A Wild Trash Blog Has Appeared

I write things, including trash things, on ao3 at http://archiveofourown.org/users/HobbitSpaceCase My pronouns are they/them.

[alsharira]

John Boyega and Letitia Wright space romance movie 😍😱

[niteowlsabinewren]

A ★½ review of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (2019)

The great tragedy of Kevin Feige is that, beyond raking in a mountain of cash as the head of Marvel Studios, he truly wants to be seen as an impresario of artists. The recent dust-up caused by Martin Scorsese staring holes through Disney's stunt-casting of noteworthy emerging filmmakers to lend clout to a method of filmmaking dictated by studio notes and franchise bible supervisors punctured this self-delusion and prompted a wave of pathetic self-defensiveness in which the CEO was called to stand up for the manager. In spite of it all, though, Feige's sincere belief that he is creating lasting

This guy gets it.

“…The Rise of Skywalker, the most soulless entry of the Disney era of Star Wars and perhaps the new prime example of how this age of filmmaking has brutally jettisoned vision and surprise for slavish devotion to IP and what a bunch of executives think you, the stupid public, want to see. This is two and a half hours of nonstop stuff, incessant exposition that flits through scenes designed to micro-target every possible fan-service desire at the expense of coherence or meaning. It actively unravels The Last Jedi’s bold revisions and thematic questions, cooing into the audience’s ear that everything will be as they want again, like massaging a pill down a dog’s throat. 

Every piece of dialogue introduces a new fetch-quest task, but it also bluntly affirms the most basic fan wants, from making sure the new trio is almost never apart to upholding the Manichean moral schism that TLJ so compellingly collapsed. That the film goes out of its way to sideline and omit Kelly Marie Tran, the only person to receive nastier online treatment than Rian Johnson, sends the ultimate message: if you scream loudly enough, the producers will listen, even if you are screaming racial and misogynistic slurs. After Johnson’s delicate direction and inventive production design, we fall back to Abrams, who definitively exposes himself as a fraud, a man who thinks a close-up of a wide-eyed face can make him the next Spielberg but who has such a shoddy grasp of how to communicate through a camera that one is left with a lesser notion of these characters and what makes them meaningful than we had after two films.”

[trashmouse]

I’m just impressed that this movie is apparently so bad it’s making critics actually praise TLJ in comparison.

[ihni]

Billy & Mrs Wheeler - a theory

I keep thinking about Billy & Karen Wheeler. Like, he was laying it on thick, there at the pool, and I get the feeling that he’s enjoying getting her all flustered. Like, it literally looks like he’s playing a part (and maybe laughing at her, behind her back).

I also keep thinking about how, even when he’s possessed by an interdimensional monster who can’t bare to be in the sun, Billy shows up at work, and climbs up in that lifeguard chair and does his job. (There are a few other posts about this here on tumblr, and they’re all on point.)

I also keep thinking about the Camaro (bear with me, here, it’s going to be relevant in a moment); when he crashes the car, he keeps cursing at it and kicking it and calls it a ‘piece of shit’ (and let’s be real here, okay, that car is fucking gorgeous and as far from a piece of shit that a car can get, and those are just the facts). Billy seems like a person who loves his car. So why would he treat her like that, then? It makes no sense.

Now, what connects all this? My theory is money.

Because if Billy is saving up to be able to go back to California, or at least get out from under Neil’s roof, he would show up to work even when he was feeling bad. And the frustration of crashing his car (and thus knowing that he’d have to shell out to get it fixed, with money he’s saving to Get Away), would have him curse his car out (even though it’s not the car’s fault).

And Mrs Wheeler? Where does she come in?

Well.

Karen has money. She’s well off, and married, and also obviously thirsting over Billy.

On the other side, Billy does not have money. He’s young, and hot (and, lbr, probably gay). He also hasn’t been shown to care much for the people (girls/women) in Hawkins.

So. Karen Wheeler is actually the perfect mark … for blackmailing.

Imagine it with me: Billy’s flirting with some married housewife (who’s bored of her boring little housewife life in boring little Hawkins), and arranges a date with her in some discreet location. And when (if) she shows up, no matter what she expects - she gets an ultimatum. Either she pays, or Billy will let her husband know what happened (even if nothing happened - honestly, her friends has been thirsting over Billy along with her, they’re not going to believe that nothing happened). He has the power to ruin her marriage, her reputation, her life.

Of course she pays. And she’s not mentioning it to anyone, naturally - because she can’t, not without exposing herself and what she (almost) did.

Billy gets money, Billy doesn’t have to have sex with older women, Billy can continue his “womanizing” ways (to keep up his reputation) = Billy is happy.

And the women he blackmails? They aren’t as happy, but the thing is; Billy doesn’t care. They brought it upon themselves.

[ihni]

Karen hesitated outside the door to the motel room. She had been hesitating the whole evening; when she got out of the shower, when she put on her clothes, when she went down the stairs.

When she saw Ted, asleep in his chair with Holly on his chest.

That’s when she had made up her mind. She couldn’t do this.

But something made her go anyway. Billy was … well. He deserved an explaination. Eye to eye. And while there was a small part of her that was still tempted to see where the night would go if she let it, she felt the decision settle in her bones. She would go there, tell him that she couldn’t do this, and go home - to her family - and forget this ever happened.

Her decision didn’t make it any easier to knock on the door, though. Which was why she was still hesitating.

Billy’s recognizable car was parked in front of a door, so she knew where to go (she’d parked on the other end of the lot).

The motel did have a pool, she noticed absentmindedly, and looked away. Took a deep breath, and knocked on the door. It opened almost immediately, as if he’d been waiting just inside of it.

Caught off-guard, she laughed nervously. Billy was leaning against the doorframe, giving her a once-over and nodding appreciatively.

“Karen”, he said, licking his lip. “Come in.”

She wasn’t going to, she’d told herself that she wouldn’t - that she would just tell him no and leave - but he took her hand in a gentle grip and before she knew it, she was inside and Billy was closing the door behind her and no, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. She steeled herself. Turned towards him.

“I can’t do this”, she blurted.

She had to turn again, when Billy walked past her towards the bed, where he sat down and leaned back on his elbows. He was wearing a shirt, half-open, and was watching her with half-lidded eyes. He was still smiling, as if he hadn’t heard her.

“I can’t do this”, she said again. And, to soften the blow, “I’m sorry.”

He was still smiling. It was ennerving.

“Can’t do what, Karen?” he finally said, and sat up on the bed.

She floundered, and gestured to him on the bed. “This. I can’t do this. I’ve got a family, Billy, I can’t do this to them. I’m sorry.”

She didn’t know what she was sorry about. For letting him believe something would happen, maybe. For agreeing to meet here in the first place, perhaps. For showing up at all.

Billy didn’t look sorry, though. He stood up, and shrugged; hands wide.

“I understand”, he said, and relief washed over her. His next words made her blood freeze in his veins, though. “But others may not be so understanding.”

“What?”

He was still smiling at her. Still giving her the charming grin that had made her knees week just hours ago. Now it made her heart beat faster for other reasons.

“What would your husband say if he knew you were here with me?”

She gasped. Opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. He continued, as calmly as if he was discussing the weather.

“What would your children say?”

He gave her a significant look, still smiling. “You know, I went to school with Nancy. And my sister, she’s friends with your son.”

And it hit her then, how royally she had fucked up. This boy - Billy - was almost the same age as Nancy. And she had almost-

“Billy”, she breathed, “I-”

I’m sorry. I don’t want this. Please don’t do this.

But he interrupted her. “I’m just saying, that if people found out about us …”

“Us?” she spluttered. “There is no us. Nothing happened! Nothing was going to happen.”

“Says you”, Billy said, voice smooth as silk. “But will your husband belive you? Will your children? Will your friends?”

As her eyes widened, he cocked his head to the side and gave her a knowing look.

“Oh yeah”, he said. “I’ve seen you at the pool, with those other women. I’ve seen the looks you lot give me. I know what you’re saying about me behind my back.” He threw his head back and laughed, and it almost sounded real. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered. But do you really think that those women will believe you, when they’ve seen the way you act around me?”

No. She didn’t.

Billy must have seen it, because his eyes softened. She was almost fooled by it.

“They don’t have to know. For a … small contribution, they won’t ever find out. I promise.”

As if a promise from him would mean anything. As if she could trust him.

“Are you …” She wet her lips, had to know for sure what this was. “Are you blackmailing me?”

He didn’t deny it. Instead, he took a deep breath, shook a lock of hair out of his face and gestured vaguely with one hand.

“I’m simply suggesting a … transaction … that will benefit us both.”

She closed her eyes. Wished with everything that she had that she hadn’t come tonight; hadn’t left her house. Finally she swallowed, blinked her eyes open and looked straight at him.

“How much?”

[hoppnhorn]

OH MY GOD

[trashmouse]

Posting @hoppnhorn‘s tags because yes:

#this feels so real it makes my skin crawl #imagine that he crashes on the way home #celebrating his little stunt #and everything else happens in season 3 #and at the end he doesn't die #and the party is kind to him #visits him in the hospital #and when he's better #he goes to karen's house and hands her back the money #and apologizes #and maybe he tears up a bit #and karen wants to tell him to fuck off #but instead she hugs him #and lets him cry #and offers him some fresh muffins and some coffee #and he winds up at her kitchen table telling her about his mother #and how much he misses her #which leads to an explanation about the money #and maybe he explains why he's so desperate about leaving hawkins #and why steve harrington is more his type than karen will ever be #and karen becomes the leader of the 'protect billy hargrove' club #and all her friends wind up members #GOD THE POSSIBILITES

I’m imagining she also finds a way to give him back the money at some point. Either just finds a way to hide it between tupperware full of cookies, or hires him to do odd jobs in her yard, or something. Knowing that he wanted the money to get away from his abusive dad hits something inside her and she starts to enlist her friends to help by telling them about how good Billy is at yardword/fixing cars/cleaning gutters/whatever she can think of, so before long Billy finds himself inundated with older women of Hawkins trying to hire him for various jobs.

[daisydandy]

“Beauty Tahani wants to battle!”

“Trainer Chidi wants to battle! …Maybe? Actually, hold on, he isn’t totally sure yet. Trainer Chidi is debating the ethical implications of Pokémon battles with himself. It’s… taking a while. Maybe you should just go.

Trainer Chidi… has a stomach ache.”

“Holy shirtballs! Trainer Eleanor wants to battle!”

“Oh, dip! Trainer Jason wants to battle! “

“Trainer Janet wants to battle, and she can absolutely assure you that she does not have a Maractus!”

“Elite Four Michael wants to battle! (He’ll meet you in the dot of the “i”)”

[nimueofthenorth]

[idnkhtnit-deactivated20200824]

[joker-aep]

Stairs Dance, Joker (2019)

[nimueofthenorth]

[crowley-anthony]

👀👀👀

[catchymemes]

[whatagrump]

fleabag is very good

[hugotontheonbiquiffinarians]

descent into dance

[platinumsupa]

the Star Wars universe is great because you read enough you eventually find out things like the fact that the Stormtrooper whose armor Luke stole in Episode IV was gay and in an affair with fucking Grand Moff Tarkin, which is a completely canonical fact that I am not making up.

[platinumsupa]

this is him, by the way. His name is TK-421, and he is the star of the short story “Of MSE-6 And Men”.  He owns a mouse droid and is in an affair with a superior officer, who turns out to Tarkin.

The next time you watch a New Hope, keep in mind Luke is wearing the armor of a man who knew Tarkin sexually. The armor Luke is wearing when he says the iconic line “I’m Luke Skywalker, I’m here to rescue you” has more than likely been on the floor of Tarkin’s bedroom.

[platinumsupa]

since I’m getting naysayers about this again!

The actual officer whom the trooper is in a relationship goes unspecified within the book, and isn’t listed as Tarkin specifically

However.

The officer is described as; wearing a grey suit, continuously bragging about the strength of the Death Star, and having the highest level of clearance aboard the Death Star, which is how he is able to send secret messages to TK-421

At one point the officer says he won’t be interrogating Princess Leia because Darth Vader will be doing it, meaning he’s definitely high enough in the chain of command to know that about Vader

At one point the officer jokes he just gave an “explosive” demonstration. The story takes place right around the time Alderaan is blown up. 

According to someone on Reddit, the Audible version of the story uses Tarkin’s voice for the officer in question

It’s Tarkin. 

[trashmouse]

Putting this under a readmore out of shame that I even bothered writing out this rant over a fictional character, but look I am on a Star Wars kick lately and I love my emo brat child Anakin Skywalker, okay?

And I cannot believe I just read with my own two eyes that Anakin Skywalker had a wonderful and happy life and a good childhood before he fell to the dark side as an adult, while Kylo Ren fell during “mythic childhood.”

Ben Solo was at least as old as Anakin Skywalker when he fell. He had a mom who loved him and an uncle who loved him. He had a childhood with his parents before being sent to Luke later in life, but he was still allowed contact with his mom. Yeah, he was targeted by Snoke from childhood as well and that’s pretty shitty, but he still had people who loved him and cared for him.

Anakin Skywalker was literally a slave on the most depressing planet possible until he was 9 years old, then had the first person besides his mom to try and help him get killed by a Sith Lord while he was accidentally being flung into a life or death battle at nine, and then was taken in as a Jedi by an order that mostly viewed him as suspicious and irritating for being a kind of emo ex-slave kid who was banned from seeing his mother ever again because he wasn’t supposed to have attachments. He was also targeted by Palpatine as soon as he left literal slavery, so there’s that, too.

By all means stan Kylo Ren/Ben Solo, I am not here to kill anyone’s Ben Solo boner, but man at least don’t willfully ignore 90% of someone else’s fave’s storyline to prop up your own fave. They were both tragic characters. Geez.

[rocktheholygrail]

Michael and Eleanor + trust

[fairlyoddchica]

Billy and Robin meeting up in private wearing sunglasses.

Robin, sliding Billy $10: So?

Billy: Heather’s shift ends today at 6. She likes horror films. The cinema is showing The Shining around 7 If you want to go.

Billy, sliding back the same $10: Now don’t forget your part of the deal.

Robin, pocketing the $10: Dingus is off today. He’s working tomorrow from 8am until 1. Don’t order the Sundae Supreme it’s too complicated for him to make and he gets flustered about it.

Both nod and go their separate ways.

(Billy 100% orders the Sundae Supreme)

[mxgxn]

I love how neither one of them gained any money from that interaction… they’re just so dumb and in love

[quietnighty]

For full thing click thru to the AO3 link or you can see the super high qual version on Flickr. Who knows the fate of this on Tumblr. PUT ALL THAT SKIN AWAY BUCKO.