I need help understanding what my issue with Alchemised by Senlin Yu is.
So the book is obviously a war story with heavy fantasy elements. I picked it up because I love fantasy and wanted to venture into more adult themes as well. I’ve read The Handmaid’s Tale, and while it disturbed and upset me, I still finished it.
I’m currently on the second part of Alchemized (Luc has disappeared), and I have many issues with it, but I just can’t put my finger on what exactly they are.
I don’t understand the “love” between Kain and Helena. I really don’t understand why Kain is seemingly so obsessed with her, and after he confessed that the runes made his feelings toward her stronger, I found it odd rather than romantic (especially why he chose her in the first place).
The sentence “like a rose in a graveyard” is meant to be romantic, but to me it just sounds sad.
The “love” feels like being trapped in a house fire and finding a cup of water. You know it won’t save you, and it won’t really help, but you drink it anyway and enjoy a few seconds of relief before the fire closes in again.
It’s just sad, and it doesn’t make me feel excited or hopeful for them.
My second issue with their relationship is intimacy. Over 500 pages in, and I still feel like I don’t really know Kain. He’s an enigma to me. When he and Helena had an intimate scene in Part Two, I couldn’t read it. It made me very uncomfortable, and it honestly felt like another assault scene, especially based on Helena’s feelings and how Kain acted afterward.
My next issue is with Luc, Solen, and Lila. I really love Luc, and I felt close to Helena whenever she talked about him. But when Helena breaks off her friendship, it felt like all that buildup suddenly didn’t matter. Nothing major changed in Helena’s life afterward, and I think the book would have benefited a lot from fewer Kain-and-Helena scenes and more focus on her friendships.
Overall, I can’t put my finger on what exactly my issue with the book is, which is why I’m asking here. Did you like the book or not, and why?
Synopsis: Thomas and Andrew survived, lived and changed, yet the world can never truly understand. Will the whispers of the night ever stop?
The forest whispered a warning before the men stepped into the clearing. They wore blue uniforms and had several dogs on harnesses; they were loud and obnoxious to the eyes watching them. Their breath came out in visible white puffs until the forest absorbed them, chewed it up, and excreted for the other living beings with hearts and lungs filled with air, not moss and rosebuds.
They found two boys; one leaning against a tree while cradling the other in his arms. At first they looked dead, skin blue from the biting cold with vermilion as a decoration, but at second glance they looked alive, albeit barely.
A man kneeled down, softly searching for signs, anything after so much time of searching. One child was dead, and two disappeared; truly this seemed the end of the prestigious school. The fence, the footprints, and the forest bore the indication of something heinous, something monstrous.
The last pieces of the puzzle were now found, yet it only held a meaning if those pieces could express themselves.
Unbeknownst to these boys, one golden-haired and the other looking like he walked through fire, the men were close to giving up, yet one of the dogs snatched a scent of tears, fear, mud, and blood.
It was around the boys too; it engulfed them until it made sure to never let them go, to never let them forget. Those men had no care for the whisper of the forest and the words of the tree with a broken branch. No, even if they had, they would not have understood. Not like the boys.
Later that day, they separated them, accessed them until even the white of their bones was seen, and then the waiting began. One boy had no one, the other just a father and a dead sister, whose ghost floated above the boy in the hospital bed among machines with claws and mouths filled with teeth, unseen.
The boy kissed by fire and autumn woke up first, whispered a name, and fell back asleep. The minutes he spent awake, he was crying rivers until he felt only sap coming out of his eyes in this sterile room, filled with monsters and machines. The police couldn’t stop asking and asking until Thomas put a scared hand to his ears and let out screeches identical to a bear in a cage, whose life it spent ignorant to the freedom he possessed before, only aware once it was lost.
The father visited Thomas, and he watched as the boy, who was once upon a time the treasure of his children, slowly disintegrated like leaves under snow. The man did not see but knew the scar on his chest where once a heart was and the hole in his stomach, which have left the doctors wondering and making horrendous deductions ignorant of the truth.
Worst, his boy, the last of his children, had not awoken, his body broken and tired. Where one of his eyes once was, a thick scar lay now. There was no question whether he could see or not when his body restarted. Like a computer, said a doctor. His body might heal, they told him, but his mind… the human brain was a labyrinth with endless tunnels unknown where it took you.
The police visited the man and his boy several times, at first with their endless questions, but now with their silence. Therefore, when a detective, a woman of less than forty years with brown hair and eyes like mud, told what they had pieced together, it made the man’s throat close up more than he thought possible.
There were whispers of murder, of Thomas's parents still missing but declared dead, of a teacher and a golden student dying in the now closed school, and of the boys. There was something missing, the detective said. There was a connection between Thomas and Andrew and the last months, the murders and the forest, and the clearing filled with blood.
The doctors said there were words engraved on the skin of his son, words they could not understand. They told him it might have been self-inflicted. The detective said, Cult. Madmen, manipulators, and murderers.
The father had to work to afford the hospital and their endless medical bills; therefore, he left and came back and left again, still nothing changing.
When Thomas was capable of not shivering so much, when the taste of rot and the smell of fresh organs reduced from heart-stopping to uncomfortable, he asked, and then, when rejected, begged, to visit Andrew, the other half of his heart.
Andrew was broken, beaten, and sick, yet he looked ethereal, like a true prince. His hair was the crown, his scars the testimony of his strength, and his breath the sign of life. Thomas tried to ignore the smell of forest, of rotting leaves and moss and wildflowers increasing the closer he was to Andrew, yet once he was alone with a nurse, he cried and cried until he couldn’t anymore.
One day he stood before the window, looking at the budding flowers and green leaves telling him that it was spring, when the detective stepped into the room and asked again. They have not shown up in a long time, probably forbidden from distributing Thomas after he had a panic attack and almost stabbed himself in the eye with a needle.
“Mr. Rye.” The woman said. Thomas had not moved nor said anything, just watched as the flowers at the windowsill smiled at him kindly.
“Mr. Rye,” the detective said again. “We have questions concerning what transpired last Halloween in Wickwood Academy.”
Silence.
“One of your classmates died, and there were testimonies against your friend, Andrew Perrault.” Thomas twitched and moved his head.
“He told the friends of said classmate that the “forest” killed the boy.”
The detective sighed and sat down on a sticky, old plastic chair.
“Your parents have been declared dead.”
Thomas nodded as if he knew that, but truthfully, he saw them devoured by the monster with a wolf-stitched wolf head.
The detective smiled reassuringly and tapped her fingers against a notebook.
“The cost of your residence has been paid by Mr. Perrault. It seems like you have a close relationship.”
Thomas whispered a word silently, and the detective went tense, her eyes open like saucers. If the forest were here, it would have smelled her excitement, her heart pumping blood quickly, Thomas thought.
“Forest.” Thomas spoke for the first time since that cursed day, since declaring his devotion to his prince and poet.
The detective jumped up, knocking over the chair, without a care. She smiled, her pupil wide and back tense.
“Is there anything more you wish to tell us?” She asked, trying to mask her emotions.
Thomas turned back to the window and watched as the leaves on the tree grew and grew while he wilted and wilted.
Andrew woke up and wished he was back in the forest with Thomas on his side. He couldn’t see, at least not fully, and his arms were heavy and bothersome. He knew he was in the hospital; he was no stranger to the modern world. Yet his heart was somewhere, rotting under the surface while roots intertwined and animals walked over it.
A nurse walked in, and as he saw Andrew with his eyes open, he called out something Andrew was not capable of understanding. His head hurt, his soul shivered, and his molecules ached for Thomas.
That day a lot of nurses and doctors came and went, watching him, trying to guess what his body needed, oblivious to the missing part, his heart and his sister.
Andrew’s mind felt like jelly that you had to sift through a tunnel too tiny; his body did not feel like his own, even if he knew that the forest had retracted its roots and vines. But sometimes, for the short time he was left alone, he saw yellow eyes watching and staring, strange shadows in the darkest nook of the room, and when he was blinking to sleep, he heard monstrous voices talking and whispering under the bed.
The doctors gave him medication, but Andrew knew only Thomas could help him. They have not talked, because words were not a necessity once you shared the same heart.
His father came, hugged him, and acted like everything was fine, as if the last months had not happened. Andrew did not dare to ask what the future held. But while he surfed through the TV, he saw the arrest of an organization called “Forest,” and somehow he knew that no matter what he would say, they saw what they wanted.
After a few weeks of observing his organs, relearning how to walk, and doing anything with limited sight, Andrew left the hospital. His father had already booked a flight back to Australia, in tow with Thomas, who he had, probably illegally, adopted.
And now they were leaving America, leaving behind the forest and the academy, making a new life. Thomas loved Australia with its nature and people, and the culture and all the exciting things. They decided to spend their days around the huge house of Andrew's fatherand its endless garden, a big pool, and all possibilities. Here, even the forest did not feel as near.
Andrew‘s father had to work, and he left a caregiver to the boys, in addition to the cook and cleaning lady. The gardener showed up some days, but the boys avoided all contact with the outside world.
Andrew always woke up early, either watching Thomas sleeping or waiting for the sun to rise. Once the sun neared halfway to its peak, Thomas began to move around, and Andrew kissed him awake. They cuddled and hardly made any move to do anything with their day. Some days a private tutor came and gave lectures, but mostly they were left alone.
After lunch and when the sun had begun to set, both boys made their way outside. Not far from the manor was the ocean, and they walked hand in hand to the shore, eating ice cream and enjoying each other's company, until the stones disappeared and sand stuck to their feet.
Thomas waddled in the water, spending a lot of time just swimming around; however, Andrew didn’t like swimming that much since losing one of his eyes. Walking and just doing everyday activities took him a long time to get used to, and swimming and all sporty activities still made him too tired.
And he felt self-conscious about his body. The scars stayed with him, deep inside and outside as well, and no matter how often Thomas praised him or told him to not worry about it, Andrew was still unwilling to undress if not necessary.
Their nightly swimming and walking around, just enjoying themselves, lasted deep inside the night until the whole world quieted down, and without the man-made lights, the darkness engulfed them. Until only the grass, the flowers, and the trees whispered, telling them to do unimaginable deeds.
Some days Andrew's father showed up, but he didn’t bother them too much. Andrew felt like they had lost something fundamental, and he had no care to search for it. They did not speak about his sister or about what had happened, especially once the psychologist made it clear that both boys had a deep-rooted trauma and it would take them a long time, months or even years, to just talk about it.
In truth they have lost their passion, and this hurts more than anything. Thomas couldn’t draw anymore, and Andrew was too afraid to even write a single line. The image of creating a monster that haunted them in their new idyllic world made his heart pound and his brain stop working.
One night they lay side by side, the manor silent; only the crickets were singing their songs and the soft wind blew through the window when they talked for the first time about the cause of their issues.
“You can draw again.” Andrew whispered into the dark. Thomas did not say anything, just curled around the blond and inhaled his smell.
“If you do this because… I can’t write anymore, then just stop.” Andrew turned to his side and took Thomas’ head into his hands.
“I love your drawings.”
“But I can’t draw anymore.” Thomas replied.
“It’s not the same without your stories.”
Andrew closed his eyes and hugged Thomas tighter. He felt a tear making its way across his face until it dropped onto Thomas’ face. He was too afraid to ask if he heard the whispers and voices telling him to create, to be a creator, to make things the human mind couldn’t comprehend. And both knew no matter where they were, the forest always went with them.
The tension filled the room like water. It felt cool, but all oppressive; it could kill you in an instant, but you love the feeling of it.
It began on a usual day, with Eli making himself ready for the morning. He put his light gray running shirt on and fastened the laces on his sweatpants. A routine that Eli began years ago and to this day continued without fail; however, today Jeremy caught his eyes in the mirror. His eyes were dark, a look that meant one thing.
Death.
Eli was a true killer, a man of fake smiles and even faker laughter. His moves were precise, as if he had done them a thousand times. Watching him choose his next victim, tracking them down, and getting them to know always made Jeremy feel lightheaded. Eli was like water for the perched soul walking in the sandy dunes of the savanna; he was the judge who decided your fate.
Jeremy saw these eyes a dozen times, but they never looked at him like this. It made his pulse quicken, his breath heavy. Before he could slip into Eli’s mind, a place that he knew better than his own palms, Eli was out of the door. Jeremy knew that his time was ticking and slipping through his fingers. The judge has decided his fate, and Jeremy could only wait for the executioner.
Eli came back exactly 65 minutes later, the sweat on his face making him look ethereal, like a picture that rich people kept in their private room, only allowed for their eyes.
And Jeremy was the only person granted to see this side of him. He was standing in the kitchen, leaning against the old cupboard, staring and waiting. Eli just watched him, anticipating something that never came, his face cold and hard as stone. They watched each other like a predator watching their prey, but who was the predator, and who was the prey?
The cheap green clock in the living room ticked and ticked, each time sounding louder and louder to Jeremy’s ears. It surrendered them, as if it waited for a move, a voice. Neither did anything. Even as the tiny egg clock shrieked up and down on the counter. Even as their upper neighbor dropped their weights against the floor, a thing that would usually make Jeremy angry enough to go up a flight of stairs and knock angrily on the door. But not today.
‘It’s going to burn.‘ Eli gestured towards the oven, but Jeremy only had eyes for his golden skin.
He swallowed, trying to forget the urge to lick and bite his skin, breaking it until it bled, until Eli cried out a no.
‘Yes,‘ Jeremy stated.
The meat was already looking a little bit too brown, and Jeremy knew that in exactly one minute and thirteen seconds it would turn black and be uneatable. But it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but the tension, the judgment that Eli has already shown but didn’t say.
Eli crouched down, took his time with his shoelace, and put his shoe next to Jeremy’s boots. If a stranger saw it, they would think that a family lived there, the shoes well-kept and ordinary. They would not see the jail Jeremy lived in, his punishment coming to an end.
Even as Eli turned the oven down, frowned and began to try to save their dinner, Jeremy did not move, could not; his heart beating against his ribcage strong enough to break it.
Everything that has happened since that fateful day—24 horrible hours that sealed Jeremy’s fate—went through his head until it stopped on an old picture. It was already crumpled, the edges flayed, and the color lacked any trace of the original. It was a secret that Jeremy guarded, a pleasure that could lead to his end if it ended up in the wrong hands. A picture that Eli now slipped out of his pocket.
He was looking at it deeply, maybe trying to analyze it. Or he might have remembered the old days, days when there were four friends and not two. Where all of them lived and nobody was in jail. Where he was not the executioner for Him, where Jeremy had a choice.
The memories always overwhelmed Jeremy, the picture frozen in happy times. On nights where Jeremy could allow himself a glimpse of it, he grazed slowly the face of him. His eyes were closed, but his smile was wide. His blonde hair was all over the place, and there was a redness to his face. To this day, Jeremy did not know if it was because of the alcohol they consumed or because of what Jeremy did to him. Victor Vale was a confusing being, a being that took most of Jeremy’s heart. He warmed his heart on nights where Jeremy was not capable of holding his emotions back, on days when he couldn’t lie to himself anymore. And now Eli had it, and Jeremy could not think about anything else but of Victor.
‘You changed.’
Eli said silently, as if it were a thought that just slipped out of his mouth. Jeremy knew what he meant. Next to him was a young man with all the happiness of a youngster that hasn’t experienced life. It was supposed to be sad; it should have made Jeremy feel hollow; instead, he felt anger bubbling in his gut.
‘I haven’t really.’ Jeremy denied the truth.
It slipped out before he could think, before he could even imagine what Eli would do. But he just huffed, as if Jeremy’s response was amusing. It made Jeremy clench his fist. How could he be so cruel on a day like this?
Eli took a quick look at the picture again and slid it over to Jeremy. Instead of waiting for the other man’s reaction, he just turned around and left the room. Jeremy could hear the faint sounds of Eli’s phone as he was calling up a delivery.
After dinner, Jeremy went to wash himself. He stared in the bathtub, thinking about nothing important, when he heard the bathroom door open and silent footsteps creeping towards him. Jeremy closed his eyes, breathing in the fruity smell of the expensive body wash that he begged Eli to buy.
Jeremy didn’t need to open his eyes to know where Eli was. He could feel his mind in a chaotic and dark place, a place that Jeremy tried to never enter, but he had to. He knew that Eli sat down on the toilet, and he knew what he was holding in his hand. Even without his extraordinary ability, Jeremy would have guessed right.
He did not move, nor did Eli. A long time must have passed, the room filled with the fog of the scalding water. Jeremy listened to Eli’s breath and to his every movement, as if he could have saved himself from God’s angel.
He was contemplating doing something, anything to end this agony of not knowing what was going to happen, until Eli stood up and ripped the shower curtain off. The metal rod fell off, and the sound of metal meeting tile made Jeremy shiver.
Eli just stood there and watched him wet and naked, laid open, awaiting God’s judgment. Usually he would have already dealt with his prey; he wouldn’t have even brought a gun. His hands were enough. But Jeremy was different; he was a constant for the past years, and his betrayal cut deep. He promised to forget him, and Eli believed him. Until he found the picture hidden smartly between two shelves, a place Eli would have never looked at if he had not dropped one of Jeremy’s books.
Eli pointed the gun at Jeremy’s chest, fingers on the trigger. It did not escape Jeremy that Eli’s hand trembled slightly, and looking in his eyes, he understood that Eli did not want to kill him.
Slowly, Jeremy raised his arm and pulled the gun out of Eli’s hand, remembering a different time; a time where Eli was bleeding, but healed; a time where he was there. It landed on the floor with a crash.
The shine of the streetlight was interrupted by the shutter, and there was no way to hide. The small flickers of light that could escape were enough for Jeremy to see the outline of Eli’s face as he lay beside him. They began sharing a bed years ago and continued to this day, a thing that Jeremy despised so much but could not give up even if he had a choice.
Jeremy hated seeing him, the one who destroyed so much, but it made his heart warm at the same time. Waking up next to Eli and watching as he slowly woke up and opened his gorgeous eyes was a sight that Jeremy could bask in every morning for the rest of his days.
But it was not morning; it was late night, and Eli was wide awake. Both hands were beneath his pillow, and Jeremy acted as if he did not know what the pillow hid and how sick it made him.
Jeremy was lying on his side, one of his arms outstretched towards Eli, the other under his chin, supporting his head, his armband digging uncomfortably in the soft flesh.
The room felt suffocating, as if there were viewers watching every move and trying to dissect both of them. Jeremy could imagine what the people would do; some would whisper to their neighbor, some would just sit silently, but everyone would hold their breath, waiting, knowing what would happen. Jeremy lived for surprises and surprising others, and this time was no different.
Eli’s eyes shone in the dark like a cat's; however, Jeremy could not look away; they held an intensity, a feeling that Jeremy knew. A feeling that he has felt as well on countless nights but has never done anything about it. Jeremy noticed the iris of Eli’s eyes disappearing slowly-no-getting smaller and smaller—until only the blackness of Eli’s pupil existed. It was like the black hole sucking Jeremy in until nothing existed, not even time.
Eli did not move, but Jeremy did. The cover crumpled as his arm slowly crept up and up, until it carefully cradled Eli’s face. His skin was smooth and hot, making Jeremy tremble with a feeling he did not dare to dwell on. Just thinking about it made him ill; his stomach was doing backflips. He began to slowly caress Eli’s face, on his cheek, under his eyes, and then his nose. Jeremy lowered his hand until it was on Eli’s jaw, silently asking a question.
Eli blinked a few times and pulled his hands out from the pillow. Jeremy noticed that his hands were empty, an answer that Jeremy understood. He smiled and lowered his hand towards Eli’s neck and collarbone.
He felt Eli tremble beneath the caresses and felt him getting hotter. Before Jeremy’s hand could disappear beneath Eli’s shirt, he navigated his caresses slowly towards Eli’s jaw again. But this time he didn’t stop; instead, his fingertips crept toward Eli’s back. As he passed the space between Eli’s neck and shoulder, he felt Eli taking a deep breath. His eyelashes fluttered, and his mouth opened a little.
Jeremy felt his blood singing, just a being allowed to touch Eli this way made him crazy. He wanted more, he wanted Eli in a way that he never allowed himself to think about.
As his hand slowly went to Eli’s back until he felt Eli’s hand on his waist, pulling them together. It definitely did made easier to touch Eli’s back, until Jeremy’s finger reached his shoulder blade.
Eli pulled Jeremy toward himself; indirectly between his legs until they touched chest to chest. They could feel each other’s laboured breath, they felt the air getting hotter and the tension getting to a snapping point. Both of their eyes was a black hole, promising a journey that no one has ever dared to undertake.
As Jeremy lowered his head back on the pillow, Eli pulled one of his legs over Jeremy’s body and flipped himself over. Jeremy automatically turned fully on his back, and now one of his hands was caressing Eli’s shoulder while the other slowly touched Eli’s abs.
Eli seemed unsure for a moment, a small frown between his brow, but his desire was too great. He leaned down, his lips cautiously dragged over Jeremy’s face, until he reached a place he always wished to touch. He kissed under Jeremy’s jaw, and the silent noise the other let out made his blood flow quicker and hotter.
Jeremy put his legs around Eli’s waist while peppering Eli’s neck with kisses. The only thing he could think about was Eli, Eli, Eli…
• Yn Tyrell was a very beautiful man, Jon thought. The way his eyes shone when he caught blue butterflies and the way his curly blond hair had fallen over his face while trying to prep the butterflies to display, made Jon‘s heart warm. He wasn’t just beautiful. At times he wished to hide him in a box and never allow anybody to look at him, other times he wished to show Yn to the whole world so that they can understand how wonderful he was. Jon wasn’t stupid, he knew that most thought Yn a fool. And truth to be told it did not help that Yn was often found doing strange things. Jon will never forget the day after their wedding night Yn woke him up to search for ‘northern worms’. Jon did find this strange but still went with him and dawn had found them digging around the dirt of the Godswood. The few months of their early marriage left Jon with an impression that the Gods hated him for making him a bastard and giving him this soulmate. However overtime Jon got used to the weirdness of Yn and he even grown to love him. Now Yn‘s eccentric ways were the usual and Jon couldn’t believe that once he lived without Yn.
• They had an idyllic life, filled with adventures, love and most importantly family. Baby Rickon grew and was barely a baby anymore, Bran was climbing around as always, this time with Yn. Even Robb has grown to like Yn. It wasn’t a secret but in the beginning Robb tried to hide his dislike towards Yn as much as he could. Jon never had a feeling that Yn was bothered by it but never said anything until one day Robb and Yn got into a fight, which ended with both of them falling in the ice cold waters around Winterfell. At the time he was playing with the girls and only heard about what had happened when Luwin asked him to go to the infirmary. Jon went but he was never told what went down between Robb and Yn, only that they had made peace. To the surprise of everybody Sansa has taken Yn as well as ducks to water. It was probably because Yn liked sewing, he was very good at it, and when Lady Catelyn was not looking, he joined Sansa and Arya in the sewing circle. What nobody surprised was how much Arya loved Yn. If Yn wasn’t at Jons‘ side than he was on Arya‘s, making trouble. Even if they were bothersome and outright annoying at times, Jon couldn’t be more happier. He got a fuzzy warm feeling in his chest just thinking about Yn and the way Yn looked, made the warmth light up and burn through him. His laugh, just the way he talked made his heart burn throughout his whole body and Jon felt home at Yns‘ side. His soulmark was a reflection of his inner happiness. His compass, filled with Tyrell roses, became more meticulous. New animals appeared, for example a snail whom Yn called Joe, and even other flowers like the Flower of Ladies. It was beautiful.
• Of course, nothing goes as planned in life. Jon Arryn died of old age. He passed away silently in his room at the Red Keep, and the King wanted Jon‘s father as the new Hand. This led to Jon‘s family being separated, and now sitting at the Red Keep, looking out on the courtyard Jon felt his heart ache. He has sworn to never forget the sight of Bran and Arya winking at them, the way Lady Catelyn was ready to let her tears fall and the sad look on Robb‘s face as he held a crying Rickon. Sansa tried to look like a lady who knows her duty but Jon knew her too well. Even Yn was not capable of making her as happy as she was before. When Jon told this his father, Ned just nodded and told him that everybody has to do their duty but he will talk to Sansa.
• After the gruelling months of leaving Winterfell for the Red Keep they arrived and both Jon and Yn were sent to their room. Their room. A fact that Jon was avoiding as much as he could. They never truly shared one room, expect sometimes like when Yn was in so much ecstasy about the fuzzy cows of the North that he had fallen asleep in Jon‘s room. The only night they shared a bed intentionally was on their wedding night, but they only slept. Jon wasn’t even sure if Yn knew and understood what was supposed to happen if they shared a bed. Usually people knew about such things but Yn was not usual. Regardless Jon wasn’t interested telling Yn what was expected of them, he just layed next to Yn and tried to sleep. And now they had to share a bed again. The only difference was their age, and Jon knew that Yn was interested on certain matters. The looks of Yn did not evade him, but he was too embarrassed to talk about it. So he just went in the room, which was bigger than Jon has ever expected a room being, and sat down on one of the chairs before a window looking out on the courtyard. Yn stood there for a second but hesitantly sat down. They didn’t speak until Yn sighted and begann to talk about the future. They were to remain in the Red Keep for a moon‘s turn and then go to Highgarden for a year. After that year they could decide to either stay or go to Winterfell. There were talks of Jon getting a holdfast but nothing was certain yet. As far as Jon knew, the Lady of Highgarden already wrote Yn asking him to stay for a few years and than decide whether they are going North or not. As of now they are only going to stay for a year.
• The days in the Red Keep were very boring. Because of Jons‘ status as a bastard he couldn’t just go everywhere he wanted, especially because the Queen looked like he was the Stranger come again whenever she saw him. As Yn didn’t care to go anywhere without Jon they mostly stayed inside. On some occasions they went out of their room, like supper with Ned and Sansa but they spent every minute together. If Jon could be honest he enjoyed Yn‘s presence. He had always to say something about the strangest things that existed and whenever Jon wished for silence he stayed silent. The only time Yn‘s eyes were not on him was when Loras arrived. He was a very beautiful young man but quit arrogant too. Still Jon liked him and looked forward to seeing him again. However after staying in their rooms for half a moon turn Yn turned restless and he spoke so often about going to the city that Jon yielded. They went and Jon hated it. The smell, the people, the sights and smells were strange to him. The people were rude and truly he felt so small and unimportant. Yn tried to take him to several different places but Jon couldn’t befriend this new world. After Yn told him that he would like it overtime Jon looked very sceptical and Yn kissed him. They were behind a tavern in a little alley where only the drunken or the whores went. Yn kissed Jon like there was no tomorrow and by the time they were done Jon‘s lips were all bruised. He felt lightheaded, his blood was boiling for something more. It didn’t help that they went by a street full of scantily dressed people, and by the time they were in their room Jon was ready for anything. To his delight they did end up doing more kissing but Yn clearly did not want anything more. That night Jon slept deeper than ever.
• They repeated their outings to the city several times, but only nights. By the time dawn arrived they were in their room acting like nothing happened. Ned hasn’t remarked anything about their tired faces, only slightly nodded at Jon after their fourth night. As little Jon‘s father spoke, as much did Loras talk. He was making jokes all the time and if it didn’t include Jon too he would have found it funny. But it was more annoying than ever, particularly after Loras found a slight bruise behind Yn‘s ears. At this found his cheekiness reached a new point. Yn was clearly bothered by it, which lead him to leave his room when Loras was coming. But as always Jon had to come too. Usually they were either in the Godswood with Sansa, who took a liking to sewing with Yn under the shadows of the large brown oak tree, or they were in the library. Jon would read books about History and Yn always took books about plants and animals of the known world. Yn always took a great care of not being seen by the servants or by the people and it made Jon‘s heart warm every time. Than one day Yn wanted to go to the highest point of the Tower of the Hand. While reading he had found a species of spiders that lived very high and made webs looking like gemstones. Jon found this particular and was dubious of finding a spider like what Yn mentioned but he still went up for Yn. They deliberately choose a day where Ned would be in the tower, busy with his counsel. The walk up the stairs was long and Jon was growing to be more unsure the higher they went. Yn tried to calm him by saying they they will climb out of a window but it won’t be harder than the ones in Winterfell. When Jon asked how he knew where this window was Yn just smirked. Before Jon could repeat his question they arrived at the end of the staircase. Yn was already walking to the end of the corridor and as he was about to tell Jon something they heard the voices. Jon had to make sure he heard correctly but by the way Yn stood there he knew he has heard something. It came from behind a door, in truth it was more of a panel in the wall, that Jon couldn’t see before standing in the hallway. The voices were not speaking. They were moaning and grunting.
• Before Jon could do anything Yn was already opening the door. In that second a lot of things happened. For one a woman shrieked, than a a thud was heard and Yn looked like somebody slapped him. He took a step back and shoved Jon just out of the way as a sword descended on Yn. The next moment Jon heard a sick crunch and Yn crying out. He could smell the blood but before he could do anything Yn was already pulling him down the corridor onto the stair. He didn’t understand what was going on only that Yn was shouting for the guards and that they almost flew down the stairs. Then Yn simply collapsed while taking a step, just in time to fall on a Stark guard. He heard the guards asking what was going on but he couldn’t care less. As he crouched down to see Yn he went pale. Blood was seeping out of him in small rivers, Yn tried to say something but only the words Queen and Kingslayer were understandable. Jon‘s compass was burning and burning and his head was hurting too, and as a guard touched his shoulders he shouted at him to go up and take them. He wasn’t sure who they were but he was sure that somebody pulled a sword on Yn. The next hours went by in a haze. Jon couldn’t remember to save himself how they arrived at the maesters room, he couldn’t remember if the guard caught the perpetrators or not. But he could remember the way Yn looked and the way his blood smelt like.
• Ned Stark was sitting in one of the counsels talking about new laws to generate more money for the crown and pay of the dept when a boy came inside and told Ned that his son was with the maester because Yn Tyrell was attacked. Ned was out of the room and was running to the maester‘s chamber while asking the messenger what had happened. At hearing that Yn was attacked and was dying he let out curses but at hearing that the Queen and his brother were being held by his own guards he cursed freely. Upon arrival at Pycelle‘s chamber he saw Jon, bloodied. He went in his knees before Jon and cradled his head in his hands. He couldn’t care less that Jon was already a man, his son was looking like he bathed in blood. Two streams of tears were going down his cheeks and Ned couldn’t help himself but hug him. While trying to soothe Jon Ned looked to Jory who was standing before the door with his sword unsheathed. He looked grimm and Ned could see some splatters of blood on his hands. Before he could ask Jory what has happened, Jon begann to talk about spiders and the highest point of the tower, the voices and the sword gleaming before Yn. At this point he was crying again and he tried to hide his face between Ned‘s shoulder. Ned could hear the rest of the counsel yelling and talking and than Renly Baratheon was standing behind Ned. He has already sent for the King and for Loras Tyrell.
• It was already the Hour of the Wolf when Pycelle came out of the chamber. He signed Jon to go inside while he himself stayed out to talk with Yn‘s brother. Jon heard the door close but he only had a sight for Yn. He knew that Yn was alive but not the state he was in. And it wasn’t good. He looked ashen, his curls were matted with blood and his whole upper body was wrapped in linen. He looked awful. Jon just simply brought a chair and sat down next to Yn‘s bed. He didn’t hear anybody come in until Loras touched his shoulder. He didn’t say anything and just stared at his brother. After some time he left. At one point Jon has fallen asleep because the next time he opened his eyes it was already dawn. His father was sitting next to him, a new scar on his cheeks. Jon looked at him but before he could ask Ned told him that they found the Queen and the Kingslayer participating in an intimate relationships. Probably that was the reason why Jaime Lannister cut Yn down. The Queen and his brother were under arrest and their children were held in their rooms. The King was raging and Ned was trying to grasp the situation before it escalated. It was a big mess, and Sansa was in the middle of it. By the time Ned arrived to put the Lannister bastards under house arrest, Joffrey was already threatening to cut Sansa‘s throat. Robert was needed, who then barged in Joffrey‘s chamber and beat him up. For now Sansa was staying with the guards in the Hand‘s room but she will go back to Winterfell via ship with Arya. Letter were sent across Westeros to meet at a Great Council deciding the punishment on House Lannister and the heir of Robert Baratheon.
• Yn woke up seven nights after the attack. While he was delirious, he could understand and talk enough to tell who was in the room. A month after Yn‘s wakening the Queen and his brother were executed. Joffrey Waters was sent to serve on the Walls and his brother Tommen was to follow him after he was of age. Myrcella was sent to exile on Essos. The sister of Yn was to marry the King in a small wedding but because of the Tyrells the wedding was grander than ever. They were seventyseven courses and seventyseven option of drinks. Seven singers and seven groups of seven dancers entertained the wedding guest and Margaery was bedded the same night. Jon would have enjoyed the wedding more if Yn was in a better shape but duo to blood loss he was pale and looked very weak. The good thing was that he regained his ability to walk. Maester Pycelle was skeptical about his recovery but Yn became better and better. However against his mother wished Yn decided to go back to the North with Jon. They were to leave two days after the wedding alongside with Robb and Lady Catelyn and the guards that accompanied them from Winterfell to the wedding.
• The day they left was on one side sad on the other side happy. Jon was to see his sisters and brothers and than in two years time he would even get his own stronghold in the north. Yn was healed enough to make the journey and Robb has invited both of them to see the league lords of the North. But Jon would probably not see his father for years as he was permanently the Hand of the King. Once he was old enough he would leave his post but everything could happen. And Jons‘ stronghold was very close to the Wall, which meant that he would not see Winterfell for a long time. But at least he had Yn.
• Well, this day is as good as any other to be a ten name days old, Yn thought. He was sitting on his bed, staring and wondering what he had done to get this. If he was honest with himself, it was theoretically a good thing. However reality was often disappointing. He was in his ten years old body but with his seventeen years old mind. Of course, his actual age does not seem a lot but he was through a lot of shit; from escaping to Bravos to fighting while the Second Long Night to seeing the First Dawn. A journey which he did not wish to relive again. But as always the gods did not care about what a mere human thought. And Yn was sure that the Gods were behind it; even if he didn’t know which one.
• He didn’t know how long he spent lamenting about his life but a knocking on his door brought him out of his slump. It was his sweet sister, Margeary Tyrell. She came inside and begann to talk and talk, her voice cutting through Yn thoughts. She endlessly chatted mostly with herself, however she was not bothered. It was expected from the simpleton. Yes, Yn was a quit strange. He was always different from his siblings, he truly did not like anybody touching him, loud voices and things that were not in order. His fascination with reptiles outright creeped people out; even his oldest brother Willas. But after he fell down a tree and hit his head, he became worse. Loud voices, spinning around or tunes that were monotone left him feel weird. This feeling became so bad that he saw spots and often passed out. Obviously this was something which left him cut out of the better part of society. He did not have friends and even his brothers did not engage with him. Although it was probably because he despised fighting and horses. Fighting made his head spin and horses stank and their fur made him itchy. Nevertheless Margaery adored him. When they were younger Yn allowed her to changed him into women clothes and play tea party. As they got older they did not do this anymore but Margaery still spent a lot of time with Yn.
• The never ending chat of Margaery was a thing that Yn inwardly enjoyed. This was something that he had missed. After years the hurt of losing his family became manageable but it never truly disappeared. And seeing her alive and well was something that left Yn a bitter taste on his tounge. He was happy but he wasn’t. It was hard to explain; Yn was overjoyed to have a chance to change everything but on the other side he had lost people he cared about. Sansa with her fiery hair and face made out of ice, Arya and Rickon, the true wolf out of the Starks, and obviously Jon. Yn loved him. His red eyes and white hair did not make him afraid; only intimated. Yn loved the days where they sat next to each other, listening to the people around them talk and sing and boast. The Free Folk has never lost their hearts even after losing so many. They were the strongest, no matter what the others thought. Even the Long Night did not make the people of Westeros nice to them. Most still sneered and spat on them. But in Yn minds they were wrong. The Free Folk was the first place where the people didn’t care if he talked until he did his share of hunting and doing his chores. And he always did. Especially because of Jon. After Yn came back hunting he always smiled at Yn like he brought him the stars. The memory which always made him slightly blush and smile, now made him frown and his heart ache. Jon didn’t know him. Nobody did.
• This did not escape Margaerys‘ sight. However she interpreted the long face of Yn as a fear of what was going to happen. She was excited, especially because her brother was seen as an outsider. This was his chance to find the one who would love and take care of him for ever. She hoped that the woman was going to be very beautiful and very very good-hearted. She crawled closer to Yn and slowly caressed his cheeks. Whenever she looked at him she felt an overwhelming love. She truly loved her brother.
• Before Yn could blink he was spirited to his grandmother. Usually she was sitting outside with his mother and ten other girls. They all talked and Olenna crooked out her offensive opinions. Well usually. Today however was not usual. She sat still, facing the beautiful garden of Highgarden but only her son was there. As Yn arrived he only heard snippets of ‘money’, ‘cost’ and weirdly ‘fated’. Once he was standing before them, his grandmother shut his father up with a quick wave and smiled at Yn. He was not stupid, he knew that there was something wrong. His grandmother never smiled at him; she tried to conserve with him as little as she could. He was held in a higher regard than his cousins but it was clear that he was her least favourite. Nonetheless now she was smiling at him. Not only she was looking kind but she even ordered his favourite food, lemon cakes. At this Sansa flashed in Yn‘s mind. They shared a love for lemon cakes and every time they fought over the last piece. But his grandmother’s speech left his memory quickly fade away and fear replaced it. She talked about his ten and one nameday next day and a fated mark, the Will of the Seven, soulmates, the cost of his wedding and which people are going to be invited. Mace tried to talk but whenever he opened his mouth Olenna hushed him. Once she was done she stood up, kissed Yn‘s cheek and ordered her twin guards to her. But before she left Yn and Mace alone she turned around and sent a glare towards her son, telling him that it was time. This left Yn dreading whatever was coming.
• The awkward silence was not broken until Mace sighed, took a lemon cake and begann to eat. After some humming he was done and leaned back on his chair, hand folded over his stomach. He begann to humm some more and sighed again. Once Yn heard the famous sentence ‘ You know son, there are things which a man must tell their son.’ he knew he was done. But before he could stand up his father took an other lemon cake, quickly ate that and looked deeply in Yn‘s eyes. The conservation which followed was one of the most mortifying thing Yn has ever experienced. Not even seeing hundreds of dead people could make him as sick as this. His father talked and talked about girls and boys and their differences down there. Than he went over talking about babies, which then led him to gush about how damm cute all his children were. This was followed by him talking about weddings and ceremonien and the most important: bedding. At this point Yn has given up. He was less than a day in this world and he was given The Talk. And he couldn’t even tell his father that he knew! Well not much about women but more about men. And well not men but about Jon. He was the first and last person Yn has ever been intimate with. This confirmed Yn that he was a indeed a pillow bitter but he could hardly tell his father about that.
• One thing that was new to Yn were the soulmates. He was sure that they didn’t have that. After thinking long about what it meant, Yn decided that he was not in the same world in which he spent majority of his life. And that soulmates were cool. Almost everybody had them, from the lowest to the highest person on earth. Only men and women without a mark could become a maester, septon/ septa or priest. The marks were seen as godly and everybody had to obey to them. Breaking apart a bond like that was seen as a grave mistake and death was the punishment for who tried to break it apart. The good thing about the soulmark was the way it appeared. There were marks that displayed a picture of all kinds, some were words; some sentences. They were marks that only appeared when the soulmates touched or looked at each other. Some lost the colour of their sights and could only seen any kind of colour once they looked in each other’s eyes. Some had compasses that showed where their other was located, some had quotes that matched, others had half their hair the colour of their soulmate’s. This manifested once they had their ten and one nameday. And Yn had his the next day.
• He didn’t care about his birthday. It passed in a frenzy and once he was sent to his chambers to wait and sleep, he was in ecstasy. He wanted to stay up the whole night but the maester told him that he had to sleep so that the Will of the Gods would fulfill in secret. No human was allowed to see the manifestation. Still Yn could barely sleep. He was trembling with fear and excitement. He wanted a soulmate but was affraid to get one. The idea of not having one left him feeling devastated so he didn’t think about it. He wanted Jon but was affraid of who he was now. He wanted and wanted but was affraid of so many things until he fell asleep. Dawn was barely coming when Yn felt a horrible burning on his left wrist. It left him gasping and crying but the manifestation was done. He got a compass pointing towards the North. It was golden but elegant and had a quote around the compass saying, ‘Different roads sometimes lead to the same castle’. And if you looked closely there were six direwolf, each different, running around and playfighting. It was perfect, Yn whispered to himself with tears escaping his eyes.
• The second he left his room he was jumped on by Margaery. She led him to the dinning room to break their fast while talking and talking. One minute she wanted to see the mark, the next minute she didn’t until they were with the whole family. They quickly arrived and his family was immediately on Yn. Once they saw the compass and closely inspected it, they all fell silent until Margaery laughed. Better said she cried while laughing and gave a big hug to Yn. While they hugged, Mace begann to plan a letter for Ned Stark. Even for him was clear that his son was meant for one of wolf blood.
• Olenna slowly fanned herself. It was hot for her age; she was not as young and agile as she once was. Undertaking such a big journey to Winterfell from Highgarden had affected her health negatively. Regardless, she was sure that she would crawl to Winterfell if it must be. She would never pass such an opportunity. And she was needed to talk to his grandsons future father-in-law. She was throughly thinking about all the possibilities that their journey could mean and what she had to do for the better of her house. Such an union between great houses was not seen since decades, especially between a fourth son and a bastard. Olenna was sure that it was the bastard that was the soulmate of her simpleton but kind hearted grandson. If not then why did Lady Catelyn not boast about one of her children being the soulmate of a Tyrell? She was after all a Tully, a very proud house, Olenna thought. The marriage could mean a lot for the Tyrells. A lot of good and bad. Olenna could only hope that if the bastard was the one then her little spies were not wrong about his father’s affection. Nobody needed an alliance with a bastard that held no power. She even entertained the idea of overthrowing the bastard brother‘s but quickly desposed of it. The Starks were too loyal. And the compass showed enough. Six direwolfs playing. This could only mean one thing. Her inner discussion was stoped once a loud knock was heard. She opened the side pannel and looked at one of her twin guards. She burrowed her eyebrows after she heard her foolish grandson riding out to meet his future beloved.
• Winterfell was as big as ever, Yn decided. It certainly looked better than the last time he saw it. It was huge and dark. But it was warm; and that is what mattered. He knew that the walls were warm with spring water and that the halls were always kept warm. He couldn’t wait to bath and bask in the memory of Winterfell and their occupants. And to see Jon again. As excited he was, he was as fearful. He was sure that Jon and him were meant to be together, but still. It was weird and new and they were so young. Jon was not older than ten and three, an age which Yn has never seen him. The worst thing was the people he traveled with. Lord Stark has invited hundred of people of the North and South and thousands came. The North wanted to see House Stark marry as a rich House as the Tyrells and the South wished to see House Stark and the North. This journey and wedding meant a lot of new alliances and weddings for the Realm. Even the King has journeyed to the North, but Yn was sure that he wasn’t there for the wedding. Not truly. It was Ned he was there for. Saddly Jon Arryn was not able to attend since he did not want to leave the rest of the Realm behind. What surprised Yn was that the Martells sent Oberyn Martell and his paramour as guests. It meant that they were planning something. Or they were simply affraid that the Reach allied with the North that can give them enough timber for a new war.
• Yn felt butterflies fighting in his stomach. He was so nervous that even Garlan commented on his suddenly disappearing horse riding abilities. To this Renly begann to joke around about riding what else and instead of shutting him down Garlan laughed with him. If Yn wasn’t as nervous he would have told them already off. Shortly before they arrived Willas slowed them down and talked about whom Yn had to greet firstly and what to do. Even the common courtesies flew over Yn’s head. He hoped that he would not make a fool of himself because if he did he would die. Maybe the rumour of him being a simpleton would minder the embarrassment but Yn did not want to make a fool out of Jon. While Yn was deep in his thoughts they arrived at the gates. Everybody sat straighter and rode inside the castle.
• Yn was sure that he was going to die. His compass was going crazy, the pointer spinning around, meaning that his soulmate was very close. And he was. The first thing he saw was Jon and the first thing he did was blushing. He felt his face light on fire and he was sure that everybody saw that. He was so embarrassed that he didn’t even look at the Starks. The worst was when he almost feel down his horse and if not for Loras he would have facepalmed the earth. He saw Loras trying to hide his chuckle but as always he couldn’t. This made Yn face more redder, his ears were so hot that he wanted to just jump in the next snow pile. And than he had to walk to the Starks and greet each of them. Ned Stark was an imposing man, and even bigger when you were only ten and two namedays old. His eyes hid a certain amusement and he kindly greeted Yn. Lady Catelyn was even kinder and hoped that their visit went well. The next person was Robb. He was cute but Yn understood why he was made King so early on. He looked like his ladymother but his eyes shone like his fathers. However the next person took Yn‘s breath away. He went redder than he thought to be possible and shyly held out his right hand. There was hope in Jon‘s beautiful dark grey eyes, but it was replaced with uncertainty once they touched each other hands. It was clear that he expected something more from the contact but was greatly disappointed. Yn moved on, after he saw this, and greated the girls and Bran with enthusiasm. Rickon was not there, but Yn knew that it must be because he was still a babe. After they were done with the greetings and talking, Lady Catelyn sent servant go show each if them a room, while excusing the lack of grand food. She told them that they expected them to arrive the next day and could only offer them a humble feast. Yn obviously had to make himself more foolish and told the lady that they came early because he was excited. At this even Willas had a hard time not laughing and while they walked away Yn had to hit him with his elbow to shut up. Once they were out of hearing range, his brothers recreated everything and Renly instead of helping, laughed with them. Yn was mortified enough to not even say goodbye to them and he just shut his door. His chamber was very big and beautifully filled with furs and other animal skins but Yn couldn’t appreciate it. Without a second he jumped on his bed and hid his face in a soft pillow. He was so flustered, especially seeing Jon‘s face fall, that he decided to never move again. Well until a servant brought him warm water. After he cleaned himself and spent an embarrassingly long time to decide what to wear, he went out to look for his brothers and Renly. Then they went to the feast. After Yn saw what was set in the table he thought that if this was not seen by Lady Catelyn as grand than what was grandiose? For being in the North, where every grain mattered, it was rich. He knew that for Renly and even Loras, as vain and proud they were, this would not seem to be anything big;but for Yn it was. He saw firsthandedly what people ate in the Winter.
• The food was good, the conservation was firstly awkward but the Garlan and Renly begann to talk and it was good again. Yn didn’t speak but nobody seemed to mind. Robb openly stared at him, even when Jon discreetly poked him, and Arya and Bran were so captured by Garlan telling them stories of his training that they barely ate. Sansa spent her time looking at Loras and Renly. Willas was entertaining Lady Catelyn and Lord Stark listened to everything and only said something if it was necessary. Jon sometimes looked up from his food only go meet Yn‘s eyes, who then averted his gaze and once even let his fork fall. Everybody was kind enough to not say anything but Yn only became more flustered. After they were done Yn felt Jon‘s gaze follow him and he thanked the Gods for not making him trip. They did not converse on the way to their rooms and Yn again thanked the Gods for not making his brothers make fun of him. After that he quickly readied himself for bed and after Willas came in to say good night he walked around his new room. They were bear and elk furs and Yn was sure that the skin belonged to a boar. The tapestries were beautifully done and Yn could not marvel enough. While he tried to remember from whom he the story of the tapestry knew, Jon came in his room. Yn turned around and greeted him only for Jon to not move. Yn did not move either, so they looked at each other, assessing everything about the other. Yn felt his knees getting weaker the longer he spent looking at Jon. He was truly beautiful and breathtaking. After some more silence Jon moved towards Yn and held his right hand out. Yn held his hand out too and once they touched Jon frowned, but did not ask. He left his hand fall in disappointment but before he could speak Yn touched his arm with his left. The burn was strong but once it ebbed away both felt an overwhelming sensation of love and adoration. Yn cradled their hand together and pulled Jon to himself. Jon slowly caressed Yn‘s face, as if he was something valuable and then leaned to his face. The small kiss they shared made Yn‘s heart fly higher than a bird and left him feeling like he could burst to flames. It was perfect and even after Jon left, Yn couldn’t help but replay their kiss again and again.
• The second son of Ned Stark and Catelyn Tully Stark was born exactly two months after Sansa. Catelyn was in the nursery after putting Sansa to sleep, trying to sew a new little gown for her only daughter. The first pain went entirely unnoticed but by the time she was done with pinning, her lower belly cramped worse than when she was on her moonblood. It took her a while to stand up and she was not able to walk to the door without moaning in a great pain. Catelyn cried out and aroused one of the nursemaid coming to check on Sansa. Before she noticed what was happening, Maester Luwin was already there kneeling next to her. Barely, just barely, Catelyn told Luwin where her pain was. She felt hands helping her up but the pain was so enormous that she could only cry. The baby boy wasn’t born in the birthing chamber, instead in Luwin’s office. Ned has went to hunt having two boys and a girl and by the time he came back he had gained a new son.
• Yn Stark whole existence was a mystery to everybody. Luwin sent her theory about Catelyn having two wombs to the Citadel and it was discussed for a very long time. Nevertheless Yn was an intrigue. He grow up in a loving home with a lot of blood siblings and one bastard brother. His father even had a ward, however to Yn great disappointment Theon Greyjoy was not a very likable person. As charming he could be, he was as mean, especially to Jon. Yn loved Jon, and his other siblings too!, but Jon had a special place in his heart. He was the one who helped him with archery and sword fighting, and he didn’t laugh when Yn looked away from the beheading of a rapist.
• While Yn had a good childhood it didn’t come without a few issues. His father, Ned Stark, was a good man and a good father but he was as cold as ice. In the important moments of Yn‘s life he was present but Yn never felt like he could lean on him. And Sansa and Yn‘s mother didn’t make his life easier. Sansa, the everyday lady who didn’t know jokes, his mother who was very stern. Robb didn’t play with Yn anymore but he had Arya and Bran! Rickon was a little baby so he only ran after them but Yn still loved him. One thing however made Yn feel different. The knowledge that he was different wasn’t there until the day at the table. Sansa and her friend ,Jeyne, were discussing their future wedding, husbands and children. When Sansa smiled at Yn and asked him whom he would marry Yn didn’t hesitate. Loudly he exclaimed that he will be marrying a man with blond hair and blue eyes, since it was so rare in the North. Before Yn could explain more what the personality of his intended would be, Sansa clapped her hands on her mouth and looked at him. Jeyne could barely suppress her laughter but when his father slammed his cup on the table everybody has gone silent. He never did that.
• Well as you would expect Yn‘s parent weren’t happy. His sibling didn’t meet his eyes, they just looked at the table while quietly eating. However Catelyn wasn’t quiet. After Ned has sternly told Yn to never say something so inhumane his mother went on a long monologue about men who prefered men and the gods and their seven hells. As intended this scared Yn. He never again talked about boys in this way but he never forgot the feeling of being watched by the son of the smith or by one of the servants. Just simply talking to them made Yn blush and stammer, so he tried to never be in the proximity of boys. This left Yn feeling closed off to his family and to strangers. By the time Yn was nine namedays old he vowed to never again say or have any kind of reaction toward his own sex. Or he would end up dead and tortured in hell.
• Yn was roughly eleven years old when the King came, Bran fell of the tower and he, his father, his sisters and several other knights of Winterfell left for Kings Landing. By the time they were meeting up with Renly Baratheon, the very good looking brother of the very fat King, Yn already detested Joffrey and his mother. The hatred went through the roof after Joffrey was bitten by Nymaria and Lady was killed. Arya was kind enough to not only drive Nymaria away but Lemon Cake , the wolf of Yn, too. Sansa didn’t speak with anybody only if necessary and even then she was cruel to them. Well not to everybody but only to Arya and Yn. They arrived at Kings Landing already full with problems but everything has just gotten worse. The only thing that Yn liked about the place was Loras Tyrell! He was not only very good looking but a skilled swordsman too. Yn just couldn’t help himself but gravitate towards him. Ned of course, didn’t take this the wrong way but he didn’t like it either. By the time Ned sent out his men to take Ser Cregors head, Yn has broken his vow. Barely twelf namedays of age Yn kissed the first person ever. And it was not a girl.
• Qarl, a cook’s son with black hair and blue eyes, was very very charming. After playing in secret for a few weeks they went to the godswood withouth the hearttree. As they were playing Qarls has fallen over laughing and in this moment hundreds of butterflies went up in Yn stomach. Before he could stopp himself he leaned over Qarl and pressed his lips against his. They never played again. Yn was distraught and even considered telling his father of what had happened, but the memories of his father’s belittling words of Yn‘s kind made him not do it. But even if he wanted to he didn’t had time. By the next day Lannister guards broke in his room and took him down to the dungeons. Yn didn’t understand what was going on and his questions went unanswered. Unknowingly to him his father was in the throne room with his enemies, Sansa in her room and Arya with her dance teacher. In less than a day Yn has lost half of his family.
• He was in there for a whole year. The first few days, maybe weeks, were horrible with no knowledge of what was going on behind the four walls, and with no sunlight Yn was prone to tears, the worry eating his heart away. YN didn’t know anything about the world, only that his father was a supposed Ursuper and his sisters were kept captive above him. Something must have happened, Yn concluded, when one day he heard unusual voices in the hallway. Then his door opened and two guards came inside. For a second Yn thought that he was freed but looking at the smiles of the guards hauling him and a man in robe, his heart dropped to his stomach. He went from the lightened hallway to a dark room. But it wasn’t dark forever. Yn quickly learned that it was better when he was in the dark because if the light came than the pain would follow it too. He would habe gone insane if it wasn’t for Lemon Cake. Day and Night he went inside the mind of Cake, seeing, smelling and hearing the world. At one point he left caught the smell of Greywind and they reconciled among a lot of Direwolf kisses. The best part was seeing his brother.
• After or maybe while Yn was tortured, he went inside Cake‘s mind. In truth Yn never got used to the feeling of leaving the human body and arriving in the wolf but it was a good way to escape the burning. He smelled the wet leaves and ground mixing with a light smell of blood and humans. After sniffing and running around, Lemon caught the smell of Greywind. He smelt like family and before Yn could think he was sprinting towards him. He let out a big howl to announce his existence, and Greywind answered. The more he smelled family the quicker he ran and ran until seeing the sprinting form of Greywind. The two brothers has fallen over in their excitement and were nipping at each other when Robb and his men arrived. Yn has sworn to never forget the face of his brother, full with happiness, grief and eventual disappointment. Looking around, Robb jumped from his horse and hugged Lemon Cake quietly asking where Yn was. Lemon just simply gave him a slobbering kiss and begann to groom Greywind. Before Yn could think of how to express his self through Lemon Cake he was brought back by a harsh lash across his back. Yn cried out and got rewarded with an ever strong hit. After some more torture and a very blurry feeding time he tried to sleep and go inside Cake. He wanted to hug his brother, kiss his mother and reassure her that everything was alright even if it wasn’t. Alas Yn never could warg inside Lemon Cake to see her family, because of the King.
• One day Joffrey Baratheon, the first of his name, has took his sweet time and came down to take a look at his prisoner. And Yn was rewarded with his presence. The physical torture was one thing but a kid playing King daunting him, telling him how he will kill all the Stark‘s, promising to bring the head of his brother, the false King, and the rape of his sisters made Yn angry. Angry in a place where only servitude was appropriate and had it’s consequences. After Joffrey spat out how he was going to strip Sansa, beat her up and leave her to be raped in Fleat Bottom, Yn became so furious that he jumped on Joffrey. Or he wished but being chained, tortured and undernourished left Yn weak. But it was enough to bite a finger off of Joffrey. Yn firstly felt Joffrey‘s blood and quickly tasted his own. Before passing out Yn only heard Joffrey crying and men shouting.
• Cleos Frey was the ulucky man to not only bring the peace demands by the Lannisters but a wooden box. The two direwolf made him almost piss his breaches and the looks of the Northernmen was enough for him to fall before Robb Stark‘s foot. Before telling the demands he took a small wooden box out, small but still big enough to held the head of Yn Stark.
• Time travel was a very bitter thing, Yn decided. To see the people long dead should have made him happy but it hurt a lot. Yn lived so many years full with his past mistakes and regrets that his brain just couldn’t catch up with not seeing the consequences of the past. Waking up and realizing that yes that very strange lady in Asshai didn’t lie and he was in the past was easy. Realizing that he didn’t have his friends-companions- was harder. But he accepted it since he theoretically knew what would happen if he travels back in time. Seeing his own face, so young and unmarked by the last decade, didn’t faze him. Seeing his old room,the old servants, the old stable that was burned down by the Lannisters, his old and mostly dead acquaintances didn’t faze him. But seeing him did.
• Yn felt like somebody pulled a rug from under him. It didn’t only hurt, it burned through his whole being. His head and heart was full with longing, love and anger. He loved his silver prince and yearned for him but he couldn’t forget what he had done. Rhaegar left him, his own wife and children and doomed them and the kingdom. This mixture of feelings left his knees weak and had it not been for the stone railing Yn was sure that he would have kneeled over. He still didn’t notice him, too deep in a conversation with Arthur, his sister and Elia. Yn was thankful for this. He watched Rhaegar and his companions, thinking about what he had to do, until Ashara noticed him and looked deep in Yn‘s eyes. They stared at each other, and when Yn looked away he accidentally caught Rhaegar‘s eyes. Yn felt a butterflies in his stomach, the intensity almost made him throw up, but shame followed. And with shame came anger. The kind that burns through the soul and leaves the body hot and trembling. The kind that makes the heart heavy. The kind that you can only get after having your hearth broken in thousand tiny pieces.
• It all began when they were neither children nor adults. It was that awkward phase when they limbs suddenly grown but they couldn’t control them right. After Rhaegar has stolen a book about bed activities and a wine flask they got so drunk that Yn wasn’t able to stand up straight. They red the book loud to each other while sipping wine and Rhaegar leaned over to Yn and kissed him. While it surprised Yn, he kissed back and from one point to the other they were naked in front of the fire place. After decades Yn still couldn’t forgot the hard rug and the slight burn from them. They touched each other in a way before that neither experienced. It was magical. It felt good. And right. Of course, they continued the activities and sought enjoyment in each other companies but it was years later that they confessed. Yn wasn’t sure until that day what Rhaegar felt but the words he whispered to him made Yn warm up to this day. The intensity of Rhaegar‘s love made everyday worth living for Yn. Sadly it didn’t last. They knew that Rhaegar had to marry and after failed attempts at finding Rhaegar the bride his father wished, Elia came. At first Yn wasn’t bothered but after repeatedly seeing and hearing how well they got along Yn became jealous. Looking back it wasn’t his brightest moment but who could fault a lover for being jealous of his love slowly falling in love with somebody else?
• They argued a lot. Rhaegar denied his accusations but Yn know the truth. Maybe Rhaegar wasn’t fully in love with Elia but he liked her enough to do his duty. At the end of the day he was man who was blessed with a beautiful albeit sickly wife who gave him two children. It was enough. And this broke Yn heart. Yn felt slighted, although he didn’t know why, angry, and desperate. He wished for Rhaegar, his first friend and lover, the friend whom he trained with, watched the stars, read old books and laughed. The lover that made him feel like he was loved, was worth something beautiful, and a lover who accepted his love. But when it crashed down for the first time Yn couldn’t say what he felt because he was painfully young. So when Rhaegar begann to talk less and less with Yn, barely kissed him and they almost never truly talked, Yn became frustrated. The confrontation went as good as expected. The fought intensely, but not loudly. It was quick but hearth breaking. At the end, after telling each other the slights they felt like they suffered, Rhaegar just shook his head and told Yn that they needed some time apart. Yn took it stone faced and left. Only when he was alone in his chambers did he cry.
• Yn guessed that he traveled back in time after they argued. Nobody moved, the garden was silent and only a shout of Yn name snapped him out of it. He quickly turned around and walked towards a boy who was calling him. At first Yn didn’t even understand what was going on and why he was asked to meet with a friend in a tavern somewhere in Flea Bottom. But he felt excited when he realized who was waiting for him. After Yn left Westeros, he went to the Golden Company and met Carl the Small. Smallcarl, as he was called, wasn’t actually small but Bigcarl was at least two feet higher than an average man. Years later Yn contract ended and Carl and he decided to leave the Company with others to see the world. They adventure took them from the Shadowland to beyond Westeros and it brought both Carl and Yn closer. They were friends but sometimes when they needed a body than they went beyond brotherhood. But that didn’t change their friendship. Currently Yn only trusted him and some of his friends from the adventures the most. Before Yn payed the shadowwitch, they decided to meet in Kings Landing and try to change destiny. A hard decisions but the trust between them went deep.
• The meeting at a run down tavern lifted Yn spirits. Seeing Carl, Jonny and Majki always brought a sense of security in Yn hearth so he left with his heart lightened to do his task. Before he left, Carl hugged him and kissed his head and they agreed to meet in a few days. The second meeting went even better. They agreed on what to do, where to beginn and when. Yn left few hours later. He walked back in silence and only the darkness was around him, however he couldn’t shake of the feeling that something was wrong.
• Yn arrived to his room and after opening the door, he stopped in his track. The hearth which he left cold was now omitting warmness, there was wine and two fancy glasses on a table that he has never seen before and Rhaegar was sitting on his bed. Looking at the rumpled sheets he must have slept, Yn thought. But before he could utter a word Rhaegar stood up and motioned him towards the table. The only thing that he said was to close the door. And Yn did while trying to escape his memories.
• A week after the confrontation Yn couldn’t hold himself anymore and went back to Rhaegar. But the relationship couldn’t be safed. After Rhaegar stole Lyanna and they ended up in the Tower of Joy, they talked. Rhaegar ordered Yn in his room, waited for him with some dornish wine and when Yn declined he seemed disappointed. However when they sat down any kind of love went out of Rhaegar and he was like a block of ice. It was sad. Truly the sight of somebody you loved not loving you anymore was very heart breaking. Still Yn sat through Rhaegar‘s speech of the prophecy, of the Song of Ice and Fire and why he had to do it. It! He could tell Yn that he love him, which was clearly a lie, than in the same sentence he said that he was going to fuck the girl. And the stupid, young Yn said that he was going to stay with Rhaegar and help him! This one was his biggest shame. Supporting a man who betrayed his love, wife, children and kingdom.
• So Yn stayed and endured. He endured the courting, the kisses and loving glances. His heart broke every single time but he endured. Until the night that he had to stay before Rhaegar’s room. Lyanna went inside without looking who was protecting them. Arthur and Yn. Looking back Yn guessed that Rhaegar didn’t know who were his guards for the night but maybe it was only Yn‘s wish. He stood next to the door, listening to them having sex, until he felt like a mist before his eyes has dissolved. The bitterness spread through Yn and he didn’t even try to stop it. His love went away, replaced with a mixture of hate and hurt. The realization which he always know but never accepted made him weak. Rhaegar may have truly loved him once but it was gone. Somebody who is in love wouldn’t do this. He was angry and disappointed and tired. He just wanted to leave and never look back. His skin itched for being alone in his room to think through what he was doing to do so he just left. Arthur didn’t even try to stop him. Yn never looked back. He went in his room but it didn’t help. He craved for something he didn’t even know. Yn packed the necessities and left for somewhere.
• To see the person he hated and loved for years left Yn shaken. Rhaegar was pouring wine for both of them and sat down on the floor leaning against Yn‘s bed. While Yn did the same, however he sat down as far from Rhaegar as he could, he sipped his wine looking in the fireplace. After a few seconds that felt like hours of silence, Rhaegar turned to Yn and asked a question that left Yn surprised.
• „ Who ist Carl?“
• Yn tried to come up with an answer and Rhaegar waited. Lamely Yn only said that he was a friend. He regretted his answer after seeing Rhaegar’s face. The hurt was palpable on face. Only silence followed until Rhaegar drank his glass of wine and asked for more. When Yn handed the flask over Rhaegar softly shook his head and asked him to pour. Yn was unsure but still did it. As he poured he could feel Rhaegar’s eyes on him, and shamefully Yn admitted that he felt excited. Even after years of hurt he loved Rhaegar.
• As he was pouring Rhaegar hit him. The slap hurt like a bitch, Yn decided. It was unexpected and Yn fell over. Before he could do anything Rhaegar was on him. The kiss that followed was even more unexpected. When Yn didn’t do anything Rhaegar deepened the kiss. However both of them needed to breath and they came apart. Rhaegar looked deep in Yn eyes and caressed his face. Yn was so shocked that he couldn’t muster up enough energy do anything until he noticed Rhaegar leaning over again for a kiss. Before anything could happen Yn hit Rhaegar‘ side, got up and quickly went for the door. But he never reached it. Rhaegar almost sprung on him and they fell over. Usually Yn won over Rhaegar but this time Rhaegar was like a bull. They rolled around on the floor, hit each other, and when Rhaegar prayed Yn‘s jaw apart Yn wasn’t strong enough to stop him. Frightened Yn noticed that he had swallowed something and didn’t move. He could see himself and his fearful face in Rhaegar’s eyes.
• The kisses that followed their little fight were intense. Yn felt sluggish but hot at the same time and when Rhaegar asked him between kisses about the men he was meeting, he could barely respond. He denied Rhaegar accusations about being taken by the men and only responded that they were just friends. Rhaegar obviously didn’t believe him, and Yn realized at the back of his mind that he was jealous and angry. The kisses and touches left Yn feeling even more hotter than he already was and before he do anything both of them were naked and flushed together. Rhaegar was already on him, caressing him, and through the night they took each other several time before falling asleep.
• Waking up Yn felt awful. His stomach was upset but when he tried to lean over the side of the bed something pulled his hands back. The something was made of iron. Shocked he looked at the shackles around his wrists and then he noticed Rhaegar watching beside him. Before Yn could open his mouth Rhaegar leaned over and kissed him while laughing. This was the moment that Yn knew that he was truly fucked.
Synopsis: Jon and his omega mate spend their day doing the usual until they arrive back in time. But where are they and how do they get home?
• All begann on a cold morning in Winterfell. Yn was sure that even if it was really cold he had to go and train with the boys. So he slowly crawled out of bed and put on his clothes. Before he was done he heard some noises from the hallway and then two little boys came running inside. Behind them Yn could hear Jon silently cursing and while the boys gave Yn morning kisses, Jon arrived. It was their usually routine.
• After breaking fast with the Starks and their household, Yn sent the boys to the maester and he himself went to the training yard. Some men were already there waiting for him to arrive, however some were still putting their training clothes on. The training begann with the usual warm up and then swordplay. Theon was on the other side of the field teaching the young and women archery. Jon arrived shortly after to watch them, Yn felt his eyes on him and he tried to hide his blush. Everything was normal.
• Until something changed. One second Yn was in the yard then the next he was still in the yard but something changed. There were no boys with wooden swords, no men with morningstars and clearly no Theon with his archery skills. Yn wondered for a moment what was going on and he looked for Jon without thinking. He was there, looking daised, and Yn just ran to him in time. His knees gave up after a second and they plopped down on the floor. Jon was white as snow, his usually rosiness disappeared. Before Yn could open his mouth Jon woke up. They stared at each other, then at the yard and then at the man in furs wearing the Starks direwolf.
• Looking back Yn could only think about how he should have stayed in bed. They were in Sansas‘ solar sitting before the Lord of Winterfell, Ned Stark. It was an awful reunion. While to room was warm, Ned wasn’t. He took his time to asses Yn and then he turned to Jon. He silently watched him, from his head to his toes. Yn was sure that the scars and the colors Jon wore didn’t escape him. It was silent and Yn did not have any idea what to say. He looked pleadingly at Jon but he looked like he was made of stone. His mouth was a hard line, he sat like he swallowed a sword and his scent didn’t let anything known. After Yn marveled at Jon he turned back to Ned with a sight. To his surprise the father of Jon was looking at him, Yn tried to surpass a blush at being caught looking at Jon. Ned and Yn stared at each other, Jon was watching the fire in the heard, and Yn was sure that their would sit in this room until they froze over until somebody knocked. Instead of answering Ned went to the door and slightly opened it. After seeing who was on the other side of the room he went out. Yn wasn’t sure what was going on. What he was sure about was that they were in the past.
• After waiting for something to happen Yn stood up and walked around the room. Jon was watching him, silently thinking. After not seeing anything interesting Yn moved his chair closer to Jon‘s. Jon face warmed up a little bit and he stretched his hands out. Yn gently took it and kissed one of his knuckles. Seeing Jon‘s face Yn could barely hold his laugh inside. Instead he leaned over to Jon and kissed him. Jon deepend the kiss while he cupped Yn face in his hands. Suddenly the door opened and they flew apart.
• Ned was standing in the doorway, looking at them. Yn was sure that he knew what they did, he couldn’t help but feel like when he got caught as a child doing something he wasn’t ought to do. Nevertheless Ned didn’t say anything he just came inside and sat down at the ancient oak table. It was quit awkward until Ned sighed, leaned back on his chair and begann to talk. He explained that he was in the Gods Wood before the hearthtree when he had the feeling that he should go to oversee the training yard. Their he saw both of them. He paused for a second, waiting for a replie from the two but neither Jon nor Yn said anything. After that Ned explained that nobody could see them since Jon was only six years old. He left the fact out that he didn’t even know Yn.
• Shortly after their discussion, well only Ned talked, a servant knocked and waited outside the door. Ned only opened the door to take the food but Yn eyes meet with the young woman’s. She seemed surprised but before she could do anything Ned closed the door on her. They went on to eat in silence and after washing down the hard bread and cheese with ale, they sat in silence. It was so awkward. Jon wasn’t in the mood to speak, Yn didn’t know what to talk about and Ned has already spoken.
• They continued to sit in silence until Yn took a deep breath and begann to talk where they were. Ned listened and nodded along the story but Yn didn’t have a lot to talk about. When he was done both of them looked at Jon who only nodded. As before everybody was still. The quietness of the room was sharp, only the burning wood and the breathtaking could be heard. Both Ned and Yn were waiting for something to happen but Jon didn’t do anything.
• Suddenly the door opened and a red faced lady burst inside. All three of them jumped up, Jon and Yn had already drew their swords. Before they could do anything, Ned shouted Catelyn, jumped next to her and shoved her out. He went out too and after closing the door Yn could barely hold himself up. He withdrew his sword and turned to Jon. After seeing his face full of disbelief Yn laughed out loud. The situation they found themselves was so absurd that Yn could only laugh. Even Jon begann to chuckle.
• They tried to stay serious but when Ned came back without Lady Catelyn, Jon and Yn looked at each other and they giggled. Ned had a red hand print on his face and he looked like a man who tried to control a situation but failed miserably. Yn was sure that this was a sigh that Jon has never seen. Before Ned could muster up something to say, Jon first spoke up.
• They got a tiny room in a secluded part of Winterfell. They had a bed and heard at least. After supper they went to the room and a tub awaited them. Yn climbed into it while Jon looked around the room. After he was done he sat down next to the tub. They didn’t speak until Yn asked him if the lady called Catelyn was the late Lady Stark. Jon only hummed positively. When Yn was done he didn’t bother with clothes, he climbed under the furs in the bed and waited for Jon. Yn was almost sleeping when Jon finally joined him. Jon cuddled closer and they went to sleep in each others arms.
• Yn woke up. The room was warm and Jon was sleeping. It was unusual. Jon always woke up before him to read the letters and help Sansa with the Kingdom. So he was left alone, without Jon and the fire. But not today. It took Yn a second to realize what was going on. While he pondered about the weird day they had Jon woke up. They greeted each other with kissed and cuddles and Yn was content with staying in bed. After they got dressed Jon sat down on a chair next to the fireplace. Yn settled down on his lap. Jon pulled him closer than closed his eyes. Yn left him rest and basked in his scent.
• They stayed together for a few hours until Ned knocked and came in the room. He greeted them and signaled towards the hallway. Both Jon and Yn followed him and after Ned saw them coming he begann to quickly walk. By the time they arrived in the godswood Yn was out of breath. He was sure that they walked all around Winterfell. It was warm and misty in the godswood. They walked towards the hearth tree. Yn could only marvel weirwood. It’s face, ever unchanging, stared at them with the red sap coming out it’s eyes. Yn was sure that Bloodraven was watching. They went to the pond next to the weirwood . Ned turned to them and unexpectedly hugged Jon. When they were done saying goodbye’s Ned turned toward Yn and kissed his hand. Yn couldn’t help but blush, it always surprised him. Ned expressed his hope about them and thanked Yn for being with Jon, this time Jon blushed. Ned only chuckled and pointed them to the pond and told them what to do to go home. Before Jon could ask him how he knew Ned turned around and disappeared in the fog.
• Jon and Yn went in the pond holding hands. The water was warm around the edges and it got hotter and hotter. In the middle it was so hot that Yn stopped but Jon just tugged him forwards. The second they arrived in the deepest part they lost footing and went bellow the waters‘ surface.
• The water turned incredibly cold. Yn couldn’t see and had a hard time finding the ground and lost Jon in the water. Suddenly he had stones bellow his foot and he pushed himself up. He opened his eyes as he got out. The water reached to his middle and it was freezing cold but Yn couldn’t care less. He felt dread building up deep in his stomach when he looked around. Jon wasn’t there. Only big mountains and a river. Mountains and a river that he had never seen before.
• They spent the last day together drinking and talking. The cold never truly left, the sight of the sun was only in their dreams. The endless cold has been going on for weeks, the numbers and hopess of those who made it dwindled. The walk from Winterfell until the Gods Eye was hard and deadly. Most died, the children first than the women and lastly the men. The weak didn’t come, they were left behind in Winterfell with the last soldiers of the North so they could be burned upon death.
• Three days ago a scout reporter the wights coming down the neck, Moat Cailin has fallen and the survivors were caught up by the wights and the White Walkers. Yn could barely think about what happened to Winterfell and their occupants, the men and women and his nephew, Jon. Arya and Sansa came with Yn but left for the south, Bran and Rickon were behind the Wall and Yn was in the middle of the Gods Eye with the weirwoods and Jaime Lannister’s company. Their were some soldiers but most have left already to the South. The men and women who have stayed were either dying or could fight and decided to stay as the last defence. Because they were the last defence. If they failed Westeros, even the Free Cities could end.
• First the night came. It was always dark but dark like before nightfall and not this dark. They couldn’t even see Harrenhal, only the darkness. Then the cold came, the kind of cold which leaves you tired and you don’t even notice that you have fallen into an endless sleep. With the cold came the wind, and with it came the White Walkers and their servants. First they could hear feets walking on ice and the sounds of bones scrounging against each other. Than they saw the first wight and everything went downhill. The alcohol they consumed almost disappeared entirely and the last warmth fleed their bodies.
• The night was long and the hard. More died than they killed, some fled, but they hold out. The Children helped them with the Green Men on their sides, even Daenerys and Jon showed up. With them came hope again and they felt that maybe they would win. The slaughter was bloody and brutal, too much has been lost but when the King was killed the night lifted. The wights dropped dead and the remains of the White Walkers scattered around.
• Yn felt so weak, without Jaime and his family. He was sure that Jon went against a snow bear but not long after that Yn lost him and never seen him again. Jaime was dead, pulled apart by some dead crows, which made Yn hearth heavy as lead. He truly loved the man. Not the man he was before Lady Stonehearth but the man he became. Their love was a secret, a secret that Yn could never tell anybody.While Jaime has gotten his redemption it didn’t erase what he had done over the years. But Yn still loved him and felt like he could cry but he had no energy for tears. He went in and out of his dreams, sitting against a weirwood tree, and opened his eyes for the last time to see the new sun coming up.
• Then he opened his eyes again to see his old room in Winterfell. For a second he didn’t dare to move or even just exhale to loudly, he tried to listen to the soft voices around him. Feet scattering, the sound of swords, children laughing, a few wolves howling and somebody shouting ‚Uncle‘ at the top of his lungs. Then his door opened with a loud swish and Yn snapped out of his daydreaming. Rickon, baby Rickon with his small hands and feets and chubby face, run inside with Catelyn behind him shouting. Yn barely had any time to sit up, for Rickon jumped on him still shouting his name. Yn kissed his little face and looked up to the red faced Catelyn. She tried to apologize but Yn just shook his head and stood up with Rickon in his hands. After promising Catelyn that he will look after Rickon, Yn played with him while trying to get a hold of his situation. He was sure that he had died. The last years were definitely real, he couldn’t have dreamed about something like this. Besides he never took anything but alcohol to himself. Still the whole thing was unexplainable. He wasn’t sure what was going on. Rickons and his session was interrupted by a knock from Sansa. It was time for lunch so they went down and when Yn stepped in the room he couldn’t help but almost kneel over. Seeing his whole family well and alive was his biggest wish, a wish which got fulfilled. But it didn’t help his emotions. He wished to cry one second and laugh in the next.
• Yn tried to control himself and sat down. He barely ate, he got a side eye from Ned, and tried to talk as less as he could. Just listening made him happy and melancholic, his wish was fulfilled but he too has lost something along the way. After they were done and everybody went to their way, Ned has kindly left Yn alone, Yn wasn’t enterly sure what to do so he went to the library. He was reading about Daeron the First when he truly realised what had happened. The revelation left him shocked, his breath was labored and he felt cold and hot waves crashing through his body. He missed Jaime, he missed everything but at the same time not. He felt lonely because their was no other person who saw and lived through the wars and the coldness. This feeling left him breathless, the panic tightening his chest. His long forgotten , or just hidden?, memories resurfaced, from the day he left Storms End with an angered Young Griff to the past when he was playing with his brothers and sister in the deep cold snow, until red, blue and black spots begann to appear before his eyes. He felt somebody touching him and shaking him but it was his body that felt it, not him. And then he passed out.
• By the time he awoke it was dark. He was in his room and maester Luwin was busying around with Ned at his side. After they saw him wake they almost jumped to him and Luwin begann asking questions. Yn answered them but Luwin expressed his worry to Ned, talking as if Yn wasn’t here. They decided that Yn had to rest in bed for a fortnight and that he was to be daily examined by the maester. Luwin left, and Ned sat down. Neither of them talked for a long time until Ned said that he thought the worst. Yn was found in the library by Arya who has called for help the moment she saw her uncle looking like he was actively dying. When Ned asked Yn what had happened he couldn’t answer him. Yn only told him that he shouldn’t worry since he was too young to die. Ned shook his head and left the room.
• As he was alone Yn had time to process what was going on. He was found by Arya, the small little girl must have been affraid thought Yn, and later brought to his room. Maester Luwin suspected that he had wronged his hearth since his breath was erratic and his nose bleeded too much. He didn’t die but he was ordered on bedrest. But still this didn’t explain why he was here. Yn was sure that he died, seeing the First light of Dawn but than he woke up at Winterfell in his younger body. Yn tried to think about the how but the only sound idea he had were the Old Gods. He died by a weirwood on the Gods Eye so they must have seen him fit to travel back in time. Yn hoped that he wasn’t alone. Seeing his lost or dead family was a dream come true but that didn’t change the fact that he has lost people too. The people he had known and even lived with in the future didn’t even know him. Jaime didn’t know him. This relevation brought a bitter taste in Yn mouth. He didn’t wish to think about the man so he rolled to his side and tried closing his eyes. But dreams didn’t come. The whole fiasko bothered him and while turning around trying to sleep he accidentally hit his soulmark.
• He had his soulmark since birth, a rare thing since most people didn’t even have one, especially not since birth. He remembered his parents worrying about the age of his soulmate, affraid that his mate was old. Yn‘s father wished for Yn to marry a good southern noble woman with wide hips, but ironically his mate wasn’t a woman. Still his other wishes were fulfilled, maybe without the wide hips part. The fact was that as a child Yn always know that he would not marry a woman. He never said that to anybody too affraid of what could have happened but after Roberts Rebellion there was no need for it. His family was dead only Ned and Benjen survived. Of course there was Catelyn and the children but Yn always imagined his future with Brandon and Lyanna. After Ned came home and Benjen left, Yn decided that it was time for him to search for his mate. Thinking back this was more of an excuse to leave his life behind, but Yn was happy with his decision. He saw the side of the world which has been rarely seen by anybody. He experienced different people and their lifes, their foods and their different views. There is where Yn first realised why he never wanted women. He never found his soulmate but he found harmony. After a few years of sailing around he came back to Winterfell, happy to see Ned and his ever expanding family. He went on adventures but never as long as before, he always found his way back to Winterfell.
• When the War of Five Kings broke out he was on the way to Asshai and didn’t realise that his family has died only leaving Jon at the Nights Watch and Sansa at the clutched of the Lannisters. By the time he came back Sansa has already disappeared so Yn went on an adventure with Brienne of Tarth and her squire, who was not hers but Tyrion’s, and later on with Jaime too. They realised that they were soulmates by accident. Their were lingering touches but Yn thought that Jaime only wanted closure. He wasn’t right and when Jaime kissed him Yn‘s world changed. His soulmark burned and the love he felt for Jaime took his breath away. He wished and only wished to be by Jaimies side. They spent the nights together, always close but never truly touching. Yn tought that he had found his long awaited love but of course live wasn’t that nice. After the confrontation with Lady Stonehearth Yn left both Jaime and Brienne. He couldn’t find it in himself to see Jaime again. He still loved him, fierce as ever, but what he has done to his family was inexcusable. He couldn’t forgive him.
• They didn’t see each other until the Long Night has fallen. The people of the north left as quickly as possible only the fighter of the noble houses stayed. Some from the south came to help, including Jaime. The day before they left Winterfell they talked. It was hearth wrenching but needed. After discussing what had to be discussed they spent the night together. It wasn’t planed, Yn wholeheartedly thought that he and Jaime were not meant to be regardless their soulmark but Yn couldn’t bring himself to not do it. It was sweet and loving, a feeling which Jaime never associated with sex. They learned it together and enjoyed each other.
• But now Yn was alone without his soulmate. It was very bitter, the only thing Yn was happy about was that he at least know who his mate was. But just thinking about the way Ned or even Tywin Lannister would react to Jaime and Yn made him shiver. He couldn’t bare to think about Cersei, to affraid of a slighted narcissistic woman.
• The days have came and went until it was time for the Royal Familie‘s arrival. When Yn heard that they were coming, albeit a little late since their was a rumored accident on the way, he realised how stupid he was. He had the chance to save his family. He planed what he could do and started with Sansa and Jon. Yn know that Jon wanted to join the Nights Watch and he tried to talk him out of it at first but Jon didn’t take it well. Yn understood him, but he still tried to positively influence him. Sansa wasn’t an entire succes either since she lived for her stories. The only good thing he has done was mending Sansa‘s and Arya‘s relationship. Yn told them stories he had learned on his voyage about lovers and betrayal, trying to influence Sansa about critical thinking, and Arya has found this stories so intriguing that she listened to them too. The girls bonded through the stories and, while not entirely, they had a good relationship.
• The royal family came the same way they did the last time. They were a lot of them, the King was still fat, Joffrey still looked like a bitch but Jaime wasn’t the same. He looked the same at first glance but perhaps because Yn knew him like no other he noticed the difference instantly. Jaime was a little pale, his eyes weren’t that arrogant and he stood away from Cersei. The second he rode inside Winterfell their eyes locked and Jaime only looked away when he had to get off the horse. Seeing that Jaime clearly stayed away from Cersei left Yn feeling pleasant. Usually he wasn’t a jealous person but the bond the twins had shared, very disgusting in Yn opinion, made jealousy course through him. Both of them played with death throughout the years, and they even had children together. Yn couldn’t deny that Jaime did love Cersei even if it was a misplaced love.
• The King greeted the Starks the same as last time and went down to the crypts with Ned. Everybody dispersed after that, however Jaime didn’t go with Cersei. To escape the servants and their judgement, Yn signaled to Jaime and they went to the godswood. Yn was sure that nobody was there and he was right. It was silent, even the birds chirping wasn’t as loud. Yn sat down at the little creek and waited until Jaime came. Jaime stepped closer and after looking around he sat down. They didn’t talk for a few seconds but than Yn begann asking about their adventures in a subtle way. After Jaime answered every single question right, Yn kissed him. It was supposed to be an innocent kiss but Jaime deepened it and they only separated because of the lack of air. It was perfect. Yn felt his mark burn with satisfaction and love. Looking at Jaime he felt it too and Yn never has wished more to be just alone with Jaime. After dying and living in his past life with nobody at his side, Jaime felt like water on a hot sunny day. Yn needed him now more than ever before. They sat there for more time just holding each others hand until Jaime had to go to see the King. They separated with the promise of spending the night together.
• After a very interesting welcome feast for the royal family, in which Yn could experience how much Robert loved women and how much Cersei hated this love, Yn sneaked back in his room. He bathed while listening to the castle slowly settling. The sounds of the feast died out and only the occasional howls of the wolfs could be heard. Until Jaime knocked on the door and nothing mattered for Yn anymore. Jaime stepped in the room, smiling at Yn. They exchanged a few flirty remarks, Jaime sounded like usual, but then the two settled down to discuss what had happened. Yn got to know that yes Jaime did indeed got ripped apart by wights and that he came back weeks before Yn did. He had fallen ill shortly after that and Pycelle, Jaime hated him, had almost given up on him. Even Lord Tywin came to the capital after hearing his son, and heir, supposedly sickness. Jaime got better and than the date to leave for Winterfell has arrived. Jon still died, he couldn’t stop the Tully bitch Jaime said, so the journey for Neds hand has arrived. When Yn asked Jaime about Cersei he had only replied with bitterness. What Yn could puzzle together was that Cersei noticed Jaime‘s coldness and arrived at the conclusion that her handmaids have seduced him. The women were expelled but Jaime didn’t return to her so Cersei made up more stupid theories. After a while Cersei must have noticed that Jaime hasn’t changed so she became more aggressive and cold to Jaime. But he didn’t care and Cersei stayed as the spurned lover.
• After a while of talking they became silent. It was a lot to progress so they decided to continue tomorrow. But before they went to sleep Jaime shyly asked Yn if he would want to marry him. Yn just laughed and after remarking that Jaime was silly he said yes. The confirmation made Jaime‘s face light up with joy and they kissed. It almost progressed to something more but after hearing a door being closed to loudly they just went to sleep, affraid of anybody catching them.
• Yn woke up and said a very personal goodbye to Jaime, then went to play with Rickon and Bran. He felt a slight suspicion after seeing how bright Jaime‘s face was but quickly forgot it after seeing his family. Looking back he should have at least asked Jaime if he was alright but by the time they met it was already too late.
• Unknowingly to Yn, Jaime didn’t just go to the King to oversee his duties. After confirming that the King has drank and fucked last night until the morning he felt that it was the perfect time to do what he had to do. He knocked on the door and received no answer so he went inside and woke the King and his yesterdays choice up. The girl quickly ran out and the King awoke with a great rumble. Robert shouted profanities at Jaime but he just simply smiled back at him and said: „ I am retiring. Your grace.“
• Silence followed the statement. Robert stared at Jaime for a second and laid back on his bed muttering that he was still asleep. Jaime simply replied with a no and the King sprung up and begann shouting so loud that Barristan Selmy barged in the room. Seeing that the King was standing naked in the room while shouting at Jaime, he turned to the man in question and paled at seeing Jaime smile at him. The smile was strange to him, Selmy never saw him smile with so much joy. He tried to clear the situation up but did not succeed. Some servants stood behind the open door, glancing at them some even giggled. This ongoing problem wasn’t solved until Ned stepped in. He looked around the room silently, but judgingly. Seeing Ned Robert tried to hold his anger in but his red face was a tell tale sign of his feelings. Jaime and Selmy were standing silently before the King, although Barristan was before Jaime. Before Ned could ask what had happened the King huffed and looked for his breeches. He tried to kick everybody but Ned out but Jaime went up to Ned and asked for his brothers hand in marriage. Only a gasp was heard from outside before Ned jumped on Jaime.
• Yn was playing something, he still didn’t understand what the game was, with the boys when they were interrupted by an erratic Sansa. She asked Yn to go to Ned‘s solar, so he went. When he stepped inside the solar he was greeted with a furious Ned, an even angrier Robert, a stone face Barristan Selmy and a cheeky Jaime with a red mark on his face. Yn was surprised to see the hand mark on Jaime‘s face, sure that it was not there the last time they saw each other. Regardless the hit Jaime seemed pretty happy. Well he was the only one in the room who had a high spirit, Yn couldn’t decide who was the angriest. He opened his mouth but before he could say anything Ned went to him and asked him if it was true. Seeing Yn confused face Ser Selmy explained what had happened in the last hour, from Jaime wanting to retire to Ned and Jaime fighting. By the end of the story everybody was looking at him, but Yn only sent a deathly stare at Jaime. When Ned asked again he nodded and told him that Jaime and he were soulmates. Ned paled, the King paled, even Baristan looked strange. Only Jaime looked like a child who got those rare candies from the Summer Isles. Jaime quickly stood up and went to the door, not before saying that he will discuss the wedding details with Lady Catelyn. At his words Yn felt his knees get weak but he ran after Jaime who almost disappeared in the corridor.
• They were gettin married. While the law and the Seven didn’t permit men marrying each other, the law of soulmates did allow soulmates of any kind to share a bed and life. Usually same sex soulmates were seen as unnatural and were recorded in history as best of best friends who were very very close but as friends and not as spouses. Only society saw same sex marriage as an issue, and there was rarely anybody of high society who went against these unsaid laws. But Jaime and Yn. They got married under the hearthtree of Winterfell, where hundreds of Starks have married before, with the happy Stark family on Yn side and the happy Tyrion on Jaime‘s. Cersei didn’t bother showing up and wouldn’t have allowed her children, but Robert wanted their attendances. The sudden wedding, and of the same sex, meant that only house Baratheon and Lannister attended from the south and some lords of the North. Yn was sure that Jaime only wanted to be quick about the wedding so that his father couldn’t say anything, since the ravens they sent out were still definitely on their way to the South.
• The ceremony itself was small but beautiful. The lords who attended behaved and were happy to eat and drink, the Royal Family itself wasn’t that happy. Robert was angry and bitter about Jaime leaving the Kings Guard but since the law of soulmates was even above the King he couldn’t do anything. Tyrion was happy but clearly confused what his brother was doing by a northerner side and Cersei was fuming. Yn often jokes that he will be poisoned but maybe there were some truths. The children of Cersei didn’t understand what was going on but the two youngest seemed content. Joffrey only attended because of Robert but whenever he looked up from his food his eyes were full of venom. Jaime and Yn enjoyed the wedding and were happy to spend their life together, they could forget about the future for one night.
• After a week the court has decided to venture back to Kings Landing, this time with Bran, Jon and Yn on their side. Jaime‘s plan has worked and he had caught Bran from falling down the Tower, and Bran has sworn to never ever go alone climbing after seeing his mother cry her hearth out. Yn wasn’t sure how long his promise would last but Jaime has taken him as an unofficial squire, alongside Jon who was very happy to bask in Jaime‘s presence. They were working with Jaime from morning till nightfall, never having free time although neither complained. Yn spent his time with the girls. Their bond got better but not perfect so Yn tried to mend it. Both Yn and Jaime felt ready for their future in Kings Landing, happy that they would be together through the hardships, like facing the whole court with all their lords. But they still had a lot to plan!
Loras Tyrell x male!omega!reader x Renly Baratheon
• They were friends for always. Loras couldn’t even remember a time before Yn since he was always there. When Loras had to go to squire at Storms End Yn went with him. After arriving and dealing with Renly for a few months both of them turned to like the lordling. Their never discussed their mutual likes but knew of it and when the time came they went to Renlys bed together. The three of them wished for a life where they could spend days together without anybody interrupting.
• Everything changed when Yn presented as an omega. Loras was still unpresented but Renly wasn’t (surprisingly he was an Alpha) and they mated accidentally.
• It wasn’t ment to happen but Renly was the first person that came inside Yn room and they just kind of stumbled in the bed and Renly bit Yn.
• After the realisation of what had happened Loras felt closed off the relationship and got jealous. Yn tried to mend their relationship but ultimately Renly had to step in.
• The few years they spent together was like paradise until Ned Stark came in Kings Landing and he, as well as Robert, have died.
• The Rebellion broke out and everything became a blur. Renly wanted to become a King and had the whole Reach backing him up. Stannis wanted to be the King since he was the lawful heir. Robb Stark was the new King of the North, Baelon Greyjoy was a King too and of course the Lannisters with Joffrey.
• At the worst time ever Yn heat came. They were at the camp with thousands alphas and betas, so Renly couldn’t leave him alone but had to since he was the King.Loras helped as much as he could but in the end Renly had to step up. Yn didn’t let him out for two days and the whole camp was talking. Everybody knew that they were mated but since Renly married Margaery they thought that the bond had been broken. It wasn’t and the ladies and servant were talking about whores and omegas every single time Yn was close to them. Of course, Renly was patted in the back and every knight congratulated him.
• After the tourney and meeting with Lady Catelyn, who had a clear dislike towards Yn , they got the news that Stannis begann a siege at Storms End and they went back to the castle. Lady Brienne, dubbed as Brienne the Beauty, always pestered around Renly and became his first woman Kingsguard. Yn had no issue with her but Loras didn’t like her.
• While Renly and Stannis parlored both Loras and Yn spent their time together. Usually their would be some funny business going on but Loras feared the camp hearing them and „dishonor“ his alpha Kings omega. Yn only laughed but didn’t press on and they just simply talked, mostly about how they coped with Renly being in Margaerys bed. When Loras asked Yn if he wanted children Yn was unsure what to say. The older he was, the more he ached for a child but he knew that it would be impossible. Even if he would be with a child, the child would never get anything and would be pushed down the line of succession. His children would get a better treatment than bastards, that was for sure, but Renly was already married and would definitely get Margaery with a child. Even if Renly didn’t like children. But the idea of a child of his own brought Yn joy. He didn’t know if it was because his instincts or because he geniualy wanted a baby but the need for it was there and it was very very intense.
• This was however something he couldn’t voice out. Loras made it very clear that he would not want any children ( they weren’t even mated ) and Renly only because it was his obligation. So he simply said „no“.
• After Renly came back everybody was readying for the war. Loras was outside the tent with the other guards, Renly and Yn inside the tent. Brienne helped Renly with his armor,under the watchful eyes of Yn ,while Lady Catelyn talked. When a cold wind came Yn turned around to get something warm and chuckled agt Renlys „ Cold.“ comment. The last thing he heard was Briennes cry and felt an intense burning on his nape, than he passed out.
• When he awoke he was sitting on a horse. Well it was more like he was bound on the horse. He tried to shallow his panic but it didn’t work since a man, a knight after Yn really looked , gave him water. He begann explaining what has happened, the death of Renly, the lords who have stayed or went with Stannis and that they were currently on the Roseroad. After Yn only nodded the man seemed surprised. It was silent for hours, the deep ache keeping Yn from speaking. His hearth felt heavy with a big hole in it, his bitemark burned and Yn was sure that it had already blackened.
• The bite marks were mutually made while a heat and/or rut of an alpha/omega. It could be willingly broken but the death of a partner left it blackened. The little veins around the bite would get black and the skin grey and blue. After sometime the mark would fade, not fully but it would fade almost entirely. The folktales tells of omegas going insane with grieve and killing themself and of alphas murdering everybody they could. The dangers were a little bit exaggerated but it wasn’t untrue. Most omegas and alphas died a few years after the death of their partner, unless their was a pup to bring up. Since Yn didn’t have one it was probably the reason that there were so many knights around him. However Loras wasn’t in sight and Yn couldn’t smell him.
• They spent a long time riding, than sleeping in the camp and than riding again. It was going on and on without something happening and Yn felt like he was inside a fever dream. He had many questions but no power to ask. The men were still very cautious and always asked for permission when he was unbound on the horse. After a few days they arrived at the camp.
• The camp was big and loud and it smelt awful. They were around Highgarden and Renlys host, while not as big as before, was everywhere. Yn expected them getting in the big tent, to see Loras or Margeary, but they went around the camp and stayed in the woods. Three men went away, the rest stayed. Yn was unbound from his horse and he was even allowed to walk around a little bit. After some time the men arrived with a stranger with the colors of Highgarden. While he talked Yn listened to the sound from the forest and his mind wandered far away. When he was asked something he nodded and smiled but didn’t say anything. The man looked concerned and after Yn still didn’t stay anything he nodded , went back to his horse and rode away. Yn looked after him for a while but then turned around and looked around the forest even more.
• The time passed with Yn waiting for something that he didn’t know. He did not talk or really listen to anybody. Some stranger came but only a maester stayed. One day the host begann to move around and went to the direction they came from. Yn looked but didn’t ask already guessed what was happening. The fact that Loras didn’t come and the host being here than moving ment that they were either way going to Kings Landing or Storms End.
• The moon turned around again and they were still in the forest. The men were getting angsty and Yn know that if something didn’t happen soon, they were going to do something. This happened around a fortnight after the host went away. Yn was sleeping when somebody touched his hair. He tensed up but didn’t dare to move, knowing what could happen. The hand went down to his face and caressed him. A voice from somewhere else said that the he should fuck the omega quicker or he will do it. An other voice, a louder one, was very angry and said something about mates and the Tyrells. Other voices talked too and they got louder and louder. The hand moved from his face to his throat and Yn felt his omega ready to pounce. When the hand moved even lower and grasped his chest Yn got up in a lightning speed and bit down his neck. The blood out of the man tasted coppery and very disgusting but he bit down again and again until his omega was sure that he was dead. When he stood up he saw everybody with a weapon in their hand. Yn stepped back and when he saw the first glance of an arrow he ran. The voices and smell of men and dog spured him on and he ran and ran and ran until only the voice of the woods were around him. The omega has taken control over his body. Ever since the mark went silent he felt like living in a dream without a way out. Loras wasn’t there and Renly was dead, eveybody he was in love with wasn’t there.
• He didn’t know how much time has passed or where he was.The omega retracted suddenly and it took some time for Yn to work out what was going on. He was in an old house, warm and comfortable, and he was not alone. There was a woman sitting on the floor skinning an animal, what was probably a rabbit, and when Yn moved around she turned to him.
• The woman was probably a witch. Yn spent three days with her and her weird rituals and even weirder disapperiances. After waking up she told him that she found him walking around and that he went willingly with her. Yn couldn’t care less at the moment about what has happened, only that the witch was a possible danger… The woman has given him something that helped him calm down, since their first few days were everything but calm and kind ,and every evening she went away and came back with more herbs. Sometimes Yn heard voices outside the house but he never went out.
• As time passed he noticed that he was big. Not that big but for somebody that was always lean and full of muscels , he was fat. But he know that it wasn’t fat but something else. So when the witch came back he asked. She only said yes and Yn already teared up. It was silent for the better part of an hour until she asked Yn if the babies should stay or go. Yn wasn’t stupid, he know what she meant by „go“, but the prospect of a child with Renly delighted him. If the child survived it could take Storms End as the rightful ruler. If it was from Renly. The issue was that while omegas could easily get pregnant by their mate they could get pregnant from somebody else as well, although the chances were smaller. So the baby could belong to Loras, they did it enough times, but Yn was unsure what to do. Their were too many ifs and probablys and the babe was not even born. Maybe it would look like him.
• The baby grow quickly and time had lost it’s meaning for Yn. The last month or so he spent abed sleeping or just laying since his pregnancy symptoms tenfolded. The weather worsened and the witch said that Winter was coming, not that Yn couldn’t see it. The leaves have fallen and it was chilly outside. Some nights even snow has fallen, although by the morning it disappeared. The month went by with them readying for the child and labor. The witch was very helpful, Yn acknowledged that even though he didn’t want to, her help was welcome. Then one day the labor begann.
• The labor was hell. It hurt from inside and later on the outside too, but giving up was not an option. It begann early in the morning and ended a day after with no life threatening complications for Yn and his babies. The twins. It wasn’t one baby but two. When Yn pushed the oldest out, his cry piercing through the air, he felt the labor pain again and pushed the second out, who was clearly smaller than the first. After crying in happiness over the cute babes and feeding them, Yn fell asleep only to be woken up to feed again. Trying to overcome his shock of having two babies and the fact that he had two small looking adults to take care of, he begann to help the woman. Yn learned what plants were poisonous, which herbs to use, how to notice them and most importantly how to treat certain sicknesses. When the twins got stronger and the nights colder the woman sent them to Kings Landing. At first Yn didn’t want to but after hearing the arguments of the witch he agreed. Loras had to know what happened and if Winter came Yn couldn’t leave without risking the children and himself. How the woman knew where Loras resided was beyond Yn but he didn’t dare to ask.
• So in a few day they packed up their belongings, food and some money the witch handed over. She even got them a horse and a sword, Yn lost his own, which Yn accepted thankfully. The twins were silent as if knowing their mothers emotions. The roads were dangerous and they met a lot of dangers but within a few weeks they arrived before Kings Landing gates.
• The next issue was how to meet Loras. At first when Yn heard that Highgarden became the Lannisters allyhe was hurt and didn’t even ask the woman anything about them for almost a whole moon. But slowly he had to accept the fact that because Mances ambitions, seeing his daughter on the throne, they had no other choice but to help the Lannisters. The fact that Loras became a Kingsguard warmed Yn hearth, the egoist side which didn’t want anybody near him. He didn’t like Joffrey, for he was a brat ,but hoped for Margaerys happiness.
• They went inside Kings Landing. Yn didn’t want to but staying outside the gates wouldn’t help him. So he bought a room for a week in a run down inn, the money not being enough for more. At least the innkeeper didn’t ask questions. The food was very expensive and Yn didn’t dear to got out a lot for the streets being too dangerous. The whole city smelt but since the war it had a sent of death too. Two days before Yn run out of money and without any progress a man clothed in fine wool came to his rooms. When Yn knocked he hid the children hoping them to stay silent and went to open the door. The man didn’t come in but handed over a piece of paper and left.
• The paper said that they, „probably Varys“ Yn thought after smelling the paper, will come in a day. After putting the twins to sleep he went down to eat. The innkeeper nodded and said that his room was paid for a week and went out of Yn way. The next day barely arrived when a slight knock awoke Yn. It was barely morning, the city was silent. After letting the guest in, who was Varys, and hearing him talk Yn wanted to cut his throat. But before he could do it one of the boys begann to cry and woke the other. While Yn tended to them Varys watched him. When the boys have fallen asleep, he stood up and only requested a cloth of Yn. Since it was intended for Loras, Yn carefully choose one of his finest shirt. Varys accepted the cloth and left with only saying that he will bring news. Yn went to bed hoping for the next day.
• Loras was walking with his grandmother, Olenna Tyrell the Queen of Thorns, when the spider stepped towards them. Varys talked with his grandmother but ignored Loras, which would have normaly made Loras angry but since the day Renly died and Highgarden marched to Kings Landing he couldn’t care. He couldn’t even bring himself to listen until Varys turned to him and invited himself to their walk. Olenna tried to dismiss him, without success. The moment they disappeared behind some strange looking bushes, meant to impress but had quit the different effect, Varys clasped his hand around Loras‘. His grandmother’s guards had already unsheathed their sword when Vary showed a cloth of green and gold into Loras hand. For a moment everything froze.
• The cloth smelled like him. Loras felt his alpha going into an overdrive and his whole body tensed, the memories hitting him like a brick. After Renlys death Yn passed out, the maesters said because of the bond breaking, and Loras had him bound to a horse with guards. While Yn was a grieving Omega he was still an unmated one. Of course Loras could have mated him but he felt ashamed to even think about it. Taking something this precious from Renly was unimaginable for him. But he still yearned for Yn. The yearning never stopped and when Loras got the raven saying that Yn disappeared, it intensified even more. He wanted to ride back and look under every tree,rock and nook but duty, and his houses guards, stopped him. He missed his ruts for more than a year but his alpha couldn’t put Yn behind him. The imagination of being with somebody other than Renly and Yn made him reel and when some Omega tried to solicit him, his alpha denied she with his whole being. The first rut he experienced after the battle made him weak and this weakness still lasted. Pyrcelle said that it was because of something else and not because of his rut but this didn’t change the fact that Loras was a ticking danger to everybody. Who knows when an alpha has enough and what he will do?
• So this one small cloth changed him. He wanted Yn like never before, not in a sexual but in a more romantic way. And the spider knew where he was. Loras stared at Varys and the spider just smiled at him saying that he will wait for him at night. Varys scurried away quickly leaving him and his grandmother alone. The guards stepped back at the hand signal of Olenna, while she stepped towards Loras. Her eyes were full of questions but Loras could only say ‚Yn‘. She paled and went on about the dangers. Still Loras couldn’t find it in himself to say agree with her and when the night came he went against the advices. While he waited, he smelled at the clothes marveling around his memories. He could still remember when he first kissed Yn and the first night they shared together. The first ride, the first swim, the first day at Storms End, the first time they saw Renly and the first time they went to his bed. Everything, the bad ,the good it came back and Loras almost cried at his emotions. He wanted Yn and now.
• When Varys finally came Loras was already spacing around his room. They didn’t say anything and Loras didn’t question where they were going, although he tried not to forget to mention to his grandmother the secret passages. They stopped at an old inn with questionable stench and went inside. Nobody looked at them and they just simply went up the stairs. Loras felt his knees getting softer, his breath quickening. One second he felt cold the next warm, the feeling intensifying. When the doof opened he could see a man, Yn his alpha cried out, standing with a sword in hand.
• Yn heard the steps and took out his sword. He didn’t trust Varys and his tricks so he was ready for everything. The twins were awake in their little bed, hid behind some sack and clothes so if their were any danger they wouldn’t be seen. But Yn paranoia went away when he saw Loras. Loras,who was a boy when he last seen him but a man now , stood in front him. Yn took a step but it was unneeded. Loras almost flew to him and took him in his arm. They stood their for a long long time, Varys disappeared, only basking in each other. No words were exchanged for neither needed them. However when Yn heard a small whimper he broke the hug and smiled at Loras. The smile made Loras even weaker than he thought possible, although he looked questioningly at Yn. He went to the end of the room and sat down. When Yn signaled him, he stepped toward the little bed smelling like sweet honey, babies his alpha commented. He feared to see what it was, but still he looked. And he melted. The babes were perfect. Both of them were awake, one with a familiar green eyes the other with brown. One had black hair dark like a raven and the other had little blond curls both sharing the same small noise. While none of them looked really like Yn they had something that reminded Loras of Yn. When he looked at Yn he saw him smiling, eyes full with warmth. He sat even a little prouder when Loras caressed one of the boys head and said that they were beautiful. Yn didn’t say anything and let Loras marvel at them.
• They spent a little more time with the babes basking in their sweet sent until Loras stood up and leaned down to kiss Yn. It was a kiss full of love and promises. Yn felt his cheeks getting red and when Loras stopped he went for one more kiss. They kissed and laughed together for the full night interrupted only by the babies but neither minded.
The ball room looked beautiful. The colors matches with the tables and the flowers were arranged perfectly. The was ball room was loud as always, the chatter of people and the clincking of the glasses filled Yn with excitement.Thomas, Matthew and Christopher were already there. Yn blushed while looking at Matthew. He was holding a glass of champagne in his hand while chating with Thomas. The fact that he drank champagne and not something hight percentage meant that he was happy.
„If you look longer at Matthew your eyes will fall out.“snickered Lucie. For this Yn just showed and ruffled her hair. Lucie gasped and hit her shoulder.
„Girls please behave. You can play after the ball.“Will said while looking at the guest and checking if everything was alright. „But papa Yn destroyed my hair! Mama needed hours for this!“Will only sighed.
Matthew looked around the room and saw Yn standing with Lucie. He wanted to go to them but suddenly James showed him. „If you look any longer at yn your eyes will fall out.“Matthew only responded with showing him back.While the boys were playing and talking the Carstairs family arrived. The moment Matthew saw Alastair his mood soured. He looked to James to say something but he saw that James mask comletly disappeared. He looked at Christopher who was observing James too.
Yn was taking a break from dancing when Alastair Carstairs appeared.He held his hand out for her. „May i have this dance?“
Surprisingly Charles and Matthew were standing next to each other. They did not speak just observed the dance. Suddenly Charles tensed up and his face became sour.“Is everything all right?“asked Matthew. „What should not be alright?“replied Charles without looking at Matthew. He was intensely staring at a pair of dancers. The realization left Matthew breathless. The pair looked handsome and they danced perfectly. Yn was laughing with Alastair while hanging from his arms. Of course it was normal since they were dancing but it still made Matthew sick. The closeness of them led Matthew of thinkig what if they were in love? The different scenarios he painted in his head did not help him feeling better. Just the thought of them touching and being intimate hurt. Jealousy clouded Matthews head. The moment the song ended he tensed and begann to walk toward yn.
Yn and Alastair almost reached the chairs when Matthew showed up. He had his sweet smile but his eyes were cold like snow. „Alastair what a nice day to see each other!“said Matthew with a clearly fake happiness. „It is, Fairchild.“ replied Alastair coldly. Alastair turned to Yn and bowed his head. „It was a pleasure.“ Yn smiled at him. „The pleasure was mine Alastair.“
While Alastair was walking away Matthew watched him. He felt angry. Regardless of his feeling he tried to hide his feeling. He looked at Yn. „May I have this dance my lady?“ smirked Matthew at Yn. Yn cocked her eyebrow and took Matthews hand.
Usually Yn felt warm while dancing with Matthew. His smell made her stomach churn in a good way but today she felt herself afire . She could barely look at Matthew who was intensely looking at her. He too felt the fire inside him spread. It was not sexual but more like love. He felt so incredibly happy to be near her ,he tought he would die of a heart attack. She made him so happy a kind of happiness he tought he would never feel again. The way she laughed, the way she looked while fighting and the way she existed made him warm. When the song ended he reluctantly let go of her hand but still looked at her from the corner of his eyes.
„You are not going to ask me about Alastair?“
„Is there something I should know ?“
„It depends on what you would like to ask.“
Before Matthew could ask anything Christopher and Thomas showed up. They begann to talk about the horrible dance with Rosamund Wentworth. Later on the others joined them too. When it was time to leave Matthew and Yn went ahead. He looked at her „You look absolutly regal. A mans dream, you are.“
„A mans dream you say? I only danced a few times tonight and no man wanted my hand nor my lips.“
„If any man wanted you I am sure he would not have made past Christopher. And what a scandal it could be! A man wanting the lips of the unmarried Yn Herondale. Just think about the rumors!“At that Yn could only laugh. „Come to my room tonight. We can talk about today if you want to.“
„An invitation to a ladys room at night. I could never pass on that expesially because it‘s you.“
„I hope you are not flirting with my dear sister, Matthew!“yelled James behind them. Both of them went scarlet red while the Merry Thieves and the girls laughed. „A man can only hide his feelings for so long my dear James.“said Anna while smirking.
„Oh all of you, go to hell!“ They only replied with an even bigger laughter.
