An Outlet

I️ need a reason to keep going, I️ need someone to hear me.

[bloodypages]

TW: R*PE

Not a poem but I had no where else to put this and needed to get it out

Ways people have shamed / invalidated my rape:

“You were friends with him since highschool”

“You were flirting with people that night, you even tried to hookup with someone else”

“You weren’t upset the next day”

“You only said it was rape when you weren’t friends with him anymore”

“He’s an important member of our team there’s nothing we can do”

“You were drunk”

“You asked him to make you a drink”

“You had a crush on him a couple years ago”

“He’s a good guy”

“He’s always been a good friend to me”

It WAS rape and I’m tired of people telling me it wasn’t.

[bloodypages]

Sinful Whispers

there’s something about those sounds

the way it fills and surrounds

you tell me they fill you with unease

yet there’s nothing better than a tease

i’ll make you ashamed of what you think

drowning me away with one more drink

i’ll make you ashamed of those moans

filling your thoughts with hormones

wants and desires

you know what it requires

I dont want you to want me

I want you to agree

it’s not a want

it’s a need

[bloodypages]

Worthlessness

Remember that the world is not against you

Despite what you might go through

The world simply owes you nothing

You can spend all your time loving

You can spend all your time cutting

The world will still feel crushing

Yet, nothing is working against you

You don’t have to believe it’s true

No individual is worth that to the universe

You have no special or individual curse

You’re just crying into a void

Thinking you’ve been destroyed

That nothing is under your control

That you own the purest of soul

The reality you live is flawed

You’re not an act of god

We’re all stains on what’s reality

Crying about what should be

Reality is nothingness

The world is nihilistic

Reality is not fair or unfair

So stop your meaningless prayer

[bloodypages]

Soul Scythe

Why do you force that alcohol down your throat?

Do you think that last drop will keep you afloat?

Give it up, it's not going to help you

This feeling, it's nothing new

Everyone's given up, literally everyone, including you

You can shove that bottle down your throat it's true

But those feelings only falter for a night

The next morning you're back to the fight

That bottle can't save you from the truth

This is the end of innocence and youth

Your time here has long since run out

You know this with out a doubt

You've been pleading with fate

You know your one soul mate

It's not a prince or a lover

It took you years to uncover

Your soul mate is death

You're in love with your last breath

A soul mate is the one you're meant to be with

It just took you time to realize he'd be holding a scythe

[bloodypages]

Plead

My fingertips are buzzing

You motherfuckers know nothing

My chest is filled with fire

My thoughts as soft as barbed wire

It’s about time someone pays

Set this world into a blaze

Control is the one thing you can’t take away

I️ hope your last was a good day

Because my knuckles are ready to bleed

I’ll make you fucking plead

You’ve messed with the wrong heart

You didn’t think I’d be smart

Your chains are fake and fearful

Be afraid for my actions are real and tearful

I’ve broken away from your control

I️ wont stop till I️ break your fucking worthless soul

-m. h.

[bloodypages]

Deathly Oxygen

I️ will poison the air you breathe

You will finally understand unease

You’ll check every corner you cross

I’ll make you know true loss

Every breath will hurt

Oxygen filled with disconcert

I️ will show you you’re weak

I️ will listen to you shriek

You’ll have nothing left

I’ll commit the theft

You don’t understand fear

So let me make sure I’m not unclear

I️ will ruin you

Just watch what I️ can do

-m. h.

[bloodypages]

Autumn hue

It's recently become autumn where I am

I realized when I finally looked up from my exam

The leaves have changed to vibrant hues

Orange and yellow hillsides of an artists muse

I've found myself picking up leaves when I walk

Some fresh and some fragile as chalk

My infatuation stems from their tree

Where they were once rooted until set free

Falling from where they were made, onto an unforgiving ground

Waiting on the pavement expecting to never again be found

Yet, when they fall

Though they no longer stand tall

They've fallen because they've grown

Though, their home threw them out into the unknown

What they don't see is they're at their best

To this I can attest

Their colors have changed

Oranges and yellows rearranged

With dots of green floating away

Although some parts of them may stay

Their true colors show

Stemming into veins that glow

Just because these leaves have fallen from home

They're far from being monochrome

No longer blending in with everything they knew

These leaves I love for they found their real hue

-m. h.

[bloodypages]

Nightmares

I️ moved on from you

I️ washed my skin clean of black and blue

Found lovers who’s hands left nothing behind

Who’s affection made me feel peace of mind

I have forgotten how I️ fell down that staircase

I️ have forgotten the feeling of seeing your face

Yet nothing can be simple or neat

I️ can’t go tell my brain something so sweet

That you’re gone and everything’s fine

I know they would never dare cross that line

Because when I️ close my eyes and try to rest

I️ know your actions are resisting arrest

Even though I’ve washed the black and blue

It’s a lot different when I️ see them and not you

-m.h.

[bloodypages]

Lust

I️ want you to sleep here

Because I️ know that spot on your neck

I️ know where to trace as light as air

Little circles and letters

Poems traced onto your skin

I️ know what sounds you make

I️ know how your breathing vibrates

When your mind wanders away from sleep

I️ wrap my leg around you

I️ know what it does

When I️ brush against your thigh

Or maybe just a little bit up

I️ know how your chest shallows

When your eyes search the dark

When lust fills your body

And blood pumps to your heart

I️ want you to sleep here

Because I️ know what I️ do

I️ want you to be here

Because fuck, I️ need you.

-m. h.

[bloodypages]

Make me

Trace lines on my skin with your finger tips

Leave black and blue streaks wherever you touch

Hold me down because you know I’ll run

Make me feel everything you're doing

Make me feel the adrenaline your lips inject

I want to feel something

I want to feel you

I don’t want sincere whispers and hands like silk

I want you to make my hands grasp and tear

I want to feel your silk tongue claiming me

Making sure I’m yours

Making sure everyone knows

Make me feel something

Make me feel

Make me

-m. h.

[bloodypages]

Where’d you go?

I look at the smiles on our faces as we sit around the table

Telling stories we’ve heard a million times

Joking about years to come

Since we’ll all be together

For weddings, birthdays, and baby showers

For everything that’s to come

We laugh and dream

Until I remember where I am

Until I remember I’m dreaming now

and my chest starts to pump

my breath taken away by all the darkness

the darkness

thats all that is to come

the darkness

i can't breathe

where’d you all go?

help me

i can't breathe

I reach for the warmth of your smiles

i only feel the cold abyss

I listen for those stories

i only hear the silence

the darkness

i can't breathe

where’d you all go?

-m. h.

[bloodypages]

Who am I

They told me who I was

They told me I was worthless

That all I did was lie

all I did was cause problems

all I did was hurt people

and I fought

I screamed and cried 

I tried to say it was all lies

until I realized

I believed them

Because I am worthless

I am broken

I am fire that burns every innocent thing in its path

They did not tell me who I was

They showed me

I am nothing.

-m. h.

[bloodypages]

Burns

I’ve always known my hands made fire

Once I thought it was to keep people warm

It took me burning everything I once warmed to realize

My hands are fire

But fire isn't warmth

Fire is a sign of danger

Fire makes people run

Fire ruins every innocent thing in its path

Fire cannot save

Fire cannot love

Fire can only burn

I am fire

I am destruction

I am the end of everything I love

-m. h.

[bloodypages]

Away with people

You have a way with people

I’ve heard that since I was young

Had a way of speaking in tongue

Of getting people to agree

Understanding them is the key

I became a psych major

Knew since I was a teenager

People were my thing

I’d learn how to make them a plaything

Until I realized it’s not what I thought

I remember what they said but somehow I forgot

A way with people isn’t always good

I don’t have a way like I thought I would

My way with people isn't helping or carefree

My way with people, it’s making them leave me

-m. h.

[bloodypages]

London Bridge is falling down

Quiet or else you’ll be found

Build it up with wood and clay,

Head down just one more day

Wood and clay will wash away,

You should have done it yesterday

Build it up with bricks and mortar,

God I️ hope that they find closure

Bricks and mortar will not stay,

Don’t let them think you’ll disobey

Build it up with iron and steel,

Bow your head, breathe, just kneel

Iron and steel will bend and bow,

Listen, straight lines, just follow

Build it up with silver and gold,

Shh, Make your story one untold

Silver and gold will be stolen away,

Please stop with all this delay

Set a man to watch all night

Trust me it’s better not to fight

Suppose the man should fall asleep,

It’s quiet when you’re six feet deep

Give him a pipe to smoke all night

Did I️ finally find the light?

- m. h.