another Bad Fandom Take iโm here to fight: the asexual headcanons that actually come across as aphobic because of the internalized issues behind it.ย It appears to be a trend in certain fandom circles to headcanon traumatized characters as asexual BECAUSE of their trauma, and hereโs what I think these people should ask themselves. Do you think that about real life people who are abuse victims too? Is it because youโre attached to the character, projecting onto them and you are a victim?ย
If the answer to the first is yes and the answer to the second is no, you need to keep your mouth shut. If youโre projecting onto a character, you should probably speak to a therapist and not accidentally reinforce a horrible stereotype against victims. NOBODY is "too damaged" to have a relationship. Ever. That tells victims that theyโll never be recovered and move on, and that just hurts everyone. It also looks like youโre gatekeeping characters under the disguise of "morality gymnastics", itโs ableist and also phobic. Hereโs why.
Itโs a thought process in aphobia that asexual people donโt want sex because they've been "too traumatized", even if theyโve never been through sexual/romantic trauma. (The same applies to homophobia and transphobia, too.)
if you really understand asexuality as an identity, you need to realize that asexuality is a valid sexual orientation characterized by a lack of sexual attraction to others. it is crucial to recognize and respect asexuality as an inherent aspect of a person's identity, just like any other sexual orientation. asexuality is not a result of trauma or brokenness,ย but a legitimate sexual orientation that exists independently.
these headcanons also pathologize asexuality. associating it exclusively with trauma perpetuates the pathologization of asexual individuals. it suggests that asexuality is an abnormality or a response to negative experiences, which undermines the validity of asexuality as an inherent orientation. asexuality, like any sexual orientation, should be understood and accepted without attempting to explain it away through trauma-related assumptions.
itโs also disrespectful to agency. identifying as asexual is a personal journey of self-discovery and self-identification. it is essential to respect individuals' autonomy in defining their sexual orientation, including characters in fictional works. projecting asexuality onto a character solely because of their traumatic experiences disregards their agency and assumes a definitive connection between trauma and asexuality that may not exist.
we must also recognize diversity in experiences. both asexuality and trauma are complex, multifaceted aspects of human experience, and we should avoid generalizations and stereotypes by acknowledging that individuals may have varied experiences with both asexuality and trauma. assuming a direct link between the two oversimplifies the diversity of human experiences and perpetuates harmful narratives.
affirming asexual experiences: by attributing asexuality to trauma, we invalidate the lived experiences of asexual individuals who do not associate their orientation with trauma. asexuality is a valid and legitimate orientation that does not require an explanation or justification. dismissing or erasing asexual experiences by associating them solely with trauma is aphobic and denies the diversity of asexual identities.
as much as we love getting creative by assigning headcanons to the characters we enjoy, itโs important to respect and affirm asexuality as a valid sexual orientation, separate from trauma. acknowledging diverse experiences and identities allows for a more inclusive understanding of asexuality and fosters a supportive environment in fandom spaces and society as a whole, and we need to do better and make a conscious effort not to spread harmful stereotypes that poorly represent the aspec community.
instead of projecting onto characters in ways that come across as more harmful than imaginative, check your internalized phobia.ย You could phrase it in another way, such as "this character IN MY EYES has this trauma, etc." and if you want to personally interpret them like that, thatโs fine. But saying victims in general or a character in general is too damaged and therefore incapable of a relationship is a bit of a red flag. There are SO MANY real asexual and aromantic people who do have trauma and acknowledge that that plays into their sexuality. Itโs not fair to say that someone canโt use those labels, but thatโs a fine line. Something that should be discussed more is that ableism and phobia are often tied together. Some of you have some serious personal issues to work on.
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