Resources

Made for the BNHA Ace Exchange.

[bnha-ace-exchange-resources]

Posting instructions for participants.

[delphinidin4]

Sex-repulsed, sex-averse, sex-negative: all different!

The terms “sex-repulsed”, “sex-averse”, and “sex-negative” are sometimes used synonymously, but they actually refer to three different things.

Spectrum 1: Philosophical

Sex-negative <—————————————————> Sex-positive

This spectrum is philosophical / ethical / moral; it depends on what you think is right or okay, rather than what you personally feel an instinctive urge to do.

Sex-positive people believe that sex is, in general, an okay/good thing. Consenting adults should be able to have as much sex as they want. Cool. Your body. You do you. Nobody else’s business! Enjoy that sex if you want!

Sex-negative people believe that sex is often or always a morally bad or tricky thing. There are a lot of situations in which consenting adults should not be having sex. There are a lot of rules governing sex. If you have sex in a way you shouldn’t be, there will be bad consequences.

This is a spectrum. There are a lot of people who fall in the middle of this spectrum. Many people have certain situations in which they think sex should not be happening. 

Spectrum 2: Personal emotional

Sex-repulsed <—– sex-averse —— sex-neutral —–> sex-favorable

This spectrum is personal / emotional. It has to do with someone’s personal feelings about sex, not about their philosophical beliefs about sex.

Sex-repulsed people are disgusted or upset by the thought of anybody having sex. Descriptions of sexual activity, discussion of it, images of it, sounds of it, etc, may cause them negative reactions, often visceral ones: feeling sick to their stomach, anxious, panicked, etc. Some sex-repulsed people have sex-related trauma histories which may be a cause of their repulsion, but some do not.

Sex-averse people don’t mind the discussion of sex, or when other people have sex, but they don’t like the idea of having sex themselves. They may or may not get viscerally grossed out or upset by the idea of having sexual contact themselves. They want to not have sex.

Sex-neutral people are cool with themselves having sex, but they may not necessarily seek it out. Their feelings about having sex are basically in the “meh” category.

Sex-favorable people enjoy having sex and may seek out sex as an experience. Sex is, for them, a desirable thing.

This is also a spectrum. A person may feel averse to sex in some situations and positive to it in others. And obviously, nobody wants to have sex with ANYBODY in EVERY situation.

That covers the difference between sex-repulsed (upset / grossed out by the idea of sex in general), sex-averse (do not want to have sex themselves), and sex-negative (have negative philosophical or moral beliefs about sex).

But remember: there are many spectra, and things can get complicated! It is possible for a person to be both sex-positive and sex-repulsed:  they are personally grossed out by the thought of people having sex (sex-repulsed), but they believe that people have the right to have sex if they want (sex-positive). It is possible to asexual and sex-favorable: a person can experience no sexual attraction (asexual) and still enjoy sex (sex-favorable). It is also possible to be allosexual and sex-averse or -repulsed: a person can experience sexual attraction (allosexual) and still be upset by the thought of sex (sex-repulsed) or not want to have sex themselves (sex-averse).

As a reminder, there are other spectra at play here:

Spectrum 3: Sexual attraction

asexual <———- gray-asexual / demisexual —————> allosexual

Asexual people experience no sexual attraction; gray-asexual people experience little sexual attraction, or only in certain situations (like demisexuals); allosexual people often experience sexual attraction (though, again, nobody is sexually attracted to EVERYBODY!).

Spectrum 4: Libido

no libido <——- low libido ———- mid-libido ——–> high libido

This refers to how often you feel physical sexual urges. Libido may be satisfied by sexual contact with others, by masturbation, or not physically satisfied at all. You can have an asexual person with a high libido (they do not experience sexual attraction, but they frequently experience sexual urges), and you can have an allosexual person with low to no libido (they experience sexual attraction, but they rarely or never experience sexual urges). Some people experience low libido because of hormonal or health problems; some people just have a naturally low libido.

And this doesn’t even get into things like the different kinds of attraction (sexual, romantic, sensual, aesthetic, platonic)! There are many spectra that people, both allo and ace, can fall along. While it’s okay to have philosophical / moral disagreements with people on when sex is okay (spectrum 1), it’s not okay to reject people because of where they fall on the other 3 spectra discussed here. That would be the same as rejecting people because of where they fall on the homosexual / heterosexual spectrum.

[bnha-ace-exchange-resources]

How to work with a Beta Reader

1.  Don’t be scared to be friendly with each other!  You’re both in this event because you love BNHA and ace characters, so you already have a lot in common.  If you want to break the ice, you can ask your beta what their favourite ship or fic is, and tell them about your own! 

2.  Think about what you need, and communicate that clearly.  Do you want your beta to specifically focus on characterisation, or do you just want a second pair of eyes on your fic in case of typos?  Maybe the most important thing to you is having someone to brainstorm with and bounce ideas off. Either way, let your beta know what you would like them to do for you. 

3.  Google Doc etiquette.  Let your beta know how you’d like them to give feedback in your document.  Do you want them to go directly into your text and suggest edits, or do you want them to leave comments explaining what’s not working so you can find your own solution?  Perhaps a mix of both?  Maybe you would also like for them to “cheerlead” by leaving comments on things they like!  Whatever it might be, make sure your beta knows how you want to receive feedback, so they’re not afraid they might accidentally step on your toes.

4.  Similarly, tell them when you would like feedback.  Do you want to finish writing your story first, or do you want them to leave comments every couple of weeks?  Let your beta know when your story will be ready for them to look at, and keep them updated on your progress.

5.  Discuss major changes to your story with your beta.  Sometimes a story doesn’t quite go where you originally planned.  That’s okay, but do discuss this with your beta!  If your story changed from a fluffy romance to an angsty drama, check in with them and ask if they’re still okay to read for you.  Angst is not everyone’s cup of tea, so they may be more comfortable stepping away.  If that happens, the mods can work with you to hopefully find a different beta.

6.  Give them enough time to read.  Your beta is here to help you, but they also have a life outside of this event!  Make sure you give your beta enough time to read your work, and don’t send them your 15,000 word story three days before the final deadline.  If you’re unsure how much time they need, you can ask them!

[bnha-ace-exchange-resources]

How to work with a Sensitivity Reader

1.  Don't be scared to be friendly with each other!  You’re both in this event because you love BNHA and ace characters, so you already have a lot in common.  If you want to break the ice, you can ask your sensitivity reader what their favourite ship or fic is, and tell them about your own! 

2.  Find out what your sensitivity reader can help you with.  Discuss the themes in your story with your sensitivity reader. Maybe your story features a demisexual character, a trans character, or a poly relationship.  Your sensitivity reader should be able to tell you which aspects of your story they can give feedback on, besides the general topic of "asexuality".

3.  Think about what you need, and communicate that clearly.  Do you want your sensitivity reader to help you develop your story and brainstorm with you as you write it, or do you just want them to read it once when you're done?  Either way, let your sensitivity reader know what you would like them to do for you, and when.

4.  Google Doc etiquette.  Let your sensitivity reader know how you'd like them to give feedback in your document.  Do you want them to go directly into your text and suggest edits, or do you want them to leave comments explaining what's not working so you can find your own solution?  Perhaps you want them to leave your document alone and just give feedback in your team channel after reading.  Maybe you would also like for them to "cheerlead" by leaving comments on things that work well!  Whatever it might be, make sure your sensitivity reader knows how you want to receive feedback, so they're not afraid they might accidentally step on your toes.

5.  Discuss major changes to your story with your sensitivity reader.  Sometimes a story doesn't quite go where you originally planned.  That's okay, but do discuss this with your sensitivity reader!  If your story changed from a fluffy romance to an angsty drama, check in with them and ask if they're still okay to read for you.  Angst is not everyone's cup of tea, so they may be more comfortable stepping away.  If that happens, the mods can work with you to hopefully find a different sensitivity reader.

6.  Give them enough time to read.  Your sensitivity reader is here to help you, but they also have a life outside of this event!  Make sure you give your sensitivity reader enough time to read your work, and don't send them your 15,000 word story three days before the final deadline.  If you're unsure how much time they need, you can ask them!

[yellowfang89]

Asexual labels explained using cereal

You are in a kitchen, opening a pantry door. It contains every brand of cereal in existence.

Libido- How hungry you are

Sexual Attraction- How appealing each cereal is to you

Sex-Repulsed- The mere act of eating cereal disturbs you. You flee the kitchen to watch Netflix instead.

Sex-Indifferent- Someone brings you a bowl of cereal. Even though you don’t crave cereal, you decide to eat some anyway. Maybe because you want the person to feel happy you’re eating something they provided you. Maybe you’re just that hungry. Regardless, you’re fine with eating it since it’s already there. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t care either.

Sex-favorable- Though you don’t particularly crave cereal, the act of eating cereal is enjoyable. So enjoyable, you go through the trouble of picking a brand to eat.

Asexual with low/no libido- You are rarely hungry, and none of the cereal appeals to you.

Asexual with average/high libido- You are often hungry, but none of the cereal appeals to you.

Aegosexual-  Eating cereal sounds fun in theory but not in practice. You certainly have no interest in eating cereal yourself. You’d rather fantasize about other people eating cereal, thankyouverymuch. 

Gray Asexual- You only like Lucky Charms and Apple Jacks. And maybe Fruity Pebbles but you’re not quite sure.

Demisexual- You see a box of Trix. You are familiar with the rabbit on the box, due to the commercials you’ve seen. You always sympathized with the rabbit for never getting any Trix. There are things in life you’ve wanted but have never gotten. You feel a bond with the rabbit. Suddenly that box of Trix looks tasty.

Fraysexual- You see a box of Cocoa Puffs. You have never heard of Cocoa Puffs in your life. But something about it is oh-so-appealing. You pour yourself a bowl. As you start to eat, you catch a commercial for Cocoa Puffs on TV. You now know what the mascot on the box is like. You lose interest in Cocoa Puffs for reasons you cannot explain.

Lithosexual- You notice a box of Fruit Loops. You feel an urge to eat it. Toucan Sam comes to life and asks you to eat them. This makes you uncomfortable, so you leave to watch Netflix with the sex-repulsed ace.

Reciprosexual- You have no interest in any of the cereal. Not even that box of Frosted Flakes. But Tony the Tiger shows up wanting you to eat the Frosted Flakes. Now that he wants you to eat Frosted Flakes, you want to eat Frosted Flakes. 

Cupiosexual- You want to eat cereal, but none of the cereal looks appealing. Maybe if you grab that box of Corn Flakes, it’ll become appealing to you later? It’s happened to other people. You consider grabbing that box of Corn Flakes, just in case.

Orchidsexual- Some of the cereal looks appealing, but you have no interest in eating cereal.

Aceflux- None of the cereal looks good, so you close the pantry. A few days later, you decide to open the pantry again. Now, some of those brands look appetizing. You check the pantry again the next day. None of the cereal looks good anymore.

Quoisexual- You have no idea if you like a cereal because you want to eat it, or if you just think the box art is pretty. Does liking the box art count as wanting to eat it? Do you just like the mascot? Does liking the mascot count as wanting to eat the cereal? After reading everything I’ve written, you are still confused. You bang your head against the pantry in frustration.

[asexual-musings]

sex favorable vs sex positive

***cw: mentions of sex***

i’ve been seeing these two terms used interchangeably, so i wanted to clarify the differences between them!

someone who is sex favorable is personally interested in sex. they may have a moderate to high libido, and are/would like to be physically intimate with other people.

someone who is sex positive is generally for the concepts of sex and sexual freedom. they may also be sex favorable, but you can also be indifferent, averse, or repulsed to sex and still be sex positive. people who are sex positive support other people’s choices to have or not have sex, wear whatever they want to wear, and express their sexuality how they want to (in the appropriate settings).

basically, the words favorable, indifferent, averse, and repulsed relate to a person’s individual feelings about sex, whereas the words positive and negative relate to a person’s feelings about sex in general.

[nubs-mbee]

Made this to clear up some misconceptions I’ve been seeing a lot on twitter!

[bnha-ace-exchange-resources]

Just the Basics, Ace: An Asexuality Primer

Think you might be asexual, or just curious about the ace community? Alaina Leary has the details.

[acespec-ed]

Attention all acespecs!

Have you ever wondered what acespec labels apply to you? Are you curious to know if there are any specific ones already coined for the way you experience sexual attraction and/or feel about sex? Have you come across websites that have lists of different labels and terms, but it’s all a disorganized mess? Or you have to click links just to read definitions? Are you a blog wishing for a cheat sheet to help those confused anons? Do you simply wish to know the meaning of an ace term you see thrown around a lot? 

Then I’ve got the glossary for you!

https://aceglossary.carrd.co/

I put in just about every acespec label I’ve found and every ace-related term I could think of, all neatly categorized to quickly find what you’re looking for! (And almost all the identities have an aro version, so if you’re wishing for an aro version, just replace romantic attraction with sexual attraction. Or get someone else to make one- I’m not doing this again!)

I made this as a resource for everyone to use for whatever reason, as long as you’re not being an asshole with it! (But if you’re going to do any straight copy/pasting from it, or take screenshots, please add a link to the website.)

Hopefully this helps someone out there!

[bnha-ace-exchange-resources]

This is a great website that covers many identities under the ace umbrella!

[bnha-ace-exchange-resources]

[x]

[bananonbinary]

here’s another fun fact: asexual does not mean nonsexual.

asexuals’ relationship with sex and sexual attraction tends to be….complicated. there’s a bit of an idea of like, oh of course, you’re either sex-favorable, sex-neutral, or sex-repulsed, but honestly i see a LOT of discussion about how wildly different those can each look for each individual. some people are comfortable with some acts in very specific contexts, and deeply upset by them in all others. some people find certain forms of nonsexual intimacy (like kissing) to still be off-limits, while something most people might consider more charged (like nudity) is totally fine. a lot of us just kind of have a long laundry list like “this is fine, this isn’t, that one’s okay, that one’s always off-limits….” because the big secret is that “sex” isn’t really any cohesive act as much as a lot of little things that people just threw together and called one thing.

as for attraction: some aces are actually attracted to other people once in a blue moon, and simply don’t want to clarify that every time. some aren’t entirely sure, but don’t want to spend their whole lives guessing. some ARE completely sure they never have and never will feel an attraction.

at the end of the day, much like any label, this single word really doesn’t tell you much of anything about what a person is actually like unless you bother to ask them what it means to them.

[themidwifeisin]

Thanks so much to Molly for a last educational powerpoint, and thanks so much to Rosemary, my fantastic new intern (expect a bio and pic soon!), for editing and compiling!

This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to learning about asexuality and the many nuances of sexuality, romantic attraction, and all types of orientations.  It’s best to learn directly from the mouths of the people themselves, though, so here are the above mentioned resources as click-able links:

The Asexuality Visibility & Education Network

The Asexuality Archive

New England Asexuals

The Asexuality Story Project

Demisexuallity.org

The Asexual Agenda

[hunterinabrowncoat]

In aid of Asexual Awareness Week, I’ve decided to make a post about autochorissexuality and just what it is.

The term ‘autochoris’ was coined by Anthony Bogaert, and essentially translates to ‘identity-less sexuality’. It is a sub-section of asexuality, which he describes as:

A disconnection between oneself and the object of arousal; may involve sexual fantasies or arousal in response to erotica or pornography, but lacking any desire to be a participant in the activities therein.

Essentially, we like the idea of sex, and/or enjoy reading/writing/watching sexual content, but don’t actually experience attraction or want to have sex with anybody.

You might be autochorissexual if:

You get aroused by sexual content but don’t actually want to engage in any sexual activities yourself.

You masturbate, but are neutral or repulsed by the idea of having sex with another person.

When you fantasize about sex, you envision people other than yourself, and/or you view it in third person, as though you’re watching it on TV, rather than imagining it in first person, through your own eyes.

You predominantly or entirely fantasize about fictional characters or celebrities, rather than people you actually know.

You identify as asexual and feel no sexual attraction to people, but enjoy masturbating, are aroused by sexually explicit content, and/or have sexual fantasies.

This isn’t an exhaustive checklist, and ultimately nobody can give you a label but yourself. But hopefully this post has brought you a little closer to understanding autochorissexuality, whether you are asexual, grey/demi, questioning, confused, or just wanting to raise awareness.

Here are some further resources if you want to learn more:

An essay on autochorissexualism vs lithsexuality, the flag (as depicted above, but without the text caption), Anthony Bogaert’s short paper on Autochorissexualism, and my inbox is always open if you have any questions.

If you’ve found this post informative, please signal boost to help raise awareness and understanding about all the different aspects and subsections of asexuality!

[bnha-ace-exchange-resources]

What is a stereotype?

A stereotype is when someone assumes all people in a group behave in a certain way.

For example:

Lesbians have short hair.

Americans eat a lot of fast food.

Girls are bad at videogames.

While this assumption may be be true for some, it is not true about everyone in the group. Not all lesbians have short hair, but some do, and it's okay to write a lesbian character with short hair, so long as the author doesn't claim all lesbians have short hair.

Saying that some people in a group behave a certain way is not a stereotype, it's a fact of life.

The same is true for asexuality. There are many stereotypes about asexuality: "asexuals don't ever have sex", "asexuals think genitals are gross", the list goes on. The untrue thing about these stereotypes is that they apply to all asexuals — they do not — but these statements will apply to some asexuals, and that's okay. The important thing to understand is that people are varied, and no group of people, including asexuals, will all behave the same way.

When a character in a story adheres to a stereotype, it's important to make sure they're not portrayed as being a joke, or being "weird". It's okay if a girl character has no interest in videogames and isn't very good at them, but writing a story where a girl is made out to be a joke to the reader for being bad at videogames, or saying she’s bad at videogames because she’s a girl is a harmful stereotype.

[bnha-ace-exchange-resources]

What Ace Means To Me by Ell J Walker

Today's lovely piece of autobiography comes to you from the talented Ell J Walker! I love comics like this - discovering yourself and finding home in a definition and group. That feeling of finally feeling seen and represented! Twitter Portfolio Gladr (Webcomic) Etsy

An educational comic about asexuality.

[asexual-not-a-sexual]

I’ve recieved a lot of requests for a masterpost. 

So…I made one. 

Yeah. 

Like always, contact me with any changes. 

Like always, if you’re going to complain that demisexuality isn’t real, polysexuals are just confused, trans* people are liars, or asexuals need to get laid…. Just, I dunno, stop.