Chronically ill and super whiny about it

35. She/Her. Aego-Ace. This blog is my void; it's much cheaper than therapy. I overshare EVERYTHING. Follow at your own risk. ko-fi

[bishiglomper]

*chilling on phone*

Glucose monitor beeps for a low*

Me: *remembering blood sugar read high the last I saw* why are you beeping?

*looks*

"The fuck?"

(bishi doesn't curse irl lol)

It tanked so low its not even registering a number. It's the first time it beeped.

I'm hoping it's a false read and I was just laying on my arm or something.

But watch, I'm gonna get psychosomatic now 🙃 my tummy feels like it wants to grumble.

I feel like I just ate though...

[bishiglomper]

But why?? 😭 All I've done is wake up!

[bishiglomper]

Bishi had a cat scare. Cinnabit had gotten out earlier and I was out calling for her. And then my sister pulled into the driveway. And there was a yowl.

We both just knew she had run over the cat

Fortunately that's not what happened, the cat is fine

But my heart sunk and my sister's screaming no no no no no and sobbing uncontrollably and I can't see the cat anywhere under the car. I'm feeling around the wheel wells for fur. I just could not find her. I didn't know what to do so I started screaming for mom. A scream that I tried to convey the cat might be dead and prepare for trauma.

But then Sissy spotted her on the porch. I scooped her up. Shes perfectly unharmed. I gave her to my sister. The cat is pissed off and struggling to get loose but we need the reassurance, damnit. (I have a scratch on both thighs and my hand 🙃 didn't realize until after I came in the house.)

My poor sister was still hyperventilating.

I don't fall apart until after I process the crisis so mostly I was just shakey. I'm so glad the worst didn't actually happen. My sister is still traumatized though

I'm thinking Cinnabit had popped out when I called her and the car pulling in right next to her must have startled her. I kept replaying the sound in my head like "was that a run over scream?" Ugh.

My sister accidentally killed one of the farms tomcats when we lived out there. One we liked. And there was that time her cat was poisoned and managed to wait until she got home before he died. And then there was the little boy who got hit by a car at the end of our street and bled out in her arms.

She really doesn't need another traumatizing death..

[bishiglomper]

Bishi in so much pain. Just fibro.

I took Tylenol and a gummy. They work better together. And coffee. Cause it helps actually metabolize it. Otherwise nothing happens.

Wanna take a muscle relaxant but that would interact with the gummy and then I'd be a wet noodle.

Bishi has this down to a science. 🙃

[bishiglomper]

Mom and i started Shadow and Bone

All I knew about it was it was a book. Maybe one is be interested in but I never looked at it

So we're watching it and Kaz is kinda intriguing me in a weirded out way.

Because he reminds me a LOT of that newer OC I was fiddling with for a bit. The theme I had for him was skulls or skeletons but I was gonna give him a crow skull or crystal topped cane.... Then I find out he has something to do with some kind of crow group?? And also has a cane.

Even his dress style is the same! It's freaking me out, man! Even the actor they chose for him is uncanny to me. Younger and less blonde but them eyebrows and expressions. Oof 👀 I could TOTALLY see that guy playing him.

Also for my OC, I couldn't really land on a name I really liked. he's mostly just been Tanzanite to me. Cause that's the name my brain gave me for skeleton man that tried to abscond with me after he decided not to kill me in that one dream lol

The other thing is I imagined my OC as some mafia leader. Not total head honcho, but certainly leader of his own crew. And he'd be a successful ruthless badass but like. Inspire a super loyal crew, y'know? But not be warm at all. In fact that's the bit that I wanna play with, wanted him to find someone that irked but got his respect and maybe softened him up to realize he was capable of feelings. 👀

I'm only 3 episodes into shadow and Bone but I can see he's got feelings for the one girl.

Did I mention that character is freaking me out? 😂

Also the shadow guy and Alina remind me of the Elon and Elona books. The dragon guy who was the antagonist but also had the hots for Elona. Seems like a similar dynamic. Gotta work together but different motives.. and weird tension.

This is the only one I have saved of that OC without going digging through my stuff. 🤔 Could swore I had a fedora version. Hmm, hmm..

[bishiglomper]

My great niece turns 2 today! Her mom's in her strawberry shortcake phase. Hence the strawberry. I made the cake.

Omg the colors were giving me grief. The dye I put in had a magenta lid and it came out very purple. Not even a pink purple. But I found another pink that made it more pinkish.

Then the green dye was super blue. I put so much yellow in it. Then I picked out the white sprinkles from a rainbow bottle. Lol the things I do for my baby. Turned out pretty cute though

[stargoyle]

"This person has a secret onlyfans!" "This artist does NSFW commissions!" "This author writes porn on the side!" I cannot begin to tell you how swag and awesome that is.

[bishiglomper]

Welp. My blood sugar woke me up. I drop when I'm sleeping for some reason. I took a swig of mt dew I keep by my bed but it wasn't good enough. So I came down. Where I took a swig of moms lol

Also I find mom has been working for HOURS on the dishes while I've been in bed

After I chilled from being cranky over her crying I was like. If you do me these 2 things I'll be happy. I need a bucket and my bottle brush. I'll do what I can. I seriously don't expect any work from you. 🥺😊

I got a bucket. Got it under the sink. Found my brush after I cleaned up the kitchen a little. Hoorah

I started and moms like giving me ideas on what to do and im like, don't worry about it I'll figure it out.

Then she offered to clear out the side of the sink that COULD drain and set up a pot of water in the bad one so I could still use them properly. Like. Okay. If you'd like 👀 so my job got even easier.

I only got through 50 or 60% the dishes. Just rinsing the gunk off them and stacking them behind me on a folding table. I wanted to finish one whole counter and get them stacked back on there.. but I tapped out a little early.

Mom took over from there. She's been washing so many dishes. For hours.

I'm not sure how I feel about it.

I mean good for her, she's doing a LOT and I'm so happy it's getting done and that shes not suffering to do it

But like. She gives me all this grief making me feel guilty when I have a spark of health and motivation to put toward cleaning and then like. Shows me up. 😂 Like I thought we were in this boat of misery together, you were holding out on me??

I'm reserving judgement though in case it shows up in a backlash 👀 see I'm trying to avoid next-day-coma.

Also mom told me how she fell when she was outside. She's starting to worry me with stuff like that. But she's getting older and she was already falling apart before so. 😔 She's a legit fall risk.

Jesus Christ I woke her up the other night from our shows to send her to bed. She already took her meds

I'm so glad I followed her up the stairs close because twice she fell back. The second time she nearly took me with her. It was terrifying.

[bishiglomper]

I did half a chore and now my body tryna shut down.

Felt all blood sugar droppy. It was a steady 80-90 but I ate some cottage cheese and a snack pack of cheese nuts and dried cranberries anyway. Heart rate and blood pressure read as normal on my watch.

Now I'm struggling with low body temperature and general malaise. I'm freezing. It's 76° out and I'm bundled in layers of sweats and comfortors. Stupid chills..

It usually takes a 2-4 hour bundled nap to break it. Like a cold fever. 😮‍💨 Fooch my life.

This is what I get for trying to function

All I did was wash dishes for a few minutes. Maybe half an hour. Took a break as soon as I started to feel hurty and overstimulated. I even geared up with compression socks and everything. Didn't really start feeling miserable until another half hour after.

I wonder if the putting my clothes away this morning was the only spoon I was allowed to use.

Ive been having a lot of struggle with temperature regulation this week. Usually the AC can barely keep me alive but right now I'm having the opposite problem.

It's probably just the weather fucking with me. I blame it for my sudden hip and knee pain too.

I thought joint pain was supposed to get better after losing 30-50lbs. 🙄

[autiebiographical]

I have auditory processing disorder, so sometimes when people talk it just sounds like a jumbled mess of noise. After the third try of understanding what someone said, I usually just chuckle, say yeah, and desperately hope that was an acceptable answer.

[bishiglomper]

Le sigh.

There's this person on Palia who one day just popped on my plot and was like "come to my plot" like. Okay. Also, do I know you??

The next time she wanted to ride horses. It took a few tries before we got anywhere because partying doesn't work for me and I kept losing her between servers. And she wouldn't stay in one place. 😮‍💨 Then we finally made it to the Highlands where.... We literally just rode horses for a bit

We got back to my plot and she was like "that was a good horsie ride. By this point I'm absolutely sure it's a young kid 😂 then we played hide and seek on my plot. Which was actually pretty fun.

All this happened over several different instances. After all this she confided that she was a little kid in third grade. Invited me to Roblox, haha.

So she still pops over and I do like our hide and seek games but usually I'm like. On a mission and either working on my workshop and trying to dump materials or I'm working on my other plot trying to make a mansion. I don't wanna stop what I'm doing to do not-Palia things. If she wanted to go out and about and go mining or something that would be cool but. I don't get any of that. And I haven't made it across servers with her yet but for that one time because she doesn't tell me where to meet her 🙄

It's frustrating. And I just don't wanna. I don't wanna ghost her either. I have already denied her a few times just because she's popped on when I'm about to join a discord party but I dont have the heart to just be like "Nah"

After she told me her age she keeps calling me her bestie. She said "I love you bestie" aw.

[bishiglomper]

I got up at 4am. I kinda messed up my sleep schedule from getting up at 5 the other day and going to bed too early. I keep waking up in pain. For some reason my knee and hip have decided it doesn't like my bed. No matter what I do I'm just in agony the last 2 nights.

But anyway. I drugged myself last night with gummies and muscle relaxants and slept pretty okay. So I woke up at 4.

Where I decided I was gonna be productive. I took a shower, sorted, tried on, and put away 2 huge baskets of clothes.

I still have some 22/24 stuff when I'm now needing size 14. So I'm going to have to purge. A lot. 😩

Plus I cleaned the litterbox. Shook out the rug it's on. Swept my room. Bagged up another 4 bags of laundry, then winter and go-bye-bye clothes. It all took 3 hours. It doesn't seem like a lot but I haven't had a good functional block in months..

Went back to bed for another few hours because today is supposed to be DND and I wanted to make sure I had the spoons

I got up. Took my dirty laundry down.

Our kitchen has gotten really bad. Mom usually does it but she's been in bad shape lately. My sister cooked and it's somehow worse.

I couldn't do anything about it though because 1, we found out the drain is broken and leaking below. So we can't drain the sink until we put a bucket down there.

My bottle brush has gone missing. It's like the only thing I can use to wash dishes. I can't stand washclothes and I don't like sponges. So I couldn't even wash a cup for coffee.

For some reason we have a backup brush that I think is meant for the toilet... But whatever. At least I got my coffee.

But there's trash and dishes all over the damn place and the trash can is missing entirely. So that's another goddamn block.

I was doing so good and now it's sucking away my will to live.

I tried to whine at mom but she made it all about her and started crying.

Even after I'm like, um, no, it's my turn right now thank you, let me whine.

But she just kept crying.

Im too cranky to be like "oh mom don't worry about it, it's not your fault" I literally told her I just wanted to vent. I don't expect her to do anything. Except maybe find my brush. 😮‍💨 and maybe a bucket. That's literally all I want.

This is why I have to clean when everyone's sleeping. I get guilt and shit thrown my way when I happen to grab a burst of productivity.

I've already got executive dysfunction and chronic illness. I really don't need the extra pushback.

[ghostinthebathroom]

I had a dream about Columbo at a drag show. This is what came from it.

[somewhere-south-of-neutral]

I'm waiting for him to explain to me how his newfound love of drag allowed him to prove I killed my business partner

[bishiglomper]

My doctor upped my dosage of mounjaro after every box. I got up to 12.5 before I'm like oh wait. This is making me ill and my blood sugar is too low.

So we backed off but between trying to wait to see my doctor before we refilled it and then the pharmacy not checking the fridge when someone picked up my meds .. I went a lil over 2 weeks to get my weekly shot.

One day my blood sugar, which was averaging like 80-110 was averaging 150 again. Oop.

Got my shot. Took it.

The next day I'm back to literally hovering at 80. I ate a bowl of potato soup and it didn't even register. Last time I had potato soup my blood sugar was over 400.

Then I had to eat a handful of cereal a few times last night from lows. 🙄

Also the last 2 days my tummy has hurt but I thought it was my coffee. Or food. Or constipation. Woke up with a tummy ache

Just realized it's probably from the mounjaro I took 2 days ago 🙃 hurrhurr. So.. also all of that?

We went back a dose though so I don't know what to do about it. I can back off again in another 3 weeks.

On top of backing up on on my shot I asked that I don't take my night time insulin because nights are when I get low. And also I'm kind of only eating once a day so I only need one mealtime metformin

I was taking 40 of lantus morning and night and instead of just taking out the one, she was thinking to combine it (80) and then go back 10 (70) in the morning.

I showed her my meter at 120 that morning like "this is my blood sugar after 2 large burritos on just the shot, are you sure you practically wanna double it??"

So I convinced her to just. Cut out the one dose

She was so happy with my A1C but was terrified I'd spike back up to 300 and made me pinky promise (TWICE) to call her this week if it went high 😂 IT DID BUT ONLY FOR A DAY OR TWO.

Oh btw I went to my 3mo check up at the weight loss clinic.

I lost 22lbs in those 3 months. Plus 5 from the start of going in October.

That mounjaro really packs a punch

Mentally it's great, but yes I'm still just as chronically ill and miserable as ever.

Also I don't think I wanna lose much more just because I'm going to permanently have sagging flabby things and honestly a little chub balances it out a bit. 😐

We never once discussed a goal because I just went because I needed validation that my cardiologist was an asshole. Personally, I just wanted to be under 200 so I'm happy.

Unfortunately now I need a whole ass new wardrobe. I was getting by still wearing my 2-3x shirts and pants I just kept pulling back up but.

The other day I got into a size large tshirt. I've been trying to get more 1x things from the last drop in weight. 🙄 Now I gotta go down more??

People are like "wear your mom's clothes until you get a new wardrobe"

First of all she wears a lot of leggings and black and hot pink and I'm just not into that 😂 I said my clothes were prettier but I meant more that I'm attached to my colorful tie dye things.

Also do you know how many clothes I have. And how attached I am

I still have a box of my favorite 3x clothes because I just can't commit. Y'know. Just in case. 👀💧

[bemusedlybespectacled]

Do you have an Assigned Animal™ (including extinct or mythical ones) that dominates the gifts people give you/your decor/etc.?

Yes, I have an Assigned Animal™ (owls, koalas, unicorns, dinosaurs, etc.)

No, but I've been assigned something else (fandom, color, plant, etc.).

I have more than one Thing (ex: koalas AND purple AND cacti)

BB what the fuck are you talking about

Voting ended onApr 26

[bishiglomper]

We had a booboo

Bishi was passenger side. Side and front airbags deployed. Niece was driving. We're okay though. Pretty shook up for a bit.

Were in Kansas at the end of our vacation. Niece just ran me to Walmart to get my gasses fixed bfore we headed out.

The worst injury I got was an airbag burn on my arm. My shoulder was the first thing I noticed until my burn stung. My burn is feeling better but now my shoulder feels pretty sore. I hope it turns pretty colors to go with the knot.

We're not sure who caused the accident. Niece had an arrow and green light but the car who hit us didnt go right away. He was probably on his phone. We're thinking the car next to him went and he took that as okay to go. Kid was 18. Also he was test driving a car from a dealership so it's not really his problem 🙄 meanwhile our wheel got shoved in so I dunno if the axle is fixable or if niece can affored it. For now we got a rental to get back to Iowa so I guess they'll deal with that later...

You know how in movies you see the truck coming and the inevitable and everything goes silent the moment just before? And then BAM. suddenly the compartment was filled with powdery smoke and all I heard was my ear ringing for a moment. It was surreal.

The car was so good. Except for a sore shoulder and burn I didn't feel the impact.

I did find my glasses in the crook of the drivers side door though....

The nice man in the high vis vest helped us out. He spoke very gently like "let's get you out of there, that smoke can't be good for you."

Too bad he didn't stick around though. He probably saw what happened.

I'm just glad no one else was there. I'm sure they would have been OK but no one needs that trauma.

I'm also glad we can still get home 👀 we're 4 hours behind schedule though.

[bishiglomper]

Been obsessed with Palia. I play on the switch. The obsession has been so bad I'll go to bed at 4am and then go right back to playing. Before noon. 8D;

Anyway my craft friend is like 20 years older than me and has practically adopted me, both her and her husband. I could move in with them and they'd be happy as clams about it 😆 I express awe st seeing my fame on their ps5 because the graphics are so much better.

She's like "so am i gonna find you on my couxh at 2am playing my ps5?"

Like

Is.. is that a thing I could do? 👀

She told me she's woken up to things like that, random people seeping on her floor.

I totally believe it. Heck, if either of them are up they'd probably come get me 😂

So I'm afraid my switch may be on its way out, I've been playing s much I think I'm wearing it down. It has a hard time charging and the fan runs loud.

Today I dropped it and when i went to play it, the buttons were going haywire. I determined the right controller was misfiring. I tried troubleshooting all the things.

I don't know if its because it's my birthday week or if I'm truly just that spoiled but mom's like if yu can order it, do it, it has to be here by tomorrow.

(We leave on vacation day after tomorrow)

Cheapest I found was slightly under $30. Which is still a little pricey to me. (Real Cheap for both controllers though I know)

I just feel super spoiled this week 🥺 I went and played on my friends ps5 and they were ready to spend $30 on real money stuff in game. I convinced them to get the $5 starter pack and an extra $8 instead. Might let them do another $5 pack... 👀

Also I found the other dnd people, who are my sisters best friend and her daughter, they and the husband each bought me a $5 mystery outfit gift. 😊 so sweet.

We had my.party and my tarot friend got me the Jack daniels vanilla bourbon? Coffee I absolutely love. And new stirring spoons!

I got a new carebear cup and tons of sassy stickers and like 250 colored pencils.

I love it