Enter DAISY GRIME, a CLOWN, accompanied by FOOLS, HARLEQUINS, and JESTERS.
GRIME
I say ‘tis dirty, wicked, foul, and dark --
An opportunity both miss’d and scorn’d --
That vampires of any shape or shade
Would drink the blood of innocence most pure
When Pepsi costs a dollar sev’nty five.
FIRST FOOL
O lady, I must ask, and tell the truth:
Wherever in this God’s green holy land
Canst thou obtain this drink for such a fee?
I’ve seen no less than fifty-five pence more.
GRIME
A hospital, good sir.
SECOND FOOL
(Does some figures)
And might I ask
Wherever in this land (of any hue)
Is fellow who two dollar thirty pence
Dost pay for si of Pep?
GRIME
Not I, i’faith.
I pay a mere two shillings short of two.
And, once again, I pay in hospital.
CANADIAN JESTER
I pay a hefty two and half for mine.
But in my blood runs maple syrup, too.
GRIME
O Jester fine, I pray thee, still thyself.
Thou stray’st from this, our mode of speaking here.
FIRST FOOL
But blood costs naught but time.
SECOND JESTER
Aye, that is true;
But sir, remember this in figuring:
A Pepsi, too, is free, if stolen ‘tis.
FIRST FOOL
I see, but -- wait, another thought occurs.
Wherefore, I ask thee, for what reason, sirs,
Dost Lady Grime buy Pepsi from the house
Of healing, birth, and death?
GRIME
‘Tis simple, friend.
Allow me to explain to thee the cause.
The Pepsi sold by those who follow in
The footsteps of St. Luke, Evangelist
Is sold for a mere dollar sev’nty five.
FIRST HARLEQUIN
(Aside, to SECOND HARLEQUIN) Why wouldst a vampire drink Pepsi, then?
SECOND HARLEQUIN
(Aside, to FIRST HARLEQUIN) Why wouldst an honest man drink Pepsi, sir?
FIRST FOOL
A femboy, it would seem.
(There is general applause and agreement.)
GRIME
O fool, a what?
Enter KONAHRIKS De’ACTIVAT EDZOZ ESQ., a SCHOLAR and WARD OF THE SKY.
WARD
You see, my friends, this selfsame story tells
The truth of why the incubus’s tale
Is one that bears to no more to be declared.
I’ll tell you all my reasons three. The first:
The wealthy ghoul who drinks the common blood
Is overused and stale, like molding bread;
But also hangs upon the teller’s face
A pallid, gasping idol worship mask.
The second mark I tally here along:
A vampire who sucks the blood from men
Does hold up in the mind a mirror cold.
This mirror shows that, far from fantasy,
The vampire is real, ‘tis Elon Musk.
The reason third is simple, clean, and pure:
A werewolf’s just, like, sexier, my dudes.
(GRIME dances like a ferret. There is rejoicing.)
Exeunt.
Enter LARA, FELAGUND, and SHERLOCK, accompanied by the MANGO MERCHANT.
LARA
I feel these words have struck me to my core.
Is this, the world, collapsing to the ground
Or is it just my weary, shaking soul?
FELAGUND
‘Twould seem my lady needs to see St. Luke.
SHERLOCK
I’ve heard his fellows sell a Pepsi cheap.
just barely started reading hold my life (until i’m ready to use it) by velvet_shiver and it’s already one of the greatest fics i’ve ever read, no exaggeration. it’s written so beautifully and i’m so in love with mikes characterization, it’s devastating.
made this painting for it because i couldn’t sleep lol. i’d really like to make more, @velshivered i cannot thank you enough for telling me about this.
there is a parallel universe where stranger things got cancelled after two seasons and i bet the me in that universe is so upset about that and i wish i could tell her it's better that way
Do you have favourite lesbyler headcanons? Could be spicy or not :)
Hiiii anon, thank you so much for this ask <33
This got really long, like Really Fucking Long. At first I thought I'd only have a few headcanons but then I just kept thinking of more stuff and full situations so like, you're welcome ^^ btw there's something of everything here. like I have fluff, angst and smut :>
Also I want to explain how I see my version of lesbyler and how it works when being put in the context of canon. So to me Stranger Things but with lesbyler would work in the way that the main six kids are the opposite gender but everybody else is the same as in canon. So like, Mike Will Dustin and Lucas would be girls while Max and El are both boys. But for example Jonathan and Nancy are still the same as they are in canon except that Jonathan has a little sister instead of a brother now and Nancy has two little sisters. You get it, right? This isn't super important for most of my headcanon, only for a few but I still wanted to explain to avoid confusion. I just feel like this way it makes the most sense when trying to view canon but with lesbyler
Okay let's start now <33
> Willow has the most gorgeous beautiful long hair and Michelle loves it so much, she loves playing with it, she loves braiding it, she loves watching Willow put it in a ponytail and she especially loves it when she's lying on her back with Willow on top of her, looking down at her and how Willow's hair will then fall onto Michelle's face. Michelle loves to have Willow's long beautiful hair in her face <333
> When they were really small and were playing in the mud outside Joyce would always make them take baths together <3
> They used to play princess and pince when they were little kids and one of them would be Cinderella and the other would be the prince chasing after the other with her lost shoe. One time that lead to Michelle (who was playing the prince) kissing Willow (who played cinderella) on the mouth because "that's what princes do then they find their princesses" (totally normal)
> They love to dance with each other and even think up little choreographys sometimes. Especially when they were little they did that a lot and always showed them to Joyce or Karen
> In spring and summer Willow makes these little flower crowns out of daisys and puts them on Michelle's head. Sometimes she calls Michelle 'my princess' as she puts it on her head and it always makes Michelle feel all warm and fuzzy inside
> Michelle is not cool. She's weird and awkward and a nerd and Willow is obsessed with it. Willow is just as weird btw, especially about art and humans and bodys and Michelle's loves it so much!!! (This is also just byler, but I want to make sure that people know that Michelle is not a cooler/hotter female version of Mike. She's just as nerdy and awkward as he is and that's literally so beloved <333)
> They have a phase where they get a little annoying about being best friends in the way where they start wearing matching outfits and Michelle even begs her mom to buy the same sweater twice because she wants to gift it to Willow so that they can match at school
> They also obviously always go to the bathroom together, as girls do. They did it too much at school and so at some point teachers actually said that they weren't allowed to go to the bathroom during class while the other was also in the bathroom. They also always go to the bathroom when they're at partys or just loud events because it's the one place that is a little quieter and Michelle gets overstimulated from all the sounds and people around her sometimes. They also looove to squeeze into the tiniest bathroom stall together. They don't go into seperate stalls because like, why would they?
> They paint each other's nails. Michelle is really good at it too because Holly always wants Michelle to paint her nails and she has really high design standards for a girl this small. It's the one type of drawing/painting where Michelle is better at it than Willow, because Willow never really paints that small, but Michelle actually finds it kind of relaxing. Willow also doesn't really want to learn because she likes that Michelle is better at it than her and she always uses it as an excuse to have Michelle touch her hands for an hour, doing really intricate designs and patterns on her nails
> Willow asks Michelle to pose for her a lot, for art referces. Sometimes she even asks Jonathan to take pictures of them in specific poses so she can later use them as pose references for her art. Maybe she also does it a little bit to get pictures of herself and Michelle in cute poses. She definitely hangs all the pictures up in her room, above her bed
> Michelle always writes little poems for Willow and Willow will often find small pieces of paper with short poems on them in her backpack or her jacket pockets and one time Michelle even successfully sneaks one into the back pocket of Willow's pants without her noticing
> Willow on the other hand always draws little things for Michelle and gives them to her and at first it's just stuff like flowers or a random eye that Willow doodled on a the side of a page in her notebook but then she starts drawing Michelle, sometimes realistic, sometimes really cute and cartoony and she'll always silently place them on Michelle's desk during class. Michelle keeps all of the drawings, even the tiniest ones
> They cuddle So Much. At sleepovers, when their friends are there, alone in one of their bedrooms, on long car rides, on the couch of Joyce's cabin, they even just stand around and hug for long amounts of time at school. They used to cuddle as little kids too and just never stopped. Whenever anybody asks them about it they're always like "you just don't know how girl friendships work", even if it's another girl. Their friends have totally accepted it by now and don't even think about it
> They sit on each other's lap and kiss each other on the cheek sometimes or walk around holdig hands, again using the girl friendship excuse if anybody tries to tell them that it's weird
I'm putting the rest under the cut cause this is getting way too long...
> Michelle struggles with falling asleep so every time she has a sleepover with Willow, Willow will hold and cuddle her and brush her fingers through Michelle's hair and softly touch her face and cheeks and nose and over her eyelids so that they automatically close, while softly whispering to her just about anything, like dnd or what she did that day or a painting she's working on and Michelle is asleep within minutes and doesn't wake up all night <33
> Their friends never really know what's going on there btw, they just see them cuddle and whisper and think that it's normal until one time they have a sleepover but Willow is sick and can't come and so that night Michelle struggles so hard trying to fall asleep that the others notice and ask her if she's okay. She says yes but the next morning she's clearly in a bad mood and super tired and when they ask her how long she slept she says "idk 3 hours?" and then they start to wonder if this is the reason why her and Willow always cuddle and fall asleep in each other's arms and why they both always insist that they sleep next to each other at sleepovers
> Them cuddling at sleepovers also helps Willow because she has nightmares a lot but they're not as frequent with Michelle and if she does get one then it's never as bad as how it is when she sleeps alone. If she wakes of from one then it always helps her to realize that Michelle is literally right there, holding her and she forgets what the nightmare was about and falls asleep again quickly
> Sometimes when Michelle has had a really bad day she asks Willow to just lie on top of her because the weight calms her down. Before they're together Willow always just carefully brushes her hands through Michelle's hair as she lies on top of her, but once they're together she'll often kiss Michelle's face gently until she can feel her breathing relax and her heartbeat slow down
> One time, when Willow isn't there, Michelle talks to their friends about how gorgeous Willow has gotten and how good she looks and "don't you agree that she's literally so pretty?" and they all Stare at her super confused cause she has never said anything like that about anybody ever. Like, Michelle compliments her friends all the time but it's rarely about their looks (unless it's outfits or a new haircut or smth) and usually it's a genuine compliment about something specific they did good. She definitely never talks like that about somebody's appearance while that person isn't present. Like this isn't Michelle just being nice, this is her sharing a genuine feeling that she brings up while Willow isn't there because telling Willow directly is somehow something she avoids doing. It's something she thinks about so much that she has to share it with somebody because the thought is too big and present in her mind to keep it to herself and the fact that it's about how pretty she thinks Willow is confuses the hell out of her friends
> Just in general they both have issues with differentiating between what is normal, socially accepted girl friendship stuff and what actually already leans into romance and relationship behavior for them
> Also once they get together, stuff they did casually before suddenly feels so different, because now they are both aware of the fact that they want it to be- and that it is romantic now. Like they used to change clothes infront of each other all the time and it was really normal but then they are together and suddenly whenever one of them changes clothes infront of the other they get to look. Like Michelle will go put on more comfortable clothes while Willow is sitting on her bed just watching her undress and it doesn't even lead to anything in the moment but just the fact that Willow gets to watch and look, and not feel always a little bit bad or weird about it is such a different feeling. Same thing goes for when Willow undresses/changes clothes infront of Michelle
Okay so the next few ones are kinda angsty, so you can just scroll past them if you want. After that I'm gonna get more into my smutty headcanons for them <3
> Michelle started puberty a bit before Willow and got really tall really fast and it was probably around that time that Willow realized that she was into girls
> At the same time she formed a massive crush on Michelle and she really didn't know how to handle it. For a while Willow was always really uncomfortable hugging and being close with Michelle in the way that they used to because she felt like she was disgusting and a freak for being in the same room when they changed clothes or touching another girl when she was also romatically interested in her.
> Michelle obviously noticed the change and that Willow apparently didn't want to hug her anymore and it hurt her so much that she cried about it every night for a week straight and even told her mom and Nancy because she just couldn't figure out why. The only thing that helped her was the realization that Willow wouldn't hug and touch any of their other girl friends either, but that also only gave her more questions
> This actually almost ended their friendship because Willow didn't even want to come to sleepovers or go swimming together with any of their friends and when Michelle talked to other girls at school about it they all told her that "clearly Willow doesn't like her anymore" and "Michelle is so much more mature than Willow now anyways, while Willow still behaves like a little kid, she hasn't even gotten her period yet" and just in general a lot of other girls (except for their other friends) would talk down Willow when Michelle was asking them if they knew what was going on (girl friendships are complicated and nobody tells anybody what they actually feel and then they talk about each other with other people instead of just asking directly What's Going On, haha it's not fun) but Michelle thought that that was stupid and didn't want to think about her best friend that way.
> She also really didn't want to loose Willow over this and so after a few weeks she decides to go over to Willow's house and she finally asks her what's going on and tells her that she's worried about her and then she starts to cry. She tells Willow that whatever it is they can figure it out together and that if it's about Michelle growing up faster than Willow then that doesn't have to change anything between them because she doesn't see Willow as just a little kid and she wants to stay best friends and doesn't want to loose her. At first Willow tries to find a way to make Michelle leave but then when she starts to cry she realizes how much this is hurting Michelle and their friendship and so she apologizes for acting weird even though she doesn't say why. Then she hugs Michelle, who is still crying, and tells her that she won't pull away again
> It's a little hard for a few weeks, to act like this was just about puberty and behave normally again, but Willow pushes through it and afterward she's really glad that she did because crush or not, she did miss Michelle so much as well and felt super lonely when she was trying to put some distance between them
> The crush is still there tho and eventually it turns into Willow realizing that she's like fully in love with Michelle, but she tries not to think about it too much and she always tells herself that it's okay and they can be friends and at some point the romantic feelings will pass and then she'll be so glad to still have Michelle in her life without letting a "crush" ruin their friendship
> Also sorry for more angst (also the next ones have a bit of homophobia in them so be warned) but at some point (shortly before s3 would have happened) some other girls in their grade start suspecting that Willow could be gay and then they refuse to change in the same room as her whenever they have PE class, because "this is probably her gay fantasy, seeing so many women naked". Michelle never goes along with it and tells Willow that the other girls are just lying but it still gets so bad that Willow tells Michelle that she's just going to change in the girls bathroom to get the others to leave her alone. Michelle tries to convince her that she needs to stand up to them instead of going along with their stupid request, but the next time they have PE Willow isn't in the locker room and joins the class after changing in the bathroom. When the class is over Willow goes to change back in the bathroom while Michelle is in the girls locker room. There she yells at the other girls who are making fun of Willow behind her back and it end with Michelle punching one of them in the face. That gets her detention and a long complicated talk with her parents but she doesn't regret it one bit
> The bullying doesn't really stop after that but most of the girls do stop whenever Michelle is with Willow and it turns into more of them just talking about Willow behind her and Michelle's back and them spreading weird rumors about Willow
> The entire time Michelle also doesn't ask Willow if she is actually gay because whether she is or not it doesn't matter. She also always makes sure to not behave differently around Willow and always tells her that she isn't disgusting or a freak and she could never make Michelle feel uncomfortable. Michelle doesn't know it and Willow doesn't tell her, but this is also what helps Willow a lot when it comes to accepting herself and her sexuality
> When Willow moves to Lenora the bullying is one of the only things she's really glad to leave behind. Once they all move back the rumors of her being gay have mostly been forgotten, especially since everybody at school is too occupied with all the military stuff happening around them
Okay angst is over now I promise <33
It's now time for the more/fully smutty ones hehe. I kind of tried to put them in a bit of an order so it gets progressively more smutty from here on but idk if it fully worked. Enjoy:
> They roleplay. A lot. Both sexual and not sexual. They just think it's fun to dress up in pretty dresses or knight armor and run around in the fields with it
> When they roleplay sexually it's a lot of Willow teasing Michelle with showing her leg from under her skirt or her cleavage and Michelle is a weak woman so she can only resist for about a minute before she jumps Willow and starts kissing her on every part of her skin that's not covered by clothes
> The kiss so much. Like they tried to hold back when they were only making out as friends but once they are together they kiss All The Time, like they can't keep their hands and mouths off each other
> They also already make out "as friends", for months before they actually get together. At that point Willow has already come out and it all started because Michelle offered Willow to be her first kiss, just to show her what it's like. But then Michelle really really likes it and so a few days later she just awkwardly asks Willow if she wants to kiss again because she heard that girls apparently kiss their friends all the time so it's normal and just fun, kinda like how they used to playfight as kids. Willow can't resist Michelle's awkward charm and so she says yes.
> Also Willow is just very intrigued by the fact that Michelle apparently has no issue making out with a gay girl. It even makes her feel a little bit more normal because if Michelle wants to do these kinds of girl best friend activities with her, without being weirded out by her, then that means that Michelle really doesn't care about Willow's sexuality and that's a nice feeling
> it happens pretty quickly that Michelle just keeps moaning into their "friend" kisses and getting really into it, so much that at some point Willow actually starts thinking that this is really quite a lot for a supposedly straight girl who makes out with her best friend for fun... because like sometimes Michelle gets into it more than Willow herself does and Willow Is Gay. She doesn't ask Michelle about it tho because she's scared that it might ruin the friendship, especially since it could possibly reveal that Willow herself would like it to be romantic.
> When Michelle finds out that most straight girls only make out with their friends for attention (often from boys) and not just always in the privacy of their own bedroom, she has a giant gay crisis about it because "other girls do it FOR ATTENTION??? WHY????"
> Because of this Michelle even thinks about asking Willow to kiss her at a party because that's apparently where girls kiss sometimes but then she thinks about it more and immediately regrets the thought because she doesn't want to share such an intimate thing she has with Willow with anybody else
> When they start their whole makeout thing Michelle wants to kiss with tounge too but she doesn't do it cause she thinks that Willow might not like it. But then Willow actually startes kissing her with tounge first and it's epic. Also Willow is weird about it a little in the way where she likes to feel around Michelle's mouth with her tounge to figure out the space of it and all the places she can reach because she's an artist and weird about bodys that way. She doesn't even really realize that Michelle goes a little bit crazy over this
> Also more on artist willow: she loves to run her hands all over Michelle's body, at first only to figure out how it moves and curves to have the physical feel paired with the visual, but once she realizes that it makes Michelle weak she does it intetionally to mess with her. Because Michelle truely gets like So Weak from it, like she turns into a puddle under willow's hands
> They slam each other into walls and furniture all the time. Not even really on purpose but whenever they make out they get so into it that it just happens. They have some bruises from it but always in places they can hide
> Willow doing the knee thing with her, as they make out, is one of Michelle's first real actual sexual experiences. Like it's the first time she doesn't have to force herself to find something hot and it's the first time the feeling comes totally out of the blue. It catches her so off guard that she stops kissing Willow and just looks at her for a solid minute before getting up and telling her that she has to pee. She's really turned on the rest of the day but she's too scared to do anything about it because what would that mean? What would that say about her? She can't stop thinking about Willow doing this tho and she can't calm down or relax so she decides that it's okay and normal and that that always happens when you make out with somebody (even though that was never the case when she kissed anybody else before). After that she gets obsessed with Willow doing that knee thing and every time they make out she secretly hopes that Willow does it again
> I already made a comic about this but one time Willow has her knee between Michelle's legs for long enough that Michelle soaks through her pants and it leaves a small wet spot on Willow's knee. She sees it and is a little shocked because "is this real? Am I imagining this??". Then she asks Michelle about it and she confesses that she does really like when Willow does that thing with her knee
> the next time the make out Willow does it again, intentionally and it leads to them just dry humping as they kiss for half an hour
> they do this a few more times, where they dry hump as they make out until on night where it's a little more intense and Willow comes from it. She apologizes immediately and gets really embarrassed and worried that Michelle hates her now and that she took it too far. But then Michelle hugs her and tells her that it's okay and that it makes sense for Willow to be a bit more into it than Michelle cause Willow is gay and for some reason that actually makes Willow feel a bit better. But then, because the universe is funny like that, the next time they do it Michelle comes from it too and they just. Don't talk about it
> They also go from making out as friends and dry humping to actually like having full on sex as friends, though they never fully take their clothes off. Like it's a lot of hands in pants or underwear pushed to the side but they never take the time to focus on taking their clothes off entirely. Tshirts always stay on as well even though they both have seen each other's boobs a few times, but it was never in a sexual situation
> They only entirely take their clothes off once they are actually together and the first time they have sex fully naked and as a couple it's so amazing and beautiful and it feels a little bit like a religious experience for both of them because Wow
> Before they were together Michelle always had a hard time getting herself off cause she always thought about boys during it but that felt wrong and she always felt this small bit of aversion to it, that made it really difficult for her to really get into it. Then their whole making out as friends situationship starts and she gets turned on from it a lot. Then the next time she tries getting herself off she remembers what it felt like with Willow and she has this moment where she wishes she could feel that way with a boy but as soon as she starts thinking about guys or even Willow as a guy she can't get into it again and so she stops
> They actually have like full on sex the first time because Michelle tried to get herself off and couldn't do it and she got so frustrated that she went to ask Willow if she could do it for her. She doesn't even truely realize what exactly she's requesting because she's just so horny and she has been for a long while now and she needs the release. Willow agrees of course but is a little unsure about if Michelle actually wants this, especially since Michelle is at first not looking at her and doesn't seem to enjoy it. But then Willow gets closer and makes Michelle look at her and the proximity paired with Willow touching her turns Michelle on so quickly that she moans and gets super wet before they have even really started. Then Willow starts fingering her for real and Michelle has the best orgasm of her Life
> After that it escalates a little cause Michelle can't stop thinking about it and she just assumes that Willow is like some sex goddess who can make even straight girls come with ease. In reality Willow is pretty average especially since she doesn't have much experience, but Michelle is just like so into Willow that everything she does to Michelle feels 10 times better simply because Willow is the one doing it
> Willow is an artist tho and very good with her hands so she actually improves really quickly and knows exactly how and where to touch Michelle. She's very precise with it too and so every time she fingers Michelle she just gets better and better at it and Michelle looses her mind over it a little
> One night, before they're together, they fuck so hard that afterward Michelle's underwear is completely unwearable and because they're not in Michelle's room she borrows some from Willow and just walks around in Willow's underwear all day like it's normal
> Just in general lesbyler who are together and share underwear sometimes cause it's a sneaky and intimate way to keep each other close without anybody noticing
> ...cum stain on the basement carpet sorry sorry
> The first time Michelle actively asks Willow if she can fuck her too she immediately goes for oral sex cause she's weird like that and "just wants to try it" and she's surprisingly good at it. That's also when she finds out that Willow swears a lot during sex. Afterward Willow can't really get up for a bit because her legs are shaking too much and feel too weak to walk and so she just wants to lay down and cuddle Michelle. This is one Michelle's favortie versions of Willow and this is also the first time she realizes that she might be a little in love with Willow
> They have sex as friends quite a lot because they're both just so horny all the time and the whole secrecy and not knowing what exactly they are is very thrilling and then one time after they finish Willow jokes that what they're doing is great cause she can practice for when she has a girlfriend (even though she is still very much hung up on Michelle and doesn't think she'll get a girlfriend anytime soon). This makes Michelle incredibly jealous and she doesn't know why but she HATES the thought of Willow having a girlfriend. Because of this one comment Michelle has a massive crisis where she worries if she's actually homophobic (even thought that doesn't make any sense because like just look at what she's doing with Willow) and it ends with her finally truely realizing that she is actually in love with Willow and got jealous because SHE wants to be her girlfriend
> Michelle moans so much, like seriously so much but it isn't always too loud. Willow only moans when she gets really turned on and is super into it and she can supress it most of the time but sometimes it slips out and then she moans really loudly. Michelle always tries to get that reaction from her whenever they have sex cause she loves to make Willow let go of her self control and she also thinks it's cute when Willow surprises herself with how loud she is and how she'll then always put a hand over her own mouth and look at Michelle with wide eyes
> Willow has the easiest time whenever she wants to make Michelle come more than once. Like it really just happens, Willow isn't even doing much to provoke it
Okay, okay, last one (this one is my favorite):
> Lesbyler who are in a relationship and it's summer, with Michelle in a flowy summer dress with flower patterns and Willow in the shortest little jeans shorts. Willow looking at Michelle the whole day long, making Michelle blush and at some point when they're alone Willow shoves Michelle against a wall and eats her out because Michelle is so fucking pretty in a dress and she needs to take advantage of how easy it is to get to her when she doesn't have to peel off Michelle's jeans first. Afterward Michelle is super sweaty and red in the face and a little dizzy and her mom notices and worries that she might have heat exhaustion because it's august and really hot outside. She sends her to the basement to cool down and tells Willow to make sure that Michelle drinks lots of water and when they're alone Willow teases Michelle about it while gently kissing her face
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