God’s ‘The Bible’
In God’s ‘The Bible’, the main character Jesus is a very important person.
I do not normally reblog from shitmystudentswrite but I need as many people as possible to see this

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@blackandwhitelullaby
God’s ‘The Bible’
In God’s ‘The Bible’, the main character Jesus is a very important person.
I do not normally reblog from shitmystudentswrite but I need as many people as possible to see this
Male positivity? In my branding? It’s more likely than you think
I love this
Y E S. FINALLY
AXE realized their target demographic are the preteen and teen boys who over-apply their product and decided to do something good for these impressionable youths
today we will eat at deodorant
I saw a picture of a cat online and felt compelled to do this
snatched yo “i’m not like other girls” ass real quick!!!
This movie had no business being as good as it was. Go watch it.
Noted
#… technically this scene passes the bechdel tesr#which is WILD unless youve watched the movie (via @swiggity-swexual-i-am-asexual)
If Jack Black doesn’t get an Oscar nom for this, it is proof that sf/action movies are being discriminated against, because he was FLAWLESS as a teenage girl, absolutely invisible behind his character, and that deserves massive recognition of his awesomeness.
(I also appreciate the writing which had both girls calling each other out on perceived issues, and both girls acknowledging the fairness of those call-outs and subsequently valuing each other as equals and becoming buds. No girl-fights here, thank you.)
This movie was far more amazing than it should have been, and I’m pretty sure that was at least 90% because the cast was so fantastic.
Not once in the entire film did I forget Jack Black was a teenage girl. It was one of the most brilliant performances I have ever seen and I still can’t believe I’m saying that about Jack Black in Jumanji II.
Is it tropey as hell? Yes.
Do they subvert some of the tropes some of the time? Heck yes.
Did they know they were going to be tropey as hell and made it the best possible versions of the tropes when they weren’t subverting them? Hell fucking yes.
*Slaps my shitty 5 foot something body* this piece of shit mothefucker can fit so mcuh Love
Bruh
Im like never on Tumblr anymore. How's everyone doin?
hey man, i gotta go to the bathroom, hold this for me
ok
i’ll make sure he’s safe dont worry
I have $24 to last me til Friday, what should I buy with it?
a pallet of ramen noodles
I hate ramen noodles tho
hmmmmm bees?
Are you suggesting that I eat bees for a week
This is roughly what I make sure I have in my kitchen all the time along with rough estimates of local prices (MN). I buy a lot of things when they’re on sale and stockpile them.
instant oatmeal packets with fruit in them - $3 probably and this can be breakfast all week and maybe even a lunch or dinner too since you usually get 10 packets
bag of rice - $2-3 depending on size. 1 cup dry rice makes enough for about two meals depending on what you add in. if you get cheap rice, rinse it before cooking
canned beans - usually under $1 per can - mix the can with your rice and you have a meal. chili-spiced beans will make bean tacos. Rinse non-spiced beans before adding to anything.
Tortilla - usually around $3 but you get like 8-10 of them. Tacos, wraps, and quesadillas are all fair game here
lettuce - $2 max around here, either a head of something or bagged precut depending on preference, use as a salad or on tacos
protein other than beans of some sort - probably $5-7 for meat, $2-3 for eggs. sometimes I can get bags of frozen chicken breasts in this price range and each is usually 2 meals if I add in a bunch of veggies. fry/scramble eggs and add to any of the options.
your favorite stir fry sauce - $3ish
vegetables - $5ish. literally anything that you can 1. fry in a pan and 2. you’ll eat. fresh carrots are usually pretty cheap. get frozen if it’s cheaper and you’re strapped for cash/prep time on this part.
alternative to stir fry: pasta (~$2), fresh tomatoes (~$2), cheese (~$3).
cheese and fruit if you have extra - look if your store has loyalty cards for free that you can load coupons on for cheese there’s always one it seems like.
ahh thank you!!!
Reblogging because there’s never knowing who’ll need it.
Adding also: the single most nutritious food on earth is potatoes in their peel. Potatoes + some milk and butter = everything you need. They don’t last all that long, but they’re fairly cheap and the quickest cheat to “How do I not fuck my body up.”
(Cooked potatoes’ll last a while in the fridge. Potatoes nearing the end of their useful lives? Cook them to half-done first, figure out what to do with them later.)
Easiest baked potatoes: slice thinly but not paper-like, spread like cards, brush with oil (a silicone baking brush is totes worth the little it costs), spread salt and pepper (a little less than you think you’d like), cover with foil, stick in oven or toaster-oven at 150C for 40min. (If you have the patience, at that point click up to 180C, remove the cover and add 10-20min.) Reheats well, lasts in the fridge longer than it’ll take you to nom.
Dead-Animal-Free Whole Protein: some legumes + some grain. AKA rice and lentils, or rice and beans. (Maybe some fried onion for flavor; onion’s cheap and stays good a descent while. Fried onion makes everything taste better and keeps forever in the freezer, so frying up a bunch and keeping portions is not a half-bad idea.) (If going for the beans option - lentils are cheaper around here but fuck if I know what it’s like in your area - dump some tomato sauce and oil in; canola or soy are best health-wise, and far cheaper than olive; avoid corn.) Oh, what does instant couscous go for in your area? It keeps for fucking ever, it’s usually cheap, and it takes well to any and all added taste.
If you get to choose, black lentils taste the best and need the least soak-time (0-20min), green lentils are best for cooked stuff and red lentils are best in soups. (Red lentils + potatoes + root vegetables of choice + spices; cut into small pieces, cook, run through the blender if you wanna [stick blender’s awesome], freeze in portions.)
When possible, get instant soup mix. Get the good instant soup mix. (The kind that’s not made primarily of sugar, yeast or both. The rest is optional.) Dump 1/2tsp (or more, but start on the low end) into couscous, or chicken, or sprinkle over potatoes being stuck in the oven. Whatever. It’ll make most cooked-food-type things taste better. And again, lasts forever on the shelf.
If you can have eggs (goodness knows they’re sometimes expensive), dump some tomato sauce in a pan (tomato sauce lasts forever on the shelf), add some oil, onion/beans to cook in it, hot peppers if you wanna, then when it’s nearly ready crack an egg or two in. Hard-boiled eggs last a remarkably while in the fridge, so when eggs reach near the end of their usable lives, just hard-boil and stick in the fridge. (Have eggs as often as you can, particularly as you have brain-shit going on. You need all the eggs, salt, and 60%-or-more chocolate you can get. Brains are made of cholesterol and salt, so folks with neuro or other brain shit need more of both. Potassium is also aces. You know what has the most potassium? Tomato paste.) Grated cheese keeps in the freezer for ever. Grated cheese will make a lot of things taste nicer. Preserved lemon juice keeps forever in the fridge. Grated cheese + oil + lemon = instant and awesome pasta sauce that’ll liven up the weeks-old dry pasta in the fridge. Slices bread also keeps well in the freezer. Try to have half a loaf or a loaf. Dry bread gets cut in cubes, mixed with oil and the aforementioned instant soup, stuck in oven at lowest until properly dry, then kept in an airtight jar to add to soups. (Over-ripe tomatoes come cheaper. They get turned into soup or sauce, then frozen in portions.)
this is a very good post but why are we glossing over the fact that the alternative to ramen is bees
i have it on pretty good authority that bees are not an affordable eating alternative to ramen.
Seriously, bees are expensive
Trufax.
And speaking as someone who is also living off oatmeal, beans, and brown rice, if you need recipes, I have them!
Today I made 16 bean soup with chicken sausage and it was crazy good and I got 8 servings out of the one batch (froze half). I usually get the cheapest beans I can find, and GOYA bags of beans are usually $1-2. I soaked them overnight,rinsed them, and threw them in a gallon lidded saucepan with 2 boxes of chicken stock (also on sale for $2), two bay leaves, sauteed green pepper, onion, and celery, some garlic from a jar, about two tablespoons of dried herbs de provence,and the “fancy” bit was adding $6 bourbon and apple chicken sausages. You can actually sub veg stock for chicken and skip the sausage and make it vegan and it would still taste great.
Oh and I’ve been doing steel-cut oats. I don’t buy the name brand ones, I just pick whatever store brand/generic I can get for less than $4. They take about ½ an hour to make, but they’re super tasty and I make 2 cups of dried oats at a time with dried cranberries and that’s breakfast for 4 days at least.
I’ve also been making black bean soup, red beans and rice, and curried potatoes and chick peas. I got 100 quart and pint take-away containers from Amazon for $20 and they all stack neatly and are perf for one serving of whatever.
Additionally, depending on where you live, whole rotisserie chickens are something like $4-$7 and are easily 4 - 6 servings of protein and on TOP of that, if you stick the carcass in a ziplock bag and then the freezer you have excellent soup makings. Using bones in soup literally squeezes all viable vitamins and minerals out of the suckers. Soup made from lots of bones is great to keep around if you get sick, it’ll feed and sooth you relatively easily and as you get better you can add noodles. ON TOP OF THAT, a quarter to a half cup of soup broth added to a lot of dishes also adds those nutrients PLUS flavor.
Here’s my “How to eat for a week on $30″ post.
don’t forget Good and Cheap: Eat Well on $4 A Day
If anyone wants to see more from Coyote Peterson, here’s his youtube channel. All his videos are wilderness related… including showing you what’s like to be stung by the most painful insect stings etc etc. I’d really recommend them because they’re really informative.
me: i’m not clingy me ten minutes later:
remember how malia obama never tweeted incriminating emails of herself colluding with foreign powers. i miss that.
No she just smoked weed while being guarded by federal agents. But please. Keep acting like either side has a right to the moral high ground.
You’re really fucking stupid if you think a teenager smoking weed is comparable to a grown adult colluding with foreign powers to shift the election.
I’M SCREAMING, THIS PERSON REALLY THOUGHT SMOKING WEED AND TREASON ARE ON PAR!
kids today are too fucking powerful.,, we merely adopted the internet, they were born in it
This kid is a fuckin master look how long it took him to break
I’m wandering around Whole Foods unattended (left the bae sleeping) and there’s a person here doing a demonstration on the uses for essential oils around the home and I may have to fight them.
Just for the record, tea tree oil is toxic to dogs and cats and you should not “drop a few drops on their bed to disinfect it”. Tea tree oil is only safe for your pets when thoroughly diluted, the safety range being a dilution of 0.1 to 1%. Most tea tree oil bottles come at 100%.
You are potentially dropping liquid death onto your pets bed where it will certainly come into contact with their skin and may be ingested when they lick themselves or their bed. Also never ever orally administer tea tree oil to your pet, I dont care what that one blogger and their nice clean aesthetic said, tea tree oil is toxic to dogs and cats and you will make them sick or possibly even kill them. It should only ever be used topically but only ever at the correct dilution and after the consultation of your vet who will most certainly have a better non lethal solution for your furry friend.
Now. If you’ll excuse me, I’m off to fight a Young Living sales rep. Hold my cart.
Their response when I quietly sidled up to them (I’m not an actual asshole who yells at people while they are doing their job) and informed them that some of the information (all of it, actually) was wrong, the sales rep looked immediately remorseful, told me they knew it was wrong, but that they had a script to follow in order to maximize sales, and that if they didn’t make their target goal they didn’t get paid.
So just in case you give a shit about ethical business practices and your pets (not to mention yourselves!): Do Not Buy Young Living Essential Oils.
Not only do I suspect they are synthetic based (meaning myself and several others with respiratory allergies have reacted badly to them, in ways we do not react to actual pure oils which are obtained through either steam or cold press. I do not trust their “authentic” claims, and I have worked with a lot of essential oils over the last decade and a half. Also, the whole “therapeutic grade” things doesn’t actually mean shit. It’s not a standard recognized by any official regulating authority in the US, AUS, UK or other parts of Europe. Always dillute your oils with a carrier oil for topical application and for the love of god stop drinking them. You want the supplement not the essential oil, it’s a separate thing!) they also do not care that they are offering dangerous consumer advice, but are actively enforcing it. Do not buy into their pyramid scheme. Do not buy or sell from them.
I had to be That person who asked to speak to the manager of my local WH today because holy shit this, could have straight up murdered someone’s cat or caused their dog to have seizures. Their response to my concern was a befuddled “but it’s natural…” and I had to respond with “so is arsenic but I don’t see you selling it in the supplements aisle as a vital mineral”. She had to straight up think about that for a second before it clicked.
Natural =/= safe. Be careful and educated and always double check your sources.
In order to stop the culture of faking orgasms, we need to stop the culture of shaming others for their sexual experiences.
Can’t get your partner off on the first try? Cool. You can still be thoughtful and make them feel good.
Can get your partner off within 30 seconds? Awesome, good for you both, don’t let it get to your head.
Can make someone cum in less than 5, but for others, it’s a process that takes an hour? That’s alright, everyone’s different.
Does it take you 30 minutes to cum? That’s okay, you’re not broken, you’re not a failure.
Does it take you 10 seconds to cum? That’s great, you’re not a slut, you’re not overly sensitive or dirty.
Can’t cum without toys/vibrators? That’s awesome, that’s a valid part of sexual play!
Can only cum with loving, vanilla sex? That’s perfectly normal, and you will find lots of great partners to experience that with!
Can’t orgasm at all? THAT’S ALSO COOL. It’s not a bad thing, you can still enjoy sex TONNES just like others.
Orgasms are NOT the defining characteristic of your sexual prowess. They are great, they’re lovely when they happen, but for the love of science, stop bringing them up higher than they need to be.
YO THIS IS SOME GOOD SHIT.
Sometimes the help you need isn’t the help you want. Call 1-800-273-8255 if you’re thinking of suicide.
This comic meant a whole lot to me. It was sincere in its depiction and treated the issue through the eyes of a grounded person. Not some godly hero saying everything is better than it seems, but a person trying his best before bringing her somewhere who can actually help.