a vessel

on a never ending path of self destruction

[bordelineblackbarbie]

why can no one hear me

[obsidianwhipsers]

There’s a certain kind of shame that eats away at you when someone you love has to care for you. It’s not just the guilt of needing help- it’s the weight of feeling like you’ve stolen pieces of their life.

Every small thing they do for you feels like another nail in the coffin of your independence, and you hate yourself for it. For needing them. For burdening them. For taking up space in their world when you wish you could just stand on your own.

You smile and thank them, but inside, you’re screaming apologies they’ll never hear. And no matter how many times they say, “It’s okay,” you can’t shake the feeling that maybe it isn’t. That maybe you’re the problem they’ll never say out loud.

[bordelineblackbarbie]

why csnt i find the words

[emotionaleating]

[emptyprescription]

[bordelineblackbarbie]

why can’t i die

[bordelineblackbarbie]

when you feel everyone stop caring and having sympathy when you’re breaking down because they’re just so tired so you have to make yourself worse in order to bring the attention back on you because you’re a sad little girl that thrives off of the sympathy and pity of horrible situations

[bordelineblackbarbie]

i don’t remember a life where a cloud of self hatred didn’t hang over me all the time. i’ve always known i was never enough

[bordelineblackbarbie]

why do i drive everyone away?

[bordelineblackbarbie]

it hurts

[angelicwh0r3]

I woke up today and thought I was finally healed and the stars aligned for me and everything is going to be amazing for the rest of my life but after two hours I was back on my usual bs, it's an endless loop

[bordelineblackbarbie]

literal torture

[grapesandcookies-deactivated202]

I need to go deeper

I know they'll love me if I go deeper

I know they'll care if I go deeper

I need to go deeper

I need to go deeper

I need it

[bordelineblackbarbie]

i can blame people all i want but that doesn’t change the fact that they’ve moved on with their lives after leaving me in agony to pick up the pieces

[bpdshithole]

[blumenundpoesie]

in dedication to summer rain and the smell of petrichor

[pileofthembonez]

I wish I had words to express the feelings I feel without threatening suicide. I wish I could fully explain exactly what I feel. I wish I could say something other than life is meaningless and I want to kill myself.

[bordelineblackbarbie]

will things get better? or will i continue to suffocate