Queer Eye - You Can’t Fix Ugly
Okay, to preface this: I don‘t like Reality TV. At all. I decided to put Queer Eye into my watchlist… because it was available, obviously queer and I‘d heard very good things about it.
I wanted to like this show, I really did! But going in, I was also very sure this was not going to be my kind of thing.
Hoo boy was I wrong about that!
Starting with the intro (just like the episode) I‘ve gotta say that I approve a helluva lot of all these rainbows and dancing guys. Very nice! The whole thing is very cute, very relatable, there‘s been a few faces and names. (Five, in fact, which I remember only because I know their group has been dubbed „Fab 5“ - they even put it on their number plate! How is that legal? I don‘t actually care!)
How in hell is anybody supposed to remember so many people and faces though?
Also, the intro seems a bit weirdly cut in some places? To match up their little speeches and give everyone equal screentime? Which is a good idea, but ends up a smidgen chaotic.
But it‘s VERY queer, VERY cute and I like the music!
Introducing, then, the guy our actually very well put-together motley crew is out to fix! His routine and those interactions with the diner lady, as well as his own introduction itself, feel very staged.
Then again, this IS a TV show. Everything is staged; it has to be.
It‘s both obvious that his daughter is the one who actually made Tom (yassss got the name) apply to this and she also seems to be the driving force behind this endeavour.
Then again, it‘s not like Tom himself doesn‘t realize he has a problem! He seems very willing to trust the Fab V with his life and it‘s sweet how he‘s looking forward to the new him!
(Inciting factors for him wanting to change right now are… his grandson? Also his loneliness? And uh… him being too settled in his own routines and not knowing how to escape them? Let‘s see how that holds up later.)
Oh, that title-drop tho! They are not being subtle here! „You can‘t fix ugly“ seems to be set up as a statement that, at the same time is easily disproven and perceived by many to be true, making it an ambitious, great set-up for a first episode.
Good job, show-runners! I also like the implication that by choosing to emphasise this statement as the one that needs to be torn out by the roots, they take a firm stance against letting genetic disposal (meaning something that one has no input in) dictate one‘s life and self-image.
In the meantime, between fantastic shots of rural Georgia, the Gays are getting ready in the car – and I sense a theme here. To be fair, mostly because of all the car gifs that I‘ve seen on the internet. They can‘t possibly all come from this one episode. But still, I sense it in my bones.
Holy shit, I do love the ROMEOS! It‘s such a nice and self-humouring name! And I love how supportive all these old people are of the good dude. Is it too much to ask to have such a nice circle of friends to grow old with? Evidently not!
Just as evidently, they are also not afraid to give Tom shit, like, at all. They are brutally honest, in fact. And they do have very strong opinions on him needing to get his act together.
Why the constant reiteration of relationship issues, though? Isn‘t there another angle they could push? I mean, it‘s obvious that he‘s lonely and needs someone to share his life with and a girlfriend/wife would do him worlds of good… but why does EVERYONE instantly jump on that?
Seriously, jumping forward to the apartment inspection a bit, the main point every single person seems to consider is relationship and sex stuff. It does make me uncomfortable – not the relationship stuff itself, that‘s adorable, more that it‘s the one thing that, in the blink of an eye, becomes the focus of the whole episode.
It‘s teased already, with the goal of the makeover being to make Tom a new and better Tom until the car show. Where he is going to take „a special person“. Maybe.
But of course, there needs to be a tangible goal, to actually see some results.
Aside from that, it is very cute to see the Gays play around with his stuff – Jonathan using the hair-dryer to blow his luscious locks around? And then picking out the… whatever that thing is supposed to be. A robe?
Personally, I would probably murder anyone who‘d put their hands all over my stuff like that – but then again, that‘s what they were invited to do!
It doesn‘t feel disrespectful either, the way they just have fun with his stuff and tease Tom about it. (To be honest, though, it was kind of surprisingly clean and everything? Except for the reclining chair of course, I do get why they were so grossed out by that thing…
Not much of a revelation, then, that Tom had very little to do with the decoration of his own apartment. Which is obviously a problem! Hearing Tom talk, it is very obvious that he‘s never taken the time to shake off some of the influence his past relationships have had on him.
Of course, you don‘t need to completely reinvent yourself once you break up with your partner; or the reverse. But even if Tom doesn‘t see it that way, he does tend to hang on to things that don‘t belong to his current life anymore.
Having the Fab 5 rearrange his house will certainly help him have a space completely independent from past and evidently failed marriages…)
The pyjama was really cute though! I don‘t get why Tan jumped on it so viciously as a sex-killer – sure, it‘s NOT sexy, but it shows that the wearer doesn‘t hang on too much to a constructed self-image?
Then again, Tom already radiated putting zero thought in his appearance at all times anyway. Good call, maybe.
It is a pity that the dude doesn‘t take advantage of what he already possesses, though. Forgoing any kind of interesting in favour of comfortable and I‘m glad the Gays are there to show him that you can have both.
(Even if that‘s the quintessential bisexual experience… shutting up, now!)
The skin care tips are very helpful and I like how they don‘t even give Tom a chance to blame everything on his lupus and instead show him ways to make flare-ups easier to circumvent and ease.
And yeah, the beard does show potential. Not into it as much as Jonathan and Tan (?) seem to be, but… it`s good? Obviously a point of pride for Tom, too.
Oh, so that is what they meant with „culture“! Karamo is there for the psychological aspect of it all, for interpersonal relationships and the way he presents himself.
Focussing on the dating website profile seems to make sense, then. Albeit the fact that it is rendered almost unimportant by the revelation occurring… in the kitchen?
How come the ONE conversation that didn‘t involve dating issues from the start derailed SO HARD into the big revelation? OF COURSE, after this there‘s no going back from that angle – the goal is now to woo a woman… that already loves him? And he loves her too?
Why the FUCK did they divorce though??? WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ABBY???
Very nice ending for the day: everybody tries the Redneck Margharita!
„Who doesn‘t love mountain dew? Who doesn‘t love margaritas?“
(Cue spluttering and dramatic puking noises)
„That shit was gross AF!“ Didn‘t think it was gonna be any good :/
All of the Fab 5 simultaneously screaming „you need to stop saying that“ whenever Tom‘s title-mantra comes up gives me life, btw. (Also, what DOES „snatched“ mean? Isn‘t it just like… SNATCHED? Help? Is there another secret slang meaning there?)
Second day! And they are ritually getting rid of The Chair, which, good for Tom! Very nice how they pulled this off!
Also great is how every bit of sexism and homophobia is addressed within seconds and murdered, but gently! It is both gratifying to see that being brought up in the show and very nice how Tom is willing to work on his attitude and internalized prejudices – a bit uncomfortable, but wholesome!
Mattress shopping surely is not the most important thing in the world, but you sleep on those things every day… so you better get something that actually makes you feel good!
Introducing the memory foam for back problems is very helpful and it‘s wonderful to see how much thought the Gays put into accommodating Tom‘s ailments – as they should! But back issues etc are not often approached with the care they demand and here, they are!
Beautiful interactions between the Fab 5 themselves, too! The birth-reenactment was hilarious!
The vintage clothing store is looking good – great decoration and everything, but the best thing about this is that they‘re not actually buying much. Actually, the cap thingie might have been the only thing they bought? And it does make him look so much more sophisticated!
It‘s really good that they‘re not replacing his whole wardrobe though – just giving him the means to shop for clothing that he‘ll look good in any time. (Everything is so cute!)
(Isn‘t he wearing a reddish pink shirt right now? Wouldn‘t that also have to go into the „not your friend“-pile?)
The makeover cleanses my soul. A new haircut! Better beard! All of this is such an upgrade and he looks so much better with just these relatively small changes! (Let‘s just hope he‘ll keep this up afterwards too?)
Everybody complimenting him the second they lay eyes on him is both well-deserved and – repeating myself here – so very sweet.
(I‘ll have to interrupt myself here, though – what. The fuck. Is going on with Antoni‘s smile? Who allowed him to have that??? Like, every single member of the Fab 5 is incredible. But this guy‘s smile? Divine. I don‘t do crushes on random celebrities – still don‘t – but hell if I didn‘t just fucking FALL IN LOVE with that smile. What even)
The most interesting part by far is Karamo‘s, though – and it‘s comparably short, but holy hell if Tom ain‘t just calling Abby. Hoo boy, he‘s very forward and she seems to have no clue what‘s coming… aaaand she said yes! Awesome!
(Realistically, she must have signed all sorts of waivers to appear on this show and can‘t have been too surprised at what is happening here – but the conversation is also very short. Not a lot to analyze, there…)
This point in the episode was when I felt a slight tinge in my cheekbones and realized that I was smiling; had been for a long time, actually. Thus began my descent into really loving this show that I so far have only seen one episode of. Oh well.
House reveal! House is amazing! Prepared Looks are amazing! The food, the body care, the beard care – everything is amazing!
Tom‘s daughter reacting to all of that is just awwwww and my teeth are dissolving from all this sweetness! The grandson doesn‘t look too happy, but why would he?
Jonathan is just a reaction gif trapped in human form, I have no idea how many #relatable things he‘s said in this episode alone, but I believe that may be cuz it‘s been too many to count.
...and now everybody‘s crying, they‘re all saying goodbye – but there‘s still a fair chunk of the episode left? What… is going on?
Of course! The car show! And of course, Tom has to do this alone, has to use the resources he‘s been given and prove his mettle!
Meanwhile, the Fab 5 are watching and commenting from afar. Golly, they can be mean though…
I mean, yeah, there are a few hiccups with the outfit choice! (And the green stick thing. But he eventually found his nose!)
In the end, though, BY GOLLY does Tom show that he hasn‘t forgotten everything. Even though he sticks with his most comfortable option. That‘s okay, buddy! Still need to have an ace in the sleeve for the next date(s)!
That‘s the car show – is this the first time since his magical girl transformation that Tom actually meets his peers? They seem appropriately surprised and in awe. Every single one of these (tbf not that) old guys looks so happy to see their friend thrive and I‘m here for it!
Holy crap, that‘s Abby! She‘s so pretty, what‘s up with that? Naaaawww that is cute.
Gotta hand it to Tom, he may be incredibly unsubtle, but slick. Very slick.
Then again, as Abby, according to earlier in the episode, already loves him anyway, I don‘t think she requires that much persuasion?
We‘ve got the upcoming dinner date and the „his and her“ space and it ends on a very positive note.
All of this is culminating in Tom and Abby awkwardly getting closer – but the best thing?
The Fab 5 reacting to this ordeal! Why is this so lovely? Also, Antoni, put that smile away, I swear to all that is sparkly! (jk pls don‘t lol)
All in all, this first episode was surprisingly enjoyable, lovely to the nth degree and I think I might be addicted. Even the outro is a thing of beauty! Thanks for the concept explanation, the margarita tips and more impromptu dancing!
Actually, thanks for this whole show! I shall now scour the deepest edges of the internet for numerous flashes of Antoni‘s smile, and reappear to the surface only when but the grainiest snapshot remains untouched by my hungry eyes.
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