this is where i keep the aus i will never write

feel free to use any of these aus and/or prompts, just tag me so i can see it :D || new prompts everyday || many fandoms

[ultrafacts]

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[segamascott]

what about his penis my friend wants to know

[blenderfulla-aus]

something something ilya breaks an arm and he's laid up for a few weeks and has nothing better to do than fuck around on his phone with daytime soap operas playing in the background while shane is at practice

he hears a familiar voice and glances up at the TV and then blue screens bc that is?? his husband?? except they covered up his freckles again because they are idiots with no taste ugh

but wait. this guy is actually good at acting so it can't be shane. ilya loves shane but he hates being on camera and it is obvious. plus the guy on the show is head over heels for ms. connie from admin and shane canNOT convincingly pretend to be that attracted to a woman

ilya snaps a picture the next time big hud shows up on screen and texts it to shane then follows it up with why didn't you tell me they cloned you (((

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hunger games except whoever name is pulled gets a randomly assigned superpower before competing

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dokhyuk/joongdok soulmate au but han sooyoung and the Goose of Soulmate Enforcement team up to get them to realize that yes they are soulmates and yes it is mutual

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It is a testement to how terminally online Kim Dokja is that when Yoo Joonghyuk brushes his lips against his forehead, his first thought is, kinda ooc ngl.

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au where soulmates are still like the person you are most compatible with or destined to be with or whatever but the relationship is 100% platonic and dating your soulmate is seen as super weird

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au where kon steals the mr sarcastic costume after tim gets rid of it

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au where haibara finds out agasa had the chance to get with the fusae (of fashion world fame) and makes it her life mission to get them together bc she wants those sweet sweet limited edition designer purses

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au where rei actually secretly has a fourth job as yuusaku's publicist

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au where Conan is a figment of Shinichi's imagination

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conan secretly black org member au?? 👀 👀 👀

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DCU-slash-Batfam Leverage au

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I'm gonna expand on this one actually

I'm gonna say this is probably a no capes/ one of the batkids get adopted by Batman au

because otherwise they'd all be way too competent to fit into the Leverage roles

so in the original leverage run there are five roles: hitter, hacker, grifter (actor), thief, and mastermind

all the characters can do most or all of the roles but they're objectively the best at one specific thing

so if I go by fanon characterizations the lineup would be something like:

Mastermind - Dick or Tim

Hitter - Jason

Hacker - Tim

Grifter - Steph or Dick

Thief - Damian (bc he's the smallest and therefore most likely to fit through air ducts)

...but I don't like that line up so I'm gonna change it up a bit

I think I'd go for either Tim or Damian as the grifter I think

Damian because his canonical supersons shenanigans (in literally the first issue he dresses up convincingly as jon's bus driver AND his substitute teacher and no one noticed he's 10) (also he can imitate batman's voice so perfectly that the batcomputer confirms it)

And Tim because of the absolute commitment to the bit

he's canonically crossdressed to go undercover as a doctor, had his shapeshifting friend pretend to be his superhero self so his secret id could be seen in the same place at the same time, and faked a severe injury and went to physical therapy for a year to throw one person off the trail of his secret identity

cass as the hitter I think

in this au steph ran into cass and snuck her into her room and idk beat her shithead dad to a pulp when he tried something and they've been inseparable ever since

steph learnt self defense stuff from cass and taught her how to read and write in return, etc

so cass is the hitter but steph shows up occasionally bc I like them interacting... maybe steph is like a weird mixture of Tara and Quinn? that could work

jason as the mastermind maybe?

after he returned from the dead in under the red hood, man started a gang war with black mask and took over the entire gotham drug trade to get black mask to take Joker out of arkham and so Jason could set up an elaborate saw style death trap slash identity reveal once batman figured out the black mask thing was a smoke screen

go big or go home ig

I kind of want Dick as the thief because his background in gymnastics makes him good for getting through laser traps and such

however since he is Romani that is probably not a good idea

so actually I think Tim would be next in line there since his parents are self employed archeologists that do canonically steal from their dig sites

Tim figuring this out and then sneaking out of the country and into museums to give the artifacts back would be fun I think

(it's the ~family business~)

which would make Dick the hacker

since in leverage the hacker also generally ends up doing a lot of research and costuming and almost impossible forgery and teaching themself constitutional law in like a week I think that Dick would be a good fit for that

so that would make my lineup:

Mastermind - Jason

Hitter - Cass (with guest appearances from Steph)

Hacker - Dick

Grifter - Damian

Thief - Tim

and then Bruce can show up as a client or something? and they form a partnership? oh yeah he could be kind of like Harry from Redemption, that'd work

yeah I think I could work with that

[blenderfullasarcasm]

For the WIP game:

Who is getting married??? (also who are they marrying) and i'm curious to know if this person's future spouse is aware their s/o has been ghosting their entire family so well they think the s/o is actually dead

an excellent question!

short answer: bernard dowd and tim drake (and later conner kent) from DC comics, and not until all three meet up

long answer:

so the first thing you need to know about this fic is that it's the timberkon stardust au, so it takes place in a sort of nebulous regency/fantasy era (like princess bride or eragon or...got maybe? idk I haven't seen it)

anyway in stardust one of the first scenes in the movie is the MC confessing his love to a pretty girl from his village and her saying that she'll marry him if he manages to bring her the shooting star that fell to the ground on the other side of the wall surrounding the village that no one is allowed past. she says he has a week. he accepts.

anyway long story short the star is actually a woman and the MC ends up falling in love with her over the course of the movie.

(a lot of other things happen too but they aren't relevant to this ask)

anyway in this story I give the person playing the part of pretty village girl (Tim Drake) an altered backstory

so instead of pretty village girl having always lived in the village and never leaving it, in this au Tim appears mysteriously a few years before the story starts. He stumbles into town one day, clearly injured and wearing strange clothing, slightly smoking, and collapses in the town square.

(what an entrance)

anyway the village midwife (it's a small village so she's the closest thing they have to a doctor) takes him in and takes care of him

(bernard sneaks in to peer at the mysterious stranger, and his face is the first thing tim sees when he wakes up, and they stare at each other for a long moment before the midwife chases him out)

tim doesn't really remember how he got to this planet? time period? alternate universe? so he follows his tracks back to wherever he was before he found the village

good news: there's a machine that's probably responsible for his situation!

bad news: it's broken and he has no idea what it's supposed to do

so he goes back to the village and just barely ever talks about his life before he came to the village. some of the villagers think he's lost his memories from before he arrived. some of them think he's been living in the woods his whole life. some of them think he's a cryptid.

(bernard enjoys coming up with increasingly wild conspiracy theories about tim's origins. tim enjoys listening to bernard talk and occasionally pokes holes in his theories.)

the midwife takes him on as her apprentice bc he has some scant knowledge of their "modern" medicine, and he hangs out with bernard or he works on the machine during his free time. that's definitely an "or" though bc he doesn't let anyone from the village see the machine bc he doesn't want to accidentally mess with the timeline, so it has to be a secret.

(this is red robin era tim so he's at arguably his lowest mentally and also mostly isolated from his family, so he's dragging his heels a bit, unsure if he's welcome back or if he should just accept that their ties have been severed/his job is over)

but when bernard proposes, well.

the batfam (and yj core four) are the closest thing that Tim has to family left, so he wants them to at least know the wedding is happening even if none of them end up coming

so when bernard offers to go get the star that fell to earth, Tim jumps on that idea and encourages him to go for it (though assures him that Tim will still marry him even if he comes back empty handed)

so as soon as bernard leaves to cross the wall and go on an adventure to get the star (kon) and bring him back to meet tim, Tim sprints to the wreckage of the machine and spends three sleepless nights fixing it enough to get a message through

back on earth, everyone thinks tim is dead (maybe he disappeared after falling out the window during the battle with ras? maybe while he was in the unternet? maybe during the zod kidnapping thing? idk) so they are very surprised when an invitation to his engagement appears in the middle of the batcave during a briefing

they then drop everything and spend like five days pinpointing Tim's location and finding a way to get there

(tim: *surprised pikachu face* you actually came?)

(batfam + bart and cassie, dressed like they're about to storm a castle jic tim needs rescuing and the engagement invitation was an SOS: obviously???)

(tim, trying not to cry: would you like to meet my fiances)

(batfam + bart and cassie: absolutely! wait, fiances, plural?)

(tim: oh yeah, a couple things have changed since i sent that invitation. this is bernard, and you remember kon right?)

(batfam + bart and cassie: CONNER???)

(yeah sorry this got very long)

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DCU-slash-Batfam Leverage au

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au where Sakura gets a green lantern ring

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Titans (TV) au where everything is the same but Dick is wearing the Discowing costume

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AU where everything is the same but the flash has a YouTube channel a la "Keith Eats Everything" where he goes to various restaurants and tries one of everything on the menu

except instead of eating one bite of everything he eats the entire thing because well. speedster metabolism.

occasionally he'll have other members of the flash family guest star if he's allergic to something on the menu (or it has cilantro bc it tastes like soap to him) or the justice league if he's in their city or it's their favorite. like if he's in metropolis he'll ask if any of the supers want to join him. also there's a special miniseries of restaurants in atlantis. wonder woman has a soft spot for arby's for some reason so she joins in for that episode.

however.

he absolutely refuses to do a batburger episode bc will make an enemy of 80% of the batfam, maybe more, if he expresses a preference.

[blenderfullasarcasm]

eventually the flash does a video titled "Why I Refuse To Do 'The Flash Eats Everything At Batburger' "

[Flash, sitting at a table facing the camera. There's an empty seat to his left. The wall behind him is greenscreened white.]

"So a lot have you have been asking me to do a Batburger episode - "

[overlay of more than a dozen YouTube comments asking for batburger]

" - and that's never happening, sorry, but you probably deserve to hear the reason why not. Some of you thinkthat it's because of the 'no metas in Gotham' thing that Bats has, but that's mostly to keep established heros from butting in thinking they can fix everything instantly. He's fine if you're just living your life and not hurting anyone. So he wouldn't care if I went and bought a few dozen burgers, even if I do it in costume. Well, he might glare at me during the next Justice League meeting if I don't tip well enough, but that's it. So the reason I'm not going to do a Batburger video is..."

[The Flash sighs, shoulders slumping. After a moment, he glances around furtively and leans forward in his chair like he's about to tell the audience a secret.]

"It's because the Bats scare the -bleep- out of me."

[The Flash leans back in his chair, slumping like he's unloaded something heavy.]

"Like, the Robins and the Batgirls - current and former - all have their own favorites from Batburger, and, ironically, usually not the meals named after them. Batburger, if you're watching this, the current Robin is a vegetarian and won't eat the Robin Burger, so maybe change that to tofu or something. Uh, anyway, if I say anything against their favorites, even if it's just my personal opinion, I will end up dead in a ditch."

[The Flash zips over to the empty seat and says the next line in a higher pitched voice.]

"But, Mister Flash, the Bat Clan has a no-kill rule! They wouldn't murder you!"

[Flash zips back to his original seat and resumes in his normal voice.]

"Uh, no, Batman has a no-killing rule. It's touch and go with the rest of them. And besides, even if they did all abide by that rule..."

[The Flash leans closer to the camera.]

"You weren't there for the Battle of the Jokerized Fries in 2018."

[The Flash looks haunted.]

"The walls of the Watchtower still aren't back to normal. I still flinch whenever someone says 'mayonnaise.' "

[The Flash stares off into the distance for a long moment, then shudders, turning back to the camera.]

"Anyway, that's why I'm never doing an episode of The Flash Eats Everything at Batburger. Sorry, Gothamites, I know you're disappointed, but what your vigilantes would do to me if I expressed any preferences terrifies me and it's not happening. Ever. Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk."

[The Flash waves at the camera, then the outro plays.]

[blenderfullasarcasm]

After the credits:

[After the outro, there is a noticeably more shaky clip. The Flash sits in the same position as before, but now the camera is slightly more off center and he is only mostly in frame. He has a sword to his neck.]

Admit it.

[The voice is mechanized and unrecognizable, but probably younger than The Flash.]

[The Flash gulps.]

"Admit what, Robin?"

[The sword presses closer to his throat.]

Admit that the Nightwing combo is the best.

[The Flash looks directly at the camera.]

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I like all Batburger meals equally. I have no favorites."

[The video cuts to black, but not before The Flash manages to wink at Robin, mostly unnoticeable to the camera,, because obviously the Nightwing combo is his favorite too, not that he'll say it out loud where any Bats can hear him.]