion bloggers have raved about GB, my expectations for the condition of the item weren’t met. To be clear, every other review I’ve seen of the service has said that GB is very good about caring for the clothing, and that all the clothing is “like new” condition. This kimono is not in like-new condition. I’ve spent years in both fashion retail and second-hand retail, so I’m pretty confident that I know what I’m talking about when it comes to the condition of an item. The colors are very clearly faded, the threads of the embroidery have gapping and pilling throughout the pattern from wear, and there’s also fading in the color of the cotton. And, this is important to note, there’s pilling on the cotton. This is a visibly worn piece. It does not look “like new from the store.” It looks like it came from a higher-end thrift store. Also, not that I intend to purchase the kimono, but the purchase price is $93.50, which according to GB is 67% off retail. That’s still a lot for something which I would rate as “fair condition” at best.
Nic + Zoe Falling Dots Top
Next is the shirt I didn’t quite want. To be clear, I though the pattern looked promising, but I wasn’t especially excited by it, and I had requested a pair of jeans this round rather than a blouse, so I was like “how dare you” when I laid eyes upon it. It’s... Okay. It fits me. The arms are a little tight. It’s in better condition than the kimono, thankfully, though I’ll have to iron out the creases on those weird front flaps if I decide to wear it. I also can’t roll the sleeves up very far, which irritates me because I’m a sleeve-roller and there’s no stretch there. It’s a bit more heavy and scratchy feeling than I expected, and the ikat dots of the pattern are larger in real life than they were in the picture, plus there are areas of gray like it was enlarged without being vectorized, which is odd. I don’t have an issue with the condition of the shirt, but I just... Don’t especially like it.
Anyway, that’s my initial experience with Gwynnie Bee. Overall a disappointment for me in particular. As I said, a lot of women have been raving about the site, so maybe my expectations were set too high. I’ll post again when I get in round 2! I think I’m going to send back the shirt ASAP and try for the Melissa McCarthy jeans again. Wish me luck!
In light of what happened recently in Charlottesville, here are ways you can help courtesy of Sara Benincasa on Twitter. Donate to local non-profits, signal boost, and show your support for the Black Student Alliance at University of Virginia. If you have spare money, support the Black Student Alliance or the counter protestor legal fund.
Yes. It does. I’m confused, too. But like me, I know some of you have also had a “bathing suit emergency” to take care of. Like, went somewhere and didn’t pack one, or it ripped, or the sea carried your bikini top away. And it’s times like these, mid-summer, when we need to get our hands on something as cheap and ubiquitous as humanly possible. Enter Walmart. Disclaimer: do I approve of Walmart’s business practices? No. But I also understand that there’s no such thing as a company that is less evil than Walmart, and I’m poor, so I shop there. This wasn’t a paid advertisement or anything, I’m just currently having a bathing suit crisis and decided to post some of the swim stuff I’m looking at!
Donatella Sport Colorblock Swimsuit
According to the one review of this swimsuit, despite having neoprene in the official title, there is no actual neoprene involved in the making of the swimsuit. But I burn like a delicate flower (in all seasons) and having a more covered option would be nice. I also love to dive, and believe it or not a plus-sized swimsuit that looks good and doesn’t fly off your boobs the moment you hit the water is a rare commodity.
Donatella Sport Caged One-Piece Swimsuit
I have no idea who Donatella is or why she decided to make color blocked swimsuits for Walmart, but she’s not bad at it. Admission: I first saw this when Anna from Glitter and Lazers featured it in one of her videos, which is why I thought of Walmart in the first place. If you haven’t watched her videos, check them out! Her reviews are honest and thorough.
Donatella Sport Color-Block Bikini Top | Bottom
And of course, the bikini version of the previous suit. I like the sporty style of the top and the zip detail so I presumably would not have to struggle to tear a soaking wet swim top off in a public shower. I am slightly befuddled by Walmart’s choice to only picture an extreme closeup of each part of this swimsuit rather than a full-body shot of any sort, but no more befuddled than I am at the fact that none of their models have heads.
100 Degrees High-Neck Tie-Dye Swimsuit
Except for this model, who has a lovely chin! I’m obviously having a one-piece moment. Is anyone else burnt out on bikinis? Especially “fatkinis” with the bottoms hiked up to my boobs. Which is all bottoms for me, because I barely clear 5 feet. But I love that this also looks like it won’t betray my bosoms, features that navy/white tie-dye trend, and has some mesh panels.
Moxi Blue Colorblock Rashguard
And finally, this rashguard, because I burn like crazy and these things are normally pretty expensive. I love color blocking (obviously), but I especially love it with the colors pink and mint, so this might be something I actually purchase! Wouldn’t that be an unusual sight, me making a purchase? Anyway, I hope no one else has last-minute bathing suit shopping to tend to this summer, but hopefully this post helped ease the burden on your wallets if you do.
I hope the sheer trend never ends. I LOVE sheer, and have been collecting sheer pieces for a number of years. They bring me such joy. Maybe it’s the joy of showing my body to the world and causing stink faces. While I do get more stink faces with my sheer items than anything else, I also get more compliments from human beings who understand how not to be terrible. So it’s really a win/win! Plus it’s summer. If everyone else can walk around practically nude, then so can I!
Fashion to Figure Gia Mesh Pants
There are so many things to like about these pants. They are basically useless, completely non-functional as far as pants go. But that is true of all sheer items, and that’s why I like them so much. Not to mention these are bell bottoms, which are only in fashion for 5 seconds at a time every 4 years. Did I mention they’re listed as swim cover-ups? It’s so over the top, I want them. AND they’re on sale right now, so time to pounce.
Asos Curve Mesh Top with Peplum and Sequins
And what better top to wear with your black mesh bell bottoms than this hot pink mesh sequined top? This looks like something Lisa Frank’s founder wore to go clubbing and snort coke in NYC back in the 90s, and I absolutely love it. Honestly, is there any occasion I would not wear this top to? Nah. I would wear this top to my sister-in-law’s baby shower. I would wear it on a roller coaster. I would walk into the ocean wearing this top, never to return.
Eloquii Studio Lace Flounce Top
This is what I would call “office appropriate sheer.” It’s lovely, it’s got this interesting lace pattern, and you could layer it over a sleeveless button-down, pair it with trousers, and you’re good to go. Unless you work in an office with a very conservative dress code, but then you’re probably making a lot more money than I do so we all have our sacrifices to make.
Pink Clove Mesh Insert Split Back Tunic
Here’s something a little more covered, as far as sheer goes. Pro: you don’t have to figure out what to put under it. Also pro: it still shows your bra straps. Sometimes I just like to put on something basic and athleisure-looking, and this fills that niche while also providing a little interest with the sheer detail.
Ashley Stewart Mesh Tiger Patch Kimono
Why, Ashley Stewart! Is it just me, or are you getting cooler? I am into the patches trend, especially the tiger ones, and this is something your can literally just throw onto sweats to show everyone that you have better taste than them. I would wear this until it fell apart, and then swaddle my firstborn in it. Just beautiful. And this is ALSO on sale!
I must reblog this excellent pattern for this dress. I love it! It’s going onto my list of things to make, assuming I ever get around to finishing item #1. XD
With 4th of July, the most America of all Americadays coming up, I thought I would do a theme post celebrating the most American of fabrics, denim. I could say a bunch of political stuff, or express some pseudo-patriotic sentiments, but nah. Let’s look at some denim.
ASOS CURVE Denim One Shoulder Ruffle Top With Choker Detail
I know I keep posting a lot of Asos, but it’s having a moment for me. I mean... Look at all the weird things they keep selling. Look at this monstrosity! I want it to fly into my window at night, take my blood, and force me to join its ruffly legions. They even styled it on more denim. Even the model’s pose is an odd drunk lean. I love everything about this image and this top.
ASOS CURVE Denim Jacket in Washed Pink
And this acid wash pink denim jacket, with that broad-shouldered 80s silhouette. What is not to love about this? I will never love again. This jacket has ruined me for all other jackets.
Ava & Viv Women's Plus Size Embroidered Denim Midi Shorts
These are some solid denim shorts. They hit all my shorts requirements: light wash, actually short, trendy details (cut-off and some lovely pink floral embroidery). They may not inspire me to ramble like the other two examples, but to be perfectly honest, they’re the most likely to actually end up on my body in July. I mean, come on. July is hot as hell.
Rainbow Shops Plus Size Off the Shoulder Denim Dress with Crochet Overlay
Speaking of heat, sometimes the best garment for the job is a loose-fitting chambray dress. Let’s face it, who among us actually wants any part of our clothing to come into contact with our skin in the midst of a 95 degree day? The answer is none. No one. So we put on a lovely sack such as this one, with cute little crochet details to fool everyone into thinking there was effort or thought involved. And we go out into the world confident that this is one garment on which our under-boob sweat will not be able to form obvious breastal crescents.
Just a quick apology for the frequency of posts dropping! There’s been a lot of upheaval in my life lately, but mostly, I got self-conscious about expressing my opinions on the internet. I know, weird! But hey, if trolls can do it, then so can I. Right? Right. Here, have this amazing/hideous/beautiful/weird/mystifying dress as a peace offering.
ASOS Curve Check Mix and Match Cold Shoulder Cotton Dress
Is it two picnic blankets cobbled together by post-apocalyptic survivors? Is it some ghostly remnants found in an old fabric warehouse left abandoned in the 80s come back to haunt us? Is it a feverish hallucination that only I can see after taking my prescription-strength cough medicine? Possibly all three. All I know is, this dress is a masterpiece. True art. I love it.
As we saw in my first ever post, ruffles can go horribly wrong. They’re one of those trends that can range from good, to horrific, to so bad that it’s just ridiculous and then somehow good again. Take this sweatshirt, for instance:
ASOS CURVE Sweatshirt with Ruffle Sleeve
By all accounts, this should be just plain terrible. The color is an oddly dark shade of lavender, the fit is baggy in an unintentional looking way, the length is weird, and sweatshirt material is not the fabric to make ruffles out of. Yet I love it? It’s so bad, but so good. I want it so much. Why? When I look at this item from a critical perspective, it’s a hot mess. But I would wear it every day of my life.
Alice & You Ruffle Blouse
Ruffled cold shoulder plus boob-framing ruffles PLUS ruffled peplum sounds like my literal nightmare. Yet this blouse makes it work, somehow.
eShakti Feather Print Tie Neck Crepe Dress
This feather-encrusted sack with ruffled sleeves and hem is probably the last thing you’d want to wear, right? Wrong. I am just as there for loose and flowy as I am for tight and form-fitting, and the ruffles just add to its sacky wonder. I’d love to see this in more prints/colors.
It took me a long time to warm up to ruffles, but I’d say it’s finally happening. But I will never get on board with ruffle sashes.
Yes, I lifted the title of this post straight from the name of this amazing Asos t-shirt:
ASOS CURVE T-Shirt with Ultimate 80s Motif
I’m not sure what happened in San Diego in 1986, but it’s on the shirt. Why?? Just because, I guess. Is the 80s back in fashion again? I’m seeing a few small resurgences. It makes sense, considering that 80s fashion nostalgia was big in the early 2000s, and now early 2000s fashion nostalgia is happening (once again, I must ask why). Honestly, I’m not mad about the 80s inspired items I’m seeing on the market. Most of my vintage buys are from the 80s. I seriously covet a good portion of Blanche’s wardrobe on the Golden Girls (though I’m more of a Sophia). I think a lot of people see neon colors and patterns involving geometric shapes and immediately say “that’s 80s fashion.” But there was so much more to that decade. Pastels, baggy sweaters, tight straight leg jeans, leather jackets, weird 50s obsession. But I’m going to go ahead and post the neon stuff, because the more weird and brightly colored something is, the more I like it.
Ashley Stewart Bikini Top | Ashley Stewart Bikini Bottom
I’m probably going to end up only doing this twice a month, because these posts take a lot of energy, and it seems like a bit much to me to pick a new item to bash every week. In any case, this week’s winner isn’t so much a plus size item as it is a wide width shoe. But there’s some overlap, so why not?
SimplyBe Buckle Mule Sandals in Silver
What is it with this silver Birkenstock/generic ripoff? Why do I see it from every wide width shoe retailer, every summer? Is this shoe really that popular? Are wide-footed women busting down the virtual doors of these websites to purchase this unremarkable silver sandal? What is its mystique? What is its power? Don’t get me wrong, I like a good Birkenstock and/or generic ripoff. In fact, I have a pair that I purchased from eBay for $40, back when I had enough money to justify spending $40 on a single pair of shoes. They are some of the most uncomfortable sandals I’ve ever owned in my life, I don’t understand why anyone calls Birkenstocks comfortable, the arch is a million miles high, and that cork insole is like walking on bare pavement. But they look cute, so I put up with them. I might give Birkenstocks a second chance if I ever have money again, but I will be exclusively shopping the styles with that fabric coated insole. You can bet I won’t be buying these silver mules, though.
Here is a picture of the hateful sandals in question:
All us millenials remember the tie-dye we covered our awkward pre-teen selves with when ‘60s nostalgia hit the ‘90s hard. Tie-dye has had resurgences since then, but this summer it looks like plus size fashion will be getting a version of the trend that isn’t a unisex Grateful Dead t-shirt. For so long, tie-dye was the bane of my adult existence, the embodiment of every frumpy men’s shirt I’d grown up wearing. Now it has come to prove itself to me. Touché, tie-dye. You shall live to see another day.
AX Paris Dress with Cold Shoulder and Ruffle Detail in Tie Dye Print
Rainbow Plus Size Sleeveless Tie Dye Dress with Asymmetrical Hem
Yours Clothing Peach Tie-Dye Joggers
Forever 21 Tie Dye Romper
Forever 21 Tie Dye Jacket
Please note that I did not post the Your Clothing joggers’ matching hoodie because it is cold shoulder, and honestly some thing just should not be cold shoulder. Also, the Rainbow dress defaults to black and white, which is sold out in all sizes but 2x, but the blue (which I like better anyway) is still available in all their sizes.
All I want is access to as much twee, pale-colored, embroidered crap as I can afford. Maybe my tastes don’t reflect the majority of consumers’, but the kind of clothing I described is all over storefronts and websites of companies selling straight size clothing. I walk through a store filled with floral embroidery, bright pastels, cool color-blocking, and enter the plus size section to find the same 5 colors that have been shoved down my throat for the past three years. Black, white, gray, that weird brown clay color, and the season’s favorite: dusty rose. I’m sick of dusty rose. Let’s get some true pastel pink in the mix again. You know what’s everywhere, except plus size stores, right now? Baby blue. Bring it to me, plus size retailers. It is SPRING. I don’t want my florals looking like some black and oxblood fall mess. I want to look like Easter threw up on me! Sadly, it looks like plus size retailers are failing us in providing the most basic of spring trends. In case you weren’t paying attention, that’s pastels and florals that don’t look like they belong on a personified pumpkin spice latte.
Let us now get positive: here are some of the rare plus items available now that actually look like they belong in Spring/Summer 2017.
Ashley Nell Tipton x JCPenney Floral Motorcycle Jacket
Alice & You Cactus Patch Shirt
Society+ Whimsy Bow Skirt - Blush
ASOS Curve Sweat Dress
ASOS Curve Embroidered Cold Shoulder Dress
Styling notes: I would totally wear the jacket, shirt, and skirt all together. I’d pair that gorgeous jacket with the sweat dress on a colder day, and honestly on a warmer spring day I could see myself wearing the white dress sans accessories, hair down, with my trusty Birkenstocks. Sadly, I haven’t the money to purchase them all. Some day! Please note that IRL I am shaking my fist vigorously in the air. P.S. Yes, I did reference Paula Cole’s 1996 hit “Where Have All the Cowboys Gone” in my title.
Hello! Welcome to my inaugural post. While I enjoy talking about excellent plus size fashion, Sunday Funday is about showing you fashion’s failed abortions and writing my thoughts on them. Sadly for Asos, they’ve won the honors today. Exhibit A:
ASOS CURVE T-Shirt Dress with Woven Gingham Frill Detail
Click the title in case you’re an ironic hipster or have gone mad at the sight of this monstrosity, and it will take you to the item page. This looks like this woman has a daughter, and in her exhaustion-addled mind, it somehow made sense to take that little girl’s gingham tutu and wear it like a sash over her plain oversized t-shirt dress. This dress belongs on a Pinterest board titled “God’s Mistakes,” along with that fish with human-looking teeth. Here is a mock-up of that Pinterest board:
I would have made more, but I was too disgusted to go on. Plus size retailers: do better. Everyone else: dismissed.
