My cat was right about you. @big-baby-pudding-snatcher - Tumblr Blog

this is by far the funniest jigsaw_quotes post i genuinely cannot stop thinking about the sight of like, jigsaw opening his wallet in the checkout line at the Death Trap Lowe’s and he has like two pennies and a dime in there. and he just sighs

adelaide-ill-omens

Then yall will love this other one of theirs'

#Saw #official shitpost tag

tweedfeather

A sketchy angel enjoying some tea.

#good omens #aziraphale #art by op

cornmaize

You’re married to your phone background/lockscreen how fucked are you

#sweet #i'm married to crowley with a rainbow background and text can't even sit straight

higgsboshark

The thing about knitting is it’s much harder to fear the existential futility of all your actions while you’re doing it.

Like ok, sure, sometimes it’s hard to believe you’ve made any positive impact on the world. But it’s pretty easy to believe you’ve made a sock. Look at it. There it is. Put it on, now your foot’s warm.

Checkmate, nihilism.

#knitting

prostheticknowledge

Dildo Generator

Online 3D experiment by Ikaros Kappler which is described as a “Extrusion/Revolution Generator” ….

Created with three.js, you can alter the bezier curves and angle of the form, and is designed with 3D printing in mind (models can be exported and saved, as well as calculated weight in silicone).

Try it out for yourself (if you wish) here

johnnystompanado-deactivated201

the time is now

susaine-mcswiney-deactivated201

hell yeah

defibrinationsyndrome

ah yes, the ol rolling pin dilda

spiffymuffin

caterjunes

it’s called the purple ramjet

jolys

which end do you start with? the answer is yours to decide

grillmasterxbbq

shove a vase up your ass

lord-kitschener

not even jesus could save yall motherfuckers’ souls

fan-troll

i call it the matterhorn

poultrymancy

cackling just continues to get louder as I scroll through

darklightescape

i think this is the first time an internet community has discovered something customizable and adamantly refused to make penises

teapotsahoy

of course this is the post where tumblr is like “Seems sfw to me!”

furiousfran

I call this one the Megahorny

Just cram an entire table lamp up there

ifitaintbaroque

Me every time this post crosses my dash:

rosegardenmassacre-deactivated2

My laugh at this post is auditory evidence of just how sick I still am.

prettyyinpunk

Plate.

broadwaytheanimatedseries

I’d usually post this to my NSFW blog but this is making me laugh so unreasonably hard that I can’t fucking breathe and therefore deserves to be on my main blog

in3ffable-husbands-deactivated2

Compiling some of the best ones from the replies-

ragingbookdragon-deactivated201

How you gonna do us like that bruh???

mysukisilentdeath

ITS BACK

ivory-reverie

M U S H R O O M

bill-nye-official-blog

en garde

fangcore

i guess this is the long post all the gays are collectively reblogging today huh

#i'm wheezing #official shitpost tag #long post

solidsnake

ottermatopoeia

big-baby-pudding-snatcher

#official shitpost tag

william-snekspeare

My bearded dragon is fascinated by the falling snow outside. He keeps going to the window to stare at it. He woke up from brumating to look at the snow.

He’s a desert species smh what does he want to do with snow...

william-snekspeare

artist rendition of my lizard absolutely entranced by the falling snow

#good content #lizards #art by op

tearlessrain

Dividing up eras of tumblr

It just occurred to me that I kind of arbitrarily started referring to “first age” “second age” and “third age” tumblr one day because I realized during a discord conversation that it really can be divided up very effectively between a couple major events that changed the fabric of the site’s culture almost overnight, but nobody but me ever refers to them that way, so by way of explanation:

First Age: everything before Dashcon. Art communities were still largely thriving on the internet and social media still mostly existed out from under corporate monopolies, and people were just wildly guessing about how to use it. We were in the last hurrah of the internet wild west and lolcats were still a thing. Tumblr was just a fun and quirky place, we were blissfully writing unironic posts about tumblr university and fandom vs hipster and the “I like your shoelaces” thing, Hank Green wrote a goddamn song about tumblr, we were all like Adam and Eve dwelling in Eden unaware of their sin. Potterheads grab your wands.

Second Age: post-Dashcon, but pre-Purge. We have all eaten the fruit of knowledge and there is no going back. There are no more secret code or tumblr university posts because everyone knows firsthand how badly that would go. Fandom culture is forever changed. We are now aware that we live in a hellish cringetopia but have absolutely no plans to leave, because by now a combination of monopolies and a sneaky rise in purity culture has the internet by the throat (but not in a kinky way, that would scare off advertisers) so there aren’t a lot of better options, and at least our relatives can’t find us here. A lot of artists now have their primary presence on tumblr. The lax policies regarding nsfw and controversial content mean it’s a good space for queer creators and sex workers despite the many shortcomings we’re now aware of. The porn bot plague really kicks into full gear to the point that every time our follower counts go up we’re ready with the block/spam button like the uncles from Secondhand Lions picking off traveling salesmen. The drama starts to get really fucking weird, with classics such as the human pet guy and the bone-stealing witch.

Third Age: post-Purge. After changing corporate hands a few times, the drive to make the internet safe for our Good Christian Advertisers and hypothetical children has finally reached us, and brings with it TERFs, purity culture, and the Porn Ban, which was allegedly a solution to the porn bots except that it clearly wasn’t at all. The large community of sex workers and artists that was keeping tumblr afloat as anything resembling a viable social media site have made a mass exodus and a lot of the rest of the userbase followed them, mostly to twitter or a few doomed attempts at tumblr copycats. Tumblr is now a mad max clown car full of people too stubborn to pack up and leave for a functional website. It’s a post-apocalyptic wasteland whose only remaining merit is that even without the ability to post porn we’ve managed to make ourselves such a complete anathema to advertisers that we’re mostly just left alone. We’re all just tired. Some people still run art blogs but nobody outside of tumblr ever sees them. Literally all we have going for us is that we’re not twitter and we have +5 resistance to capitalism. And Xkit.