Present
Warnings: swearing, self-degrading, injured, a bit blood, cheating, angst and shitty fic.
Word Count: 4565
A/N: This is my first fic. It’s shitty and bad. So….be kind! or be mean lol idk. Let me know what you think. So, this is bad because a) I’m not a writer, b) I’m not the type of a person that is good at describing feelings. I can feel things but not good at telling or describing them lol. Btw, I do not take requests. This is just an idea that has been in my head for like…forever I think. Forgive me if there’s any grammar error. Also! I was listening to The Christmas Song (Amazon Original) by JoJo while writing this (pretty fucked up of me writing angst fic while listening to a happy song lol). And Merry Christmas!
Notes: Reader is Jensen’s sister from The Losers. And the conversation between Natasha and Bucky is from American Horror Story : Hotel.
Summary: You got an early Christmas gift this year.
They are all blindly coming towards ‘you’ right now. Stupid. Smiling as you check all their cameras and leader’s coms in this cozy small café. Everything is going smoothly as you planned. Going on a mission like this really annoyed you because it takes patients, lots of plans and doing undercover. It’s not like you can’t do it, come on, you were trained by SHIELD and some of your fellow Avengers.
Watching them all went to one of the bunkers, hallways full of guarded armies ready to shoot. And with one click, all of that place explodes. Now their army’s busy dealing with that, all you gotta do is go to their leader and take the most dangerous microchip that can make the whole world chaos.
You pack your laptop and stuff, and pay your coffee. Your specialty is hacking, like your brother, Jensen. Only he’s more into military and you used to work at a tech company. The reason you being an Avenger was you hacked into SHIELD system after Loki’s tragedy in New York, trying to know who are these super heroes. Read all their information that you’re not supposed to know. And also stole three millions from Tony Stark. What? That man’s loaded anyway. One day before you’re going to work, suddenly all the electricity at your apartment were cut out. You open your bedroom door, and saw 15 SHIELD agents pointing guns at you. Turns out that nobody, NOBODY has ever hacked into SHIELD and Tony Stark system. Took 30 people to make the system unbreakable.
Turning off your car’s engine. Now you are currently at the leader’s mansion. Sneaking in from the back door to his office. Going undercover for ten months and got the access in this mansion, you memorised it like the back of your hands. Just as you thought, he is in there. knocking out the leader after taking that microchip and suddenly one of the maids saw you. Turns out she’s also a trained guard too. She picked up a knife and throws it towards you. Almost hit at your hand but you quickly turned to her and about to shoot her, but at the same time she already picked up another knife and running towards you. She threw herself at you but it’s too late for her because you already shot her. Actually it’s too late for the both of you because when you shot her, the knife is already when through your left side.
Pushing her body to the side, look down at place that you’ve been stabbed. Guess you got lucky because the cut didn’t deep enough to cause you to lose consciousness…yet. You try to stand up slowly while pressing the wound. Once you’re sure you can stand up properly, you making your way out of there.
“I got the chip and get Carlos ready with his medkit” you inform while driving. “Copy that. We’re almost there” after that, tossing the phone aside and place your hand on the wound. “Great. Just….great. Now how am I supposed to go to that party” talking to yourself.
When you arrive at the meeting point, the Quinjet is already there waiting for you. After you safely got in the Quinjet, Agent Carlos immediately by your side helping you to the chair that’s already look like a small bed. You don’t know how he did that but it is a bed now.
“Where is it?” Carlos asked, while his eyes searching you body.
“On my left side. Just a small stab” you chuckled “but you better hurry up ‘cause I’m starting to feel kinda dizzy”
Carlos help you laying down and getting started to treat your wound.
“Can you believe Stefani did this?”
“No way. I thought you were cool with her?” Carlos shocked.
“Uh uh. Swear to god, I think she was a ninja or something”
“A hot ninja” Carlos smirk at you. “Come on, man. She stabbed me” you whine. “Now, be gentle! It’s starting to hurt” you told him.
“I am! Now quiet”
After feeling like forever, you can’t stand the dead silent around you. So, you raise your head a little bit so that you can see Agent Kevin that’s flying the Quinjet. “Hey Kevin, would you please turn on some Christmas jazz or Christmas song or anything? I don’t wanna pass out in this dead silent” without wasting time, Kevin did what you asked him.
“You think we can make it to the party?” You asked to both of them.
“Hell yeah we can” Kevin said “When I’m flying, you bet your ass you’re gonna make it either early or on time” Kevin smiling at both of you and Carlos.
You don’t know how long you have been passed out but you wake up when Quinjet’s landing. Slowly you get up, you winced when you feel the pain on your side.
“Careful there. Y/n, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go to the party” Carlos said concerning, followed with Kevin said 'yeah’ behind, agreeing with him. “You need to get check that up in medbay” Kevin continue.
“No no no. It’s Christmas eve’s party guys. Pretty sure it’s gonna be awesome and I miss my girl” you smile at them, already making your way out of the Quinjet “plus, I think you patched me up quite good. Look!” With that, you do a lousy 'heel click’ jump they ever see.
Groaning, you immediately regret doing that. Both of them just sighs and follow you into the building.
-
After you cleaned yourself up, you making your way to the party wearing a simple cream thin turtleneck tuck in a navy pantsuit and white sneakers. When you got there the party is on full swing, some of them dancing, chatting and at the bar. You’re trying to look for your friends and your girlfriend, finally you found Steve, Bruce and Maria at the bar.
“Hey guys!”
“Y/n! You’re back!” Maria hugging you. “good to see you, y/n” Steve raising his glass at you. The four of you ended up chatting for awhile until Steve and Maria excuse themselves and left you with Bruce.
“So y/n, are you…okay?” Bruce asked you while sipping his drink.
“Of course. Why are you asking?” You asked back confusedly.
“Because since you got here, I saw that you’re always kept placing your right hand to your side” Bruce placing his drink on the counter. His attention is fully on you now.
You sigh. There’s nothing to hide you guess, and told him about your wound. Bruce almost drag you out of the party but you made sure that you are indeed okay. Sure, you still feel the pain and kinda dizzy but you’re missed too much of being home and not to forget, your girlfriend. Speaking of girlfriend, you ask Bruce about Natasha “do you happen to see Natasha, Bruce?”
“No…but before you came here I thought I saw her talking with some agents” Bruce looking around trying to find her.
“Oh okay. Well, I think I’m gonna look for her. See ya, green guy”
“A-are you SURE you’re okay?”
“100%! Don’t worry about me. Let’s just enjoy the party, pleaseee? It’s been like, what? 10 months?” you smiling at him “but-”
“Come on! It’s Christmas, Bruce. Enjoy a little bit” you cutting him and then leave to look for your girlfriend.
After 15 minutes asking your friends where is Natasha, you took a seat at the bar. “Can I have an ice water, please?” You asked, the bartender nodded and give you your order. All these walking and talking making you feel exhausted and thirsty “You look like you’re lost. Looking for someone?” The bartender asked.
You drink half of your water with a one gulp. “Actually, yeah. I’m looking for Natasha Romanoff, have you seen her?”
“I think I saw her, like 10 minutes ago. She left and went to that way and up” he’s pointing at the stairs behind you.
“Oh thanks! And the water too” with that information, you went up to the stairs. Looks like it’s gonna be a long night you think. 10 minutes looking for her in these meeting rooms and debriefing rooms, you stop for awhile and went to your office. Where is she? Is she playing hide and seek with me? You thought. Sitting at your office desk, sighing but winced at the pain, you look down at your sweater and found that there’s blood on it. You pull it up and see that the cut starts to bleed a little and blood soaks through the bandage and your sweater. Guess I really need to go to medbay. You thought. Pulling it down, you log on to your computer. Still not giving up, you went into a security cameras and looking 20 minutes before you arrived at you office.
Finally, you see her in the footage. It’s true she went to the stairs but she took the elevator to her room. With that, not wasting any time you get up and going to her room. You and Natasha has been together for almost two years and the mission you just got back took you 10 months without contact anyone except your backup, Carlos and Kevin. Forget this wound 'cause you’re missing your girlfriend like crazy. Your relationship is still not on the 'share a room’ level but when you were on that last mission, you actually thought maybe you could ask her.
Natasha is the first person that actually care about you. Not like your exes. They used you either for their ego boost or sex and most of them are narsissists. But Natasha, she cares about you, she listens and remember the little things about you that even you, don’t even realize that you always do. And it makes you for the first time feel appreciated by someone that actually loves you back. Not just one sided.
-
It usually took you at least three minutes to her room from your office. But this time seems like three hours. Maybe it’s just a dizzy thinking. You thought. Arrived at her room, you heard loud music coming from her room. Knocking on her door twice still no answer. Maybe she’s taking a shower. You thought.
You open the door slowly, you hear heavy breathing. What is this song Nat’s been listening to? You thought. And then, moans….you hear moans. You went in two feet from the door, and saw Natasha straddling and grinding on a guy in her bed. Both of them naked. You don’t know what to say or even do anything. That guy. That guy has a metal arm. You don’t know much guys that has a metal arm.
“Nat….” You whispered. You immediately get out from that room. Went to the elevator and pressing the first floor button. The dizzy have became a headache and you’re sweating but at the same time you feel cold. Besides that, you’re supposed to, you know, crying? Because you just saw your girlfriend cheating on you with your friend.
You’re not the angry or emotional type of person. But this is the time you’re supposed to cry or angry or FEEL something. You feel numb. Making your way out from the elevator to the front door. You need to get out from here. Now.
“Y/n?” Ugh not now. You thought. You keep walking to the door.
“Hey, are you okay?” It’s Bruce that found you here. “I’m okay, Bruce” He walks and stand in front of you, blocking your way. “Y/n, you look so pale” he’s putting his hands on your shoulders trying to get a better look at you “oh my god. You’re burning up, y/n” he said that after putting the back of his hand on your forehead.
“Let’s get you to the medbay” he’s about to guide you back to the elevator. But you immediately protest by squeezing his arm. “Please. Not here, Bruce. Please. Not in this buildin-” without finishing the sentence, you pass out in Bruce’s arms.
-
Opening your eyes, you realized that you’re not in medbay or in your room. This is someone else’s room. You began to panic and started to get up in a sitting position but winced at the pain on your side.
“You shouldn’t do that” Bruce walking in the room with a glass and a water bottle in his hands. Putting them on the bedside table, he’s sitting on the bed beside you.
“Where am I?” You asked him with a hoarse voice. Hearing that, he turned to the bedside table took the water bottle, pour it into the glass and hand it to you. “You’re at my place right now” watching you drink “you’ve been passed out for almost two days. And I already treat your cut and changed the bandage” Bruce explained to you.
Hearing this makes you feel a little relieved until “did you tell anyone?”
Bruce sighs.
“Bruce”
“No, y/n. I don’t because before you passed out, you looked so pale and you’re kinda begging me not to go to that building” you exhale loudly, closing your eyes feeling fully relieved.
“Y/n. Do you want to tell me why you’re avoiding that place?”
You close your eyes for a moment. Besides Natasha, Bruce is the closest friend to you. And that is why he did exactly what you told him before you passed out.
“Its okay if you’re not ready. I underst-”
“She cheated on me” the tears started to gather in your eyes. Trying to hold it by clenching your jaw, while looking at the wall in front of you. Your vision was blurry and it was difficult for you to see clearly
Silence.
Bruce looking you at shocked. There’s a million questions that he wants to ask but refuse to do so because looks like you’re not finish. A minute after a silence, finally you look at him “she cheated on me, Bruce” your voice crack. Tears slowly spilled over the sides of your eyes. Bruce holding your hands.
“With who?”
You sniffled, still trying to look strong. “Bucky” you whispered, looking at him. Bruce slowly pulling you hands and hugging you. “I’m so sorry, y/n” he comforts you. Pulling away from him, wiping your tears.
“You know, a small part of me already knew that this is gonna happen. It’s because I always have this bad luck when it comes to love. I don’t know what have I done wrong but when I think of it maybe it’s me. I’m the problem. I didn’t pay attention to her, hell I can’t even give what Bucky’s can, to make her full. I-I’m still not ready to do that stage in this relationship. After all these years, all my exes used me. I even told her about that and she said she’s completely understand and willing to wait. I loved her, Bruce. So much. Seeing her with him on her bed, I….I-I don’t know. When we were making it official, I know its too good to be true. Look at her. And look at me. She’s way WAY out of my league. And Bucky…they have so much in common. Make sense now. I was too stupid too realize it. To think that I have a chance with her. Stupid, useless, hopeless piece of shi-”
“Stop. Stop right there” Bruce cutting you off your rambling. Listening to what you’ve just said making his blood boiled “You are not stupid or anything that you said. You’re not the one to blame here, y/n. They are. And they’re gonna pay for what they did to you” Bruce told you angrily and his voice crack almost turning to Hulk’s voice.
Hearing this, you saw his veins starting to turn green too. And immediately holding his hands to keep him calm. “No no. Breathe, Bruce. Breathe” you tried to calm him down. He took a couple of deep breaths and rubbing his temples. “It’s okay. I don’t want to hurt anybody”
“But you’re hurting, y/n”
“I know…but it’s alright. I’ve dealt with this many times before. I can do it one more” you smile at him but all he sees is a broken smile with tears in your eyes. “So,” sniffing and wiping the remaining tears on your cheeks “how was you Christmas?”
“It was uh…it was good I guess” he said, sighing “and thanks to you because if you’re not here I guess I’ll be spending Christmas here alone” giving you a small smile.
“I’m sorry I’ve ruined your Christmas”
“No, you’re not. You never ruin anything. Come here” Bruce pulling you for a hug.
-
“It’s been three weeks, y/n. I think she’s getting suspicious and worry” Bruce said while both of you having breakfast.
“She even interrogating two agents that went to the same mission with you” hearing this, you only chuckled. Poor those two bastards. “Did she ask you anything?”
“Yeah, asked me if I saw you. I only said that I talked to you during that party. Steve also were there too to confirm that” he inform you, while cutting his pancakes to pieces.
Both of you talk about anything else after that. By the time you both finished breakfast, Bruce getting ready to go to Avengers Facility. And you hopping on the couch with your laptop, ready to watch your favorite show. “Alright. I’ll see you in…I’ll see you when I see you” smiling at you.
“Okay. Don’t forget to eat, Bruce” with that Bruce making his way to the door and off to work.
-
It’s 1 pm and you’re feeling bored. You got out from the couch and searching for some snacks and return back to your laptop. Staring at your laptop, you’ve thought about this since last week but can’t seem to do it. Hacking the Avengers building’s security cameras.
Feeling hesitant for a moment but when you think of it, there’s nothing harm doing it. It’s just a normal day for you, for them. Nothing’s weird gonna happen. You began your work hacking into the system. Took you five minutes to made into the system without they tracking you.
First, you see Steve training with Wanda. And then you move to another camera and saw Maria having a meeting with agents in the meeting room. Seems pretty normal. You’re about to move to the kitchen’s camera but accidentally move to another meeting room’s camera. That’s when you saw Natasha and Bucky debriefing agents in a bigger meeting room.
You feel like your heart stops beating. Seeing her for the first time after that incident with him makes you stop breathing and the world suddenly becomes five times slower. Turning up the sound a little bit so you can hear what they’re talking about. And hearing her voice makes it even worse. That voice used to be the most favorite sound of your entire life. For three weeks you’ve been avoiding this feeling, avoid all the tears, trying to be strong. Even Bruce worry about you not crying or screaming or something. You’re just sitting here, alone, staring and not talking. Bruce find it really disturbing that you’re acting so calm.
But you’re not calm. There’s so many emotions that are fighting in you and begging you to let it all out after all these years of being used. No, that’s a weak person would do. Emotions.
After 30 minutes watching them with tears on your cheeks, all agents finally done with the meeting and making their way out from there except Natasha and Bucky.
She followed the last agent to the door, closed it and locked. Wiping the tears on your eyes for you to see clearly. She turned around and walking back to Bucky. “How’s everything with y/n? Any sign of her?”
“Still nothing. Couldn’t find her anywhere. Seems like she’s disappeared” Natasha sighed, Bucky turning to her “Hey, it’s going be okay, Nat. Probably she’s on another mission?”
“No, she’s not. Agent Carlos and Agent Kevin’s reports said that she were injured during that mission. Even Steve and Bruce talked to her at the party” she said, frustrated.
“It’s going to be alright. She’ll turn up anytime soon, hm?” Bucky looking at her, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. “I-I’m just….worry” she hugging Bucky.
Bucky hug her back but after that his hand move down to squeeze her ass. “Mmm I love it when you do that” she said. They began kissing passionately until Natasha slowly pulling away “and love that too” pecking his lips “everything” she smiling at him.
“But I thought you love y/n”
“I do love her. But at the same time you make me feel woman enough when I’m with you” Natasha explained.
“Natalia…you are woman enough for me. When I look at you, I see something of my vanished world”
“We can have that world again. Right now” with that they’re both started to kiss each other and you slam your laptop screen closed. Crying your eyes out like there is no tomorrow.
You wake up and your surrounding is dark. You fell asleep, exhausted after crying. Looking at the clock, it’s 12 am. Getting up and go to the kitchen drinking some water. Looking for something to eat but guess this morning’s breakfast was the last supply that Bruce have. You have to eat something because when your stomach’s empty, you’re going to get a headache and that’s the last thing you want. So, moving to bathroom washing your face. Remove tears stains. Looking at your pathetic self in the mirror that can’t make Natasha woman enough. Worthless. You sighed and take your phone dialing Bruce’s number.
“Hello?”
“Hey, when you’re gonna get home?”
“Uh probably late or just gonna crash here. Whats up?”
“Oh cool. Just letting you know that, there’s no food here!”
“Shit. I forgot”
“The hell you are!” You heard Bruce chuckled.
“Okay okay. Listen, there’s a 24 hours convenience store around the block. Buy anything you want, there’s some cash in the bowl beside the tv. Or order a pizza if you want”
Looking at the tv, you saw there is a bowl. Walking there, you took out the cash and count it. There’s four hundred bucks. More than enough. “Found it! Alright I’m going out”
“Be careful, okay” after that both of you said goodbye. Picking up you jacket and walking out the door to the convenience store.
Walking outside really make you head feels a little bit clear. Even though, your heart still hurts. She’s happy now, y/n. You’re just in her way. You thought. In the store, picking out some snacks, sodas and a couple packs of ramen. Wow, what are you? A college student? You’re at the candy isle still couldn’t decide what chocolate brand you’re gonna buy, there’s a boy not too far from you. Looks like he’s 10 years old, looking at all the candies in front of him.
He picked one of them and immediately putting it in his jacket. When he’s about to do the same, you walked to him “Stop” putting your hand on his shoulder. He turned around, eyes wide from shocked that he got caught shoplifting. You asked him why he did it, and he told you that he’s so hungry and there’s no food at home and he lives with his grandpa. His grandpa only can afford a meal for a day. Hearing this, makes your heart broken even more and told him to empty his pockets. And take anything he needs, and you’re gonna pay for him.
He hugged you and says 'thank you’ to you like 20 times, non-stop. You chuckled. “What’s your name, kid?”
“Lucas”
Both of you picking out things that you both needed together. When you’re about to walk to the cashier with Lucas, you see a man holding out a gun at the cashier. “Now and make it quick!”
The robber probably thinks that the store was empty because he didn’t see both of you not too far behind him. You’re about to take a step towards the robber but Lucas pulling back your hand. You look back at him, he’s shaking his head trying to tell you that its a bad idea what you are about to do. Seeing this, you handing him your cash “here, take this. Once I got his attention, you get some help” he quickly nodding his head. “Now go hide” Lucas turned away but you pull him back “and please. No more stealing”
“I promise” with that, he went back to hiding from the robber’s sight.
Slowly you making your way behind the robber, kicking the back of his knee and smacking your elbow to his head making him fall to the ground. But the gun is still in his hand. Stepping on his hand to make him let go of the gun. “Now, Lucas!”
The boy immediately ran out of the store, looking for help. Kicking away the gun from him and making sure the cashier is alright but once the cashier about to answer, the robber got up and body-slamming you to the ground. Unfortunately, your head hit the ground first, made you feel kinda dizzy and a bit disoriented. But you shake it off and got up. You tried to punch him but he dodged it and punch you in your stomach so hard that you fell on your back. The cashier turn on the alarm and hearing this, the robber panicked and hit the cashier until his unconscious. And he picked up his gun, pointing at you “stay down! Or imma shoot you!”
You slowly get up, holding up your hands out in front of you “you don’t have to do this”
“Shut up!”
“Don’t do it-”
Bang.
The robber ran away after he shot you. You feel slight stinging and look down at your stomach there’s a blood pouring out through your shirt. You started to slowly stumbling backwards and fell while holding your stomach. So here you are sitting down, putting a pressure down to your stomach. Suddenly you remembered what your brother told you what it feels like when he got shot “just a little pinch. Nothing’s hurt” his voice echoing in your head.
The thing is, this is nothing like a pinch at all. You feel burning radiating through your core. As you sitting there waiting for help to come, you began fading in and out of consciousness. Finally you saw Lucas coming in rushing beside you.
“Hold on, okay. The help is coming”
“Thanks, kid” you smiled at him “but I don’t think I’m gonna make it” you groan, the burning in your stomach started to feel worse.
“No no. H-hold on a little bit. They’re gonna be here any second”
You’re trying to hold on but his voice is getting further and further. And your eyes started to feel so heavy. This is it. You thought. There’s nothing you regret if you let go. Your brother’s taking a good care of your niece. Your friends are happy, Natasha is happy now. Lucas have the money that he can survive without having to steal again. Everyone around you is in good hand. With that one last thought, you took one last deep breath and follow into the darkness.
