who invited grandma?

1,000 y/o red wine enthusiast, forever student & terrible blogger @ your service

[birdofthesummer]

The thing I think we can’t figure out is which of us really would do it, and I hope you know what I’m saying. I don’t mean come back from the dead or wait forever; you know I’d come back for you. We were born waiting. I think the mistake is believing in the wrong righteousness, in thinking that I am what I try to be, instead of just trying. Or mistaking what righteousness is altogether. Is God kind? And maybe that’s what gives it away, that kind of big-headedness. You compare yourself to God and it’s all over, you’re the guy with the shinier hair, the newspaper smile. But I’d burn it down for you, if that’s what we’re saying. My reputation. The whole country. You know the ugly truth of it. How little I can care for anything I don’t love. Why should I forgive anyone? I’ve got you to live and die by, judge, jury, executioner. Burn the rest up. Red and then blue and then white, white hot. You’re the coal at my core and I’ll keep you there, no question. A man of unswerving loyalty, principles. So maybe I can see it. Fine. It’s true I’ve been afraid of one thing my whole life, but there’s that second, bigger thing, more frightening. And the important bit: we both know what that is.

[birdofthesummer]

No one else ever made me feel more like I could crack the world open like an egg and eat the inside. That I could even see it? Miracle enough. The red thread running through everything. The obviousness in the way you looked at me, even the very first time. Did you know? I know I’ve asked you this. I know what you’ve said, but I’d promise to believe in God just to swear to him you did. You took one fucking look at my face and you had me like I was born for it, just that: you making me laugh. And I believe, I do, that I could have been. I believe in the red of your hair, the softness of your body, the viciousness of your mouth, the glow of your eyes in the dark when it’s just us at three in the morning. I trust your hands, I take your advice. Your car at night in December, the way you confessed that you knew this song made you cry every time and that’s why you liked it, crying as you said it. Shut the fuck up, you said. I know, I know. When it gets cold out, when I see ice on water, when I eat a perfect bowl of pasta. The way you can level me with a look and drag me back up with both hands, the way you love me matter of fact: like I was made for it. More than enough.

[birdofthesummer]

I miss you so bad some days I don’t know what to do with it. I know it sounds stupid, with how we talk every single day, but you’ll forgive me because you know what I mean. I know you do. And it is stupid, because we’re not writing each other letters in a war, it’s 2019, I can watch you roll your eyes at me across state lines. The video quality keeps getting better and soon I’ll be able to agonize over the way the dust motes float over your shoulders in that city sunlight slanting in through your apartment windows. I’ll be able to whisper goddamn to myself and you’ll be able to see the word itself sitting there before you crack up laughing. Fuck you, by the way. A few months ago when you said all that about your laugh? I love your laugh. It’s big and loud, has all your angles, proves it makes sense the way your cheeks go round above the bones. I think all the time about how I could say this to your face and you’d believe me. You’d probably tell me to shut up, but. I like the truth between us. I’ll tell you a secret: sometimes I like the distance, too. It’s not that I’m contradicting myself, though I guess I do that, too, all the time. It’s that I love how much of you I can keep to myself, the way you’re mine entirely to everyone here who has to see you through me, the way they ask me about you and I get to hand out the answers like jewels. But I’d give it up. There are days I know I’d give you back over to everyone if it meant I could sit on your living room floor in that dust, in that sun, your hands in my hair, talking shit about whatever is on television. Begging me to pick dinner because you never can. And already I know you’re not mine like that, but you are, aren’t you? You are.

[postmarxed-deactivated20190429]

[stupidsexyseguin]

honestly the most beau bennett thing i’ve ever seen

[joethornton]

└ 10/14/17 │ islanders @ sharks

[nonamecody]

[agonyandagony]

here are some selfies from toronto great thank u

[thelovelylights]

Hurricane Irma

This hurricane has officially hit a category 5. To give you an idea of the strength of this storm:

Harvey was a category 4.

Katrina and Andrew were a category 5 and Irma is at the moment is stronger than both of them. This hurricane is going to cause absolute destruction when it hits. Puerto Rico (especially this beautiful isla)  Cuba, Haiti, Dominican Republic and Florida are all in it’s path. Here’s a checklist if you can afford these supplies.

Food

Bottled Water- a week’s supply minimum (One gallon daily per person)

Non perishable items that don’t require cooking ( Tuna, nuts, fruit cups, Cereal bars, peanut butter, crackers, dried fruits, canned vegetables, chili)

Dry pet food 

Packaged juices 

Powdered or canned milk 

Supplies

Manual can opener

Toilet paper 

Baby wipes ( this will make a great alternative for showers)

Batteries ( AAA, AA, 6V, C, and D)

Flash lights (if you have manual ones even better)

Battery powered radio 

Utility knife 

Waterproof matches 

5 gallons of gas

Tampons and pads 

Portable phone charger fully charged)

Sand bags (redirects water and debris flow)

First aid kit

Blankets 

Rain gear - Ponchos, boots. (avoid umbrellas)

Medications 

Portable cooler

Documentation / Legal End

A closed water proof sealed container

Take pictures and send them to yourself in an email of the following: Drivers License, photo ID, social security numbers, medical insurance cards (of each person) 

Take photos of everything! Insurance companies are not your friends. Email everything to yourself. 

If you have young children and they are able to make sure they memorize your name, address, and phone number

Other tips: 

Before the hurricane hits fill up the bath tubs in your house (extra water for flushing the toilet) 

Bring any ornaments from outside inside 

Trim trees

Board your windows

Have a secure room that you an pile everyone ( has to have no windows) 

if you have any questions message me. Keep safe mi gente xx 

[thebeautymodel]

“Le Rouge et le Noir” Elsa Brisinger by Greg Swales for Vogue Brazil July 2017. Beauty Editor: Victoria Marchesi Makeup: Emily Mergaert

[beyoncesdancers]

Beyoncé’s dancers, 2017 Grammy Awards

[nocked-deactivated20181125]

“I love you.” “What if I got a bowl cut”

[meangirlnurse]

it’s impossible to  objectively describe what soup is

[meangirlnurse]

cereal with milk

[meangirlnurse]

i mean but soup can have solids in it too (veggies, meat, potato……)

why isn’t cereal a soup

[meangirlnurse]

ok this is actually the best answer i’ve ever gotten and i’ve been joking about this with people for y ears but

milk soup

[meangirlnurse]

some soups are served cold

[meangirlnurse]

sweet soups exist

[meangirlnurse]

good definition, but it technically does still include cereal

[nekosedey]

what if cereal…. IS soup

[meangirlnurse]

CEREAL IS SOUP

this definition technically includes like….pudding and yogurt too, tho, i think

[meangirlnurse]

they said “much of the time.” there are also soups that don’t contain any of those things, e.g.:

soups that are broth only

soups that only contain noodles

matzo ball soup 

[lioncunt]

soup contains water. there ain’t no water in fuckn cereal

[xxyeehawxx]

Milk is approximately 87% water

If I may play devils advocate, cereal could also be considered a salad, with the dry cereal being the main meal, and the milk being a dressing or condiment. Before yall wanna talk about how salads only consist of vegetables, may I remind you of fruit salad, potato salad, pasta salad, bean salad, and the ugly cousin, jello salad.

[lioncunt]

yeah well my body is 60% water but u don’t see me chillin in a bowl with some carrots u feel

[maskedlinguist]

So, hot cereals (oatmeal, cream of wheat, etc) are forms of porridge, ie grains cooked in either a milk or water preparation. Lexically, porridge derives from pottage, which is unquestionably a soup.

Cold cereal is trickier as it has no stage of being cooked in the liquid prior to being served, nor is the liquid cooked beforehand the way most soup broths are (pasteurization is a technically different process from my understanding; I’m also not getting into the hairy subject of the preparation of milk substitutes).

I mean, it’s weird to think of cereal as a soup, but I’m not going to state for sure it isn’t.

[notcuddles]

Cereal is absolutely a soup.  A weird, lazy breakfast soup.

Theoretically, you could argue that the time of day the food is consumed is the key.  I don’t think there are any breakfast soups that aren’t cereal or porridge.  

[funereal-disease]

Pho is traditionally a breakfast food, I think. And some people drink broth in the morning instead of tea or coffee.

[moranion]

How about the popularity of a bowl of soup being served before actual lunch? Makes zero sense to me. I call soups ‘uppity vegetable tea’ in fits of hungry pique. 

[funereal-disease]

I think that’s because liquid is very filling, so it’s good for tiding you over even when it’s not calorically dense.

[prudencepaccard]

I love these kinds of debates, they always lead to “if a man is a featherless biped, then a plucked chicken is a man” kinds of moments. Also, vsauce had an episode about this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9ak89FwYeI

[nyxelestia]

I’m just reading through this and now I’m wondering if soup is even real or if it’s just been a figment of my imagination for my whole life.

[nettlewildfairy]

soup is a social construct

[princess-adams-blog]

[skinnyasianguy-deactivated20160]

Go big or go home 

[discover-tenthousand]

So I tried to recreate this, because I knew the responses would be different, and consequently realized that it’s either extremely old or faked, as Cleverbot auto-capitalizes and auto-punctuates your sentences for you if you do not. Oh well.

In light of that fact, here’s my go at cybersexing Cleverbot.

[mxsentienthouseplant]

So I decided to try it

alrighty, let’s go one more step

[hoechlaura]

[craigtuckermotherfcker-blog]

i’M ACTUALLY CRYING.

[bnuyboy]

THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY

[holdingintightly-deactivated202]

Story of my life

[xxgoldie12xx]

that’s a first.

[starshinethecat1]

I LAUGHED HARDER THEN I HOULD HAVE AND I WAS IN PUBLIC

[fauxboy-deactivated20180609]

I wasn’t gonna reblog this but I lost it at the last one

[thisisntmyrealhair-deactivated2]

[thiccsidney]